Chapter 13 Nil
Nil
I wake up to a knock. The type of tapping that’s almost silent, I nearly miss it. I might’ve even imagined it.
My eyes blink open to the dark. The light strip by the door’s faint. I roll my head to check the clock.
I read the bright red.
5:59 a.m.
My jaw gets tight. I hate that number. Fifty-nine. LIX in Roman numerals.
Clo’s voice comes to mind, uninvited, calling me by a number instead of a name. There’s another memory attached to it, blurred and half burned, but it never quite comes into focus.
I can imagine a voice—so soft and so light—calling it out, but I can’t place it.
Before I can put a face and name to the voice, the knock comes again. A little firmer this time.
Behind me, Stan sleeps. His front’s against my back, bare skin warm, arm slung over me.
And he’s hard. His cock’s tucked between my cheeks, hot and heavy, like his body didn’t get the memo that we stopped fucking hours ago.
I breathe out through my nose, a tired sound that turns into a reluctant smile, too satisfied, too happy. But I like it too much to take anything back.
Last night was a blur of heat and sweat and his voice breaking around my name in a moan. Every time I thought we were done, he pulled me back in. I let him.
It was better than remembering we’re stuck on a ship where people are getting carved up.
The knock comes a third time.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter under my breath.
I’m not about to tempt a fourth knock. That number’s bad fucking luck. Not inviting that into a room I’m sharing with someone I love.
Careful, I slide out from under Stan’s arm. His dick drags along my lower back as I move. My body reacts before my brain can talk it down. My groin’s begging. I ignore it.
He makes a low sound and reaches for the space where I was, hand grabbing air. I wish I could stay in bed with him all morning.
Hell, all day and night. All our lives, even.
But my feet’s down, and I grab the first pair of sweatpants I find and step into them, tugging them up while I pad to the door.
It slides open at my touch. Idris is standing on the other side of it.
He’s in a dark shirt and slacks, like he never went to bed. Tie gone, top button open. His eyes look more alert than usual, though the skin under them seems worn out.
“Morning, Nil,” he says, sorta strained. Same as yesterday and the day before that.
“Morning,” I answer. My voice comes out rough, having just woken up.
He spares a glance over my shoulder, where I’m sure Stan’s sprawled naked, still in the bottom bunk, face buried in the pillow.
I should be back there, but Idris’ weary smile is making me worry. So I stay put and see what he needs.
He sounds even worse when he says, “Can we talk? It’s about Em.”
My stomach clamps from hearing her name in a tone like that. “Where is she?”
I step out into the corridor, and the door slides shut behind me.
Idris turns and walks the few wide steps to Em’s quarters. He presses his palm to the reader. The panel flashes green. Her door slides open right after.
I follow him inside, feeling dread knot my stomach even more.
The lights are low. The room smells faintly like flowers and ginger. It’s sweet in here, despite the tension.
On the nightstand, her glasses are lined up exactly parallel to the edge. Her tablet’s there too, face down. The digital clock beside it reads 6:01.
I stop by the end of her bed. Em’s curled under the blanket, knees drawn up tight. She looks deeply asleep at first glance. Then I see the sweat darkening the collar of her shirt. The tremor running through her shoulders. Her fingers clenching into the blanket like she’s clinging to it.
Idris whispers, “I helped her finally get some sleep about half an hour ago.” He sighs for a second. “Before that, I heard her crying. In a room I didn’t expect to find her in.”
I glance at him. “What happened?”
Idris sighs, shaky for someone who’s usually so composed. “She saw something she shouldn’t have.”
Frowning, I stare down where Em’s feet are barely tucked into the blanket. My fingers reach to fix it, covering her curling toes.
Idris is being cryptic, probably for good reason. I’m sure he’ll tell me soon. So for now, I nod.
“What do you need from me?” I ask.
Idris’ smile returns, small and lopsided. He rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “I would’ve asked Stan too,” he says. “If he’d been awake.”
My eyes dart back toward my door. “What do you need from us?”
“I need another set of hands,” he says. “Someone Em trusts. Someone who won’t push her too hard when I can’t be around to deal with the fallout of this situation.”
My head tilts. “Situation?”
Idris’ voice lowers. “Something happened earlier. Something we haven’t told everyone yet. Em saw more than she should have, and it’s affecting her more than she’s letting on.”
I look back at Em. She’s shivering under the blanket. I want to go over there and check on her, but Idris is here. And I need to hear him out, trusting him to know her better than anyone, that he’d make the right decisions while she’s out cold.
