Chapter 12
He had no idea what woke him up. At first he thought he was drifting from the edge of a dream, but he felt the distinct movement of the bed.
Consciousness drove him upwards, and he immediately turned to look at the space next to him. It was empty. Fear clutched inside his gut and had him swinging his legs off the bed. The light was on in the bathroom and the door was closed.
Striding towards it, he knocked. “Hey.”
“Give me a second.”
“Are you on the floor?”
“No. I’m just…, you can open the door.”
He did not need a second invitation. Shoving it open, he saw her sitting on the commode, her legs pressed together and a pained look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Indigestion and constipation.” She swallowed the bile that had built up. “It’s bad.”
Hunkering down in front of her, he took her hands. “What can I do?”
“Some tea would help. I am sorry., I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You are only going to piss me off if you apologize. It’s my damn job.”
She gripped his hands. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too. You said you’re constipated. What can be done…”
“I already used a suppository. It’s the only thing I am allowed. It takes a minute or two to work, so I’ll just sit here.”
“While I go and make the tea. Think you can stomach some crackers?”
She nodded. “Go,” she urged, “I’ll be fine.”
He rose and left the room but came back a minute later with her phone. “Call if you need me.”
She nodded, rubbing a hand up and down her stomach.
“I’ll be fine.” She insisted when he hesitated just inside the doorway.
“Right. A cup of warm tea and saltines coming up.” Turning back, he kissed her on the top of the head and left.
She waited until he was out of the room before leaning back and closing her eyes. She had been hoping to ride it out without waking him.
As much as she loved the fact that he was stepping up and helping out, she was aware that he was new to this and still had difficulties navigating the murky waters. He hadn’t talked about it, not since that night he came to her, but she knew it was on his mind.
His past was too traumatic an episode to just place on a shelf and forget about it. She herself could not stop ruminating and being pissed off that he had been forced to go through something like that.
It had left a lasting impression on him, and she was afraid that one day he would find dealing with the mood swings, the different symptoms of a pregnant woman would set him off and make him walk. She could not bear that.
He was here now, and it was wonderful. Last night after supper, he had made love to her, the lovemaking so tender and sweet, it had left her crying in his arms. She knew he loved her, there was no doubt about that. She was also ignoring the fact that this gorgeous man, this utterly wonderful lover was in love with her.
So, she was walking on eggshells. Her appointment was coming up and she wanted him there.
So far, things were not so bad, discounting the bouts of nausea, the cramping of her legs, the soreness of her nipples and the indigestion which seems to come from nowhere, she was okay – sort of. And he was caring. His mother was on board as well as the entire staff over at the main house.
She supposed she should stop looking for disaster around the corner but could not help herself. Rubbing a hand over her stomach, she rose when she felt her stomach pitching.
*****
He found her curled up on the sofa with her eyes closed.
Placing the tray on the table, he sat at her feet and pulled them into his lap. Her eyes flickered open and she smiled at him.
“I thought you were asleep.”
“Just resting my eyes.” Her hands went to her bump. “I feel much better.”
“Constipation dealt with?”
She nodded.
“Sit up and drink the tea.”
When she did, he placed the tray over her lap and kept a firm grip on her feet.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead.”
“All this, the constipation, the passing of gas, the bloating, which is very personal and somewhat embarrassing. Does it turn you off?” Picking up the cup, she took a sip of the tea and felt it warming her throat.
“Of course it does.”
“I’m serious.”
He saw that she was and contemplated before responding, wanting to be truthful. “I did think it might have.” He studied her delicate face for a second and smiled. “You were the one who always had to go into the bathroom to fart.”
“It’s called passing gas,” she corrected with a sniff.
“Right,” his eyes twinkled merrily. “I was the one who offended you because I did not give a rat’s ass about the fart- I’m sorry, the passing of gas at the dinner table.” His expression turned sober as he massaged her insteps. “To answer your question, no, it doesn’t turn me off.” He eyed her quizzically. “You’re still afraid I’m going to run.”
