Chapter 5
Josh
Trees raced past the window in a verdant blur.
The world’s green initiative had reached new heights with the aid of nymphs, witches, and elementals.
One could hardly tell that a mere hundred years ago, smog and a sprawling metropolis had dominated this entire area.
The very forest we headed towards hadn’t even existed fifty years ago.
“What are you thinking?”
I abandoned the impressive display of nature and turned instead to the impressive man behind the wheel.
His dark gray hair fell loosely to his shoulders.
The grizzle that had graced his cheek was now replaced with perfectly smooth, tawny-colored skin.
It seemed cruel that everything about this gorgeous man was relaxed while I felt wound so tight I could snap.
The inner wolf had several ideas on how to alleviate the tension tightening my muscles.
Unfortunately, most of his ideas seemed to center on sex or eating people.
At least one of those was definitely off the menu, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the other was as well.
The drive to the reserve was hands down the longest we’d been in each other’s company since I shifted to my human form–and I’d actually been awake–and Elijah hadn’t touched me once.
He glanced over, his cognac eyes filled with concern. “Did you hear me?”
I blinked and refocused my attention away from where his shirt clung to his chest. “What?”
“I asked what you were thinking.”
I was thinking that I need you to pull over so you can rail me before I fucking explode.
“Come on, talk to me.”
I shifted in my seat and returned my attention to the evidence of summer passing us by. “Are you sure this is a good idea? What if I can’t control myself? What if I run off? What if I hurt you? What if I can’t change back?”
“Hey, hey, easy. You’ll turn back. No one will get hurt.” He placed a reassuring hand on my thigh.
Heat suffused my leg and zipped straight north. Every cell in my body was electrically aware of the contact. The temperature in the truck cabin instantly rose several degrees while the scent of my own overwhelming desire clogged the air.
Elijah cleared his throat and promptly removed his hand. “Try not to focus so much on what might go wrong.”
“And what would you have me focus on? That my mother tried to kill me? That I’m a werewolf now, even though that shouldn’t be possible?
Or perhaps that the doctor who’s been treating me for the last three months is such a speciesist cunt that she’d rather risk a malpractice lawsuit than actually try to help?
” I ran shaking fingers through my hair.
“I missed all of spring. A whole season, Elijah. Fuck. And now, anytime I open my mouth, words flow out of it. I understand what Tommy meant about needing a dam. They won’t stop.
None of it will. Fuck. I’m so strung out, I can barely think straight, and moonrise is still another three hours off. How am I supposed to do this?”
“Josh, breathe. Remember the exercises Dr. Lyons taught you. Focus on one thing and push the rest of it away.”
I struggled to bring my panting under control.
What I wanted to focus on was Elijah’s touch, the comfort it always brought me, the tender way he stroked my arm when he thought I wasn’t paying attention, but it was clear Elijah had no intention of touching me again.
At least not while we were still in the truck.
I clenched and unclenched my hands on top of my thighs. It didn’t help. Nothing helped.
Elijah
I finished putting my clothes away and straightened up.
A few yards away, Josh continued to fluctuate between racing over to inspect something and wringing his hands.
I let out a sigh. Dr. Lyons’ instructions to keep him calm and focused were bright in my mind.
A task that proved increasingly more difficult the closer we’d gotten to the park.
Stars, I’d almost crashed the truck when I’d made the mistake of touching him.
How the hell am I going to survive this run?
I ran a hand through my hair as I ran my gaze over Josh’s body. Fuck, I wanted him so bad it hurt. I missed his touch and the way he nibbled on my jaw, how his fingers would rake down my back while his legs tightened around my waist.
Across the way, Josh suddenly turned to face me.
I quickly schooled my thoughts before they could wind their way any further into my scent. What I wanted wasn’t important right now. Tonight’s goal was to prove to Josh that he could control his change. I stepped closer to him while silently sending up a prayer that this evening would go well.
“About ready?” I asked.
Trepidation instantly lined his features. He wrung his hands again, then seemed to realize what he was doing and firmly placed them at his sides. “Are we changing here?”
It unsettled me to see Josh anxious. The man I’d fallen for exuded confidence even when he was uncertain.
He’s still the same man.
Is he?
I shook off the troubling thought and answered his question. “Here should be good.”
Josh glanced around the small clearing I’d found for our things. “And you’re sure no one else is out here?”
His obvious concern about hurting someone made me feel that much guiltier for my doubt. Josh would conquer this like he conquered everything else. Wasn’t that what I’d told Dr. Lyons? “I’m positive. You’ll be safe here.”
He whipped around to look at me, no doubt having picked up on my exclusion of myself.
“We will be safe,” I corrected.
His shoulders instantly relaxed. He then finished stripping and set his clothes aside.
My gaze rebelliously traveled over his body.
The extreme definition had softened slightly over his weeks of captivity, but the were-gene had maintained most of the toning.
I was pleased to see he’d put some of his weight back on in the days since he’d returned to normal, though he was still too thin.
Even then, his naked form was enough to make my mouth water.
The sleek lines of his torso drifted down to a tapered V and trim hips, then on to legs that seemed designed to wrap around me.
Fuck, those legs along with that pouty mouth of his had starred in countless fantasies.
I fought back the rising ache. It didn’t matter how much I wanted to be buried deep in his exceptional warmth, to feel his fingers coasting along my shoulders, his lips brushing my flushed skin. I suppressed a groan.
This isn’t about me.
Josh
I shot Elijah yet another nervous glance.
Whatever was going on between us, I didn’t like it one bit, but everything I tried to bridge the chasm only made things worse.
