Chapter 2
He had half expected her to be present, but wondered if she would show up. He was idly conversing with some acquaintances when he felt her presence and knew the exact moment she stepped into the crowded ballroom.
He had often remarked on the fact that she had a presence. “I think it has to do with your personality,” he had told her teasingly one night when they were at a restaurant. “You send off a certain vibe.”
His fingers tightened around the glass, and he felt himself stiffening as he turned fully to look at her. And he was not the only one. In a room filled with incredibly beautiful women, Janelle Sinclair was like a beacon.
She was certainly not the most beautiful woman in the room, but there was something about her that demanded a second and a third look. That was what had caught his attention when he first saw her at the party and had captivated him ever since.
It was the same thing that had him spellbound even now. And why he could not get her out of his head? He was here with another woman, but that was just for show. They had been photographed together of course and speculations about their supposed affair had left him feeling slightly amused and more than a little irritated.
He also knew that she would have seen the photo and read the column. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her. But hell if he wasn’t hurting.
He was halfway across the room, rudely cutting off the few people who felt they had to say something to him when Minerva joined him.
“You have been neglecting me.” She pouted at him, green eyes limpid. She had been issuing silent invitations ever since he started accompanying her to various functions and he chose to ignore them.
“We cannot have that, can we?” He said smoothly. “There’s someone I have to speak to.”
“I am not leaving you a second.”
A flash of annoyance flitted over his face before it was tamped down. He was about to pass her off to someone else when he turned around and almost bumped into Janelle.
She was clinging to Davenport’s arm, but aside from a curt nod, he barely noticed him. His eyes were fully on the woman draped in the stunning bronze dress.
“Harry.” She was the first to break the uncomfortable silence.
“Janelle.”
That was as far as they got, of course, and just stood there gazing at each other.
“Minerva, isn’t it?” Michael spoke briskly. “I am an absolute fan of yours. I understand you are involved in a new project?” He managed to take the woman’s arm and lead her away, all the while keeping her occupied with his chatter.
“He’s not such an asshole after all.”
“He’s not.”
“You could have fooled me.” Harry flicked a hungry glance over her face, settling on her lips that were coated with the same color of her dress. “I always thought he did not approve of me.”
“You thought wrong. You’re wearing a tux.” A slight smile ghosted her lips.
He tugged at the immaculate jacket a little self-consciously, the gesture so endearing and familiar, she wanted to weep. “Mother forced it on me. You know how I hate these things.”
“Yes, I know.”
His wildly beautiful blue eyes pinned her for a few seconds. “You look beautiful.”
“And you combed your hair.”
“You braided yours.” He started to reach out to touch the fat plait lying on her left breast and thought better of it.
“I did,” she shifted slightly, “you were away?”
“Yes. Ireland.” He wanted something to do with his hands to prevent himself from touching her and wished he had a drink. Shoving them into his pockets, he rocked back on his heels.
“How have you been?”
“Not bad.”
His eyes drifted to her throat where he could see her prominent collar bone. “You’ve lost weight.”
She lifted a hand to her throat in a self-conscious manner.
“Just a little.”
“Why are you putting us through this hell?” He hissed suddenly, tired of skirting around the subject.
“You know why.” She whispered. “And this is neither the time nor the place.”
“Then bloody when? You refused to answer my calls, and you are hell bent on sticking to this nonsense…”
“Nonsense?” Her eyes flashed dangerously. “Is that what you call me wanting to have a child? Our child? Something that is of paramount importance to me?”
He hissed out a sigh. “Come back to me.”
“Have you changed your mind?”
He glared at her for a second and turned his head away. “We love each other. Can’t that be enough?”
“No.” She drew in a deep breath. “No.”” She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm and spun her around.
“I need to see you. I want to come over.”
“No.” She tugged her arm from him. “It would not be a good idea. We are going to end up prolonging the misery. You are going to want to try and talk me out of my decision and we’re going to end up in bed.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” He asked teasingly.
