Chapter 5 Kaylee
FIVE
KAYLEE
After the interview the guys crowded around the one mirror in the green room to wipe the powder from their faces. I left my makeup on because the show’s hair and makeup team had done a killer job on my eyeliner.
“Thanks guys,” Anya said as she ducked down to touch Zain and Finn on the shoulders.
“No worries,” Zain said, stretching his arms above his head to work out the muscles. “You know me, I love being the center of attention.”
“And you know I love to steal the attention from someone else,” Finn grinned, clapping a heavy hand on Zain’s back.
“Still, I appreciate you always drawing the spotlight away from me,” she said in her usual soft voice, the one she used when not on stage.
“Maybe it’s time to share that spotlight,” Finn said, calling out. “Hey Chris, you want to be the stage-hog next time?”
Our rhythm guitarist lifted his blond head up from the mirror.
“Nah,” he said with a wry smile. “Best leave it to the professionals.”
“Damn right,” Finn declared.
“I thought you were a reformed man?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t still bask in the adoration of the public,” he pointed out with a smirk.
“You sure it’s adoration? You sure it’s not irritation?” I quipped.
“Fucking ow,” Finn said, feigning offense. “Why are you always taking pot-shots at me?”
“Why do you always deserve it?” I sassed.
“You gave a great reply tonight, by the way,” Finn said, easily moving on. “When the guy asked about your inspiration for your lyrics? I think he actually blushed at the idea of reading a teenage girl’s diary.”
“It’s not like I’m thirteen anymore,” I said. “I’m almost twenty.”
I made sure not to make eye contact with Micah as I said it. It was easy enough. Micah had retreated to the other side of the room, pretending to text on his phone. I knew he was pretending because the only people he ever texted were right here in the same room as him.
My phone, on the other hand, had blown up with a dozen texts, all timed to the moment we’d appeared on stage, live on TV. I was glad I’d turned it off during the taping. I didn’t recognize the number, but I knew from the messages exactly who it was.
It seemed my mother had found another way around me blocking her.
I only glanced at a few of the texts before swiping to delete them all.
I put my phone back in my bag with a shaky hand, pushing down the nausea, the dread, that threatened to rise from seeing those angry messages.
I didn’t want to deal with this now. Or ever, really.
I knew I was only putting off the inevitable, though.
I took several deep breaths to calm myself, then forcefully turned my attention back to the others.
“Another great show, you guys,” I chirped. “Hopefully we don’t have to wait as long for the next one. This crowd was wild. I need more of that.”
“Adrenaline junky,” Finn teased.
“Like you’re any better,” I said, jamming my elbow into his side. “What do you say we all go get some fries?” I suggested to the room.
That was when Micah spoke up.
“Kay,” he said. “Hang back a minute?”
I let out a breath, unsurprised. This was it.
Anya turned to me, angling away from Micah, and raised a questioning eyebrow.
Want me to run interference? she was asking.
I shook my head slightly and gave her a small smile.
It’s okay, I was saying. I can handle this.
Zain and Finn sauntered on without another thought.
Anya gave a reassuring touch on my arm. Chris shot me his usual pleasant smile, but this time there was also concern there, a question in his eyes.
I gave him the same shake of the head I gave Anya.
I should have known a guy like Chris would sense something was up.
When the others were gone, I turned to Micah, crossing my arms. There was tension in the lines of his face.
“So, you actually want to talk to me for once?” I asked. Maybe it wasn’t fair of me. Then again, the way he’d been acting wasn’t fair, either.
“Don’t do that,” Micah said, voice strained.
“Do what?” I retorted.
“Don’t act like…” He trailed off.
“Like what?” I shot back. “Like I’m surprised you want to talk to me? Like you’ve been ignoring me for months?”
Micah tilted his head back and closed his eyes briefly. If I’d thought he was exasperated with me, my anger would have grown. But I knew Micah’s tics. He was overwhelmed with a dozen thoughts and contemplating what to say next.
“I honestly didn’t realize,” he finally said, lowering his head back down to meet my gaze, his brown eyes surprisingly open and guileless. It made me want to believe him. Micah was a shit liar.
“I didn’t realize how long it had been since…” He trailed off again, seemingly unable to finish a single sentence with prevaricating.
“Since what?” I asked. “Since you started avoiding me?”
“I didn’t mean to avoid you!” he said, sounding frustrated. “Why would you think I would do that on purpose?”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re really asking that question?”
Now he did look exasperated, running a hand through his hair as he shrugged listlessly, letting out a heavy breath through his nose.
Time for the nuclear option.
I grabbed at my duffle bag and pulled out a pair of yoga pants and a tight band t-shirt with strategically placed rips. I turned back to Micah, met his eyes, and held them up. He looked confused.
I tugged off my purple crop top, leaving me in my ripped jeans and bra. That look of confusion popped like a bubble as Micah’s eyes went wide.
I gathered up my sweat-sticky hair and tied it into a high ponytail, letting the ends of my now-limp curls bounce down my bare neck and shoulders. Micah swallowed hard.
I stripped out of my jeans and shimmied into the pair of yoga pants, taking my time to pull them up over my ass. A little strangled noise left his throat.
I shrugged on the ripped band t-shirt and let the hem fall, covering my stomach.
Micah had kept his eyes on me the entire time, his fingers flexing, as if fighting the urge to reach out.
“We’ve changed in front of each other so many times I’ve lost count,” I said as I gathered my discarded clothes from the floor. “But now I’ve grown up. And you’re noticing that I’ve grown up, and it’s freaking you out.”
Micah’s chest expanded as he took in a sharp breath of air.
“You know, I can understand that,” I told him, throwing my sweaty clothes into the duffle. “I get that it might be confusing for you. I get that it would change things.” I closed the zipper roughly, almost ripping the bag. “But you know what the worst part is?”
I turned to look at him, the sting of tears threatening to fill my eyes. “You didn’t even have the guts to tell me to my face.”
A bit of the hurt that I was feeling rippled across Micah’s expression. He walked toward me, and I backed away, step by step, until I reached the door.
“I just wanted to do the right thing,” Micah said, his voice ever so slightly wavering. “I didn’t mean to start avoiding you.”
“Let’s count, shall we?” I said. “You stopped writing songs with me.” I began ticking one finger off after another.
“You stopped chatting with me after practice. You answer my texts with one word sentences. You’ve been avoiding even being alone in the same room as me.
You moved out to get away from me.” My voice threatened to falter, a lump forming at the base of my throat. “Well, message received.”
“Kay…” A heartbroken look spread across his face. “I never meant to hurt you.”
I twisted the door handle behind me with a tight fist and threw myself out into the hallway, letting the door swing shut behind me as I shot back my parting words.
“Too late.”