Two
I t was light by the time I returned to the clubhouse, and I was feeling the buzz from being out on the road, and soaking in the quiet and freedom of the early hours of the morning. The worst thing about the roads at any other time? Other people. Other vehicles. Anything that got in the way of me and the road.
I parked up, and sat on the bike a moment longer, savouring the last tingles of vibration from the engine and the road.
A quick glance around the yard told me that nobody else was out and about yet, but they were probably up and awake indoors. As I glanced up at the windows, I caught movement in the window on the first floor. Fuck me. She was right there, coffee in hand, and a look on her face that said she knew I’d spotted her.
I wanted to do so much more than just look at her. I wanted to storm right up to that room, and lock the door behind me, so I could show her so much pleasure she’d have to bite the pillow to keep from screaming. I wanted to feel her coming on my fingers, and my tongue, and my cock. I wanted to taste and tease every fucking inch of her, and wrap that gorgeous hair around my fist as I-
“Hey, brother, you’re up early.” I was shocked out of my x-rated fantasies by the last person I wanted to see right now. Her fucking brother.
“Hey. Yeah, couldn’t sleep so I took a ride.” I couldn’t get off the fucking bike yet, or he might see the semi I was trying to hide as I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the handlebars.
“I can’t wait to ride again. I think I’m nearly healed… I wanna get Camille on the back of the bike, and take her somewhere, you know? Show her one of the perks of being a biker’s old lady.”
Jammy bastard, rubbing it in my face that he’s got the woman he wanted, because I can’t have mine. I took a deep breath and pretended to check the side of the bike, as I waited for my expected calm to return. Sometimes it did and sometimes I had to fake that shit, especially lately, especially with him.
“Hey, we’re okay, right?”
I sat back up and frowned at my VP, who actually looked worried as he waited for my response.
“Uh… why wouldn’t we be?” Did he know I harboured so much anger at him for keeping Elise from me? If he knew that though, he’d already be beating the crap out of me, right?
He folded his arms as he leaned back against his own bike, but I didn’t miss the way his gaze went where mine had been. He was looking at her right now, because of course he was fucking allowed to.
“Brother, we both know that I said some shit I didn’t mean, and I can’t apologise enough for that. Of course I know you’d never hurt a woman, especially someone so sweet, like Chrissy. We will find her killer though, and you can get your revenge on the fucker.” Chrissy. I kept trying not to think about her, because it fucking hurt.
She was a club girl up until a few months ago, and she generally only spent time with me or Ryder, up until he found his old lady. She was too good for all of us, and now she was dead, because some fucker thought it was his right to hurt her, to rape her, and kill her.
Truthfully, it had been like a knife to my heart when Stitch accused me of being involved, and I didn’t think that’d ever go away. The idea that anyone could think that of me, but least of all my club brothers, and least of all him. He and Reacher knew me, didn’t they?
“Can we just not talk about that? I have enough shit in my head right now, and I don’t need to add your fucking accusations to the list.”
He straightened up, looking like I’d just slapped him.
“Brother, I know it was a dumbass thing to say. I know you didn’t hurt her, and I know you’d never hurt a fucking woman, okay? Please don’t go letting this shit play on you, because it’s not what I think now, or even thought at the time. I was just, Jesus, I was lashing out, and it wasn’t fair.”
“You’re never going to see me the way I want you to, brother. Maybe none of you ever will, and you guys knowing about that shit from my past makes it even more impossible for you to see me. I’m the victim, the weak one, the failed actor, the unwilling porn star, and I’m also the fucking first one you suspected, when a friend was raped and murdered. You know what? We’re not okay. I… I… we’re just not okay right now.”
I dismounted, and turned to walk away before I laid into him. I knew he already didn’t trust me, and never would, not with his baby sister. I was pretty sure that attacking him right now wouldn’t make that situation any better either.
“Has… come on, man. We’re family. I made a mistake, but I love you, man.”
I turned to look at him again, but even a few metres wasn’t enough distance to stop me wanting to punch him again.