Besides, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m willing to do anything to help to fix this.
“Tell me what you need me to do,” I say.
Relief cuts across his face. “Darius is speaking to Set as we speak. They’re discussing containment and next steps.” He lets out another sigh. “There was another incident. Another murder. Em found the aftermath before security did.”
I keep my face still. I’ve heard and seen worse. But my throat still grips.
Idris frowns. “She couldn’t sleep after.”
I look down at Em again. There’s nothing more I want to do than run over to her and fix the hair that’s fallen over her face.
“I helped her settle down with tea and…” Idris trails off, face flushing. He clears his throat when I wait for his words. “But sleep won’t fix what she unfortunately saw.”
“No, it won’t.” I know too well that those moments turn into nightmares sometimes.
Idris lowers his voice. “I’d stay with her. Under normal circumstances, I’d never leave her side. But Set asked Darius, Damon, and me to stay until we resolve what’s happening here.”
“Damon’s coming?” I ask.
“He is. Kaye will be with him. They’ll be in Cairo soon, and so will we,” Idris adds. “I’d like you to take Em with you to Darkhaven.”
“Darkhaven? With me?”
“Yes,” Idris says. “I’m sorry if I’m being presumptuous, but I thought you’d be heading home with Stan. Perhaps to also see your sister?”
Home. The word sits wrong.
I was invited to live there, sure. My sister made that clear over a week ago. But I haven’t decided what comes after the ship yet. I figured I’d cross that bridge later.
Later just arrived early.
Silence sits between us. But my ears pick up on Em’s breaths. She’s sleeping fine for what she went through. Idris really does know how to calm her. I want to be able to do the same.
“There’s something else,” Idris says. “I don’t trust anyone else to do this, Nil, but Em’s in an incredibly fragile position right now. She needs attention and care she’s willing to accept.”
He looks past me, back at the bed.
“She won’t always take the offer,” he adds. “But she does with you. With Stan. I’ve watched it happen.”
Idris steps closer to the bed, his hand hesitating over Em’s hair. Some strands are damp and covering her pink, pouting lips.
“There are things at play that make her more vulnerable than she realizes,” he murmurs.
That makes my focus snap back to him. He meets my eyes, then looks away, jaw working in a way I’ve never seen on Idris. Whatever he’s holding back, it’s big.
“I can’t be everywhere, and I won’t risk her being alone in all this,” he whispers. “But when I have the chance, I’ll come see her at Darkhaven.”
His gaze comes back to me, brows deepening in a pleading look.
“But for now, I’m begging you to keep her safe,” he finishes. “And to stay close to her at all times.”
That’s an easier task than he might think, so I nod. “You can count on it.”
Idris lets out a long sigh, this time with his shoulders sagging down with it. He’s about to say something when the door slides open.
Stan’s there, dressed decent and leaning on the doorway. “Had to hack the damn thing to be included, huh? And why are you all standing here like a threesome’s gonna take place without me?”
I glance at him. “You were asleep.”
“Yeah, I was,” he says. “Then I felt abandoned in bed, and my dick lodged a formal complaint.”
Idris breathes out through his nose, brows shooting up.
Stan steps inside, barefoot, arms crossing as he takes in Em. His voice drops a notch when he frowns. “How’s Em? She okay?”
“She’s asleep,” Idris says. “After a difficult night.”
Stan’s eyes move to mine, then back to Idris. “So what’s the plan? Because if this is about Em, you should know I’m already emotionally invested and physically attached.”
I snort, fighting back an eye roll.
Idris looks between us. “That’s what I was discussing with Nil.”
“Cool.” Stan grins. “Then loop me in, because wherever Nil’s going, I’m going. We’re a big package deal. Comes with great snacks, inappropriate jokes, and aggressive loyalty.”
I stare at him. “Stan.”
He ignores me and keeps talking. “Also, if Em ends up falling in love with me, I just want to make it clear here and now that I warned you, Idris.”
His grin sharpens with teeth.
“And if she falls in love with Nil too… Well, like I said, package deal. Or should I say a deal that comes with two big packages?”
Idris closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them again, his gaze looks pretty patient. “I understand, Stan. I’d be happy with any choice Em makes. She deserves every single thing she wants.”
Stan starts sliding his hand down his chest, inching down to his groin. “Yeah, and that thing could be—”
I cut in, stopping his hand and snatching it into mine. “Like I said, Idris, we’ll do it.”
“Do it,” Stan repeats with a sly look in his gray eyes. “A lot. In every position possible.”