We’d made a peace of sorts before confronting my mother, before I’d nearly died…
before I turned. Perhaps my belief that we could work things out had been na?ve.
No amount of suffering on my part would ever atone for the horrible atrocities I’d committed against his kind.
Elijah’s soft sigh tickled my ears and caught my attention in time to see him rake a hand through his gray hair. The move accentuated his broad chest and muscular arms.
I swallowed past the want, the burning, aching need to feel those arms around me, to have his fingers slide through my hair, and to have him tell me I was going to be okay, even if it was a lie.
My breath came out shaky. I spared a glance at the darkening sky where deep oranges bled to crimson through the leafy trees.
Not much longer now.
“I’ll step away.”
Panic raced through my system so fast I choked. “Wait.”
Elijah glanced back at me, his brows drawn into a V of worry. “Is something wrong?”
My tongue stuck in a suddenly dry mouth.
Don’t ask. Don’t ask.
“Don’t go.”
Elijah blinked, but didn’t resume walking.
“I… I know it’s not really customary… and…
and…” I clenched my fists by my sides as I fought to ask such a horrible favor.
I knew lycans didn’t watch each other change.
It was a breach of etiquette like no other.
Taboo didn’t even come close. The level of trust a were had to have in someone to even allow them near during the process was staggering.
Except I trusted Elijah with my life, and if I was being honest with myself, I was scared. “Please stay.”
The tension in Elijah’s shoulders softened at the quiet plea. “Okay. Have you seen a lycanthrope go through the change before?” No sooner had he ask, then he scoffed. “That was a dumb question. Of course you have.”
Self-loathing bubbled like boiling acid in my stomach.
I dropped my gaze to the ground, where it riveted on a stubborn sprig of growth.
“I’ve never taken advantage of the change to harm a were.
I was… curious.” Forced in truth, but there had been a certain level of morbid curiosity.
To see such a magnificent creature reduced to helplessness by the very thing that made them great was both awe-inspiring and heartbreaking.
“Josh… I didn’t think that was why.”
I swallowed thickly. “If you prefer to change somewhere else, I understand.”
“No. I’ll change here and then keep watch while you go through the transition.”
I finally lifted my gaze to focus on his cognac eyes.
A riot of emotions tumbled through me—relief, fear, hope, sorrow, joy, love.
In the end, I seized on the only one that mattered.
Three steps were all it took to clear the distance separating us.
The moment my lips touched his, searing heat spread like wildfire through my body.
My fingers curled in his hair, and I pulled away with a gasp. “Thank you.”
He gave me a gentle push on my hips, though I didn’t know when his hands had gotten there. “Moonrise will be here shortly. Dr. Lyons and I agree it would be better if you tried to initiate the change before then.”
I nodded and stumbled back, my lips still numb from the first kiss we’d shared in months.
When I was far enough away, Elijah lowered himself to the ground.
His chest expanded in deep, even breaths while his fingers flexed in the dense layer of leaves blanketing the forest floor.
A ripple passed beneath his skin in an eerie wave.
His ribs heaved outward, then buckled inward.
A curtain of gray hair fell around his face as he dropped his head and let out a pained groan.
I fought the urge to look away from the agony, but forced my eyes to stay open for every gruesome detail.
I needed to know what would happen to me when I started my change.
After about ten minutes, the process was finally complete.
My heart hammered in my chest as Elijah pushed his way back upright.
It took a moment for him to regain his bearings, then he turned to look at me. My breath caught. Elijah had never let me see him transformed before. I was completely unprepared.
He’s stunning.
The Klamath Pack’s commonality with timber wolves was evident in his lush gray coat and white underbelly.
Unlike the weres I’d attacked nearly six months ago, Elijah had smudges of darker gray beneath eyes that shone like polished copper in the dying light and a streak of rust trailing down his spine.
I longed to run my fingers through his silky mane and tell him how unbelievably beautiful he was.
Before a word could leave my lips, my abdomen clenched.
The fingers I’d been fantasizing about carding through his hair now dug mercilessly into my own skin.
I looked up, seeking a moon that my body seemed convinced was hovering directly overhead, yet all I found was a burned sky.
A gasp fell out of me as I collapsed to the floor, heedless of twigs and pebbles digging into my knees.
Every muscle tightened past any tolerable level of pain.
I panted heavily through cramps determined to tear my body apart.
Then, my leg cracked. My cry startled a flock of birds into flight.
Their indignant calls raked along raw nerves.
I instinctively sought Elijah.
He sat fewer than five yards away. Everything about him exuded strength and patience, a confidence that I would get through this.
I dragged in a ragged breath and let it out slowly. The urge to fight what was happening lay just beneath the surface. My fingers dug into the earth as another body-shattering wave of agony swept over me.
Breath in. Breathe out.
I forced my hand to relax. Next, my arms. Then, my back.
Finally, my head fell between my shoulders, not in defeat, but in acceptance.
A hiss slipped past my lips as a burning itch suddenly engulfed my body.
Almost as soon as it arrived, it dissipated.
I huffed out a breath, surprised to find my face on the ground, and no idea how much time had passed while a whirlwind of pain consumed me.
Slowly, I pushed myself to standing. The world swam around me in a hazy dusk as I oriented to the new form. All the anxiety I’d been nursing about the change fell away. There was nothing scary or unusual about the wolf. Being him was as natural as being myself.
I took a deep breath, allowing the myriad of smells to fill my chest. The intricate concoction brought with it something I hadn’t expected in the least—elation.