Chapter 8
Elijah
Josh was never coming out. I briefly debated talking to him through the door, but feared it would turn into a shouting match. Also, I wanted to talk to him face to face. I was done with the barriers between us.
And yet, you put one there.
It might not have been so fucking bad if he’d actually let me explain.
I stood at the end of the hall and glanced at the closed door.
The food remained untouched, but at some point he’d taken the clothes I’d left.
Leery of being the reason he refused to come out, I wandered aimlessly into the kitchen.
What had happened to my grand plans to welcome him home?
Having him back had been all I’d dreamed about for months, and he felt farther away than ever.
And it was my fault. I hadn’t done it on purpose, but I’d done it just the same.
I’d let my worry that being moonstruck would somehow hamper his ability to enjoy being a werewolf.
Perhaps on some level I still believed he hated my kind and would resent being one.
Except he’d been absolutely perfect. He’d let go and soaked up every drop of moonlight, every scent, every sound.
Frankly, I was impressed by how he’d taken to it like a…
well, like a wolf to the woods. Josh had even tried to play, not that I’d been much fun in my constant state of worry that he’d hare off and never come back.
I leaned against the counter and stared up at the white ceiling.
Maybe I needed to talk to Kotori. Find some way to reconcile my fears with the trauma I’d witnessed in Josh’s mind.
Knowing the depths of the horrors he’d endured, I was terrified of causing him any more pain.
I didn’t want to be part of that ever. But when Josh looked at me, his green eyes filled with hurt, all I could see was the little boy who’d tried so hard to stand up to his fears only to be struck down.
My chest convulsed with the effort of holding myself together.
I was way out of my depth. I’d thought forgiving Josh’s horrible betrayal of secretly being a fucking Harker would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do, but it paled compared to my current predicament, and I only had myself to blame.
My gaze wandered back to the guest room door through the opening arch of the kitchen.
Still closed. I contemplated breaking into the room through the window, then promptly dismissed the idea.
The last thing I wanted to do was spook him and get one or both of us killed.
It didn’t take a genius to realize Josh’s emotions were unstable, and I knew for a fact he didn’t have the energy to change again, certainly not while he was refusing to eat.
I glared at the plate of food that I’d spent hours preparing in anticipation of him finally coming home.
It was tempting to remove the damn thing in order to force him out or starve, but I suspected Josh would choose to starve.
With a defeated sigh, I finally gave up.
No amount of staring at that door was going to make it open.
I trudged over to the couch, not even glancing at the master bedroom.
My back already ached at the thought of spending another night on the miserable thing, but I’d be damned if Josh emerged and I missed it.
Three days later, nothing had changed. He had to have come out of the guest room at some point because food from the fridge was gone, though noticeably not so much as a scrap from the roast I’d made, as well as a delivery for him which I’d set on the dining table.
What I couldn’t figure out was how I kept missing him.
The only thing I was certain of was that he hadn’t left the cottage.
Finally, I did the only thing I could think of: I called Dr. Lyons. To my surprise, when she answered, her response wasn’t the jovial one I’d become accustomed to.
“Good day, Dr. Bennett. How can I help you?” Her professional tone put me on edge, but I couldn’t back down now.
“I need help.”
“What seems to be the issue? I have several meetings today. However, I’m sure I can reschedule if needed.”
I winced. Hadn’t I already taken up enough of her time? “It’s about Josh.”
Her sigh could have made a wind tunnel proud. “You know I cannot share aspects of Detective Hart’s medical condition or treatment without his express permission. Unless there’s an update on that front or an extenuating circumstance, I should be aware of?”
“No, that hasn’t changed,” I admitted. “I understand your position, Dr. Lyons, but I don’t know what to do. It’s been days and I haven’t seen him once since we got to the house. He won’t talk to me, he won’t look at me, he won’t even be near me.”
“I know this is difficult, Elijah. Give him time.” Her soft words failed to provide the reassurance I desperately needed.
“I don’t think I have any more time left in me to give.
” I moved to glimpse the guest room door.
Unsurprisingly, it remained firmly shut.
