Epilogue
IWAS STILL HANGING with Henley, and Rocket and a few others, sinking a few beers in the lounge, when a text buzzed on my phone, and my heart thudded in my chest when I saw it said ‘Caroline’.
Jesus fuck. She was about to Dear John me, I could just fucking feel it.
I was almost too afraid to open that message, because once I read it, she’d know I’d seen it.
She’d know I couldn’t pretend otherwise.
It’d be over. Just like that. I didn’t want it to be over.
I wanted to keep her. I wanted to spend every fucking minute with her, and wake up with her.
I wanted to be the one buffering her, and protecting her when she felt overwhelmed.
I wanted to be the one who helped her find that strength and power in herself, so maybe fewer things made life difficult for her.
“Fuck me,” I murmured, staring at my dark, silent phone, because I couldn’t bring myself to push the button.
“Problem, man?” Henley leaned a little closer to stare at my phone.
“Yeah, I’ve got no fucking balls.”
He exchanged a look with Rocket, who he’d bonded with pretty fast.
“Whoa, they send texts about that stuff now?”
“You’d think he’d know without a fucking confirmation message, right?”
“Screw both of you,” I hissed, making the toughest decision of my life, and tapping the screen to open the message. Please don't be casting me aside, little lady. Please.
Caroline: We need to talk. I’m at the gates.
What the fuck. She was coming here to ditch me? In front of everyone? That didn’t sound like her at all, but I was up and moving the second I realised she was here.
“Why are the gates closed? Let her the fuck in!” I yelled at the prospect, who laughed, dragging the gates open to reveal my woman on her ride, helmet on, but with the visor up.
“Oooh he’s got himself a biker chick. That’s hot.”
“Another word, and you close that gate with your face,” I snapped, striding over as she pulled into the parking area to the side of the gate, and switched off. She lifted her helmet off, and offered me a trembly smile.
Fuck. She was nervous, and I hated that. Even if she was about to hand me my fucking heart with a big old crack down the middle, I didn’t want it hurting her.
“Uh hi,” I murmured lamely, reaching out to help her climb off and stand beside me, her face tilted up towards me.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly.
“Look-”
“I just-”
We both fell silent, and I sighed. “Go ahead. I’ll shut up and let you destroy my very soul, baby. Just know I’d do anything to change your mind.”
She blinked several times, her fingers clenching briefly as if she wanted to touch me, or hell, maybe hit me. Would I deserve it? Probably.
“You want me to change my mind?”
Dear god, she was going to make me beg her, and I realised I was man enough to do it, to do whatever it took.
“I’d do anything, baby. Please. Just fucking stay with me.”
Her fingers clenched again, and her eyes darted around us, where I realised a few nosy fuckers were lingering to watch. That’s club life for you, nothing’s fucking private.
“You lot wanna sod off while I get dumped? Please?!”
“Dumped?” Caroline grabbed my cut in her fists and forced me to look at her. “You’re not getting dumped, you idiot!”
Wait, what?
“I’m not?”
She started giggling, practically wrapping herself around me.
“Are you out of your mind? I’ve found the one man who’ll always treasure me and keep me safe, who makes me feel like I’m a normal person, a real person. One who loves me, and makes me feel so good. Who’d dump someone like that? Am I that stupid?”
I held her back from me for a moment, checking her eyes for truth, for reality, because I couldn’t let myself believe my ears. I didn’t trust my own ears in this moment. I'd been convinced she was about to end things, and now I was struggling to accept the opposite.
“For reals?”
“I love you, Harley. And…” she swallowed hard, glancing at the people still milling around, and pretending to not be eavesdropping, “I want my old lady tattoo. Right now before I lose my nerve. It’s Rocket who does them, right?”
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even breathe. She wanted what?
“You want ink? My ink? Right now?”
She nodded, leaning around me to catch Rocket’s eye. “You can do my tattoo right now, yes?”
He barked you a laugh, and came over to join us.
“I mean, this stuff normally takes a club vote first. We need the Pres for that. MICRO!” He yelled like a fucking heathen, and you know what?
My Caroline didn’t jump that time. Had she foreseen his behaviour, or was this starting to feel like a safe place to her?
Would she be so intent on making this permanent if not?
Micro appeared from the lounge, like he hadn’t probably been listening or watching somehow this whole time.