“And I would ask you again if you’re sure you will not change your mind.” Her voice had dropped, and the tears were stark in her eyes. “And your answer would be?”
His mouth tightened and he felt the familiar ache inside his chest. “It would be a ‘no’.”
Taking another deep breath, she stepped back and lifted her chin. “Goodbye, Harry.”
He watched her walk away from him and did not go after her. He could have followed her, forced the issue, but she was right. They had circled around the subject until they were bleeding, but both of them were still steadfast in their decisions.
He didn’t want children and as much as he tried and searched himself to see if in the distant future he would change his mind, the scars of being the son of a tyrant ran too deep for him to even contemplate it. And it wouldn’t be fair to her to pretend that he was going to change his mind.
Turning around, he headed for the bar with the intention of dulling his pain with expensive liquor.
*****
The soggy tissues were piled on top of the lovely cherry wood side table, evidencing the fact that she had been crying her eyes out since she returned home from the dreaded party. After the conversation with Harry, she found Michael and told him she wanted to leave.
“I can take a cab, if you’d prefer to stay.”
“Absolutely not. I am getting bored, by the way.”
She knew it wasn’t true, but she was too weary and broken to argue. And he had insisted on staying with her and making her tea.
“You don’t have to stay the night.” She was curled up on the sofa, with her feet on his lap. He had thrown a blanket over her and was rubbing her feet.
“Surely you don’t expect me to be traveling at this hour of the night?”
She cast him a tired look and felt the weariness pressing down on her like a wet cloak.
“Seeing him again only made things worse.”
“You didn’t tell me what he said to you.”
“He wanted to come over.”
“But you said no.”
She nodded. “All the time I kept wondering if I am doing the right thing. There are a number of couples who do not have kids, and they are happy. Harry and I could be one of those couples. We could travel the world.” Her smile was tremulous. “He promised to take me out on his boat and never got around to doing so.
We could find things to do. There are so many abandoned children in this country alone. I could get involved in several children’s home and try and fill a gap in their lives.” She stared at him pleadingly as if trying to get him to agree with her. “I love him.”
“I know.” Michael said quietly, taking her hand in his. “And you would be compromising your decision, putting aside what you really want for him. It would not take long for both of you to be unhappy.” His fingers tightened on hers. “We both know how desperately you want a family. And I can safely assume that has not changed.”
“No.” She acknowledged dejectedly. “It hasn’t.” Leaning her head back, she gazed up at the intricate pattern of the ceiling. “I find myself wishing that I was one of those driven career women who would never dream of even entertaining the idea of having children.”
“But you’re not and I will not sit here and have you berating yourself for being who you are.”
Tilting her head down, she sent him a fleeting smile. “You’re such a good friend, I have no idea what I would do without you.”
“Fortunately, you never have to find out.”
*****
Janelle waited anxiously for the result of the examination and the woman had been thorough. Blood work, urine sample and a whole slew of tests had been done. It had taken close to an hour for her to finish up and afterwards she had been told to sit in the waiting room. That was half an hour ago and she was still waiting.
Maybe there was something terribly wrong with her. The loss of weight, the decrease in appetite, the dizziness and nausea could mean she was terminally ill.
If Michael had not insisted on her coming to the doctor first thing this morning, she would have put it off. But if she was ill, she wanted to know about it and the earlier the better. It could be cancer – and the dread that settled inside her chest made it difficult for her to breathe.
When her phone rang, she dragged it out immediately and answered. Michael had called her two times already, as anxious as she was.
“Still no word,” she bit out, sending the receptionist an irritated look, even though it was not her fault she was still waiting.
“I think it’s bad.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Why else would it be taking so damn long? I am tempted to just leave. The suspense is killing me.”
“It’s better you know. If you leave, it will only heighten the anxiety.”
“How are things going?”
“We are not going to talk about work. I am sorry, but a call I’ve been waiting on is coming in. Please call me as soon as you hear anything.”
