Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Lynx
I could smell her sweetness on my fingers. My tongue itched to plunge deep into her pussy, to drive her as insane as I'd been all this time just thinking about it.
But I couldn’t.
More importantly, I wouldn’t.
Because once would never be enough.
Hell, a fucking lifetime with Reagan wouldn’t be enough for me.
And I damn sure wasn’t going to settle. Didn’t matter how fucking hot she’d been, how fucking much I craved seeing her come apart in my arms. Didn’t even matter how many nights I'd jacked off to thoughts of Reagan.
Only once wasn’t an option.
“I should go,” she finally said.
Unable to find my voice, I simply nodded. I needed a minute anyway. Some time to process what had just happened, to figure out how she’d so easily dissolved my self-control.
Without another word, Reagan headed for the door.
I turned to watch her go, our eyes meeting briefly when she reached the door.
It looked as though she had something to say, but nothing ever came.
The next thing I knew, I was alone in the warehouse.
I took one look at the steel beam and had to battle back the urge to punch the damn thing.
Taking a deep breath, then another, I waited until I managed to get my temper under control. I wasn’t pissed at Reagan; I was angry with myself for allowing things to go that far. I should’ve walked away when she’d first kissed me, held out until the time was right.
But my self-control was so thin when it came to her.
Always had been.
My gaze swung to the rocking chairs and I sighed heavily.
Several more minutes passed, and when my body stopped vibrating, I grabbed one of the chairs and carried it out to my truck. After I'd loaded them both and tied them down, I closed up the shop and hopped in my truck.
I had no idea where Reagan had run off to, but I was going to deliver the chairs to Amy’s.
They belonged with Reagan, and even if she never spoke to me again, at least she could enjoy the chairs.
I knew I had to do one of two things. Go balls to the wall and get the girl, or let go of her completely.
This in-between state was tearing me apart.
As I drove, I thought back to that night on my father’s front porch.
I still didn’t know why Reagan had showed up, but after my mother died, it seemed Reagan had established a steady presence in my life.
After that first night by the lake, I had never touched her again, but that hadn’t stopped her from coming around and it hadn’t stopped me from wanting her to.
“Where’d your dad get these chairs?” she asked, tapping her foot and rocking the chair steadily.
“I made ’em,” I admitted, not looking at her.
“You… Really?”
I grinned. “Hard to believe?”
“No. It’s just … these are awesome.”
She looked out into the distance and I took a moment to stare at her. She was so damn pretty with her long, silky hair pulled back in a ponytail, that white tank top hugging her perfect tits, showing off her smooth, tanned arms.
“I love it out here,” she said softly. “Sitting on the front porch, under the stars. I’ve watched my mom and dad sit outside like this. They always look so happy.”
Odd that she said that because I detected some sadness in her tone.
“I think it’s the only time they really get along. They’re always arguin’ and yellin’. Then my dad’ll leave and stay gone for a coupla days…”
Well, that explained the despondency.
“Yeah,” I said. “My mom used to sit out here with me.” I smiled at the memory. “We didn’t have these chairs at the time. I made these for my dad. Thought maybe it’d get him outside some.”
“He still not leavin’ the house?”
“Nope. Not since…” Not since the night my mother died a couple of months back. The pain of the loss still radiated inside me, burning hot and painful. My chest squeezed. God, I missed my mom.
I felt more than saw Reagan’s eyes on me, but I fought the urge to look at her. I knew if I did, I'd want something she couldn’t give me. She was too sweet for what I wanted from her. More importantly, she was too young.
The technical term … jail bait.
Avoiding Reagan hadn’t been easy, and once I found out she had a steady boyfriend, I'd nearly lost my mind. Most people thought that losing my mother was the reason I'd gone off the rails and that was true, but only partly. Reagan had played a big part in it as well. For the longest time, she’d offered me hope, made me believe my world wasn’t crashing down all around me.
Turning down the dirt drive, I noticed Reagan’s truck was parked outside. I pulled my truck behind hers and then cut the engine. Before I got the first chair out of the truck, I heard the front screen door squeak open. Taking a deep breath, I focused on my task, doing my best not to look at her.
She didn’t say a word until I was putting the second chair in place on the porch.
