Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
AISLING
Idon’t know what came over me to ask Hash if he wanted to spend the night. It felt right in the moment, but now I’m wondering if I jumped the gun.
In his room, everything felt right. It felt so natural and real. Almost as if we never had time apart. It’s always been like that with him, though. When there isn’t shit from the outside world coming in, it’s always been easy.
In his room, it was just the two of us with nothing else. Our issues seemed to fade away until all that was sitting before me was the man I fell in love with two years ago.
I think it’s time, though. I need to try to move past what happened for Cormac’s sake.
I can’t change the past. The only thing I can do is let Hash make it up to me and, if he doesn’t, try to figure out the best way to co-parent, as much as that will kill me.
I can’t imagine sharing time with Cormac.
I was nervous coming back out to join the party.
It’s obvious what we were doing, and with this being my first time meeting everyone, I don’t want them to think I’m here just to fuck Hash while they babysit.
No one said a word, though. It was business as usual.
The music is bumping, the food is done grilling, and everyone is hanging out.
“What are you going to be at the party?” Evan asks.
She, Sutton, and I are sitting in the grass in a circle watching Cormac as he crawls around to all of us. Hash joined his brothers over by the fire. He hasn’t stopped sneaking glances at me when he thinks I’m not watching.
It’s really kind of cute.
“What party?”
“The one I’m throwing on Devil’s Night. Halloween is my holiday, and I’m going all out this year. Didn’t Hash tell you?”
“Uh, no. You’re throwing a costume party?” My gaze briefly moves over Evan’s shoulder, landing on Hash. He either forgot to tell me or doesn’t want me to come.
“Of course he didn’t.” Evan rolls her eyes. “I swear to God if it doesn’t have something to do with the club or their bikes, they don’t remember fucking anything. It pisses me the fuck off to no end.”
Sutton nods her head in agreement. “If I weren’t running everything for Ink, he would be a train wreck.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Evan mutters. “Anyway, yes to the costume party. I’m also thinking of burning some shit.
Probably some big shit. My vision is to have a fire where the flames are at least ten feet in the air.
I’m trying to talk Cain into doing a couples costume, but he told me he ‘wasn’t fucking doing that. ’” She mocks as she uses air quotes.
“He says that now but watch him walk out in whatever you buy him.” Sutton laughs.
“He’s going to love it.” Evan smirks.
I laugh because it looks a little evil. I just know Cain is about to hate whatever she makes him wear.
“I have no idea what Ink and I will come as. He’s not big on dressing up either, but there isn’t much he won’t do for me. I just need to think of something cute. Maybe some sort of duo?” Sutton thinks out loud. “It would be cute if we could somehow be a death tarot card.”
“Bitch yes!” Evan snaps her fingers as an idea comes to mind. “You need to dress in something slutty and make him the grim reaper. He would make a hot grim reaper.”
“Which one is Ink?” I ask, not having been formally introduced to him yet.
“He’s the one standing on Hash’s right with the black sunglasses.” Sutton smiles.
I hum in agreement. “He would make a hot Grim Reaper.”
“One down, one to go,” Evan says as her attention turns to me. “What would you and Hash look hot as?” she asks out loud as she taps a finger on her chin, her brows turning inward as she thinks.
“Oh, I don’t know.” I wave her off, not wanting the attention on me. “He hasn’t mentioned the party to me. I don’t want to assume I’m invited.”
“Who says you need him to invite you?” Evan asks. “I just did so fuck him.”
Holy shit, I love her.
Where was she two years ago? I could really have used someone like her.
“You don’t think he will be mad if he sees me here, do you?”
“You’re here now, aren’t you?” she fires back.
“I know you’re new to this life due to no fault of your own.
We’re blaming all of that on Hash because, in my opinion, you should have been here years ago, but these men do not just bring anyone around.
Especially not at a family event. The fact that you’re here says all we need to know. ”
I look at Sutton to see if I can gauge whether Evan is trying to talk me up or telling the truth.
“Pretty much.” Sutton nods. “Ink brought me here one day, and I never left. These men don’t mess around.”
“Hash and I are kind of stuck in each other’s lives regardless if we’re together or not,” I say, my attention on the grass as I absentmindedly pick at it.
Cormac crawls over to Evan, who picks him up and sets him in her lap. “Imagine if you two never saw each other in Georgia. Hash probably would have never known about this little guy.”