“Hey, Caroline, you okay? What’s going on here?”
He smirked at me, and hell, I knew I probably looked like I’d just been hit by a sledgehammer, because I was still stunned into silence. This entire moment felt surreal, too perfect to be actually happening.
“I’d like my old lady tattoo please! I’m told it has to be approved by you, like it’s up to you or anyone else if I choose Harley to be mine!” Holy fuck, she was coming out swinging, wasn’t she? My little fucking fighter.
Micro chortled, looking at the majority of the club amassed around us at this point, with maybe one or two missing at most. He shrugged at them.
“Any objections?”
Nobody spoke, so he grinned. “All in favour?”
The place was filled with a surge of agreement from my brothers, and even Henley, who didn’t get a vote but clearly had an opinion, and wanted to be heard too.
“I guess that makes it official then.”
Caroline shook her head, gesturing to Rocket. “No. Tattoos make it official, or at least that’s my understanding, so if I can try to say this right… Ink me please.”
A roar of laughter followed her words, and Rocket flicked his gaze to mine, waiting for my dazed nod, before he headed off to get his kit from his room. Guess I’m about to get inked with my old lady, and I had no idea how that was even happening, but I wasn’t about to argue.
Caroline
YOU KNOW THAT THING where bravado starts to fade, the longer you’re waiting for the terrifying thing to happen? I expected it to happen almost instantly, but it didn’t. I expected it to fade for sure when Micro approached us, and called that impromptu vote. It didn’t.
You know when it did? When I was sat on the sofa in the lounge, with Rocket beside me, because that was the best seat they had, and he asked me where I wanted it. Where did I want it?!
I turned panicked eyes to Harley, who sat on the other side of me, holding my hand, and glaring at Rocket, like he could make him make it not hurt or something, purely with the power of his eyes.
“Baby?”
“I don’t know where it goes!”
A few snickers followed my words, and a few piped up with ‘that’s what she said’, but we chose to ignore them. I thought I’d want them out of here, but I didn’t seem to even notice them now.
“You get to choose, baby. Many old ladies have it where it can be seen, like on a shoulder, or arm, or even their chest,” he glared instantly at Rocket, and continued, “but this fucker doesn’t get to touch you there. A few have it on their thigh, which is less uncomfortable too.”
I squeezed his hand involuntarily. “It’s going to hurt, isn’t it? Oh god.”
“You don’t have to do this, baby. It’ll still count. Hell, I’ll get you a t-shirt that says you’re mine instead.”
No. I wanted this. Needed it, even. I needed to prove my strength, or the strength of my love for him, by taking this step. It was a rite of passage for both of us, for many reasons.
“My thigh. You’re right, it’s more padded, and I can cover it up if I have to be around normal people.”
“Oi, I’m normal,” Micro sputtered, before someone disagreed with him, and the banter began. Grease popped over to join us, sitting on the low stool on the other side of the low table.
“Sure you want this prick doing it? I wouldn’t trust him to stick a fucking post-it note on me.”
“Fuck you!”
“This isn’t the time, dickheads. You upset Caroline, and I’ll get Has to tattoo your new nicknames on your foreheads. FYI. They both begin with a C.”
I giggled, despite everything, because there were plenty of terrible words he could be referring to, and they knew it.
“Actually, what I meant to say was this. Do you want Jay here, Caroline? She’s on her way in anyway, if you want a female presence here. Not that Rocket doesn’t give off a ton of feminine energy anyway, but at least she’s pretty to look at.”
“I’ll fuck you up in a minute,” Rocket gritted out, not even looking at him.
“I’m… if she doesn’t mind, that’d be great, but I’d like Rocket to start now. I uh… I need to pull my jeans down though.”
“Hell,” Harley gritted out, “Grease, grab her a pair of my sweatpants from my room, and a blanket, please.” He handed his key to him, and I waited for the snarky comment, but instead, he just shrugged and left the room.
“Wow, that’s the first time he hasn’t had a bitch fit about taking orders.
And on the upside, he’s gone. So… it’s going to sting a bit, Caroline, but you can handle it, okay?
” Rocket was smiling gently at me, even though his surgical style gloves, and the needle pen of death, were ready and waiting to scar me for life.
“What if I can’t?”
He shook his head, that gentle smile still firmly in place. “You can, but anytime you need me to stop, you just say so, okay? We can even do it in small sessions over a few days. It’s your body, Caroline, so you decide.”
