Chapter 6 #2
“Vilma made peace with her diagnosis, but I certainly didn’t.
I couldn’t get over the fact that the happy life we created was mocking me everywhere I looked.
I couldn’t enjoy the sounds of you kids fighting.
Hell, I couldn’t even play football anymore.
I hated the pitch. I’d see the place she always sat for my home games and picture it empty.
The image killed me. She was the root of our family.
She held us all up. She was our magic, and I did not want to do this life without her.
“So I started taking her to other hospitals. Different doctors. I think we saw every doctor here in Manchester three times before I quit playing for Manchester United and forced her to move to the London house. I forced her to try surgeries that never resulted in what we wanted. I forced her to take medication that made her feel horrible. I forced her to keep fighting when all she wanted to do was go to the bloody beach.”
Vaughn’s voice cracks and he brings his fist to his mouth to bite down on his knuckle.
I look around the table through watery eyes and see everyone else is crying, too.
I even see a tear slip down Gareth’s cheek, and it takes everything in me to not go over and hold him.
I can so easily picture him as a little boy living through that horror at about the same age Sophia is now.
It’s everything I went through with Sophia but reversed.
How would all of that look through a child’s eyes?
When you’re young, your parents are supposed to be strong and protective. Not sick and crumbling.
Vi’s wobbly voice breaks the silence. “What do you mean a beach, Dad? What beach are you talking about?”
Vaughn looks up at her tear-stricken face and it cuts straight through him.
He bows his head in shame. “Vilma wanted to go to a warm beach. She wanted to put her toes in the sand and watch you kids play so she could pass on with happy family memories. It was such a simple request, but I was selfish. I wasn’t ready to lose the love of my life—my best friend.
That’s why I begged her to fight with everything she had left to give. In the end, we all lost.
“If only I’d taken her to the bloody beach,” he mumbles and rubs his hand over his forehead. “Maybe that light would have come back in her eyes before she died, and I could have remembered how she always was in the beginning. Not what I turned her into at the end.”
The table grows quiet again, the faint sounds of Vi’s running nose narrating the heavy emotion in the room.
I can hear Vaughn swallowing his pain down, burying a knot that probably lives in his stomach permanently.
The same knot that Gareth has for completely different reasons.
It’s no wonder this family is so pained by the loss of their mother.
The entire story was a nightmare that these five children had to live through.
“Her light was still there in the end, you know,” Gareth husks, his voice raw with pain.
He aggressively swipes at moisture under his nose and adds through clenched teeth, “That light was there for me. I saw it every time I was with her. I even saw it when she died. And despite everything, she loved you, even at the end, Dad. She still completely loved you.”
Vaughn’s red-rimmed eyes pin Gareth with a knowing look. “I didn’t deserve it,” he croaks.
Gareth nods woodenly. “But that light was there all the same.”
Vaughn purses his lips, tears filling his eyes as he covers his face to conceal his reaction. He sniffs loudly and looks away, trying hard to compose himself. “Thank you for telling me that.”
Gareth shakes off his father’s thanks, seemingly uncomfortable with what’s shifting between them.
Suddenly, Vi’s voice bellows, “We’re going to the beach.”
“What?” Gareth turns a confused look at his sister.
“We’re going to the beach to have a wake for Mum.”
“Vi, I don’t think…” Gareth begins.
Vi is undeterred. “Her funeral was horrible and we were all too young to grieve her properly. This is what Mum would have wanted.”
She looks back at her brother hopefully with bright, blue, begging eyes, but it’s her father’s response that gives her the permission she’s longing for.
“I think that sounds like an excellent idea,” Vaughn states with a stoic nod. “You’re right. It’s exactly what Vilma would have wanted.”
“Exactly,” Vi replies, then adds in a rush, “And I’m going to marry Hayden while we’re there.”
Gareth’s face goes white. “You want to do a wake and a wedding?”
She nods firmly, not at all fazed by his expression.
Freya’s voice chimes in next. “I think it’s a lovely idea! The end of one love story, the beginning of another!”
“Thank you, Freya!” Vi exclaims and turns her eyes back to Gareth. “Life is short, Gareth. I don’t want to wait anymore. This can work, but you have to be there for me or I won’t do it.”
Gareth scoffs and shakes his head from side-to-side, then begins nodding just as quickly. “If you want me there, I’ll be there, Vi. You know that.”
A wobbly smile spreads across her face. “Brilliant. You boys all have winter break coming up and the doctor should clear you to travel by then, so this will work. This is important enough to make work.”
Vaughn nods firmly and reaches out to hold Vi’s hand. “Whatever you need, Vi, I’m here to help.”
Gareth stares at his father, still greatly confused.
This is a very different man sitting in front of us than the guy who showed up at the hospital.
But this entire day has been confusing. Never in my life would I have expected to have some of the Harris family sitting at my table, so maybe that’s just what Manchester does to them.
And maybe this is all a good thing. Maybe this is the start of some Harris family healing that Gareth so desperately needs.