Chapter 7
He sat on the edge of the bed and just resisted touching her. He was already dressed and ready to head out, but he found it exceedingly difficult to leave her.
Last night had been…, he was going to settle for shattering, even though that could not fully describe it. She was the only woman who had ever gotten to the heart of him, who had ever been able to touch the core.
And she had wedged herself so deeply, it had become permanent and disturbing as well as terrifying. He had made love to her three times, with just a few minutes break in between. He had been greedy and behaved like a man who had been without food for months.
Then had discovered a sumptuous banquet laid out before him. He was puzzled at how much she affected him. She was not the most beautiful woman he had ever been with, and he had been with plenty. More than his fair share.
Women had been his solace. Sex had been something he lose himself in whenever things were going wrong at home, which boiled down to every bloody day.
He stared at her and winced slightly at the faint bruise on her neck. She was turned onto her side facing him, her long lashes making shadows on her cheek. Her hair was a tangled mess, made more so by his restless fingers. He had used his mouth on her body, the taste of her was still on his tongue.
He did not want to lose that. As if he could, he thought whimsically. He was leaving her, running like a coward because he had no idea what the bloody hell to do. She wanted hearth and home, and he wanted…? He shook his head.
Well, Christ! He wanted her. It was that simple. He wanted her. But the price to pay for that was too heavy. A father for Christ sake! He would not know where to begin to be one. The only example of one had been really lousy. A man who used his words as some would use their fists.
A man who believed utterly in punishing one for even the slightest infraction or what he believed was one. A man who had taken pleasure in putting everyone else down. Even the servants had been terrified of him.
He had once witnessed his tantrum at the dinner table. He claimed the duck was cold and unsavory and had blasted the chef, throwing the entire meal onto the floor, and demanding that it be cleaned up by the cowering maids. And then ordering the chef to prepare something else.
Harry recalled that he had been starving and had just started eating when the man started with his nonsense. Dinner had not been served until ten and he was not even allowed to eat a snack. That was the lifestyle, that was the home he came from.
Lifting a hand, he pushed back the hairs from her forehead and let his touch linger. No, he decided. He was not fit to be a father. He told her he needed time, and he did. But he had no idea what he was going to do.
Now that he had her again, tasted her, sipped at her lips, suckled her nipples, loved her with his tongue and his cock, now that he was coated all over with her scent, he could not stay away. But he had a decision to make, and it was going to take him some time.
*****
Janelle stretched languidly and wondered why she felt bruised all over. And sore between her thighs and incredibly tired and relaxed at the same time. Her eyes flickered open and memories came rushing back.
When it did, she sat up and stared at the tangled sheets, realizing it was not an erotic dream. Harry was here last night. And now he was gone. Trying to quell the sharp heartache and bitter disappointment, she started to get out of bed when she saw the note on the side table.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she picked it up and opened it slowly.
“Hi. I have to run and yes; I am dashing off as usual. That happens whenever I am faced with a difficult situation. And right now, I am. It makes no bloody sense for me to say that I don’t care, because that would be a lie. I care. More than. You have me twisted up darling. Turned inside out and wondering what was going on.
I sat here watching you sleep and did not want to leave. Last night was …, let’s say it was magnificent. Amazing. But what you require of me is something I’m not certain I can ever accomplish or give to you. Like I said before, I need time.
Please don’t call me and take the bloody money. I will be there as best as I can. You know the scars I carry around with me, the horrors of my past, the man who beat me down to dust.
You listened when I told you and you made it bearable. But I’m afraid that he is inside me, buried deep inside me and I will become him. That one day, something – some anger, something vile will rise up and I will end up hurting you and those babies. Believe it or not, I am thinking of you and of them.
“I need time. Christ! I am so twisted up inside, I don’t know where I am going. Don’t hate me darling. Do you hate me? Will you think of me as an asshole? Because I am. I believe I am. I should be there with you. For you.
At the same time, I cannot bear the idea of another man touching you. Just touching you. It makes me want to commit murder. Listen to me, Christ! This is a mess. I am a mess. Just – just give me time, okay? I need it.”
She read it three times until she saw the tears, she never knew she was shedding, falling on the page, and blurring the words.
“You damn fool,” she whispered. “You idiot. Yes, I will wait. I will give you the time you asked for, but I am not giving up on you. On us.” Folding the paper carefully, she slid it into the drawer and just sat there for a moment.
She could call in sick. Michael would encourage her to stay home. But she wanted to occupy herself. Staying home would only make her think. Make her feel hopelessly tangled up. He had all but admitted that he loved her, something she already knew. Rubbing a hand over her belly, she felt the fluttering and smiled.
“We are not giving up on daddy, are we darlings? No way.”
*****
“What do you think?”
She made a circle around the room and took in the wood paneling as well as the high beam ceiling.
“Strong structure, columns are simply beautiful. And I love the wide-open spaces. This place is wonderful.” She walked over to the window to look out at the sweep of the stunning landscaped lawn. “It’s very big.”
