Chapter Thirty
ROCKET WAS A WHINY bitch for the rest of the day, but when Caroline returned, we grabbed her stuff, and got the hell out of there, since Rocket would be joining the other guys for the toy run, and I’d be taking her to the clubhouse.
It was a dilemma, to be honest, because I didn’t want her to experience the club the way it had been when it was a bad place, but to facilitate the knocking down and rebuilding, she had to help me redesign it.
Could I have done it alone? Badly, yes. Did I want to do it alone though? Fuck no.
We grabbed a quick meal at her place, and then headed to the club once I knew the guys were getting on the road.
I took her on the back of my ride, and we pulled up down the road from the clubhouse, so I could let her watch the parade of bikers heading out, some in costumes, and all bearing gifts, or sacks of parcels.
Seeing her wide eyes, as we stood alongside my ride, and waved to them as they passed, really gave me a little hope that maybe she’d start to realise that they were good people, and she could be around them.
Sure, they were rowdy as fuck at times, sometimes appallingly so, but there had to be a way to make it work for her and them.
“That was magical!” She gasped, leaning against my side, as we watched the last few guys disappear off down the road.
Originally I’d wished I could go with them, but being here with her, and to see her delight as she witnessed them leaving? That was fucking unmissable. A moment in time that could never be replaced, or equalled.
“Yeah. It really was, huh? Okay, let’s get in there, and give you that tour. There will be two prospects on the gate, but that’s it.”
When we reached the gate, the prospects, Joey and Alan, were aware of our planned arrival, and were quick to open up and let us pass through.
Once we were on our feet, and free of helmets, I introduced Caroline to both of them, but didn’t take her close enough for anyone to even try shaking her hand.
I turned us so we could face in at the compound from the gates.
“Okay, so we have a gated compound, approximately forty acres, and it houses these few crappy little buildings, and it’s a complete waste of the space. We also have the surrounding fields too, but they’re unused as yet.”
Caroline was already nodding, her fingers moving around in front of her, like she was trying to map it out for herself.
We were far enough away from the prospects that they couldn’t overhear us, but I stepped closer anyway, just to catch another enticing waft of her scent.
“The building here,” I pointed accordingly to the small square block, “is our storage centre, and it’s literally just a large room with shelving. It holds pretty much bugger all, and it’s lockable, but not necessarily impenetrable.”
Caroline nodded, turning to point at the office building, which had been recently rebuilt after the fire at Halloween, but was still unfit for purpose in my eyes.
“And this one?”
“Offices. The Club President and our tech guy, you’ve met Grease. He’s our tech specialist, looks after security, among many other things. There’s also a small lounge inside, with a pool table, and fridges for beers and stuff.”
“Can I see inside?” I grinned, taking her hand and heading over to it, pointing out the other buildings along the way.
“The small building over there is what we call Church. That’s just what we call biker meetings, and the far off building there, the sprawled out one, is lodgings. Some of the guys live here, and others just room here at weekends and stuff.”
She was taking it all in as we walked, her eyes firmly focusing back on the offices, and before we even stepped inside, she was on the same page as me.
“You’re right. There’s so much wasted space.
These buildings could be integrated, or at least the offices and your meeting room could be in the same building.
Lodgings as far back as possible makes sense, but then this storage shed is in a really weird spot.
It should be more defensible, right? Like behind the others or hidden at the back somewhere, as long as there’s easy access for taking supplies to it. ”
I fucking loved how quickly she was getting on board, and seeing things just the way I saw them.
As we stepped inside the office building, she cast her eyes around, turning to frown at me.
“This is newer than the others. It’s a recent build?” I nodded, pointing down the hallway.
“That’s Micro’s office right down the bottom of the hall, and that there is Grease’s office, and then this is the lounge, but yeah, it was rebuilt after the original building burned down at Halloween.”
She turned to me with wide eyes. “What happened at Halloween? It must have been serious if you lost a building.”
Micro’s door opened, and we both paused, because he was on the ride, I fucking saw him. A blonde lady poked her head out, and I relaxed. It was Cammy, old lady to Stitch, the original chapter’s VP.
