Chapter 27 #2
He exhales and begins carefully slicing while I work on the carrots.
I haven’t been in my flat very much as of late, opting for the sanctuary of Belle’s body, I mean bedroom, over my own.
Though, if I’m being honest, I don’t just go over there for the shag.
I simply prefer to be around her. And with her big event coming up tomorrow, I wanted to do something special here at our flat to help her relax and take her mind off the stress of that.
I can feel Camden’s eyes on me as I chop.
“You all right, Tanner? You seem…tense. Is it the match tomorrow? That magazine interview next week?”
I exhale heavily. “No, I mean, I’m dreading the magazine interview, especially because Santino said they converted it into a video feature or some bullshit.”
“Oh, what a sensation!” Camden peals in his imitation of the Queen’s voice. “You and Belle are going to be positively scrumptious on camera!”
I roll my eyes and reply flatly, “You’re one to talk.”
He drops the joke. “Indie and I had our moment in the spotlight, but now you and Belle are the shiny new object everyone cares about. But if it’s not that, what’s your deal? Is it the game?”
My brows knit together. “I’m anxious but like…hyped, mostly. Practice this week has been solid. DeWalt and I are finally getting a rhythm out there. It feels right. I think we have a shot at winning if we can get everything to go our way.”
Cam’s brows lift. “That’s brilliant. So what is it then?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble, sliding the chopped carrots into the bowl of lettuce.
“Are things bad between you and Belle?”
“No, she’s fucking fantastic,” I answer quickly because it’s the truth. This week with Belle has been perfect. This month with Belle has been perfect. The ups and downs included in all of that because it just made me want her more.
What started as the worst month of my life with a suspension morphed into something extraordinary. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m on the precipice of something major, and I’m either going to jump or I’m going to fall.
“Then out with it already, what is your problem?” he snaps.
Pursing my lips, I brush my hands off on my jeans and decide to answer his question with another question.
“How do you handle the balance between football and Indie?” I turn and toss the utensils in the sink and hoist myself up on the counter next to it.
“I find myself completely engulfed in all things Belle and it seems a bit insane.”
Camden mulls over his answer for a minute. “Well, Indie and I both travel a lot, so our breaks apart are self-inflicted. It gives her the space she requires to feel human, and it gives me the chance to miss the fuck out of her. It makes our time together even more special when we return.”
“Are you consumed by her when you return?” I ask, dreading the answer a bit because it’s Indie we’re talking about and she’s like a sister to me. But I need advice, so I have to suck it up and put my big boy pants on.
“Yes. Yes, I completely am,” he smiles knowingly and I have to look away because I can practically hear his dirty thoughts. “When you know, you know, broseph. And if your game isn’t being affected negatively, why fight it?”
I pause, searching for the right words. “I have this…urgency to make Belle mine, like permanently. Do you have that with Indie?”
Cam’s eyes narrow like I just sussed something out. “I mean, yeah. That was actually something I was wanting to talk to you about.”
“Talk to me about what?”
“I erm…want to get a place for Indie and me. Maybe a house, I don’t know.
But something that’s ours. I want to surprise her with it because I know if I include her in the process, she’ll get awkward about the money and I don’t want that.
I thought I’d get Belle to help me so I don’t pick something she’ll hate. ”
I smile, genuinely pleased for him. “That sounds brilliant, Cam. Really. I’m chuffed for ya.”
“Yeah,” he murmurs, looking down and fumbling with the cucumber slices. “It would just mean that I, uh…wouldn’t be living here anymore.”
Then it hits me why he’s being so awkward. Of course a new home with Indie would mean that he would move out of here permanently. How could I be so stupid? The pang of disappointment is heavy, but not unbearable. Nodding, I reply, “I understand.”
“Well, it’s just…I know you and I haven’t been spending as much time together lately,” he stammers but I cut him off.
“Camden, don’t get soft on me. Your vagina is showing again.”
He rolls his eyes.
“I’ll be fine,” I confirm.
He nods stoically and a darkness casts over his face. “Can I ask you a serious question?”
I shrug. “Of course.”
“Do you miss playing with me as much as I miss playing with you?”
A thickness forms in my throat as I lock my matching blue eyes with his. There’s no humour in his expression. He’s not taking a piss. He’s being sincere and honest with me right now. We’re saying a thousand words a minute with our eyes, but out loud, I simply reply, “Every day.”
He looks down and murmurs, “Me, too.”
I half smile. “We had to grow up some time I guess.”
He lets out a haughty laugh. “I never saw this for us. I thought we’d be single until we were old and grey. And even then, we’d be shagging birds half our age and talking about our old glory days on the pitch.”
This makes me laugh.