Harley reached around me and patted Rocket’s shoulder.
“Man, you impress me more every fucking day. Thank you.”
A wad of fabric hit Harley in the face as he sat back again, and Grease laughed smugly.
“There’s your shit, you lazy bastard.” He set the key on the table and disappeared down the hall, returning a moment later.
“VP, she can get changed in my office. Who wants a beer? I’m not offering, I’m saying someone beer me.”
Once I was wearing sweatpants, pushed down to my knees, and wrapped in a blanket, so I could expose my left thigh for Rocket, he adjusted his position and cleaned the area with a wipe, making conversation the whole damn time.
“You know, normally the biker goes first, and then his old lady, or back in the old chapter, where there were two of us, we’d do one each, so they’re being inked at the same time. It was cool.”
The first buzz of the gun made me jump, and the moment he started etching my skin, I gasped, and pulled Harley’s hand onto my other thigh, squeezing it with both hands.
It hurt more than I’d expected, but I knew he’d have to suffer the same, so I could handle it, right?
Couldn’t I? There were several other large men watching, so if I backed out now, I'd look like such a wimp.
In some ways, that pressure helped to keep me fighting my instincts, which wanted me to run from the pain, and the touch of a man other than Harley. I can do this. I will do this.
“Brought a shot of vodka for the little lady, thought it might help.” Henley reached out with a tiny glass, and even though I wasn’t a big drinker, and I barely knew him, I grabbed it and knocked it back in one huge gulp, gasping afterward as it burned its way down my throat.
“Oh god!”
“That’s my girl,” Harley said with a chuckle, kissing my temple, “thanks, Henley, good call. Maybe keep the bottle on standby in case she needs more?”
The new guy pressed a bottle of beer into Harley’s hand as he backed off.
“Sure thing.”
HOURS LATER, AFTER WE’D both had tattoos, and we’d all tucked into pizza that they sent one of the prospects out for, we retired to Harley’s room on site, and finally closed the door on the noise that’d been battering my ears for hours.
My thigh was burning with every movement, but my tattoo was beautiful. Me with a tattoo! I loved it.
Seeing my name being inked onto Harley was something magical too.
He didn’t seem to wince or feel it at all, and unlike my tattoo on my leg, his was on his upper chest, almost by his shoulder.
It felt like we’d just married each other, but without the stressful day and months of planning. It felt right. It was perfect.
“That was the strangest night of my life, but also the most amazing,” I whispered as we snuggled under the covers together.
A month ago I’d have said there was no way I’d date a man, let alone sleep with him, and here I was, comfortable and at peace, in the arms of a naked man, in his bed, and I’d slept with him a few times now.
Sure, there were things I’d never be able to do, or at least I didn’t believe I would, but he’d chosen me anyway.
Knowing me, and all of my issues and flaws, he hadn’t even hesitated.
“It was the best night for me too. I really thought you were coming in to break up with me. I’d have understood, even though it would have devastated me,” Harley murmured, his chest rumbling beneath my ear with every word.
“I could never. I mean, I was panicked, sure, but V made me realise something important.”
“Shit. It can’t be good if she said it!”
I reached up to press a finger over his lips.
“Sometimes it’s shush time, Harley. She said something very wise and smart, that reminded me that you’re the best man there is, and that you’d go through pain for me too. So, maybe thank her when you see her next.”
Harley chuckled, but I could see the surprise on his face. She wasn’t a man hater as such, but she hadn’t really shown him or Rocket her best self yet. I was hoping things would improve for her soon, even if she was having to restart her life from scratch.
“She was right. And I’ll definitely thank her. For now though, I think I have something very different I’d like to do to you.”
I giggled. “Sex? Right now? I’m all snuggly and tired, and we might hurt my tattoo.” Introvert burnout was no joke, and I had it in spades after the many hours surrounded by noisy bikers.
Harley groaned, kissing the top of my head as I rested it on his chest again.
“Fine. You can sleep for a few hours, but then I’m going to have you, baby. Remind you who you belong to now. Overwrite Rocket’s touch. You know. We men are territorial bastards.”
“Okay…” I mumbled sleepily, “but do you really plan to do that every time a man even gets close to me?”
A chuckle rumbled through his chest as my eyes drifted close.
“Count on it, baby. Forever.”
THE END