“Hey, Cammy. Shit, did we wake the baby?”
She smiled, shaking her head and checking behind her. “She’s out for the count, but I fed her a little while ago, so just like a man, she’s sleeping it off.”
Caroline giggled beside me, and I led her closer to Cammy.
“Caroline, this is Cammy. She’s the wife and old lady of Stitch. He’s the VP of the original chapter of Phoenix MC, and somewhere behind her in that room is their adorable little girl.”
Caroline shyly stepped forward to shake her hand, as I carried out the second part of the introduction, the more important part, at least to me.
“This is Caroline, hopefully my old lady.” Cammy’s eyes widened as she released Caroline’s hand and the ladies stepped apart. Caroline seemed to cope with a quick handshake, but she didn’t linger after it was done.
“Wow, welcome to the family, I hope.”
“Thank you. You really have a baby in there?”
Cammy widened the gap in the door to show us the baby’s stroller, and fast asleep in it, with her little fists clenched above the blanket was the next Phoenix MC generation.
“I’ll introduce you later when she wakes up,” she offered in a hushed voice, and we both smiled, starting to back up quietly, almost in perfect sync with each other.
“You need anything before we head off to see the rest of the place?” I asked her, and she shook her head, waving at us to carry on.
“I’m all good here, go do your thing.”
As soon as we stepped outside, Caroline, like a dog with a bone, went right back to our conversation from before.
“So, about this Halloween party fire thing…”
I sighed, leading her back outside, so we could roam the rest of the plot of land.
“Couple of disgruntled former members decided to mess with us at our patchover party, but they’re gone now.”
She froze on the spot, waiting until I stopped and turned to her.
“Gone as in…?”
“Yeah, they didn’t survive the night, babe, but they were literally trying to kill people.” She was blinking really fast, her face paler than normal.
“Did… did they hurt you?”
I shook my head, reaching out to stroke her hair back. “No, babe. I was uh… in my own little world. Look, it’s all over now, okay? That’s not going to happen again.”
“And these bad guys burned the building down?”
“Yeah, they were trying to take out Micro and the VP of our flagship club at the same time. And Grease. Apparently he was in there too, with a few of the old ladies.”
Paler. She was definitely fucking paler now. “Old ladies as in… as in women connected to bikers. As in their girlfriends and wives.”
I nodded, giving her a moment to process everything, because rushing her now wouldn’t be fair to her.
It was a lot to take in, and I could feel my heart thudding in my chest as I watched her, because I didn’t want this to be something that drove her away from me.
I didn’t want fear to push us apart before we even got together properly. Finally, I spoke softly to her.
“Caroline, you’re safe, baby. We’re all safe. This was a thing that happened, but we’re patched over now, and it’s a good club. Good people. All good people, I promise.”
She forced a deep breath, and fixed those warm brown eyes on me.
“What’s a patchover?”
Good. She was moving onto details. Details were easier for her to handle, than actual events, than actual people hurting other people.
I took her hand again and squeezed it.
“It’s what they call it when a biker club is taken over by another, and becomes a new chapter of that club.
Our cuts, with the patches on? The big patch on the back?
That’s our colours. That’s what we’re honouring by wearing these.
When we were patched over, we shed our old cuts, our old colours, and we wear these now instead.
Phoenix MC. A new club rising from the ashes of the old club. The bad club. Do you see?”
I watched her processing again, almost feeling her emotions as they evolved, and the colour seeped into her skin again, warding off that wan shade that had me wanting to sit her down until she looked herself again.
“So it was a bad club, but now it’s good… and that’s all over now. No more attacks from old members?”
I hoped I was about to tell her a truth here, and not a lie.
“Absolutely,” I said firmly, “the culprits won’t be back, and the members who are left are happy here. We weren’t happy with the old club, but it was all we had. Now we have a better home. Trust me, there wouldn’t be a baby onsite if it wasn’t safe.”
She nodded resolutely, taking a step forward, encouraging me to move with her.
