Chapter 15 Stan
Stan
I’m ugly crying.
Like, fully embarrassing, lungs-on-fire, eyes-stinging ugly crying. I hate it, so naturally, I decide to cope the only way I know how.
Bug someone about it, while I’m armed to the teeth with charm.
I scrub at my face with the sleeve of my jacket and shuffle closer to Sterling, keeping my voice low so I don’t ruin the moment taking place a few feet away.
“So…” I whisper to my emo middle brother. “Sorry your honeymoon got cockblocked by this surprise sibling reunion. Bet that wasn’t on the itinerary.”
Sterling doesn’t even look at me while I’m speaking to him. He’s so rude. It makes me wanna cry harder.
His attention stays on Elle and Nil, embracing each other in the middle of the greenhouse. Sterling’s posture is completely still like the man’s seriously made of stone.
Then he turns his head slowly to look at me. His stare’s stern with his cold, silver eyes matching his snow-like hair. And now, the greenhouse feels icier than it is outside.
“Worth it,” he whispers, almost silent.
“What?” I crease my brows.
He steps closer to me, speaking with a voice that’s barely there. “I’d do anything to help Elle rebuild her old life.” He crosses his arms. “Anything.”
Well… That’s what does me in.
My throat squeezes like I’m being choked, and the tears come back even worse. I press my fist to my mouth, shoulders shaking while I’m trying to hold myself together.
“Goddammit, Silver,” I whisper. “You can’t say shit like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s how I feel too, but I don’t know how to do this,” I admit. “I can’t be all serious like you. I joke. I run my mouth. But I want…” My voice cracks, so I clear my throat. “I want to give Nil that too. A life where he can take back everything that was taken from him.”
Sterling shrugs, his gaze going to the side. “Then give it to him.”
“What?” I step into his view. “That’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s it,” he says, like it’s that simple. “Aren’t you already doing that for him?”
That somehow lightens my shoulders. I swipe at my eyes again and let out a shaky laugh. “Great. Awesome. I came to the greenhouse to surprise my boyfriend and crack some jokes, but now, I’m being ambushed by personal growth.”
Sterling’s mouth twitches. “About time.”
I look back at Nil, still in his sister’s arms. But over her shoulder, he meets my eyes. I must look like a weeping mess. Still, he gives me a smile that shines like the damn sun.
My chest does this stupid, painful thing. “Shit,” I whisper. “I’m so gone for him.”
Sterling glances at me. “Anyone with eyes can tell.”
“Eyes…? That’s in poor taste, Silver.” I frown. “Didn’t Kaye tell you? Someone lost their eyes and died on my Kys cruise. Don’t make jokes like that.”
“I bet my life savings you made way worse jokes,” Sterling whispers harshly.
How does this emo murder machine know that? For a second, I just stare at him. Like my brain blue-screens. Traitor brain.
Sterling’s mouth curves up one side, subtle but smug. “Knew it,” he mumbles. “You owe me double my life savings.”
“You’re such an asshole,” I hiss.
He ignores me completely and moves toward Elle, one hand resting on her back.
“Zero times two is still zero!” I call after him. “I think! I skipped math class a lot, so I dunno!”
A hand slaps over my mouth. “Stan,” Kaye chides at my side. “Do not ruin this.”
I pry her hand off, scandalized. “I wasn’t trying to ruin it. He rage-baited me.”
Kaye bites her lip, shoulders shaking. I squint at her, daring her to rage-bait me too.
She smiles instead. “But aren’t you happy everyone’s home? I mean, look at them. Nil’s finally with family. You brought him home to us, Stan.”
And that’s the final straw.
I break.
My chest caves in. I’m sobbing so hard my knees threaten to fold. My face twists up, and I make a noise I would bully someone else for making.
I’m surprised when I feel thick, strong arms around me. Smells like fresh air and salty sea. When I open my eyes and lift my head, he looks like the love of my life in the shape of a fallen angel.
Ocean Eyes. He doesn’t say anything at first. He just pulls me in, one hand firm at my back, the other cradling my head.
I bury my face into his chest and absolutely lose it. “I’m sorry I ruined your moment,” I gasp between sobs. “I’m so stupid.”
“You didn’t,” he says. “You’re not.”
He lets me shake it out until my breathing starts to slow, and my tears turn hiccuppy instead of catastrophic.
Kaye claps her hand once really loud. “Alright! That’s enough Hallmark moments for one day.”
I sniffle. “Meanie.”
She smirks. “It’s been quite a day. I say we all rest up before dinner.”
I pull away a little to look at Nil. My eyes feel swollen. My pretty face is probably blotchy. “Can we go to our room, babe?”
He brushes his thumb under my nose. “Yeah, we can go.”
