Chapter 19
RYDER
“Have you shaved your legs recently?”
I throw an ugly red dress with a huge ruffle across the chest at Lyla. “Are you for real? I own a razor.”
She laughs. “I’ve seen it. I’m surprised it’s not adding to your scars.” She mumbles the last part under her breath, but I ignore her, tugging on another zipper that won’t freaking budge.
She already made me get sprayed with some kind of chemical that gave my skin a tan glow. It’s strange, but I will never admit to her that it does make my legs look a thousand times better in these damn tiny dresses.
She steps closer, taking my hands in hers. “Just chill out. Even if it’s only for this one night, I want you to feel like a woman. You deserve to know what that feels like.”
My eyes take a trip so far back in my head that it’s painful. “Where am I going to put my Sig?”
Lyla bursts out laughing, but I’m dead serious.
I give the zipper another swift tug.
“Don’t kill the dress.” Lyla raises my arm and glides the zipper up like a professional dresser.
I lift my arm again to make sure my mark is covered.
“I don’t have anything here that will reveal that.” Her tone is tender, and my queasy stomach grabs hold of my esophagus, rolling it up into a fat lump and thrusting it into my throat.
She peeks over my shoulder to examine me in the bathroom mirror. “You know, if anyone saw that, it’d be ok.” Her soft, brown eyes meet mine. “First, they wouldn’t know what it was, and second. . . ” She gathers my hair and lays it over my shoulder. “That thing is the mark of a warrior.”
She says it as if it’s something I should be proud of.
“There’s a reason you haven’t gotten it removed.” She steps away to pull another dress off the bed.
“It’s a reminder of what I’ve been and what I’ll never be again. It could fade, but it doesn’t change anything.”
She hands me another dress. A black one this time.
“True. We can try to hide the scars, but they’re always there, lurking underneath.
” She fiddles with the rejects. “Maybe it’s ok for us to be proud of the battles we survived and the wounds we’ve suffered in the process.
” Her tone makes it sound like a question she’s trying on for size.
Her long, dark hair is pulled back tight. Her leggings hide most of her petite frame, but her crop top reveals a sliver of golden-tan skin.
Lyla doesn’t have to do a thing, and she’s amazingly beautiful. The kind of beauty that makes people pause.
She’s brave and smart and has one of the kindest hearts I’ll ever know. She spends her days helping ordinary women like me learn how to feel beautiful in the bodies and skin we’re dealt. Sometimes, bodies that will never quite feel like our own again.
“Yeah, it just doesn’t feel like that all the time, though.” I offer, slipping the sleeve of a one-armed dress up and over my shoulder, knowing it certainly won’t feel like that tomorrow night.
Her head tips to the side, inspecting the tight, thigh-length black dress.
“You’re going to do just fine with this.
” She slides the zipper up the back that hangs low with a large cut-out, exposing my middle back but covering the ugly scar on my shoulder.
“He’s really nice, in that genuine way you can’t fake. ”
She’s right. Cole is. . .nice. He’s kind, respectful, and almost lost his shit when his jackass of a teammate began to make comments about me.
Tracker and TJ are one thing, but I’ve never had a man get riled about anything having to do with me. I’m not sure what to make of that.
He woke me from another dream last night.
I won’t ever forget the look on his face as he knelt by my bed.
The memories are my own, but they wound others just the same.
When my eyes finally came into focus, I saw the worry and concern in his eyes.
The warm sympathy in his tone caused something deep inside the center of my chest to flare with a burning ache.
I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, never letting him see, but he stayed. He sat beside my bed until I quit shaking. He didn’t say a word. He just…stayed while I came down from the high and caught my breath. Then, he told me he’d be up for a while if I wanted company.
It’s proof that Cole’s beauty and goodness run deep, which, for some reason, is making this silly event all the more challenging. My nerves are standing on the ledge of something new, and they don’t know how to react. I detest the unknown, but here I am.
“This is it.” Lyla sets her hands on her hips.
I twist, surveying all my exposed places. “This dress is tiny.”
She laughs. “Ry, I brought the ones with the most material that wouldn’t look like you shopped in the mother-of-the-bride section.
” She runs her hands over the material at my waist to smooth it.
“You look amazing, and that hot football player is going to forget you’re his personal protection for the evening. ”
“Great. I don’t want him to forget that,” I mumble.
She leans in, wrapping her arms around me. “It’d be ok if he did. It’d also be ok if, for once, you let someone see you that way. As a woman.” She squeezes me. “Besides, even Tracker likes him. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.”
I groan. “You’ve been hanging out with Jamie too much. She’s gotten to you.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She plops on the bed while I pull on sweatpants and a T-shirt. “So, his friend is going with you guys? Will that be weird?”