Guilt bubbles in my stomach. “I didn’t keep Cormac a secret from Hash,” I say, trying not to sound defensive but failing miserably. “I tried to tell him.”
I’m so sick of everyone, including Frankie sometimes, acting like I should have tried harder or should have done more. I did my part. Why should I have to go leaps and bounds for someone who at the time wouldn’t have done the same for me and cut me out of their life like I meant nothing?
“Oh, I know,” Evan says. Thank God she doesn’t sound upset with the way I just came across.
“Hash told us how it went down. The only time these men are smart is when it comes to the club. Anything else, they’re straight-up fucking idiots.
I’m honestly shocked they’ve survived so long.
When Cain first brought me to the clubhouse, there was nothing in that kitchen.
The fridge was full of beer and no food.
No food? Can you believe that? A bitch has to eat. ”
“Men.” I scoff as I shake my head. “When I first went into Hash’s room, I thought it was a guest room and I was in the wrong place. There was nothing in it!”
Evan and Sutton start laughing.
“You mean the man who wears the same outfit every day isn’t a maximalist?” Evan laughs. “I need to know how many shirts he has of the same color?”
“Too many. It’s like he buys them in bulk packs.” Not that I’m complaining. Those shirts mold to him in all the right places.
“I’m assuming you two are all good now?” Evan asks, changing the subject.
“We’re working on it.” I shrug, trying to keep it light.
I’ve never been one to dive deep into my personal life, family or not.
It’s nothing against them. I just think some things are meant to stay between the people they’re between.
“It’s definitely better than it was. I think it’s just going to take a while to completely get over. ”
“Makes sense,” Sutton adds. “It’s not like he forgot to grab you something at the store. He blocked you, and you had a whole freaking baby.”
“Say fuck,” Evan tells Sutton. “Say you had a whole fucking baby.”
“You had a whole fucking baby.” Sutton rolls her eyes with a smile on her face.
“I’m still in the process of corrupting her. She’s come a long way,” Evan says proudly.
“Some habits are harder to kick than others,” Sutton says.
Ain’t that the truth.
Like the man that’s strutting across the yard heading right toward me.
I couldn’t quit him even when he quit me. There wasn’t a single day that I didn’t think about him, what he was doing and who he was with. It’s its own form a torture, really.
“You about ready to head out of here? We need to give Cormac a bath before bed,” Hash says, eyeing the grass stains on Cormac’s clothes.
We need to give Cormac a bath before bed.
I’ve turned this man from a bad boy into a daddy overnight, and he’s all mine.
“Holy shit, my ovaries just spasmed,” Evan says as she fans her face.
I snicker.
Mine too, bitch. Mine too.
“Yeah, let me grab my stuff out of your room,” I tell him as I stand up.
Hash grabs Cormac out of Evan’s lap. “I’m going to say bye to the guys. I’ll meet you inside.”
“It was nice meeting you both,” I tell Evan and Sutton as I lamely wave goodbye.
I don’t know why goodbyes always feel so fucking awkward. Everyone needs to practice an Irish goodbye. I think the world would be a better place if no one would go home and replay how stupid they thought they sounded over and over again in their head.
“It was so nice to finally meet you!” Sutton says.
“I’m sure we will be seeing you very soon,” Evan adds. “And make sure to bring that little guy.”
“Always,” I say before heading back into the clubhouse to grab my stuff.
The sheets on Hash’s bed are still in the same mess we left them in. The light soreness between my legs is an even better reminder of what we did.
Looking around the room one last time as I grab the bags, I realize Hash is right. This room isn’t his home. His home has always been with me.
I exit his room and shut the door while I’m looking down at the bags in my hand, trying to get a good grip on them. Without looking up, I move toward the stairs but smack into someone.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” I rush out as I look up, meeting the cold eyes of a man. “I should have been watching where I was going. Are you okay?”
He says nothing as he takes me in, his face set in hard lines. I swallow as I look at this cut.
Trick.
This must be one of Hash’s brothers. I vaguely remember him mentioning him.
“I’m Aisling,” I say, trying to push through the tension that’s radiating off his body and clogging the air.
I would bet all the money in my bank account and say this man doesn’t like me.
“I know who you are,” Trick says, his voice sending a chill down my spine. “You have some fucking balls showing up here.”
Um, what?
“I, I didn’t just show up,” I stammer. “I was invited.”