Chapter 7
Josh
The ride back to the hospital was painfully quiet.
Despite the awkwardness between us, the bond continued to burn like a miniature sun in my chest, fierce and strong.
I shoved the awareness of it away and focused intently out the window.
I couldn’t afford to break down again, not if I wanted to get out of that box they kept me in.
Home.
I clenched the armrest of the beat-up truck. Did I even have the right to call Elijah’s place home? The bond thrummed in response as if in answer, and a low growl slipped free.
Elijah’s gaze darted from the road to me.
I continued to ignore him and fought to get my emotions back in check.
The truck lurched to a stop with a sound like a death rattle.
Silence filled the void in its absence. I quickly vacated the hover truck before Elijah could fill it with words.
The car door slammed shut behind me with a metallic clang that echoed across a parking lot nearly devoid of life as I marched my way into the place that had been my personal hell for the last three months.
The hiss of air that accosted me raised goosebumps on my arms and added to my irritation.
It wasn’t often that I felt the world was against me, but right now I felt it down to my marrow.
The abrasive air, the harsh ring of metal, the pity in Elijah’s eyes…
My hand clenched into a fist by my side, and I walked faster.
Dr. Lyons stepped out of her office just as I rounded the corner.
When she declared that changing beneath the full moon and being able to truly experience the transition might actually help my condition, I’d been beyond ecstatic.
All of my previous excitement at being allowed out of my cage had died in that forest. Now, once again, she held the key to my freedom.
She breathed a visible sigh of relief, no doubt at seeing me in human form or perhaps at seeing me at all. Her gaze darted behind me, confirming what I already knew—Elijah was hot on my heels. “I take it you’re eager to get home?”
I flinched at the word as if it were a physical blow. “Let’s get this over with.”
She nodded and held the door open for me to enter, then waited for Elijah to catch up.
“Don’t let him in here.”
Uncertainty radiated from her, indecision clear in the tightness around her eyes. “Are you sure?”
I clenched my jaw to prevent excess words from tumbling out in answer.
Yes? No? How am I supposed to be in the same room with a man who’s made it abundantly clear he never wanted what is now burning like a supernova in my chest?
The horror in his eyes when I’d talked about the bond, when I’d made the mistake of saying aloud just how completely I was his now.
A sob threatened to burst through my clenched teeth. For lack of the ability to speak, I settled for what had always worked in the place of words: I glared at her.
“O-okay.” She shot Elijah an apologetic look over my shoulder, and I stalked past her into the exam room. “Sorry, Dr. Bennett, you’ll need to wait out here.”
“Are you fucking serious? Priscilla—”
“I understand your frustration, but it’s out of my hands. The patient is fully cognizant and in complete control of his faculties. He has a right to doctor-patient confidentiality.” Her words softened from their sharp professionalism. “We shouldn’t be long.”
The door closing cut off Elijah’s responding growl. Oh yeah, he was pissed.
Good. Serves him right.
Dr. Lyons pulled up a holographic scanner to check my vitals as I leaned against the exam table.
I didn’t dare sit or do anything as idiotic as relax.
One slip is all it would take for me to lose control.
I held onto what remained of my composure with a white-knuckle grip and silently worried if the table could take the same pressure.
After a couple of awkward seconds, she cleared her throat. “We’ll keep this quick as I’d rather you rest after your evening at the reserve. So, um… how do you feel?”
I dug my fingers into the metal frame and felt it give.
“Doctor, as you are likely aware, Lycan Detectives cannot lie. As such, if you want answers, you will need to be more precise with your questions. How I feel is an exceptionally broad query with a multitude of answers, most of which I’m not particularly inclined to share at the moment.
” Those same feelings of anger, betrayal, intense love, and total despair bubbled like acid inside.
I quickly snapped my mouth shut before they could find their way out.
Dr. Lyons swallowed, looking visibly shaken, and returned her gaze to the charts.
From there, the questions became exceedingly professional.
I answered each one in as few words as possible and focused intently on not damaging the table any further than I already had.
At last the questions wound down, and I could see the end in sight.
I should have known it was too good to last.
She gave an exasperated sigh and set her notes down.