“Yes, it is.” He came to stand next to her. “It is up for sale. A buddy of mine is moving to Wyoming to start farming.” A smile touched his lips. “He offered to sell it to me, and I am supposed to give him my answer in a couple of days.” David turned to face her. “I was wondering if Michael said anything to you.”
“About what?” She stared at him with a frown.
“About my feelings for you.” He smiled wryly at the stunned look on her face.
“I will take that as a no.” Taking one slender hand in his, he studied her unadorned nails. “I want to be a husband to you and a father to those twins.”
She shook her head and started to speak when he stopped her. “It’s not something I expect you to agree to just now. You would need time to think”
“Why would you want to saddle yourself with another man’s babies?”
“Because I care about you.” His expression was sincere. “I happen to think you’re quite a woman and I admire your strength. Not to mention the fact that you’re beautiful.” He jerked his head towards the room. “We could live here.”
“Oh David.” For just a minute, she felt her heart melting and wishing for what could have been. Here was this very lovely man willing to take her on and offering her marriage. When the man she was head over heels in love with, the man who had planted his seeds inside her was nowhere to be found.
He had left her two mornings ago and had not called to even check on her. As much as she loved him, there was the resentment that it could be so easy for him to leave and not look back.
“You cannot believe how much I want to say yes.”
“Then say it.”
She shook her head and squeezed his fingers. “I am in love with him. And as screwed up as this entire thing is, he is the only man I will ever love. He is a jerk and I want to kill him for doing this to me – to us, but it will always be him and no one else.”
A sigh escaped her. “he says he needs time, and I am giving it to him. While I am doing that, I can only be your friend and nothing more. I understand if you want to discontinue our relationship.”
He felt the disappointment spearing through him and had to force a smile. “I am still hoping and no, I am still your friend. It just sneaked up on me. One day I was thinking that I would never get over my wife and then there you were. Sweet and beautiful and utterly captivating.” He squeezed her hand. “That man is an utter fool.”
“I have to agree with you there. Let’s finish checking out the rest of the place, shall we?”
*****
“It’s Halloween.”
“As evidenced by the several bags of chocolates we have left over.” Janelle pointed out. It was after work hours and everyone had already left for the day, except the two of them.
They had an annual tradition of handing out candies to the children who stopped by for trick or treat. She had decided to hang around instead of going straight home, even after they had handed out the last bag of treats.
They were now lounging in the conference room with Janelle stretched out on a comfortable red velvet sofa after consuming more than a bag of chocolates herself and a gallon of milk that Michael had thoughtfully stocked in the fridge.
“And here we are, two lonely souls keeping each other company.”
She shot him a curious look. “I thought you were seeing someone.”
“Goes to show how long we have not spoken about personal stuff.” He waved an elegant hand as he crossed his Italian shod feet at the ankles and stretched languidly. He had gotten rid of his sports jacket and unbuttoned his pale pink cotton shirt. “Ramon says he wants space.”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged. “I have lousy tastes in men and should stop while I’m ahead.” He glanced at her. “David proposed.”
She nodded. “You knew he felt something.”
“I figured it out. The man kept coming around for the weirdest reasons and whenever he was near you, he could look at nothing else.” He paused and picked an invisible lint off his tan trousers. “He’s quite a catch.”
She sent him an amused look. “Then you should go out with him.”
He grimaced. “He prefers you. More is the pity. “he paused again. “He hasn’t called?”
“I would have told you.”
“I want to say that sleeping with him that night was a bad idea, but I can understand why you did.”
“Because I am a glutton for punishment?” Reaching into the bag, she took out a piece of chocolate brittle and took a bite.
“You are in love with the guy and when we are in love, we tend to do the stupidest things. It is part of the parcel. How do you feel?”
“About?”
“No.” He shook his head. “How do you feel in general?”
“I had some issues this morning. Nausea and cramps, but other than that, I am great.”
“He should be here.” Michael said tightly. “He cannot expect to just throw some money at you and that’s it. You need the support.”
“And I have it – in you.” She reached out to touch his knee. “He has his demons battling.”
“And I’m sure you offered to help him with that battle.”
She smiled. “Harry McGibbon happens to be a very stubborn man.” Her smile faded. “He’s going through a lot. And I am making concessions. Whenever that runs out, when I feel it’s time to kick his ass, then I’m doing that. But until then, I will give him his space.”
He shook his head as he stared at her. “You’re a one of a kind.”
“No.” She told him soberly. “I’m a woman in love and willing to do what’s best for her man.”
*****
It was left up to him and by God, he wasn’t going to allow anything to stop him. The bastard was having an easy time of it while his best friend was suffering and refusing to call him. Michael had put forward several arguments, but each one had been met with stubborn opposition. She was giving him time.
Well, the time was up, and he was going to be forced to stand up to his responsibilities, if Michael had to beat him into it. Well, not beat him of course, because he had to face the fact that Harry McGibbon had the muscles and the athletic build, which would probably send him, Michael into a coma.