She hung up and was just about to storm the receptionist’s desk when her name was called.
“Ms. Sinclair, the doctor is asking if you will go to her office.”
“Please have a seat.” The doctor waved a hand to one of the overstuffed chairs, her lined face giving nothing away.
“I would prefer you tell me right now. Am I dying?”
Dr. Clayton gave her a startled look and started laughing. “Far from it. However, your blood pressure is high and you are anemic. You are also a little on the thin side. But I am pleased to inform you that the fetus is healthy.”
Janelle blinked at the woman and thought she had heard her wrong. “I’m sorry, for a minute there, I could swear you said fetus.”
The woman beamed at her. “You are approximately nine weeks pregnant. I’m writing you a prescription which I want you to take care of immediately. Your iron is also low, which is a concern…”
“I’m pregnant?” She whispered dazedly.
Dr. Clayton stopped writing to stare at her quizzically. “You had no idea? You told me you have not seen your periods for the last couple of months and you have not been eating.”
She shook her head. “I, I have been through something traumatic and thought it was because of stress.” She lifted her hand to her flat stomach and let it fall back on the arm of the chair.
“There’s no doubt?”
“I ran the tests, and they are conclusive.” She scribbled on the paper, before tearing off the sheet. “My receptionist will make a date for your next appointment.”
*****
Ignoring the insistent buzzing of her phone, Janelle sat out in the parking lot behind the wheel of her car and watched absently as people drove in and out of the lot. Her appointment had been early enough, which would give her enough time to go back to work. But she just sat there.
She was pregnant. Oh God, she was going to have a baby and with a man who made it plain that he never wanted children. He was going to accuse her of trying to trap him. Bowing her head to the steering wheel, another thought occurred to her.
He would insist on her having an abortion and there was no way on God’s green earth that she would ever agree to anything like that. A precious life was growing inside her womb.
But he would never see it that way.
“What am I going to do?” She whispered in an agonized tone. She had to tell him of course. But not now. She did not want anything to spoil the joy that was insidiously weaving through her body. She wanted to savor the news for a little bit before she had to deal with Harry.
Because of his resolve never to have children, he had always used a condom, except twice.
They had been having dinner at a small restaurant tucked in the middle of nowhere when he started feeding her crab cakes. One thing led to another and before long they had forgotten about the food.
They made it out to the parking lot and into the car. He had ripped her panties in his haste to enter her. The sex had been rough and noisy and had them laughing when it was over as they wondered belatedly if anyone had been witness to their craziness.
The next time had been inside her kitchen. She had been making them breakfast when he came to look for her. Things had started getting out of hand as soon as he touched her, and they had made love right there on the island in the center of the room.
She was pregnant. She was getting what she had always wanted. She was going to have a baby!
*****
“Where the hell have you been?” Michael bore down on her as soon as she entered her office. “I have been calling your phone…,” he skidded to a halt at the look on her face. “Oh God.” Whipping around, he slammed the door shut and rushed over to hunker down in front of her.
“Darling, is it cancer?” Taking her hand in his, he linked their fingers. “We will fight it. I have more money than I can spend in a lifetime, and we will get the best oncologist…”
“No.” She laughed, bending forward to kiss him on the forehead. “I love you for caring. I’m not terminal. As a matter of fact, I’m great.”
He stared at her puzzled. “Then what? What is going on?”
“I was such an idiot and should have known.”
“Known what?” He demanded impatiently.
“The symptoms were there, and I did not notice.” She squeezed his hands. “I’m pregnant.”
He simply stared at her in shock. “I’m sorry, what?”
She laughed at the befuddled look on his face. “All those symptoms, the not sleeping, the lack of appetite, being tired all the time, I never noticed it. I am pregnant.” Her eyes were shimmering. “I am going to have a baby.”
He simply stared at her, and it took a minute for her to realize he was not sharing her enthusiasm. “Say something.”
“I’m assuming it’s about McGibbon.”