I lowered my voice anyway. “He’s hurting, Priscilla.
And he won’t let me do a damn thing about it.
He’s completely shut me out. I can’t… I can’t go through that again.
” Emotion clogged my throat, and I slumped against the island.
After a lengthy pause during which I thought she might have actually hung up, she said, “I can’t speak to you as Detective Hart’s doctor, but perhaps we could talk as friends. As I said, my schedule is full today. However, I could be available to meet for tea tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Priscilla. I’ll meet you at Albert’s Tea Shoppe tomorrow. Just let me know when.”
The bell over the door chimed, and I looked up as I had every other time. It rankled to admit how on edge–and desperate–I was, especially after having to reschedule the tea with Priscilla. I prayed to the goddess that she'd be able to provide some guidance.
“Good afternoon, Elijah,” Priscilla said as she made her way towards the table I’d commandeered an hour ago. Her smile slipped as she took in my haggard appearance. “Or not. Um, I hope it’s okay, I invited Kotori Haan to join us.”
I jolted in my seat, immediately scanning the tea shop.
“Why would you do that?” I finally spied the eccentric mindwalker at the counter, likely placing his order.
Today he wore his dark hair in a single braid pulled over his shoulder, the characteristic beads that reminded me of my mother woven through the intricate design.
“Because I think this is about a lot more than Josh.” She took a seat in the adjacent stuffed chair, then hooked the leg of another with her foot and pulled it closer to make a loose circle.
“Thank you, Kotori.” She gave him an appreciative smile as she accepted the cup he handed her before taking the last chair.
I darted a concerned look at Katori, already bracing for the worst. “I’d like to say it’s a pleasure to see you again, but I’m more worried about why I’m seeing you again.
Did I do something wrong when I was in Josh’s mind?
Break something? Cause some irrevocable damage?
” I asked, my heart beating faster and my breath coming shorter with each panicked question.
“Be at ease, wolf brother. Had any harm occurred to your mate by your presence in his mind, I would have known.” He blew gently on his cup before taking a sip of the steaming liquid. “That is not why Dr. Lyons–” Priscilla shot him a sour look. “Excuse me. Priscilla asked me to join you.”
“Then why? What’s this about?” I tried to ignore how badly my cup rattled against the saucer as I set it on the side table and clenched my hands in my lap to hide how badly they were shaking.
“It’s about you, Elijah,” Priscilla said with a sigh.
I snorted, though it was closer to a growl. “I’m not here for me. Josh is the one suffering, not me.”
“Are you certain of that?” Kotori asked.
“I think I would know if I had moon sickness.”
“Please don’t be upset, Elijah. We’re both here to help. As your friends,” Priscilla emphasized.
I crossed my arms and leaned back in my seat. “It’s a little hard when my bonded mate won’t so much as glance in my direction, let alone be in the same room. What exactly is it you expect to help me with?”
Priscilla and Kotori shared a look, then with another sigh, Priscilla said, “My specialty may not be psychology, but even I can tell you haven’t dealt with your grief.”
“What grief? He didn’t die,” I snapped, sliding from upset to openly angry. I needed help to get Josh back, not whatever the hell this was.
“Elijah, you’re a smart man. Surely you can recognize that grief can exist outside of mortal loss. Whether you acknowledge it or not, you spent three months grieving for the man you knew and not knowing if you would ever see him again.”
I winced at her words. It had been hard enough to live; I didn’t need the reminder. Besides, nothing I experienced would ever compare to what Josh had endured his entire life.
“As I suspected,” Kotori said, picking up the conversation while Priscilla sipped her steaming tea. “You are fixating on your mate’s trauma rather than resolving your own.”
I gave the man a disbelieving look. “Did you just read my mind? Without consent?”
Priscilla opened her mouth, but Kotori held up his hand.
“Not quite. Most people wear their surface thoughts much the same way they wear clothing. I can tune them out most of the time, but at the risk of upsetting you further, your pain is loud. If it’s this loud for me, I can only imagine how loud it is for your mate. ”
“Except my mate is a werewolf, not a mind reader,” I grumbled, increasingly uncomfortable.