Chapter 3 Maia
CHAPTER THREE
MAIA
My gut seemed to be in a constant state of churning. For a month. It had been a month since my breakup with Will and the churning wasn’t just grief. It was from lying and evading.
The truth was I was ashamed by our breakup.
Those old insecurities and fears about people’s perception of me felt like bedbugs crawling all over my skin.
Being rejected by a fiancé who paid out thousands of dollars for an engagement ring surely revealed the truth about my worthiness.
Years I’d fought to shed the shame I’d felt because of my mother.
The shame piled on me by schoolmates who didn’t care I was already living in hell and decided to make every day worse by reminding me who my mum was and who I was by association.
Then there was the shame I felt about leaving her behind after years of parenting her. Layers and layers of shame.
I wished I could wrap myself in my dad and Grace’s love and pride and let everything else be washed away.
Yet I couldn’t. When Becky was the first person at work to notice I wasn’t wearing my engagement ring, I lied and said it was being cleaned.
Then Beth noticed, and I fobbed her off with the same lie.
For a month.
The only people who knew the truth were Grace and Dad, and I’d sworn them to secrecy until I was ready to explain the situation.
Because I didn’t fully understand. I felt at once heartbroken and relieved, and I didn’t know how to make sense of the relief just yet.
But there was this feeling of one weight being lifted from my shoulders, only to be replaced by the evasion of truth.
I was now single.
Will and I had broken up.
The future loomed uncertain and not very safe at all.
I was so unbalanced and lost in the chaotic dichotomy of my emotions.
Perhaps that’s why I lost my shit at Baird this morning.
After our swim, I’d hurried back to my flat to change into my work clothes.
I was shaken by my anger at Baird’s behavior.
I hadn’t realized until that moment how attached I’d gotten to him.
For weeks I’d been plagued by guilt for not telling him about my breakup because he was one of the few people in my life who seemed to notice the change in my demeanor.
It had been on the tip of my tongue to tell him when he’d revealed the whole tabloid fiasco.
Baird McMillan was one of the most frustrating men I’d ever met.
He presented this carefree, jack-the-lad persona to the world, and he was endearing, funny, and charismatic.
I loved that about him. He’d kind of pushed his way into my life with his gregarious affection.
I couldn’t deny him. It was like telling a golden retriever you didn’t want to be friends.
Will hadn’t been all that excited about my burgeoning friendship with Scotland’s hottest Professional League goalkeeper.
Yet Baird had hidden depths that only those close to him ever got to see.
He was deeply loyal and would do anything for his friends.
He was protective of women, probably because he was raised by a single mum and his big sister.
And he was currently spiraling after his head injury.
I could see it happening and I didn’t know how to stop it, and he didn’t want to talk about it.
Experimenting with hard drugs was crossing the line, though, and I’d taken it personally when I shouldn’t have. But I also … as much as it would hurt to walk away from a friendship that had quickly become important to me … I couldn’t have that specific kind of chaos in my life.
I couldn’t go back there.
Ever.
Not even for Baird.
With that in mind, my melancholy was multiplied by a hundred that morning as I walked into Pennington’s.
I took the lift to the top of the Edwardian building, my heels clacking on the marble-tiled flooring.
Smiling at colleagues and murmuring good mornings, I was hoping to get to my office and bury my head in our winter budget.
We were always two seasons ahead, so our summer and autumn products were already well underway in terms of ordering, shipping, and merchandising.
“Maia.” Christina Gault, head buyer and my boss, stuck her head out of her office door. “A word.”
Her tone was clipped, but Christina always spoke that way, so I didn’t think much of it as I followed her into her office. She leaned her pencil-skirt-clad bottom against the edge of her desk and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d agreed to put your name forward for Pennington’s social media campaign?”
I furrowed my brow in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
My boss gave me an impatient look. “The social media campaign to follow an engaged couple through their journey to marriage.”
My stomach dropped as the conversation I’d had with Becky the night I’d broken up with Will came back to me. I’d forgotten all about it. “What are … what? I didn’t agree to anything. I said no.”
Christina dropped her arms from her chest. “Becky insists you agreed.”
That little … “I didn’t. I promise I didn’t.”
My boss muttered a curse under her breath. “Well, this is a pickle, isn’t it.”