But he could use words and if vocabulary was what he had to bargain with, then he would use it and he knew how to talk.
He had left her in bed with a cup of tea after having a poor night where she spent hours in the bathroom retching. As well as suffering from monstrous heartburn.
It was late and the occupants of the manor house had probably turned in for the night. Or the fact that it was a Friday night meant they were probably out and about. The fabulously wealthy had no need to stay home.
And sitting here tapping his fingers on the wheel outside the perimeters of the towering wall was not doing him any favors. Gathering up his courage, he alighted from the vehicle and hoped he would be admitted entrance, Because he was on an important mission.
*****
The run had worn him out, but it had been necessary. And besides, Shep needed the exercise. He had contemplated taking the bike out, but the weather had turned nasty. He was feeling dejected and out of sorts and did not need a crystal ball to tell him why that was.
He was so deep in thought that it took the frantic barking from Shep to alert him that there was someone sitting on his porch.
He recognized the man instantly and felt a quickening of his heart. Michael Davenport would not be waiting on his porch if there wasn’t something wrong. And they had one person in common.
“Pipe down.” He ordered the frantic animal. Placing a restraining hand on Shep’s collar, he made his way up the steps. “Davenport. Give me a minute while I go and settle him down.”
The man nodded silently.
Even though his heart was pounding loudly, Harry managed to remain calm as he ladled out the Shep’s food and made sure he had water in his bowl before going back out.
“Come in, will you? It’s too cold to be sitting out here.”
They went into the cozy living room which was tidy for a change.
“Is she okay?” He asked quietly as he picked up the towel he had left on the Barca lounger before going for his run. Using it to mop his face and neck, he balled it up and flung it carelessly back in the chair and turned to face Michael.
“Do you care?”
“Now look….”
“No.” Michael had remained standing. “I know it’s not my place to come here and say anything and you told her that you needed time. But by God man! She is pregnant with twins.
Your babies and Janelle is not doing too hot. I was there with her tonight, and she was sick, vomiting and just doing poorly overall. And here you are, behaving as if everything is quite normal. And your mother didn’t even know….”
“Wait!” Harry held up a hand. “You told my mother?”
Michael wanted to back away in fear at the foreboding look on the man’s face, but he stood his ground. He had come on a mission and if it meant he was going to be pommeled to death or have some of his bones broken, then so be it. He was going to finish what he started.
“I did!” He lifted his chin. “The poor woman was completely distraught and agreed to give me a few minutes to tell you exactly what I think of you. You’re a coward and certainly do not deserve a wonderful woman like Janelle.
She keeps making excuses for you regarding your crappy childhood, but I still think you are a goddamned coward and …,” he took several steps back when Harry started moving towards him. “I care about her!” He cried.
“And cannot bear to see her suffering so much. How can you say you love her and allow her to be by herself at a time like this?”
The question stopped him, and Harry felt the rage draining out of him.
Shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweats, he turned and walked to the window.
“I would like you to leave,” he said quietly.
“With pleasure. She doesn’t know I am here by the way. She said she was giving you time and that is what she’s determined to do.” Michael paused, staring at the rigid profile of the man standing by the window.
“Do yourself and her a favor and go to her. She was grateful for my company, but the only person she needs is you. And FYI – there is a man who is extremely interested in her and does not mind that she is carrying your babies. You need to think on that.”
Harry did not turn around, not even when he heard the man leaving the room. He stood there watching as he picked his way along the cobbled drive and turned off onto the direction of the manor. He stood there, even when he had disappeared from sight.
He had asked her for time and told her not to call him. And she hadn’t. Not even when she was going through it. His hands clenched into fists, his expression bleak. The words the prissy little fairy said to him were reverberating inside his head.
The man was right. He might be an annoying twit, but he was right. He was a coward and did not deserve her. He had known that all along.
And should have used that to stay the hell away from her.
His shoulders tensed as a movement behind the rosebush caught his eyes. He was surprised she had not come over before, but decided she had waited until Davenport had said his piece and left.
He was going to have to deal with his mother first, before anything else.
Taking a deep breath, he turned to face her as she walked into the room.
“Mother.”
“How could you?” She asked him quietly.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” He moved towards the liquor cabinet.
“No.”
“I hope you don’t mind.” He took up the bottle of scotch and poured a generous amount into the squat glass. “I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”
“She is pregnant, and you never said a word.” The accusation made him wince slightly.
“In my defense, she was late in telling me too. I only heard a few weeks ago.” He turned and walked over to sit on the arm of the sofa. “I told her I needed time.”
Madelyn stared at her son in shock. “Time to do what exactly?”
“To review my options. To decide whether or not I would make a good father and we both know the answer to that.” He took a sip of his drink, eyeing her over the glass. “I think you should sit. You look like you need to.”
Groping for the rocker near the fireplace, Madelyn sat, her expression sober.