Chapter 31 - Hollis
Hollis
“I had fun tonight.” I say, walking through my apartment door with Fletcher close behind, so close I can feel my self-control already waning.
He can’t stay. I know it, and he knows it, too. Okay, so technically he could. The problem is, even if we claimed he would only sleep over, it would most definitely turn into more. There’s not a pillow fort big or strong enough to keep us on opposite sides of the bed.
My only solace is that we already got to have a little fun fooling around in my office.
It’s honestly a miracle I’m walking normally after that one, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be impossible to not blush the next time I sit down at my desk.
After he’d told me about his fantasy of railing me against it, I figured he’d been a good enough boy, and I let him.
“I did too.” He slinks toward me. A lazy grin tugs at his mouth as he pulls me against him and rests his head on top of mine. “But I always have a good time whenever we’re together,” he murmurs into my hair.
I tilt my chin and gaze up at him. “Are you absolutely sure you can’t stay?” I pout, surprising even myself with the open invitation.
“You know I can’t. Tomorrow is a game day,” he sighs, leaning in until his forehead is pressed against mine. “And since when did you become the bad influence in this relationship?”
“I'm not sure. I’m thinking you and your usual terrible decision-making must be rubbing off on me.”
“Maybe.” He reaches between us and grabs my hand, bringing it to his lips as he presses a soft kiss to the inner curve of my wrist.
And this right here is the problem. The man is relentless and constantly does adorable shit like this. How am I supposed to want to stay as nothing more than ‘just friends’ when he’s constantly giving me every reason to finally want more.
The way he has me falling, you’d assume I was starved for love, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, the majority of the guys I’ve come across have been complete duds, but there were a few decent men I’ve dated, or at least gone on dates with.
The problem is, I grew up with parents whose love story would put a Hallmark movie to shame. They made it way too easy to compare what I had with my exes to them, making it extremely obvious that none of them were ‘the one.’
Mason though? He’s flipped my world so far upside down that I’m starting to wonder if perhaps this is my first chance at something real, and if so, am I throwing it away?
“I really should get going soon,” he sighs, sliding his fingers through mine.
Ugh, how is this supposed to make me want to let him go, especially as he softly drags his thumb over my skin.
“Really?” I tilt my head in mock innocence as my free hand slides down his chest. “You could always just stay over. I promise I’ll be good.”
He chuckles, and it’s clear he’s not buying a word of it, and rightly so.
“I will. I’d be such a good girl,” I say, my voice growing husky as I flutter my eyelashes up at him.
“I don’t doubt that for a second,” he smirks. “But we both know what would happen. There’s not a chance in hell that if I stayed the night I wouldn’t be savouring every moment as I explored that gorgeous body of yours.”
I scoff. “What’s left to explore? I’m pretty sure you’ve seen, touched, and tasted every part of me already.”
“And it’s still not enough. With you, Holls, I’m always going to need more.”
A fire builds low in my stomach, and I’ve never wanted someone to stay more than I do in this moment.
“Please, Mason. Stay. For me?” I push out my bottom lip as my fingers curl around his shirt and tug him closer, praying the use of his first name will perhaps get me somewhere.
It’s working. I can see his resolve waning, and it’s obvious he wants me just as badly as I want him.
I’ve got him, or at least I assumed so, until he forces distance between us as he takes a large step back.
“I can’t,” he declares firmly, his voice sharp as a strange tension fills the space between us.
“Why?” My brows furrow, confused by the sudden shift. “I mean, I get it. You have your game tomorrow and you need to be well rested, but is everything okay? Did I say something wrong?”
“No, of course not. I just think it’s better if I go,” he says, his tone serious as he seems to metaphorically distance himself from me even further.
I hesitate and chew on my bottom lip. “Are you sure? It just seemed like one second we were joking and laughing, and then the next...” I shrug. “I don’t even know. I just don’t want things to be weird between us.”
His jaw tightens, and it’s obvious he's holding something back, which is not him at all, at least not when it comes to us.
The room somehow feels like it’s holding its breath with me, the air thick and heavy and I hate it. He can say all he wants that things are normal, but that doesn’t somehow erase whatever’s simmering here between us.
Finally, he takes a step forward and reaches for my waist, pulling me back toward him. The second his body meets mine, something inside me softens and relaxes, as though it somehow knows this is exactly where I belong.
Ugh, when did I become the needy one in this relationship?
“We’re good, Holls. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Oh.” My hopeful eyes search his for the truth. I suppose he had seemed a bit distracted at dinner, but I’d naively brushed it off as him being tired after a long day of practice. “You know, I have been told I’m a pretty good listener.”
“I believe it,” he says with a weak smile as his usual gentleness returns. “And I guess I probably should have told you earlier, but I wasn’t sure if now was the right time to bring this up. Hell, I’m still not sure.”
“Wait.” I lean back, angling my chin to look up at him. “Everything’s okay, right?”
Have I really been so self-absorbed that I somehow missed something so big and important happening in his life?
“Yeah, things are fine. Great actually.” He forces a smile that doesn’t quite land. Sure, the words sound convincing, but his stiff shoulders and the lack of eye contact make the disconnect obvious.