“You don’t accuse the ones you love of rape and murder, man. Maybe you need to work out who the fuck you think I am, before we talk again. I did nothing wrong, and I deserve to be trusted, just like you’d trust any other man in that clubhouse.”
I ignored any further attempts to stop me walking away from my VP. My fucking VP. What if he wasn’t the only one who thought I could hurt a woman like that? What if they all secretly thought it? What if Reacher thought it? What if them knowing my past made them even more convinced that I was fucked up enough to do such awful things?
Elise
T hey were arguing down there, it was so obvious from their body language. Clearly my brother was trying to make peace with Has-Been, but it wasn’t going well. What could they possibly be arguing about? The part that worried me was the fact that Has-Been had been looking at me when Seth joined him, and then Seth looked at me as they were talking.
Was he warning him off? Was it possible that no matter how much I tried to get closer to Has-Been, that my brother could be hounding him to stay away? Did he know that we’d kissed the night of the old lady ceremonies? It wasn’t the smartest place for us to have that first kiss, but it had been absolutely perfect.
I’d had to get away from the party because no matter how happy I was for the couples being inked, I also felt like I was being stabbed in the heart every time I saw their happiness, and that closed off look on the face of the man I was falling for. He was so unwilling to even try to fight for us, and I knew we were worth fighting for.
I ’d run outside, fully intending to get the hell out of there before I tortured myself too badly, and suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder. It was him. It was like I could feel that it was him before I even looked.
“You okay? I saw you running out here.”
As much as I was loving the warmth and weight of his hand on my shoulder, I pulled away.
“Not your problem, right?” He followed me as I tried to walk away from him.
“Elise, please. You think this isn’t killing me too?” He looked frustrated, and edgy, more out of sorts than I’d seen him before.
I wanted to yell at him, to tell him that he was the one killing us, by being too much of a pussy to even try for us. Every time I’d seen him since that day at the spray bay he’d made excuses to leave or had just slipped from the room, like he couldn’t bear to be in the same space as me. could play at that game, right?
He made a frustrated sound when I stayed silent instead.
“Has Micro been coming on to you?”
What the hell? Micro? Was that the one Seth yelled at in the bar? I had no idea, but either way it was none of his business, was it? Maybe I should let this guy flirt with me if it affected Has-Been this way though.
“Just leave me alone, okay?”
“Has he fucking hit on you, darlin’?”
Oh my god, he was like a dog with a bone! I fixed him with a fierce glare, wishing I could make him hurt like he was hurting me.
“NO! Okay? No, nobody hits on me, because I’m so fucking average that nobody even looks twice, isn’t that right?”
Has-Been cursed. “You know that’s not true, babe, you’re fucking stunning.”
“But you don’t want me.”
He let out a low growl as he stepped closer to me, almost reaching for my face before he caught himself and dropped his hand.
“That’s not fucking true either, but you heard him. I go near you, and I’m dead.”
“Well, as long as you get to stay alive, I’ll just stay alone, right?”
And that’s when he kissed me. Another of those low growls, almost a whisper, was my only warning before he looped a hand around the back of my head and brought our lips together. It was perfection, everything I’d ever wanted. I gripped the front of his cut, as he eased me into a slow, sweet kiss that seemed to heat up every second, our bodies pressing closer and closer together. I never wanted it to end, but he suddenly tensed and pulled back, casting his eyes around us.
He was ashamed. I know he was probably also worried about being caught, of course he was, but I could see the shame in his eyes. He was ashamed to be caught with me, because I wasn’t worthy of him was I?
I’d pushed free of him and run back into the clubhouse, finding the first uninhabited room, and locking myself inside. I couldn’t face anyone after that, least of all Has-Been, or my brother and his wife. I couldn’t hide what I was feeling, because my heart was breaking.
I shook myself free of the memory of that kiss. My first and only real kiss, and he’d ruined it, by being so nervous afterward.
For now though, I had to focus on what was actually happening at the moment. I had to know why they were arguing, because I didn’t want to make trouble for Has-Been, even if I half wanted to punch his gorgeous face every time I saw him.
I ran out into the hallway in my pyjamas, and crashed straight into the man I was looking for.