The data tab blinked once, then went dark.
“I don’t understand, Detective Hart. He saved your life.
Twice. That man out there moved mountains to ensure your proper care.
In the three months you’ve been here, he’s scarcely left your side.
If it weren’t for the bond, you wouldn’t be alive at all. ”
I pulled my shirt straight and pushed off from the exam table, ensuring I kept the damage I’d wrought obscured. “Are we done?”
Anger flashed in her eyes. “No, we are not.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Then, are you driving towards a point?”
She threw both of her hands up. “Why wouldn’t you want him in here?”
“That’s my prerogative.” I bit the inside of my cheek hard enough that the metallic tang of blood filled my mouth. In moments it disappeared.
“He’s your partner. You’re bonded mates. I know humans aren’t capable of completing the bond, but you’re not human anymore.”
“I’m well aware that I’m no longer human,” I deadpanned, pouring every ounce of willpower I had into restraining my rampant emotions.
She frowned at the interruption, but refused to back down. “Now that you’re a lycan, the instinct to finish the connection should have been overwhelming.”
“Speaking from experience?” I raised an eyebrow at her certainty while my stomach rolled. It had been absolutely overwhelming, an all-consuming need that had threatened to swallow me whole.
And he told me no.
“Did you complete the bond or not?”
“Is my sex life now part of your purview?”
Dr. Lyons squared her shoulders and stood her ground. I had to give her credit. The petite woman had pluck. “You know damn well that it is. Now answer the question.”
“Yes.” The one-word admission ripped open the wound that refused to close. I might as well have stood there bleeding out on the exam room’s pristine floors.
“So what’s the—”
Nothing in this world could get me to stand there while she finished that thought.
I stalked towards the door, more than done with this conversation.
She hadn’t said anything about my going back to that damn box, and I wasn’t about to stick around long enough to land myself there.
Yet I stalled at the door. I glanced back at Dr. Lyons, with her mix of confusion and irritation plainly written on her face.
“For as long as I can remember, no one has ever told me they loved me.”
“But…”
“No one.” I dropped my gaze to the silver handle resting beneath my fingers.
“I’ll be expecting those meditation exercises and agree that a backup of sedatives is wise.
If there are any other treatments you think should be pursued, send them directly to me.
” I pulled open the door and made my way to the main lobby.
The moment I arrived, Elijah shot to his feet.
“What did she say? Can you come home?” He ran a shaking hand through his hair, which was already a disaster, no doubt from similar motions.
But there was that word again. Home. I didn’t have a home, though. Never really had. “She didn’t say I had to stay.” Elijah gaped at me as I walked past, stubbornly ignoring the impulse to reach out to him.
Elijah
I didn’t know it was possible for anything to be more awkward than the drive back to the recovery ward, but the drive to the cottage put that to shame.
My skin crawled with unease as Josh’s anger continued to fill the cabin like a living thing.
Every time he so much as twitched, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.
My grip tightened on the steering wheel as he resolutely stared out the window.
“Are you going to tell me what she said?”
Josh tensed in his seat. “How is that any business of yours?”
“How is that…? I have a right to know.”
“Do you?” he snapped back, his eyes flashing with fury as he turned to look at me.
I growled to myself and refocused my attention on the road, once again gripping the steering wheel hard enough to make it crack.
None of this was going the way I wanted, the way I’d dreamed of for months.
Josh may have been sitting next to me, but he might as well have been on another continent.
Antarctica, if we were going by the frigid shoulder he was giving me.
“Are we at least going to talk about what happened?”
“Dr. Lyons performed a cursory review. She’s prescribed various meditative techniques as well as a sedative for while I adjust.”
I shot him a quick glance. A sedative? “What? That’s not—”
“Have you been returning to the pack?”
The question threw me. “Yes, of course, but—”
“So, they haven't banished you?”
Okay, I could see how that was relevant. “No, not yet. But I also haven’t been spending all that much time there either.”
“Does the whole pack know who I am?”
“Yes.”
“Any sign of my mother?”
“No. No one has seen her. Josh—”
“Tommy is free?”
“Yes, but—”
“No one has overturned the case?”