Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
M y mind went in circles the whole taxi ride home. When I got dropped off, I used the separate entrance to my apartment. I'd told my parents I'd be out late. I hoped they hadn't realized I'd been gone the whole night.
I heard muffled yelling the moment I stepped through the front door.
I crept up the stairs leading to the main floor, dreading what I'd hear. Had they realized I hadn't been home? That could have set one, or both, of them off. Worry would have turned to fear, and the fear would have made them lash out in anger. I had no doubt they might have been fighting over me. That had been the case so many other times.
But with my ear pressed to the door, I could just barely make out the voices. No mention of my name. I caught the name of our next door neighbor. They must have been fighting over the yard again. Our neighbor was a stickler for well-sheared lawns and complained if our grass grew too long. It was my dad's job to mow. He didn't always get around to it. My mom would get mad at him for it.
A kernel of anger made its way into my own chest. It was such a stupid thing to fight over. Who the hell cared about the lawn? There were more important things in this world to worry about.
But I knew those insignificant problems were only a proxy. They couldn't fight over the real reason they were upset. My condition was no one's fault. There was no blame to spread around. But the anxiety and uncertainty lingered and festered. It started with one-off comments, snarky and biting. Eventually something would make them snap. And this was always the fallout.
I needed to go upstairs to see if I could find my other pair of sneakers. The ones I wore were sticky on the soles from spilled alcohol.
I opened the door at the top of the stairs.
The yelling immediately stopped. My mom and my dad swung to face me, their faces both bright red with anger.
My mom plastered a fake smile on her face. "Honey! How was your night? Did you get in late?"
"Not too late," I lied. "I just need my other sneakers. The blue ones."
"I think I saw them in the front hall," my dad said with a cough, clearing his throat. "Let me go get them for you."
My mom kept beaming. "Did you have fun at Tracey's party last night?"
"Yeah."
"I should have gotten her something for her birthday, too," my mom babbled. "She's always looked out for you at that hospital. It would have been a nice gesture. Do you think it's too late?"
"You don't need to give Tracey a birthday gift, Mom."
"Here you go, sweetie," my dad said as he returned with my shoes. "Heading off again?"
"Volunteering."
It wasn't a lie. I was going to spend a few hours with the kids. But it wasn't the whole truth.
Today was my doctor's appointment.
"I thought we would have brunch together?" my mom asked.
"Sorry," I said. "I forgot I have an early shift."
"Well, have a good time, then," my mom said. "Let's all have dinner together tonight, okay?"
My dad gave her the side-eye and pressed his lips together firmly. My mom studiously ignored him.
"Sure." I turned and went back downstairs without another word.
I showered and dressed. I put on my hospital volunteer uniform and my sneakers. I double-checked my bag to make sure I had everything, and I left for the hospital.
The entire way there, I forced myself not to think about my mom and dad, or Nathan, or the upcoming appointment. Which left me little else to think about.
Fortunately, Tracey ambushed me as soon as I arrived, distracting me from my thoughts.
"Becca! So glad you're here early. I was just thinking about some ideas for our News Year's in July event."
I'd completely forgotten about that. With everything that had been going on recently, I'd been almost sleepwalking through my usual routines. My mind was constantly distracted by thoughts of cocky rock stars, doctors, and fighting parents.
"You okay?" Tracey asked. "You seem out of it."
"Just stuff on my mind," I told her.
"Is it that cute boy?" she asked in a fake whisper and a sly grin. "I saw you sitting with someone in the cafeteria a while back."
"He's just a friend," I said, not wanting to get into it.
"Is he the kind of friend you might also get naked with?" she asked.
I flushed, which was all the answer she needed.
"He looked like a good catch," she said with a nod. "Does he treat you right?"
"It's not like that," I said. "We're just…"
"Oh," her eyebrows raised. "An FWB thing? That's cool. No need to get serious when you're so young, right?"
Was that all Nathan and I were? Friends with benefits? Maybe at first. But now…
"Oh no," Tracey said dismayed. "What's with that sad look on your face? I'm sorry, should I not have brought it up?"
"I don't know what we are," I said.
"Do you know what you want to be?" she asked.
A smart question.
A question I didn't know the answer to.
"I'm sorry Tracey, I've got to go," I said. "I've actually got an appointment with one of the doctors here before my volunteer shift."
Her look of dismay turned to concern. "Are you okay?"
"Just a check up," I reassured her.
I made my way through the maze of hallways, long familiar with the layout of this hospital. I found myself standing in front of the door to room 306. I forced myself to take a calming breath in and out.
It would have been nice to have someone here with me. My mom and dad would have just made me anxious, and Tracey was nice but she tended to be high strung.
I wished Nathan was with me.
I could almost feel his comforting arm around my shoulder. Could hear his drawling voice in my ear, cracking jokes and making innuendos. It was almost impossible to be scared or worried when I was with Nathan.
I forced myself to open the door and step through. The receptionist smiled at me.
"Becca," she said warmly. "Here for your check up? Just take a seat, we'll get the machines ready."
I perched on the edge of a hard plastic chair. I crossed my legs, jiggling my toe. I didn't know why I was so nervous. This wasn't anything I hadn't been through before. The results would probably be the same as last time.
My heart condition was under control — for now. My prognosis looked good — for now.
It was those last two words that always stuck with me.
I wasn't going to drop dead at any minute.
For now.