Kaye points down the path with that mean smirk of hers. “Bedroom. Both of you. Before Stan starts crying again, and I water the plants with his tears.”
I pout at her. Nil squeezes my hand.
Elle steps closer to Nil and reaches up. Her hand brushes his hair back, tucking it behind his left ear, where there’s a wink of gold. “Let’s catch up later?”
Nil repeats it like a promise. “Yeah, later, ate.”
Ate. It’s said like ah-teh, and I kinda recall Elle telling me a long time ago that the Tagalog word means older sister. That’s so damn cute, I almost cry again, but I don’t want to give Kaye the satisfaction.
So we exit the greenhouse right after. Still, I can hear Kaye talking to the newlyweds, asking how their honeymoon went.
I wanna know too, but I’m emotionally drained to the bone. The trip’s caught up. I miss taking remixed Kys. But I miss kissing Nil more. It’s all I wanna do once we get to our room.
***
When we get there, Nil barely gets the door shut before I grab him with one hand on his jacket.
My other hand’s in my back pocket. Fingers around two pills that I take out and lift one to my lips—
“Stan.” Nil’s hand cuffs around my wrist, faster than a blink.
I jerk to a stop, heart pounding like I just got caught doing something illegal. Which, okay, maybe I did.
“What the hell is that, Stan?”
I don’t even look at the pills. I look at him. His eyes are more black than blue, which means danger’s ahead. And I’m so into it. “It’s Em’s remixed Kys.”
“What?” His eyes widen. “How?”
“Babe, c’mon, do you know how easy it is to hack those doors open?”
He lets out a long sigh.
“These pills help.” The words rush outta me. “You move like the coma never happened. And fuck, I just want you like that, okay? Is that really a crime?”
“Em stopped giving these out for a reason.” His grip loosens. His hand slides up my chest. “We’re fine without it, Stan.”
I shove the pills back into my pocket. His hand on my chest is making my heart somersault. So yeah, fuck the pills. Don’t care. Want sex. Want him.
With a swift kick to close the door, I jump on him and kiss him harder.
He grips my waist, keeping me from folding over. I break the kiss to breathe him in.
“You’re stuck with messed-up me,” I mumble, words tumbling out raw and reckless. “For-fucking-ever, babe.”
He’s smiling a little when he stands back. His blue eyes are on me like they’re studying every bad bone in my hot bod. But he goes in for another kiss. “I know,” he murmurs into the kiss.
That’s all he says. And somehow it makes my knees go weak.
I latch onto him, breathing him in like oxygen. My heart’s racing like crazy. I’m crazy. But he’s staying right here, giving me kisses, even after I tried to shove Kys back into our system.
I pull back to breathe but still crowd his space. My hands slide down his sides to check if he’s still real. Really with me.
My eyes trace every beautiful, breathtaking thing about him.
His brown hair. His blue eyes. His heavy eyelids, looking so damn sexy.
His rosy lips are parted a little, swollen a lot, and beggin’ for more kisses.
But then my gaze goes down to his neck, where his collar is full of my… fucking snot and tears.
I throw my head back, groaning. He asks me what’s wrong. I tell him there’s dirt on his shirt. ‘Cause there is from the greenhouse too, okay? I’m not lying. I’m hiding the fact that I smeared my nasty nose on my man. That was not what I wanted to rub all over him.
Nil slips his shirt off.
Holy hell. My head snaps back into place, my eyes taking in the lines of his lean muscles. He’s so damn sculpted and perfect. All that clean Kys and the gym for a week did a number on him. My dick twitches with thoughts about it.
Without a word—because what even are words when this hottie’s right in front of me—I drag him toward the bathroom that’s between our room and Em’s. It’s shared, but am I gonna care if Em happens to hear?
Hell no.
I’d send her a handwritten letter by owl if I had to make it happen. That’s like, one of my top ten sex fantasies. A threesome with these two? I’d be in damn heaven.
But right now, I’m gonna fulfill a few of my other fantasies. Me about to blow Nil? Check. Prep for shower sex? Check. Ready to dick him down? Check, check, check.
“Stan?” Nil sounds genuinely confused. He’s my soulmate. He should be able to read my mind.
“C’mon, babe.” I throw a grin his way while I kick my pants down. It snags at my shaft, but I manage to peel them off from all the practice we’ve been doing. “You’ve got some stuff from the greenhouse in your hair. Need to wash it off.”
Nil laughs in complete disbelief of me, but he’s so damn tempting, it short-circuits my brain like electricity’s firing in all the wrong places. Or right. Either way, my dick’s springing up harder.
It takes seconds for me to fully strip. I’ve got it down to a science by now.
I help him take his clothes off while he backs me into the bathroom. His hands are all over me. I take one of his palms and place it on my left pec.