She looked insulted, so he continued. “That is a yes then. Please correct me if I am wrong because I happen to be a bit confused. A hell of a lot actually. You broke it off with him because he decisively, absolutely told you in no uncertain terms that he did not want to be a daddy.”
Pulling away, she leaned against the back of her chair and closed her eyes. “I didn’t plan it.” She muttered.
“Of course you didn’t. But what is he going to say? Janelle, the man would not even entertain the idea of children.”
“Stop raining on my parade.”
He rose lithely and went to the cabinet to get them both some water. Walking back over to her desk, he handed the glass to her and pressed the intercom. “Susan, please hold our calls until I say otherwise.”
Without waiting for the woman’s response, he ended the transmission and went to sit on a padded chair in front of the desk, his eyes trained on her face. “What are you going to do?”
“Have the baby.”
“Of course.” He inclined his head. “I meant, what are you going to do about McGibbon?”
She put the glass down and shifted slightly. She spent most of the journey back to the office trying to brainstorm. How she was going to call him, when she did, what was she going to say? “I don’t know.” She answered honestly, gripping her fingers together.
“I was thinking that I would wait a few months, perhaps give, or take seven months and then call him up and say, ‘Hey, guess what? We have a son or a daughter. I know you originally said you never wanted a child but look how adorable…” She threw her hands in the air and closed her eyes briefly.
“Oh God. I don’t know what to do.” Tears glittered her eyes. “This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. It is supposed to be a celebratory moment and yet here I am scared out of my wits.” She rubbed her temples. “I understand his hangups and cannot really blame him for not wanting to be a father. He went through hell, Michael.
He had a horrible childhood and the man who cannot be called a father, put him through the wringer. It scarred him completely and he is still not over it. He explained all that to me in detail. I don’t know what to do,” she repeated in a dismal voice.
“You know you have my complete support and I’m going to act as your friend and not your partner. Go home. You look done in. Go home, take the rest of the day off and try and figure out what you are going to do.” Putting his glass on the table next to the chair, he rose and came to sit on the edge of the desk, facing her.
“I don’t…”
“Yes.” He interrupted firmly. “You look like a waif, as if a slight breeze will blow you away. And you need to start thinking about that little tyke growing inside you. You haven’t been eating and I am certain the good doctor had some concerns.”
She nodded. “High blood pressure, low iron among other things.”
He shook his head. “I know enough to realize that those points need to be corrected. Go home, buy something your stomach can handle, take the meds that were prescribed and try and get some sleep.
Please darling.” He took her hand. “Forget McGibbon for now and concentrate on you and the precious bundle you’re carrying. I’m going to be an uncle.” He beamed at her. “Go home, darling.”
*****
“I’m happy you decided to come in.” Madelyn eyed her son closely as he walked in and handed her the folder she had requested. “How are you?” She also knew that Janelle had been there, and they had words. The gossip had circulated until it reached her ears.
She also knew that right after, Harry had started drinking and the evening had gone downhill. She hated seeing him so unhappy and wished with everything inside her that she could erase his pain.
“Fair to middling.” His tone warned her that he would not appreciate her digging into his affairs. The guilt she felt for having a hand in contributing to what he went through as a child was always with her.
She had stood by while his father belittled him and destroyed him with harsh words. Richard had not used his fists, but the emotional abuse had done plenty of damage. Her beloved boy had never recovered.
“The housing project needs a hell of a lot of work. I have decided to take a personal look at the place.”
“That’s good.” She toyed with the gold pen in front of her. “Darling, I wish you would talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
He wandered over to the window with the backdrop of the city spearing towards a sky of azure, blue. The pounding inside his head had dulled to an annoying throb because of the painkillers he had downed with his coffee. And he was not about to open his heart to his mother. Turning back, he strode towards the doors. “I’ll be in touch.”
Madelyn leaned back in the chair and sighed wearily. He was broken and she had to wonder if he would ever be whole again.