Chapter 16 Micah
SIXTEEN
MICAH
“What do you think of this?” I asked Kaylee, clicking to replay a few bars on a loop. “Sounds good, right?”
There was no answer. I looked over to find her curled up on the other end of the sofa with her head pillowed in her arms. Her face was slack and relaxed, pretty pink lips parted slightly, eyelashes fluttering ever so slightly as she dreamed.
I couldn’t begin to describe the ache that throbbed in my chest, and in my jeans, at the sight.
I wanted to envelop her in my arms and hold on so tight she’d never escape.
I wanted to wake her up with a flurry of kisses sprinkled across her lips, nose and cheeks.
I wanted to toss her over my shoulder to hear her squeal in delight as I took her to my bed.
I managed to contain my impulses and leaned down to press a single kiss into her vanilla scented curls.
“Wake up, Kay,” I said softly.
“Mm?” she grumbled, her nose crinkling. “Whassit?”
The throbbing intensified at that little gesture and I was overcome with those mad impulses again. Every single thing she did drove me crazy, from the way she cutely scrunched up her face, to the way she gasped out her passion with flushed cheeks.
“You fell asleep,” I said, ignoring the semi-hardness in my jeans that had made an appearance several times already that night. “I think we’re done for the day.”
“We didn’t finish,” she lamented, rubbing her eyes as she pushed herself up from the cushions.
“We’re pretty much there,” I said, even as a twinge of anxiety started to wind itself around my chest, threatening to overtake that sweet ache. I forced myself to push the anxious feelings aside. I didn’t want to ruin this. “Why don’t you head home for the night?”
Kaylee opened her mouth, the beginnings of an obstinate look flickering across her face.
“As much as I would love to have you stay over,” I said wryly, knowing what she wanted to interject with, “I’ve already tested my self-restraint enough as is it.”
Her expression softened into understanding, and she nodded.
She lifted her arms above her head to stretch with a soft sound at the back of her throat.
My eyes were immediately drawn to the exposed slice of skin as her shirt rode up.
I hadn’t explored that skin nearly as much as I would have liked, and a part of me damned myself for this whole taking it slow thing.
“I suppose I’ve corrupted you enough for one night,” Kaylee said. “We can pick up where we left off tomorrow.” Her coy look told me she meant that in more ways than one.
“We’ve got an interview tomorrow,” I reminded her. “With that music podcast.”
Her eyes lit up. “Is it the one with the girl from that thing?”
I laughed, knowing exactly what she meant, and loving the fact that I knew what she meant. “Yeah, that’s the one.”
I saw her to my door but now that it was time for Kay to actually leave, something inside me stubbornly wanted to cling on to her.
I didn’t want to let her out of my sight.
I wanted to fall asleep to the sounds of her breathing, and I wanted her face to be the first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning.
I was wavering between sending her off and tying her to my bed so she could never leave when she stood up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on my lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said with a sweet smile.
I returned it, even as I warred internally. “Goodnight, Kay.”
I finally closed the door and leaned my back against it with a loud thump. I lifted my eyes to the ceiling and exhaled heavily through my nose.
Taking my time with Kay was going to be more of a challenge than I’d thought.
I wanted to savor her. To enjoy every second with her. To relish every flutter of her eyelashes, every hitched breath, every soft sound that left her lips.
I wanted to claim every part of her, to possess every inch of her. I wanted to throw her down on my bed and take everything she would give me. I wanted to devour her until there was nothing left but my own imprint on her flesh. I wanted to consume the entirety of her being.
But on top of all that… I didn’t want to scare her. I knew my feelings were intense. I knew that I was slowly becoming obsessed, if I wasn’t past that point already. I didn’t want to scare Kay off with the fanatical depths of my feelings.
I swallowed heavily and willed the stiffness in my jeans to soften.
In an ideal world, I would lock the two of us away by ourselves to explore each other to our hearts content for weeks straight, with no outside forces to interrupt us.
My phone pinged with a notification. I groaned.
I wished I could lock the two of us away, but reality would always intrude.
I heaved myself off the door and padded over on socked feet to pick up my phone from the kitchen table.
‘when’s that podcast thing?’ It was Zain texting.
‘tomorrow at 4’ I wrote back.
‘don’t think I can make it’ he wrote back.
‘It’s cool, finn and chris will be there’
I put my phone back down and went to the living room, but it soon pinged again with another message from Zain.
‘i see kay’s not home tonight’ he wrote.
I snorted, just imagining his accusing tone.
