Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
BAIRD
The last time I was in this foul a mood was not long after my injury.
In fact, I think this mood was fouler than that.
Baumann and I nearly got into it in training when he started taking the piss out of me about my quick engagement to Maia.
He kept saying shit about how many women I’d slept with and asking what was so special about Maia.
When he used the word pussy in relation to her, I lost my mind.
Callan and John had to hold me back. Thankfully, the gaffer had been near and heard, and Baumann got a fine for being a prick.
The truth was I was only this enraged with him because I was angry at myself.
And confused.
This whole time Maia had thought me incapable of being a one-woman man.
I’d never even crossed her mind as a viable candidate to be her man.
I’m fucking down bad at the gym and she’s not only oblivious, she’s impervious!
Ainsley was right.
I’d gone into this whole scheme like a cocky bastard, absolutely sure I now had a clear path to making Maia fall for me. There was even a part of me that hoped My already had feelings for me, ones she’d kept locked up tight because of Will.
But nah.
This whole time she’d written me off.
“Got any plans for the weekend?” Freddie, our youngest and newest player, fell into step beside me as we all trudged, soaked with sweat, across the field toward the locker room.
Freddie had replaced Botan, a Japanese player who’d left to return to Kyoto this season.
The coaches had run us ragged this morning in preparation for this weekend’s final.
“Not really,” I muttered. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. But the team was pissed about the loss of Botan, and Freddie had been taking the brunt of that. Baumann and some of the other lads were giving him a hard time. I forced myself to be polite. “You?”
“Jumping on a train to see my girlfriend.” Freddie grinned like a man in love. Bloody hell. Poor lad.
“She live far?”
“Ae?” he asked like he hadn’t heard the question.
“Does she live far away?” I repeated.
“Ae.”
I cut him a sharp look to see if he was being deliberately annoying. “Eh?” I copied him.
Freddie frowned. “I said Ae.”
“I know you said eh. Can you no’ hear me? I asked where does she live?” For fuck’s sake. Why was everyone being deliberately exasperating today?
Freddie was equally exasperated. “She lives in fucking Ae. A. E. The village.”
Muffled laughter sounded behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to find Callan and John practically falling over themselves in hysterics. At my expense. “Like I was supposed to know there’s a village that sounds like a Scot asking a fucking question!”
At that, they all burst out laughing and I stormed ahead.
It wasn’t like me.
Usually, I’d be peeing my pants at the situation.
Maia was messing with my sense of humor, and that pissed me off too.
Surprisingly, the lads let me be. We all showered, everybody giving me space. But once I was tying on my trainers, Callan stopped in front of me. He had all his gear on, ready to go. “Fancy grabbing a bite with me and John?”
I nodded because I was being a pissant and I didn’t want to be.
Not long later, we’d settled in at a New Town pub near my place.
As soon as we’d ordered food, Callan said, “What’s wrong?
First, you nearly tear Baumann apart for being his usual prickish self and then you didn’t find the Ae thing funny.
That’s just no’ you.” I could see his lips twitching like he wanted to laugh at it again.
John was outright grinning about it.
It cut through my black mood. “It was funny.”
“Really funny.” Callan cleared his throat. “Anyway, what’s going on?”
I considered how to phrase what I needed to ask them without giving away the truth of the situation with Maia. “Would … would Beth be pissed off if you flirted with another woman? Like, I’ve seen you around other blokes with her and know you get pissed when they flirt with her … so …?”
He and John exchanged a knowing look.
Unsurprisingly at this point, it annoyed me. “What was that?”
Callan eyed me. “Is Maia pissed off because you’re flirting with other women?”
Kind of. Just not for the reason my mate would assume. Or for the reason I wished. When she first approached, flashing her engagement ring at Sophie, the sassy redhead, I thought she was jealous. I was elated!
I was wrong.
“Aye.”
“Beth would probably be more confused and hurt than pissed off,” Callan replied. “To be fair, if she flirted back with any of the arseholes who pant after her, it would fuck me off.”
“Which we all know is man code for hurt.” John shrugged.
Me and Callan nodded in agreement.
“Why is that, though?” I asked, genuinely wanting to understand. “To me, it’s harmless flirting. A bit of good-natured banter. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“That’s not necessarily true,” Callan explained.
“If you’re both in agreement that flirting with other people is harmless and allowed, then flirt away.
But flirting for many people is a signal that you’re sexually available.
Say I didn’t see it that way, but Beth did, and it bothered her, I would quit doing that shit in a heartbeat.
Folks say you should never change yourself for someone, but there are small changes you can make that are worth it if it protects the people you love.
Now I’ve vowed to protect Beth. Even from me.
Most of the time, I do it. I’m not perfect and sometimes I unintentionally hurt her in small ways and vice versa.
However, flirting with other people when I know it hurts her is an intention to cause her harm. So why the fuck would I do that?”
Shit.
Maia had said if Will had done that, it would have hurt her feelings.
“If you’ve made a commitment to Maia, you flirting with other women is telling her that you’re saying to strangers you’re sexually available when you’re not. How the hell is she supposed to feel about that?”
I scrubbed a hand over my face as the last year of my behavior played out in my head.
One-night stand after one-night stand. Flirting constantly, and many, many times in front of Maia.
I know I was a free agent and she was with Will, so I wasn’t surprised she never took my flirting with her seriously.
“She’s … she’s worried I’m not capable of monogamy in the long run. ”
John winced. “Is … did she break it off?”
“No, no. But we had a barney this morning because I flirted with some lass at the gym. You know I appreciate the balls it takes for a woman to make that approach. Me flirting back is just respecting the move.”
“And disrespecting Maia in return,” Callan said flatly.
It was like he’d punched me. “Do … you think she felt disrespected?” Because for a moment, I thought I saw more than concern on her face. I thought I’d seen disappointment and pain. But maybe that was me imagining something that didn’t exist between us.
“Abso-fucking-lutely. Christ, Baird, what will it cost you to turn the other way when a lass flirts with you? Fuck all. It’ll cost you fuck all. But not turning away … it’s probably going to cost you Maia.”
Callan’s blunt assessment knocked me on my arse.
Maia was right.
Her words had wounded me this morning, but she was right.
How could I expect her to take me seriously if this was how she felt about the flirting?
“I screwed up. And I’m not just talking about today.
I have been screwing this thing up the whole time I’ve known her.
She’s been building a case against me—” I cut my words off before I revealed too much.
“I have to show her I’m in this. Or I’ll lose her. ” Correction: I’d never win her.
“No flirting.” John wagged his finger comically at me. “Actually, since it’s such an inherent part of who you are, you just need to channel all of that into Maia.”
“I can do that.” I nodded. It would be the greatest pleasure of my life to channel all my sexual energy into Maia MacLeod. By the time I was done, she’d take me seriously.
She had to.
I was Baird McMillan.
Once I set my heart on something, that was me. I was all in.
And I was all in on Maia.
Losing her … losing her now that I was so close to being with her … well … it just wasn’t an option.