Oh no … no, no, no. “Please tell me she didn’t put me forward and Pennington’s selected me and Will.”
“They selected you and Will.”
“Christina, I can’t do that campaign.” Blood rushed in my ears, my cheeks burning with anger and panic. “I specifically told Becky no.”
“Why would she think you said yes?”
“Because it’s what she wanted to hear. She needed to suggest someone, and she set her mind on me. Christina, this crosses a line professionally. I didn’t give my permission for her to do this.”
Letting out a long, frustrated exhale, Christina rounded her desk to sit in her chair. She studied me for a few seconds until I had to bite back an irritated “Well, say something!”
“The wheels are already in motion. Legal drew up a contract for you and Will to sign.”
“Then they’ll need to shred that contract.”
“I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.
Becky took this to Hilary, who took it straight to Iain.
They want one of their own in this campaign.
‘Look how we treat our employees.’ ‘Come spend your money at a department store who cares.’ All that kind of nonsense.
And let’s be honest here, Maia, you’ve got the face and body of a cover girl.
You’ll look divine in a wedding dress and a bikini for your honeymoon. ”
“I have to do bikini photos for social media?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Her lips pinched. “Yes. Hilary and Iain are in raptures over this idea. I … I think you’re talented and I’ll fight for you. But I can’t tell you that I have it in my power to protect your job if this goes south.”
I gaped at her. “Are you saying if I say no, they’ll fire me? I didn’t say yes in the first place. That can’t be legal.”
“It’s your word against Becky’s. They’ll think you got cold feet and messed them around.”
“B-b-but,” I spluttered. I’m not engaged anymore, I wanted to scream.
Oh my God.
“You’re right. Legally, they can’t fire you for this. But they’ll find a way to get rid of you. Pennington’s want only team players in their company. They value loyalty. And I doubt very much they’ll give you a reference when you try to move on.”
I was going to be sick. Everything I’d worked for … “And they’d see this as disloyalty? Me saying no?”
“Yes.”
“But I didn’t agree to this,” I repeated lamely. I could tell her Will definitely wouldn’t agree to it but then I’d be outright lying to her about the state of my relationship by suggesting we were still together.
Christina stood up abruptly. “It is unfair. I absolutely agree. But look at it from a positive place, Maia. Your entire wedding and honeymoon are now bought and paid for. And since you select our bridal collections, you know you’re going to love your dress.
I’d say this is a win. Just don’t let it interfere with your work.
Tomorrow afternoon, we have a meeting with Hilary.
I’m sure legal will be sending the contract over for you and Will to sign too, and I’d suggest getting independent counsel to look over that and not our in-house. Okay, off to work.”
I left her office in a panicked daze.
Eli, my assistant, greeted me from their desk just outside my office. “Morning, boss. Ooh … why do you look like someone just peed in your Birken bag?”
“Um …” I stopped beside their desk, trying to shake off my mounting anxiety so I could bury my head in work. “Did Liza send over the data from our customer feedback surveys yet?”
Eli shook their head.
The report was overdue. With a sigh, I left my purse on Eli’s desk and marched down the hall to the shared office spaces. Liza’s desk was in the open-plan office area with all the marketing department, finance, and HR staff.
I didn’t particularly want to face Becky right now, but I’d emailed Liza several times for the customer feedback document this week.
Before Becky’s arrival, Liza and I had gotten along great.
She was a wonderful assistant buyer and eager to work her way up.
However, ever since she and Becky got buddy-buddy, our working relationship had deteriorated.
I hated confrontation, so I was trying my best to avoid out-and-out reprimanding her.
Thankfully, Becky was nowhere in sight, but Liza was standing by the coffee machine, flirting with David from accounts.
“Liza.”
She turned slowly, not quite meeting my eyes. “Maia.”
“I need the customer survey report ASAP.”
“Yeah, I’ll get to that this afternoon.”
“It’s not done?”
She stiffened. “We’ve had other things to prioritize. The trend forecast, for starters.”
“I want the customer survey report by noon.”
When she didn’t move, I bit back my irritation. “Now, Liza. Please and thank you.”
She shot David a petulant look and then moved past, avoiding my gaze. “Whatever,” I heard her mutter under her breath.
It was loud enough for David to hear because he gave me a What the hell? look.
And all I could think was: Fuck my life.
Seriously. Fuck. My. Life.