Chapter Forty-Nine – Cullen
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
CULLEN
“ H ow long do you plan to keep this up?”
Hannah crosses her arms, leaning against the tree opposite me. She’s dressed in a sparkly two-piece outfit and three-inch heels.
It’s 9:00 a.m.
On a Friday.
“It’s not illegal for me to sit here.”
“It’s creepy. She doesn’t want to talk to you, and yet every single day you sit on these steps down the street and wait for her. It’s been three weeks.”
“I’m not waiting for her. I know she won’t talk to me. I just...I don’t know. I want to be near her. I want her to know that I’m still thinking about her—that I haven’t given up.”
She walks over and sits next to me, taking my half-drunk iced Americano, popping off the lid, and draining it. This close, there’s a slight cigarette smell coming off her, almost like she spent the night surrounded by it.
I have no idea how she and Verity are friends. They are totally different people, but they’re loyal to each other. I’m surprised Hannah is even giving me the time of day.
“Look, dude. You fucked up. You need to own that and move on.”
“I know I fucked up, and I do own it, but I won’t move on.”
“Why not?”
“Because I love her.”
“Really.” She says it with an air of disbelief. “You love her after, what, four months?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have a habit of falling in love that quickly?”
“No.” My voice is sure and steady. “Hannah, I didn’t even think I could fall in love again until I met Verity. Celine broke me, but Verity put me back together.”
That seems to spark her attention. She rests her elbows on the step behind her and leans back, tilting her head toward me.
“If that’s the case, why’d you lie?”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to. You still did.”
“I know, but my divorce with Celine is messy. It’s not black and white. We’ve been in this fucked-up gray area for ten years.”
She sighs. “You know, my parents are divorced. I was thirteen when they were going through it, and it fucking sucked.” She shakes around the empty coffee cup, letting the ice vibrate against the plastic.
“Their divorce dragged on for years, too. I was a pawn being tossed between them, and I hated it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” The smile she gives me says otherwise.
“What I’m trying to say is I understand how fucked up a divorce can get and how it can ruin every aspect of your life.
I know you didn’t mean to drag Verity into the middle of it, but you had to have known it was inevitable once you started seeing her. ”
Did I?
I’d really thought that I could keep her out of it.
I thought the less we talked about Celine, the more we avoided her, the further I could distance Verity from the issues.
I thought that Celine and I were days away from being divorced.
I thought she would sign the papers. I didn’t bank on her contesting it.
I thought she had enough decency in her to at least honor the godforsaken separation agreement she’d pressured me into all those years ago.
I guess it is my own fault for having a shred of faith left in Celine, and it led to my downfall once again.
“I swear, I never meant to hurt her.”
“I believe you, but…” Hannah stares down the street at their apartment building.
“She’s struggling right now. Her whole world just fell out from under her.
Verity comes from a simple life, but if there’s one thing she takes pride in, it’s her work—and now that’s gone.
She’s lost, and I don’t know how long it’s going to take for her to find her feet again. ”
“I know we still have a chance. I’m hers, and she’s mine. It’s been that way from the moment I met her. I don’t care how long I have to wait, Hannah, I’ll do it. I waited ten years for the chance to fall in love again, and I’ll wait another ten if that’s what it takes for her to come back to me.”
“You’d seriously wait ten years?”
“For her? Yes.”
She’s silent for a second and then lets out a laugh. “You know you’d be super old by then.”
“Forty-five isn’t super old.”
“Sure.” She pats me on the knee.
“I’m serious. I know she still needs space, that she still doesn’t want to talk to me. And while I hate that she’s going through this alone, I respect that it’s her decision. The moment she’s ready, I’ll be here.”
Hannah stands up, dusting off the backs of her thighs.
“You’re not a bad guy, Cullen. You just made some bad decisions.”