“No. I…” she shrugged helplessly and nodded, “you’re dealing with a lot, and I know you don’t want to talk about the past…”
“Precisely.” His expression became remote and warned her that she was treading into dangerous waters.
“Okay, fine. I respect that. But I want to know that you won’t leave, no matter how difficult things are.”
“You don’t trust me. I am constantly trying to prove myself here.”
“I know, and I appreciate that…”
“It’s not for you to appreciate!” He blew out an exasperated breath. “I’m your man, the one who planted those babies inside of you. I might not have wanted to take that direction, but it’s done and I’m here – I am all in.”
She hesitated a moment, not willing to start another argument, but she wanted to know. Had to. “We haven’t discussed setting up the nursery.”
“That’s because we need to move.”
“Move?” Her brow knitted. “Where?”
“Anywhere in a particularly good neighborhood, preferably in close proximity to a damn good school. The company has some properties that we could take a look at. Mother wants to move from the house. I have been trying to convince her to do so.
It cannot be sold of course because of some stupid codicil in the will. But it can become a charitable donation and be used as a museum or something like that. And…,” he paused briefly, “she wants to be close to us. Not in the same house, but on the same property. I told her I would discuss it with you.”
She noticed he never said marriage and that was something else that was bothering her. But she was afraid to mention it.
“I’m fine with that.”
He studied her for a few more seconds. “You don’t seem too pleased. It’s not something you have to decide now…”
“No.” She shook her head and forced a smile. “She’s the only grandparent left, so being near is a good idea. You want a house.”
“With a huge backyard. I’m thinking of building a treehouse.”
“You are useless with a hammer and a drill.”
“Not true. You should see me on work sites. I have been practicing.” He continued to stare at her.
“I’m not ready.”
“Then we should wait. I don’t mind staying here…”
“But you want marriage and I’m not ready. You are forgetting that I know you, Janelle. I know every nuance of your face and I can see the all questions you’re afraid to ask. I’m not ready.” His jaw had become tense, his eyes wintry. “I can only deal with one thing at a time and right now, it’s the pregnancy. I would like you to accept that.”
Putting away the half empty cup, she reached for the saltines and picked one up to start nibbling.
“I have my pride and would never force a man to propose.”
“But it’s there. We might as well talk about it – deal with it now, so there’s no misunderstanding. I don’t know what the future holds. I love you. I bloody well do and have never said that to another living soul before. I am here, let that be enough.”
“It’s always what you want, isn’t it?” She asked wearily. “Never what I desire. I have to jump through hoops for you and sometimes it is damn hard.”
Tamping down the impatience, he took a breath. “Look, I never lied to you. I’m always upfront and honest. I never did relationships before I met you, so this is a novelty. Being here with you is new to me.
I am trying my best. I am not forced to be here. I want to be. And I want to be with you through the entire thing. But I’m just not ready for that sort of commitment. I want to know if you are okay with it.”
“I have to be.”
“You don’t bloody have to be. We all have a choice.”
“I’m knocked up with twins, no less and I love you, so yes, the choice has been taken away from me.” Pulling her feet away, she put the biscuits down and rose.
“Janelle…”
“I’m tired.”
“Dammit…”
“I don’t want to argue. You’ve made your point clear, so end of discussion.”
His jaw clamped shut as he watched her make her way towards the bed. He wanted to punch something, to bruise his knuckles and still go on punching. She was constantly
making him angry.
Damn her. Why did it have to be so bloody hard? He loved her and was here, wasn’t he? Why can’t that be enough? He sat there staring as she pulled the covers over her and turned her back.
Well, to hell with her then. If she wants to ignore him, then that’s her bloody problem. But he felt his heart twisting with guilt. He had woken up to find her sitting on the commode, a look of extreme distress on her beautiful face.
She told him she had not wanted to wake him up and he supposed it was his fault. He could either walk out of the room and go someplace else or try to soothe her.