“Lynx?”
I turned away from her, eager to get back in my truck and go home. I'd left Copenhagen at the house that morning and I was eager to see my dog. For whatever reason, Copenhagen calmed me, helped me to reason through my thoughts. I needed that right now.
“Thank you for the chairs.”
I offered a curt nod, still not looking at her. “You’re welcome.”
“And … I’m sorry,” Reagan said softly.
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t blame her for anything that had happened, but I also didn’t want to get into it right now. My control was tenuous at best, and the more I was around her, the more fragile it became.
“Will you look at me, please?”
Swallowing hard, I turned to face her, shoving my hands in my pockets.
“What happened back at the warehouse…” Reagan took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t’ve kissed you, and I’m sorry.”
I nodded. The lump that those words caused swelled in my throat and threatened to strangle me. The thought of losing her before I even had her was too much for me to bear.
“Okay, that’s a lie,” she added, her eyes still locked with mine. “I’m not sorry. For kissin’ you. I’m… I’ve been wantin’ to do that for a long time. I’m just sorry I can’t give you what you want. You have to realize what I’ve been through. Dealin’ with Billy…”
Oh, I got it, all right. But I wasn’t Billy. Not even remotely close.
Another nod was all I could offer. Although she thought the explanation was helping, it wasn’t. Not one fucking bit.
“Please say somethin’,” she urged.
I shook my head. “Nothin’ to say.”
And that was the truth.
I feared that if I opened my mouth the truth would come out, and I wasn’t sure I could handle much more of her rejection.
Certainly not today.
Reagan
I wasn’t sure I'd ever seen Lynx like this.
The pained expression was hard to miss, but I had no clue what to say to erase it.
The man … he threatened my heart in ways he would never understand.
I'd been in love with him for so long, but I'd convinced myself he was off-limits. For chrissakes, he’d even told me I couldn’t handle what he wanted from me. I knew that to be true.
And it had nothing to do with sex. I'd had more than my fair share of fantasies about the man, plenty of time spent with my vibrator.
I could handle that aspect of it easily.
Even now, my body was telling me that being with him would be the greatest pleasure I'd ever known. However, my brain and my heart weren’t thinking along those same lines.
No, I was thinking on an emotional level, and the hell Billy had put me through…
It was still fresh in my mind. And although I knew Lynx wasn’t Billy, there was still the risk of heartache in a different form.
Something far greater than any pain Billy could’ve inflicted.
No, I wasn’t interested in having my heart broken again.
Letting Billy go was one thing. If I ever got Lynx within my grasp and then had to let him go …
I wasn’t sure I'd be the same person after that, which was what scared me the most.
Before I could say anything more, the sound of an engine pulling down the drive had us both turning.
Wolfe’s big black Silverado rolled to a stop behind Lynx’s truck.
I released a breath. A sigh of relief, maybe? Or was that disappointment that was slowly filling me up?
“What’re you kids up to?” Wolfe asked when he got out of the truck and walked around to open the passenger-side door.
“Nada,” Lynx offered, his tone far more cheerful than a second ago.
The huge grin on Wolfe’s face said that all was right in his world.
I glanced over at Amy. Her smile was equally big as she held Wolfe’s hand and walked up to the porch.
“We came by to get Amy’s…” Wolfe glanced down at Amy. “You wanna tell ’em?”
Her smile practically engulfed her entire face and her eyes sparkled when she looked up at the man.
Oh, yeah, that girl was in love, no doubt about it.
I didn’t move from where I stood, a few feet behind Lynx.
“Wolfe asked me and Rhys to move in with him,” Amy said, her eyes darting back and forth between Lynx and me.
“Very cool,” Lynx said, but he very well could’ve said, “Whatever,” for as much enthusiasm as he put into it.
“We’re still gonna take it slow,” Amy added, obviously picking up on Lynx’s tension. “I mean—”
“You don’t have to explain,” I said, plastering a smile on my face. “Like I told you before, as long as the three of you are happy, it doesn’t matter.”
“Right,” Amy noted, once again smiling as she peered up at Wolfe. “I’ll be right back.”