“Okay. I understand. So you want to knock down all of these buildings and start again? So this site literally rises from the ashes too?”
I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Caroline
IT WAS A PRETTY intimidating place, so I was really relieved to be seeing it for the first time without the other club members around.
The two men on the gate, who Harley merely addressed as ‘prospect’ as if they didn’t have actual names, seemed okay, and meeting Cammy actually helped a little.
Harley made good sense. Who’d bring their child to this place if it wasn’t safe?
Surely if these clubs were so bad, and dangerous, good parents would keep their children away.
I couldn’t imagine being raised in a bad club, with all the violence and cruelty I was imagining could happen to a child. Just hearing a little about the Halloween party had freaked me out, but I just kept going back to the fact that there was a baby here, so it had to be safe.
“This is where the guys stay over, and that over there is ‘Church’, like I said. We don’t go in there unless there’s a meeting, and generally that’s during the day.”
“Do you stay over here? I mean, we’ve been to my place a few times, but I hadn’t considered that maybe you just live here.”
Harley looked thoughtful for a moment, like the answer was more complex than even he’d realised, and he sighed, turning to look at the lodgings building again.
“I don’t live here, but that was my plan.
Sell my flat, and move here, bring as much of my business here as possible, and make this my life.
The club is everything to me,” he hesitated, turning back to look at me, his conflict evident on his features, “but now… now you’re everything to me, and I’m trying to work out how I can balance the club, the family I’ve always needed, with the incredible woman I’m in love with.
Knowing you might never be able to hang here is…
difficult. I really want you to know these guys like I do.
Meet all the old ladies, and maybe start to feel like this is home for you too. ”
He clearly saw the panic on my face, because he rested his hands on my shoulders, two patches of comforting warmth in a place that was getting colder by the hour. The stars appearing in the sky made one thing clear. A frost was coming tonight.
“I’m never going to push you into something you don’t want, or are uncomfortable with, Caroline.
If you never feel safe here, or can never come here, I’ll find a way to work the club around you, because you’ll be my priority.
I’ll keep my flat, or we’ll make a home somewhere together, and I’ll just be a VP who goes home each night, just like I often do now. ”
I felt like he kept giving up things he wanted for me.
Kept giving me what made me feel safe and at peace, regardless of what it meant he missed out on.
I couldn’t be the reason he kept giving up things he loved.
He’d grow tired of me, and he should. He should find me frustrating, and feel like I’m derailing his life, because that’s what I’d do.
I wouldn’t mean to, but I wouldn’t be able to help it.
I’d leave him feeling like he always had to choose, and that wasn’t fair on him.
A lump rose in my throat, as I saw everything I thought I could have disappearing, right before my eyes, and I didn’t want to lose it. Didn’t want to lose him. Specifically him. Couldn’t I just be brave for once, and face my fears for him?
“Caroline, baby, whatever you’re doing to yourself in that head, just remember, I want you, exactly as you are.
I don’t want to try and change you, or make you fit in a box that you don’t deserve to be constrained by.
I will always work around your needs and wants.
Your comforts. This is what we do. We fall in love, and we adapt to work our lives around the ones we value most. You’re not stopping me from doing anything.
I can see you beating yourself up, so please stop. ”
I swallowed hard, glancing back at the lodgings building, needing some distance from the hard truths which might be just around the corner for us.
The thought that this might have to be temporary, because I couldn’t give him what he needed or deserved.
That it wasn’t just about me, but about him, and all the things he should have in his life too.
“I…”
“I do have a room I stay in sometimes when I’m here late, and don’t want to ride back home. Why don’t I show you? It’ll help with the planning of the new site.”
I knew he was giving me an out. A distraction. Something that could pull my focus away from the things that were threatening to overwhelm me. I’d gone from fully invested in the project, to worrying about every little detail that could destroy what we were building together.
“Hey, come see the room, baby. If you’re really good, I’ll go down on you.” I gasped, my cheeks heating up at his suggestion, but my hand slipped inside his, and I let him lead me into the building.