Deciding, he rose and climbed in next to her. And pulled her into his arms, ignoring her effort to resist him. It was only when he turned her to face him, he saw the tears on her cheeks and realized she was crying.
“Oh Christ.” He whispered. “Darling, I’m sorry. I’m such a jackass.”
“No arguments there,” she sniffed, “I hate you.”
“You should.” He murmured, using the pad of his thumb to wipe her tears. “I hate myself too. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.”
“I don’t expect us to get married now.” She moved into his arms and buried her face into the column of his throat, inhaling his scent. “I just want to know you’re here to stay.”
“I am,’” he promised. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” He rubbed his hands up and down her back soothingly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
*****
“Want to take a break?” He was keeping a careful eye on her. It was barely a week left for the Christmas holidays, and she was intent on dressing up the tree with minimal help from him.
He had told her he did not do Christmas, and she had been horrified, but determined to change his mind. She had put on some weight, which the doctors were pleased with and seemed to be doing much better.
At nights, he had to rub cream on her back to help with the strain. The babies were progressing, and she had officially started to waddle instead of walking. And she was spending more time working from home, since half the time, her ankles were too swollen for her to move around.
“No. Hand me the red tinsel please.”
She was sitting on a plump cushion in front of the towering tree, with Shep busy nosing around the box of decorations.
“It’s overdone!” He declared as he handed her a handful.
“Is it?” Tilting her head, she stared at it quizzically. “It’s perfect.”
“It is top heavy. And will fall on someone’s head if they’re not careful. Either that, or Shep will end up eating the bulbs.”
He grinned as she turned to give him a dirty look.
“We don’t need Mr. Grinch hanging around. Do we boy?” With one hand, she draped the tinsels and used the other to absently scratch behind Shep’s ear. “Go away.”
“I’m not going anywhere and you’re going to need help getting off your cute ass.”
“I can more than help myself.”
“Want to prove that point?”
“Okay, fine. Stay.”
“You’re welcome.” He told her smugly. She was about to give him a pithy response when her phone rang.
“It’s on the table.”
Picking it up, he was about to pass it to her when he saw the name.
“Why is he calling you?”
“I cannot see…”
“The David guy. Why is he calling you?”
“I won’t know until I answer it, will I?” She stretched her hand out. A battle of will was ensued and for a moment, she thought he was going to disconnect the call. Slapping the phone into her palm, he rose and left the room.
Determined not to allow him to spoil her mood, she pushed the green icon. “Hi David. No, you’re not disturbing me.” She listened for a moment and draped some green over the red.
“The community center? They are having a Christmas service?” She glanced at the doorway as if expecting to see him materializing. “Uhm, I would love to come of course. And yes, I will ask Harry. Oh, I am fine. Just very fat and dreading the next few months. I will let you know. Thanks.”
She hung up and decided that she was through with the tree. Bracing a hand on the floor, she rolled onto her knees and got up. If this was such a task and she was not yet six months pregnant, she was officially dreading that stage.
Placing a hand at the small of her back, she rubbed absently as she made her way out of the room. He was not in the kitchen and further investigation found him in the gym.
It was Sunday afternoon, and they had had dinner at the main house before coming back here where she told him she wanted to finish decorating the tree. She was trying to inject some normalcy in his life and had him attending Lamaze classes with her.
“Do you need something?” His deep voice was cool and formal and had her almost rolling her eyes.
“He just wanted to check on me.”
“What the hell for?”
“That’s what friends do. And he also wanted to invite us to the Christmas service at the community center. I told you I’m interested in the children’s home and have been making some donations to them. It is on Wednesday afternoon. I told him I would check with you.”
“The answer is no.” Putting down the weights, he switched it to something larger.
“I want to go, Harry.”
His expression turned cold. “Then go.”
“I want you to accompany me. It’s for a worthy cause…”
“Write a bloody check.”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
“Call it whatever you want.”
“He’s just a friend.”
“Who calls you every bloody day.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t he call, yesterday while we were having dinner?”
“It was business.” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “He happens to be a client.”