Wolfe swatted her on the butt, making her yelp before she trotted up the steps toward me. The woman’s eyes scanned the two rocking chairs, but she didn’t say anything, for which I was grateful.
Figuring Lynx didn’t have anything else to say, and certainly nothing that could be said in front of his cousin, I followed Amy into the house.
“I … uh… Are you gonna sell the house?” I asked, blurting the words out quickly. Like ripping a Band-Aid off.
“Actually,” Amy said, turning to face me, “I was thinkin’ maybe you could stay here. I really don’t want to sell it, but I don’t want it to sit empty, either.”
I nodded, trying to play it cool, although the relief I felt was fierce. “Of course.”
“If you could cover the utilities, I won’t charge rent if you could … uh … maintain it.”
I smiled. I liked Amy. A lot. I considered her a friend, even if we hadn’t spent a lot of time together.
“Absolutely,” I assured her. “I can even mow the yard.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I’m the one who should be thankin’ you.”
“And if you want to move into the master bedroom … I was … uh … gonna leave my bed here.”
I grinned. I'd slept in Amy’s bed a few times when the futon became too much for my tired body to deal with, but I'd felt weird about it.
“I just might do that.”
Amy peered around the room. “And feel free to decorate however you like. Consider it … uh … your place now.”
“Are you sure about this?” I asked, sobering somewhat. “Not that I’m questionin’ how you feel about Wolfe and Rhys, it’s just…” I knew the hell Amy had been through, had heard the story more than once, and it still resonated with me.
“I’m sure.” Her tone was wispy, like a girl in love. “I know I haven’t known them long, but…”
“It feels right,” I filled in for her. “Don’t need to convince me. I got your back.”
Amy smiled and the next thing I knew, she was hugging me. “Thank you, Reagan.”
“For what?” I asked, confused.
“For being my friend.”
Tears welled in my eyes at the sound of Amy’s voice.
The woman sounded pained, as though she never thought she would have friends.
I could relate somewhat. Sure, I had friends in Embers Ridge, but I'd isolated myself from most people because of Billy.
I'd been embarrassed about our relationship, about the fact that I didn’t love him but stuck around and put up with his shit.
And he had treated me like shit, not caring who knew.
“Like I said, I’m the one who should be thankin’ you,” I replied softly. “And if you ever need anything, you know where to find me.”
Amy pulled back and grinned. “At Lynx’s house?”
I rolled my eyes. “Definitely not. We’re just friends.”
It was obvious she didn’t buy that line, but whatever.
“Okay, then. I guess I’ll grab … a few things.”
I had been over every square inch of the house multiple times, mostly when I got bored and had nothing else to do.
Amy didn’t have much of anything in the house.
Some secondhand furniture, clothes, toiletries, a few plastic dishes in the cupboard, a mop and broom, and one cheap vacuum cleaner.
There weren’t any trinkets decorating the walls, no pictures.
I hadn’t gone snooping or anything, but I didn’t think Amy even had jewelry of any kind.
Granted, she had more material things than I owned, but it still wasn’t much.
She could probably load everything in Wolfe’s truck right now if she really wanted to.
“I’m leaving the furniture and all that stuff,” Amy said as she turned toward the bedroom. “If you decide you don’t want it…”
“It’s perfect,” I called after her. “I promise, I won’t throw anything away.”
Amy reappeared in the doorway. “Seriously, Reagan, I want you to feel like this is your home, not mine. So … do whatever you want.”
I nodded curtly. “I will.” I met her gaze. “And thank you. Really.”
Amy would never truly understand what she’d done for me.
Giving me a place to stay was more than I had ever had before.
I had thought about leaving Billy a million times, but the idea of living with my mother and my grandfather had made me cringe.
I loved them, but my grandfather wasn’t known for his kindness, and my mother did not support my breaking up with Billy in the first place.
Amy’s offer had been the swift kick in the pants that I had needed to finally move on with my life, something I'd ached to do for so long.
Sure, I could’ve gone to live with my brother when I finally left Billy, but I knew Rhys. He was my big brother and he was overprotective at times. More so since our father died. My brother would’ve given me a hard time, and I was tired of being under someone’s thumb all the time.
For the first time in my life, I actually felt … free.