Chapter 21 Maia #2
Angry that he was deflecting (and doing it with some harsh truths), I let my hurt and Ainsley’s earlier suggestion guide me.
“Maybe I have been too cautious. That’s true.
Maybe I’ve tried to control everything a wee bit too much because I know what it’s like to live a life where you have no control,” I reminded him, and he winced again, his remorse clear.
But I wasn’t done. Ainsley was right. Sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind to shake someone out of their destructive spiral.
“There is a difference between living life to the fullest and recklessly trying to prove to yourself that your mortality doesn’t scare the shit out of you.
I’m asking you to think of the people who care about you. ”
He’d grown paler, his features taut, as my words hit their target.
I’d expected my Baird to make an appearance. For him to soften.
But pointing out his fear only pissed him off.
As it turned out, easygoing Baird McMillan could skewer a woman with his words.
“I gave up the partying, the drinking, and other women for you for the next three months. For this fucking campaign of yours. But you don’t get to tell me how to live my life beyond that.
You’ve made it pretty fucking clear this past week that what we have is fake, so you need to remember that.
You don’t want anyone to get close to you, fine.
Goes both ways. So don’t come at me with your bullshit amateur psychological analysis because I’m not the one who needs fucking therapy, Maia.
I’m not the one who is going to end up alone and unloved! ”
Stupid tears burned my eyes as I held back my physical gasp of pain at his words.
Everything these past few weeks … I’d been living in a goddamn dream world.
I knew it.
I knew if I let myself feel that way about him that he’d hurt me.
A bitter laugh escaped me as I looked back at him. Baird’s expression had slackened, but I wasn’t paying attention. I couldn’t see or hear anything beyond what he’d just said.
“You know what I can’t believe … that for a second I actually thought something real was happening between us.
” I scoffed, blinking back the tears. “But I was right the first time, wasn’t I?
You flirt and you’re casually affectionate and you make someone believe that you …
you … but now I know what you really think of me.
And the funny thing is … I did let you in more than I’ve ever let anyone in.
So, thank you. Thank you for letting me know that you’re just another person I can add to the list of people who believe I’m unlovable. ” I stepped toward the front door.
Baird moved toward me and limped, flinching. “Maia—”
I reached for the handle.
“Maia, please.” The words were guttural. “I’m sorry, I …”
“I’m clearly not the right person to do it, but please find someone to talk to.
For your sake. For your mum and your sister’s.
They don’t deserve to go through seeing you in the hospital like that again.
Or worse.” Fear of the future crashed down on me, but I forced the words out.
“You’re off the hook. I’ll tell Christina and Hilary the truth.
You’re a free man. Don’t call me ever again, Baird.
I don’t need another person like you in my life making me feel like shit about myself.
” I slipped out of the flat, slamming the door shut behind me.
The tears came as soon as he was out of my sight. I swiped at them angrily beneath my glasses and hurried to Grace’s car. As I swung it around, Baird limped out of the flat, trying to wave me down.
I was too hurt to stop.
This hurt worse than leaving Will.
Therefore, I did what I’d been doing since I was a kid, my only defense to survive my mum. I hardened my heart against Baird, drawing on the numbness that had gotten me through the worst last years with her.
By the time I parked up on Hart Street Lane, Baird had charged his phone and was calling me. Remembering how he had a habit of turning up at my door, I restarted the car and drove to Beth and Callan’s, only three minutes from my place.
Dad and Grace would just get angry at Baird if they saw me right now. Weirdly, there was a part of me that didn’t want that.
Beth and Callan loved Baird.
They were Switzerland.
I needed Switzerland for the night.
Beth was surprised to hear my voice on the other side of the intercom and the concerned look on her face only grew more so at whatever she saw on mine when she opened the door to their penthouse flat.
Callan hovered at her back.
“Maia, what’s wrong?”
“Can I stay here tonight?” I asked, my voice sounding strange even to my ears.
“Of course.” My cousin ushered me inside, shooting her fiancé worried glances. “Maia, what happened?”
I shook my head. “Can I explain later?”
“Okay.”
“I’m tired.” I sounded like a robot.
“I’ll show you to the guest room.”
“Don’t tell Baird where I am.” I turned to Callan. He pinched his lips together but nodded. “Thanks.” Numbly, I followed Beth down a hall to their guest room.
“Can I get you anything?” she asked quietly.
I shook my head, slowly lowering onto the bed. “I just want to sleep.”
“Maia, you’re freaking me out.”
Guilt suffused me. I was crashing at their flat and acting like a weirdo. I tried to infuse some feeling into my words. “I’m fine. I’m avoiding Baird. I’ll explain in the morning.” When the truth would finally come out.
I was going to lose my job tomorrow.
I’d lost Baird.
And I’d lost my job.
I clung to the numbness like I was hanging on to a cliff for dear life. Because if I let go, my cousin would witness an emotional breakdown the likes of which would embarrass me for the rest of my life.
“Tomorrow,” Beth whispered and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.
It was deeply unsettling … how quickly your life could change.