“Is that what they are calling it now?”
Her shoulders stiffened. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means it is sick that he is still panting after you. You are swollen with my babies, and he still wants to screw you.”
“You are disgusting. I would like you to come with me, but if you don’t then fine. I can go by myself. To set your mind at ease, I’ll have Michael pick me up…”
“Do whatever the bloody hell you want. Now leave me alone.”
She opened her mouth to blast him, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort. Wheeling around, she made her way back along the hallway and into the kitchen where she plunked down the kettle and turned the flame on.
She was damned if she was going to allow him to bring her down to his level. He was an ass, and his unreasonable jealousy was ridiculous. David had accepted the fact that there could never be anything between them except friendship and she was grateful for that.
Harry hated him, simply because he had proposed and was probably feeling guilty that he hadn’t. She was so upset that she dragged the kettle off too quickly. It slipped out of her hand and crashed to the floor, spilling hot water all over her feet. Her screams had him charging into the kitchen, his heart thudding inside his chest.
Taking one look at the situation, he grabbed a towel and plunged it under the chilly water. Taking her hand, he moved her out of harm’s way and sat her down on the stool.
Bending down in front of her, he eased off her house slippers and wrapped her the towel around her feet with trembling hands. He had heard her screams and thought the worst.
“It is fine. You will be fine.” He said soothingly, keeping the towel on her. “I am going to fetch the first aid kit from the bathroom. Don’t move.”
She nodded, pressing a hand on her stomach. She had been careless, and it could have been worse.
In the bathroom, Harry had to take a moment to steady himself. His muscles were still quivering, and his knees were weak. He thought something dreadful had happened to her. Heaving out a breath, he grabbed the kit and hurried back into the kitchen.
“How does it feel?”
“Not too bad. It’s not stinging anymore.”
“I’ll just put some cream on it. Were you making tea?” He asked as he carefully unwrapped the towel. To his relief, the skin was not bruised or swollen. Taking out the gel, he squeezed some into his palm and started rubbing it into her skin.
“Yes.”
“You should have called me.”
“I can make tea on my own. I am not an invalid.”
He looked up from his task and give her a long stare.
“I was upset with you and was not careful.”
“So, it’s my fault.”
“Technically, yes. Are you finished?”
“Still mad at me, I see.”
“You’re an ass. Just move.”
“No. I’m not finished.” He applied the gel to the rest of her feet and then capped the tube and put it away.
Rising, he lifted her off the stool and into his arms.
“Put me down.”
“Shut up.”
Her eyes flared. “Don’t you dare speak to me…”
“I’ll speak to you however I choose.” He strode straight into their bedroom and dumped her on the bed. “Stay there while I go clean up the mess you made and see about getting you the tea.”
“I don’t….”She folded her hands under her breasts as he simply strode out of the room.
“Oh!” Her eyes burned, and she could feel her blood boiling. Sometimes she could not stand him. He was arrogant and entitled and completely impossible. Blowing out a breath, she tried to get her anger under control.
She was still stewing when he came back with the tray. He had included a cup of tea and some crackers. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he placed the tray over her lap.
“Drink.”
She bristled at his tone. “Make me.”
They sat there glaring at each other for a few minutes, before he sighed. “Please. I’m not dealing with anything the way I’m supposed to. I heard you scream and feared the worse. One minute we were fighting and the next I hear you screaming.”
He dragged his fingers through his hair and dislodged the thong he had secured it in. “I’m on edge and taking it out on you.”
“Why are you on edge?” His confession had diffused her anger.
“I’m afraid that something is going to happen, and I am a jealous fool. That guy pisses me off.”
“I don’t understand why.” Picking up the cup, she sipped some tea.
“Neither do I.” He shrugged. “It might be the fact that he’s interested in you.”
“Bobby…”
“He is. You’re beautiful and the pregnancy adds to that beauty. There’s a glow about you that is unmistakable.”
She cast him a look of disbelief.
“I am fat, and my nose is twice the size it was before.”