Then he adds, “But now that you’ve been with Belle for a bit, can you honestly tell me you’d go back to that?”
“Fuck no.” I smirk to myself. “Being tied down has its perks.”
This makes him smile triumphantly. “Now, if we could just get you over to Arsenal, life would be fucking perfect.”
“I don’t know,” I reply, looking off into the distance. “I wouldn’t mind bleeding green and white until the day I die.”
He shakes his head. “So you’d be okay with it then? Me moving out?”
I nod, knowing deep down that while Camden and I will no longer share a flat and a pitch, he’ll always be my brother. “I’ll be fine. I’m happy for ya, pussy.”
“Thanks, Vagina Face.”
The sound of keys breaks our tender bro moment, and I hear giggles wafting down the hallway.
“Hello?” Indie calls.
“We’re in here,” Camden replies.
Belle and Indie come shuffling into the kitchen, and I do this weird frowny smile when I see her. The smile is because I’m happy to see her. I always am. The frown is because I think she’s—
“We’re pissed!” Indie peals with a smile, her glasses a bit topsy-turvy. “We were just going to have a cheeky glass of wine, but it escalated rather quickly into a proper Tequila Sunrise Happy Hour.” She hiccups.
Belle covers her lips as she attempts to stifle a giggle. Her hooded eyes lock on mine and I get that possessive feeling about me again. That urge to take her back to my bedroom and engulf her with my scent, like an animal.
“I know you’re going to blame me, Camden, but Indie was the instigator this time,” Belle says over her shoulder as she strides toward me.
Her dark hair is hanging long and loose around her face.
Her mouth is upturned into a dopey but happy smirk.
She looks at the food as she reaches up and clasps her hands around my neck. “It looks lovely.”
“It looks like crap,” I grumble, pulling her flush against me for comfort. “We fucked it up.”
“No,” she shakes her head. “It’s going to be great.”
“Careful on that subject, Belle,” Camden’s voice cuts in. “He’s a wee bit sensitive about the food. Apparently, he’s still trying to woo you.”
Her long lashes flutter up as her eyes find mine in silent question.
Indie’s voice says from somewhere in the distance, “You’re not trying to woo me?”
Camden replies, “No, I’ve already got you, Specs.”
“Well, what if I want to be wooed?”
“Then you better prepare yourself because…” Camden’s voice trails off as Belle speaks softly to me.
“You were trying to impress me?” Her voice is warm, like a heated blanket wrapped all around me.
“I’m always trying to impress you,” I reply, twirling her and trapping her against the worktop. I lift her up so her arse is resting on the counter and her jean clad legs wrap around my hips. I press myself against her, having her right where I want her. “Can’t you tell?”
I expect her to say something snarky, scathing, and rude. Something that will make me laugh. Instead, she strokes my hair and replies, “Yes, it’s easy to see.”
I quirk a brow. “So does that mean it’s working?”
“It might be.” She laughs softly and I nuzzle into her neck, licking a path up to her ear and tasting what’s rightfully mine.
Indie’s voice chirps from behind us with the clatter of dishes. “Let’s eat, love birds!”
Wishing them away, I close my eyes and inhale Belle’s scent. My heart is aching with need to say something to her right now, but my mind compels me to hold back. I whisper in her ear, “How about I take you to bed instead?”
“No!” she exclaims with a laugh and pushes me away. “You’ve made me dinner and I intend to enjoy it.”
I sag. “And so another dream dies.”
For years, the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning was football.
Not just on match days but every day. I’d wake up thinking about the last goal I scored and when I’d score the next one.
How practice went that week. A manoeuvre I wanted to run by Dad.
How we were going to push our team to the next level.
The politics, the players, the passion. The struggle. Football always consumed me.
So when I crack my eyes open to the light of day on the morning of my first match after my suspension and the first thing that crosses my mind is Belle, I know that everything has changed.
The pitch is wet and spongey from this morning’s rain, like a baptism, cleansing the area for my readmission into the sport. The air is heavy with cool moisture and the faint smell of stale beer and Pukka Pies permeates my nose. All of it feels like home.
I stand here, awaiting the kickoff, practically coming out of my skin with an urgency to turn this vibrating focus coursing through my veins into a fucking win to relegate all other wins. My team feels it, too. DeWalt, Booker, Dad. They all look at me and feed off the energy I’m pushing out.
I’m determined to honour this coloured armband with the word “CAPTAIN” scrawled on it. I’m determined to prove that Bethnal Green isn’t the beleaguered team it once was. I’m determined to show them that Tanner Harris is not half a striker. Not anymore.
I’m determined to show them that I’ve been reborn a new man.
The whistle blows…and it’s exactly what I do.