Chapter 13 #2
“I think what I’ve learned over the past few years is that we all did the best we could.
I wasn’t perfect. Hell, I know that. And I don’t hate the life I lived with all of you.
I hope you all know that. Hate wasn’t what pushed me to sign with Man U.
Being a part of raising all of you was never a burden.
Not once. It was an honour. And even though it might seem like I’m a moody arsehole, I hope none of you ever doubt how much I cherish our family. ”
Vi breaks out into a sob and hands Rocky off to Hayden. She hustles straight toward me and yanks me down into a tight hug. Her voice is soft in my ear when she croaks, “I love you so much, Gareth.”
“I love you, too, Vi,” I reply through clenched teeth and pull back to look at her tear-stained face. The two of us have been through a lot together, and our bond is something that will never break. She turns and goes back to Hayden, hugging him firmly before turning to look back at me.
“And now, to our mum,” I start and inhale a deep breath as a large knot forms in my throat.
I look down at the sand, unable to look my siblings in the face as I speak my next words.
“I remember the day you died, you told me that it would bring you great joy when my heart became louder than my head. Well, I hope you’re smiling from wherever you are because I don’t think my heart could get any louder than it is right now, in this moment. ”
I sniff loudly, my feelings overwhelming me as I wipe away the tear that’s slipped down my face. “I love you, Mummy. Thank you for this family, and thank you for being the best friend I ever had.”
A heavy breath blows out from between my lips and, in one quick shot, my dad has me wrapped in a hug. A tight, fierce, overpowering embrace that I accept whole-heartedly because it feels genuine and true and exactly what I need.
When Dad releases me, I dig out the eulogy I didn’t read and hand it over to him.
He tucks it inside the bottle as I move back to where Sloan is standing, tears flowing freely down her face and her golden eyes alight with wonder.
I wipe at her cheeks as she wraps her arm around my waist. I drop a soft kiss on her forehead, then turn to look back at my father.
He rolls the bottle around in his hands over and over as he says, “Love isn’t supposed to be cute and easy.
It’s supposed to be raw and break you down until you find your true self.
It’s supposed to be so potent and wonderful that you don’t want to remember the person you were before you experienced its greatness.
That’s the kind of passion you search for your entire life.
And that’s the kind of passion I found with your mother.
“I loved Vilma so fiercely that I felt the loss of her before she even died. I suffered the stages of grief while she was still here because I couldn’t stop myself from mourning the impending loss of her.
And because of my choices, I missed most of your childhoods, and you all deserved better than that.
“But I am awake now and I refuse to miss any more. I am done grieving. This isn’t a day to dredge up old pain.
It’s a day to release it out into the sea and say goodbye to it forever.
I want things to be better from here on out.
I’m going to be there for Rocky’s first steps and the birth of Booker and Poppy’s son.
I’m going to visit Manchester as often as Gareth will have me.
Whatever any of you need, I’ll be there.
Even if what you need from me is space, that’s fine, too.
I’m going to make our family my priority the way I should have when Vilma died.
“That’s why I think this will be my final season with Bethnal Green Football Club.”
A collective gasp from the entire group has Dad’s face turning a deep shade of red, but he shakes his head and adds, “Football isn’t my passion anymore.
I see now that it just helped me forget.
It helped me feel human. It helped me by giving me a way to connect with you kids.
I don’t need that anymore. I’m back and I’m here, and I want to spend my twilight years enjoying the family your mother and I created together. ”
He pauses for a minute to look up at the sky, tears running out of the corners of his eyes as he says, “Vilma, my darling, that is my vow to you. From Heaven, you can watch me grow old with our grandchildren and tell them stories about how wonderful you are. Your spirit will be the life of our family, even in your death.”
Dad looks back at all of us and adds, “The bad got me to the good. And when I look at all of you, I only see good. Thank you all for being the second greatest loves of my life.” He takes a deep breath and turns to the ocean. “Now, let’s set this bottle out to sea, shall we?”
As a group, we move out toward the water and watch Dad launch the bottle with all of our eulogies inside. The words for our mother, about our mother, and, above all, about our family.
…What this day is truly about.