I’ve steered clear of the two men today. I have no idea what Cole told Nick last night when he arrived, but before I left them to do what men do, I could see in his eyes that he was finally starting to unwind.
Cole’s been tense and stiff since getting off the bus. I think all of this is finally catching up with him, but over the past twenty-four hours, I’ve heard him laugh and joke and be the man I have no doubt has been begging to come out of that strong body.
“It might make it easier.”
“Ry,” she whines, flopping back on the bed. “Cole won’t do anything that will cause you to go all Mr. Miyagi on his ass. He cares about you. He was worried when you took off to help Kelsey.”
I don’t want him to care about me. Nothing good will come from that.
“It’s easy for you to say. You don’t have issues with people seeing your body or touching you.” The words come out, and I immediately regret them. “I’m sorry. I’m just. . . ” I fill my cheeks with air and blow it out, sitting next to her.
“Don’t be sorry. We all have our things.”
I know we do, and Lyla’s are different than mine, but it doesn’t mean they don’t also make her feel as if she’s being skinned alive.
I lie down next to her. “You’re heading back to New York?”
“Yeah. I have a gig and need to meet with some sponsors. Then I’m off to Paris for a fashion event.”
“Don’t stay away so long this time. We miss you.”
Lyla has been gone for longer and longer stints, which, on one hand, is good, but it’s too quiet around the house without her.
“Yeah, well, Jos is waiting for one of us to say we’re out for good so she can steal our room.” She sits up. “I’d better get going. I need to pack.”
I gather the dresses. “Thanks for helping me.”
She grins. “Are you kidding? This was a dream come true. You’ll kick ass in that dress. Hopefully, not literally this time, though.”
My head falls back toward the ceiling, and I know she’s grinning.
“What is it your bestie says? Dance, jump on it. If you sexy. . . ” She sings, dancing toward the door.
I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but laugh. “Maybe you should go with him.”
“I’d be down to cover you, but I don’t have your spidey senses, so I’ll have to decline.”
She pulls open the door, and we step out to find both men drenched in sweat and guzzling sports drinks.
“Hey, Lyla,” Cole says, twisting the cap back on his empty bottle.
Nick’s gaze land on Lyla, and though he doesn’t even flinch, he notices her. All guys do, but his observance remains douche free.
“Nick, this is—”
When I glance at Lyla, her face has fallen pale, and she’s not breathing. Her eyes are wide and set on Nick as if she’s in a trance.
“Ly. You ok?” My shift between her and the man across the room. “Ly, do you know him?” I whisper.
Nothing.
My instincts fire, and my heart tries to catch up with my brain, preparing for action. “Ly, blink or something because. . . ”
“Do you know her?” Cole’s voice breaks through the eerie stillness.
“Nah, man. Hey, you all right?”
Her chest finally starts to move in and out, but too quickly.
She swallows, and then, just like that, she’s snapped out of it. “Yeah, I’m good.” She grabs her purse from the island. “Ry, I’ll call you later.”
I point at Cole. “You stay right here, and he doesn’t move.”
I rush after Lyla as she all but runs out the door. “Lyla.”
She doesn’t stop, but I catch up.
“Lyla, what happened back there?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” She starts down the stairs.
“Uh. You’re clearly not fine. Do you know him?”
She rounds another flight.
“Look, you don’t have to tell me, but. . .I need to know I shouldn’t go back up there and remove his head from his body.”
She finally slows to more of a walk. “I’m fine. He just. . .looks like someone from. . . ” She doesn’t finish, but I know. “I’ll be fine. He took me by surprise.”
We walk down the remaining flights together. “So, I shouldn’t beat the living shit out of him?”
She laughs, but it’s not real. “No. He’s good.”
We stop at the metal door leading to the parking garage, and she faces me. “I’m good, really.”
I study her, knowing it’s a complete lie.
“You’ll look amazing tomorrow, and I want a pic. Be safe, ok?”
I reach for her, and she hugs me back. “You need to talk about it. Don’t let whatever this is get a hold on you.”
She blows out a breath and nods. “My flight is in the morning, so you guys hold down the compound.”
I hate seeing her go like this, but she’s already gone. She’s somewhere deep inside herself.
I hug her. “Will you text me later?”
She squeezes me.
“I love you,” I say, reminding her.
She hugs me even tighter. “Even when I don’t.” It’s only a whisper.
She pulls away, avoiding eye contact, and tugs open the heavy door. I watch, making sure she gets to her car before I pull my phone from my pocket.
ME: You need to check on Ly later. Something just happened. I’m not sure what.
VAN: Got it. I’ll let you know.
I slip my phone back in my pocket and climb the stairs, hoping that by the time I get to the top, I no longer want to hurt the man who, for some reason, just stirred up my sister’s past.