‘she was with me’ I said. ‘she’s on her way back now’
‘no sleepover?’ I could practically hear the snark.
‘no’
I thought that would be the end of it.
‘trouble in paradise already?’ Zain was teasing, but I knew there was a serious concern behind the words. I wanted to reassure him without going into details.
‘we’re taking it slow’ was all I said.
‘…’
Zain’s next message was simply a row of three dots. Then he typed.
‘you sure you’re dating kay and not a replica or clone or something? she doesn’t seem like the slow type’
‘i am finding it to be something of a challenge, yes’ I conceded. ‘but I don’t want to fuck things up’
Zain didn’t message back for a while, which worried me. When my phone finally pinged I braced myself.
‘you’re a good guy. and she’s a hell of a woman. if I have to trust kay with someone, i’m glad its you’
My heart lightened at his words. I had been worried about what the other band members might think about our relationship, but there had been few protests or criticisms. Instead, I felt…
supported, was one way of putting it, I supposed.
It felt like they only wanted what was best for us.
It was the way my mom felt about me and Kay.
The way that family only wanted what was best for one another.
That thought reminded me that I hadn’t heard from my mom in a few days, so I picked my phone back up to call her.
“Hey mom,” I said when she answered. “How are you feeling?”
“Hey honey.” My mom’s voice was warm, sounding stronger than usual. “What’s wrong?”
“What? Nothing’s wrong, why?” I asked, then started to panic. “Is something wrong with you? Are you okay?”
She chuckled. “No, I’m fine, calm down. I was just wondering because you usually never call so late.”
I looked at the time on my phone. “Shit, did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”
“Language,” she admonished. “And no, I was just in bed reading. What were you up to?”
“Kay was over and we were working on a song,” I explained.
“Oh?” Her voice perked up. “And how are things between you and our lovely girl?”
I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. “Things are good.”
My mom waited a beat. “Just good?” she asked.
“Really good,” I said, then added, “I’m not going into the details of my love life with my mom.”
“Oh ho ho,” she said with glee. “So it’s a love life now, is it? You two finally…?” She trailed off excitedly.
“We’re together now,” I admitted.
She let out a delighted sound of joy.
“Then make sure you bring her around some time soon, okay?” she said. “I want to give my future daughter-in-law a big hug.”
My whole body went light and airy, as if I might float off the ground, but I didn’t give myself away. “We’re not there yet, Mom.” Yet. But maybe… soon? Fuck, was I insane for even considering it? Probably. But… Shit.
My phone pinged. I pulled it away from my ear to check the screen.
‘kay’s home safe’ Zain messaged.
‘thx’ I typed back.
‘her face is glowing btw’ he continued. ‘are you sure you two didn’t get up to anything?’
’fuck off’ I wrote back. ‘can’t talk, on phone with mom’
‘how’s Nancy doing?’ Zain asked. ‘say hi for me’
“Honey? You there?” my mom said.
“Yeah, sorry, Zain just texted,” I replied. “He says hi and wants to know how you’re doing.”
“You tell that nice young man I’m doing very well.”
I nearly choked on a laugh at my mom calling Zain a ‘nice young man’. He’d probably cringe but secretly love it. He always said he was my mom’s favorite. Finn disagreed vehemently, of course.
“It’s late, I’ll let you get back to your book,” I told her. “Love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, honey,” she replied before we hung up.
I put my phone down then dropped onto the sofa with a heavy thump, and let out a breath.
Whenever I talked to my mom I worried she’d be worse off than the last time, but she had sounded better on the phone. Maybe it really would be okay to bring Kay over for a visit. I knew my mom was overjoyed that she might one day be able to officially call Kaylee her daughter for real.
One day.
My thoughts went back to their previous maelstrom, my mind working overtime like a hamster on a wheel.
It was too soon. Way too soon. I knew that. Intellectually, I knew that marriage was out of the question. This relationship was too new. Kay was too young. We had too much going on, professionally.
But even though I knew all that, it didn’t stop those crazed ideas from flooding my imagination. I wanted Kay to be mine, unequivocally. And I wanted to be hers. I didn’t want anything to come between us.
I knew Kay loved me, but was it the forever-and-always, until-death-do-us-part kind of love? Did she feel the same kind of desperate, passionate, all-consuming need that I did?
How insane was it that I wanted to take things slow when it came to sex, but I was also ready to put a ring on her finger?
But maybe the real insanity was this: I was afraid again. I’d promised Kay I’d be fearless, and yet here I was, terrified. I wanted to be with Kay forever, but I was scared.
I was scared she wouldn’t say yes.