“So why am I having a hard time believing you?”
He lets out both a long and loud exhale. “It’s complicated.”
“Then let’s uncomplicate it together,” I suggest, even if it sounds a bit more like begging. “Please. Just tell me what’s going on.”
He hesitates before letting it all spill out. “Right before I got to your office tonight I received a phone call from my agent. Apparently he’s been contacted by a few different Major League teams about getting me to sign with them as soon as my contract with the Honky Tonks ends.”
“Wow,” I say, my lips parting in shock before tilting up into a smile. “That’s huge, Fletch. Congrats!”
“You really think so?” he asks, his voice lacking the same level of enthusiasm.
“Of course I do. This is amazing!” I say, placing my hands on his cheeks. “Why wouldn’t this be good news?”
“I mean,” he shrugs again, tilting his head to the side as my hands fall to rest on his shoulders. “Obviously it is.”
“Okay, but?”
“Like I said earlier. It’s complicated.” He takes a step back, but thankfully, this time, he reaches for my hand as he leads us toward the stools. He takes a seat before pulling me to stand between his legs. “This is what I’ve always wanted, or at least I figured it was, but now I’m not so sure.”
He places his hands on my hips, as I rest mine on his shoulders, before one drifts toward the back of his neck. It’s obvious this man is wrought with tension, and I plan to do whatever I can to ease it as I kneed my hand against his skin in soft, soothing circles.
“I’ve told you before about how joining the Honky Tonks changed my life, and while I love playing for this team, even with all the sponsorships I’ve managed to land, none of them would even come close to comparing to what I’d make playing for a Major League team,” he continues with a sigh, his eyes closing as he leans into my touch.
“Well, money isn’t everything,” I suggest, my fingers threading into his hair as I massage the back of his head
With his eyes still closed, he nods. “Of course not. But would I be letting myself down if I don’t take the job? Sure, I love playing for the Honky Tonks, but will I regret it if I don’t even try to move on?”
“I don’t know, and unfortunately, I think you’re the only one who can really answer that.”
I’ll always have a strong loyalty to my dad and the amazing league he’s created, but even he would understand why one of his players would want to take this opportunity. Hell, he had the same dream and took it himself.
“And then, of course, there’s us to think about,” he says, interrupting my thoughts.
My fingers immediately halt their movement. “Us? Wait. I…I,” I stammer, unable to form a complete sentence. “I don’t have anything to do with this decision. We’re just frie—”
“Friends. I know,” he interrupts, his eyes shooting open as he tosses his hands in the air. “But you’re really going to tell me that’s what you want? That as soon as this season ends, you go your way and I go mine?”
My hands fall idly to my sides as a twinge of sadness settles over me. “I mean, yeah. This isn’t new. I’ve never said anything different.”
He runs a palm over his face. “Okay fine. I get that it was your plan, but can you really tell me, after everything that’s happened between us, that it’s still what you want?” he asks, clearly sensing my need to run as he reaches out, hooking his fingers through my belt loops and pulling me closer.
I swallow before my lips curve into a frown.
I’d always known this day was coming. Hell, I knew it the second I agreed to this damn friends-with-benefits thing. Eventually everything would come crashing down—I just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.
“It doesn’t matter what you or I want. It’s what has to happen. It’s what was always going to happen, especially now that you have this amazing opportunity.”
“Of course what we want matters,” he huffs, running a hand through his hair. “I might not know what city I’ll be living in next or what team I’ll be playing for, but the one thing I am sure about is you.”
He pauses, his eyes searing into mine. “You’re it for me. I don’t have a single fucking doubt that the only thing I need in my life to be happy is you. And something tells me that if you’d just be honest with yourself, you’d realize you feel the same way and want the same exact thing.”
“Yes. Of course I care about you and want the same things,” I rub my fingers aggressively against my temples as a headache starts to bloom just behind my eyes.
“But we were also never made to last. Either we’re both working under my father, where we shouldn’t be together at all, or we end up on opposite sides of the country, beyond miserable as we’re forced to spend half the year apart. ”
“It doesn’t have to be like that.” He leans forward, his voice gentle, yet somehow desperate. “You could always look for a job in whatever city I end up in. Or hell, maybe one of the interested teams is in California and I could just move back with you.”
“Mason,” I whine, my head dipping back toward my shoulders.
“This is exactly why I fought so hard against this in the first place. We shouldn’t be making life-changing decisions all for a relationship that may or may not work.
” I take a shaky breath, my headache already intensifying.
“What happens if I move back to California and you follow me, only to realize you miss Honky Tonk ball?
Because I already know how that story ends.
We'd end up resenting each other, and I refuse to let that happen.”
“Hollis…” he says, my name sounding like a plea on his lips, and right now, it may as well be.
“You know what, I think you were right earlier. I think it’s time for you to go.” I take a step back and fold my arms.
“Come on, Holls. Don’t do this. We can figure this o—”
“No,” I interrupt. “I mean it. You need to go,” I say, my voice filled with a conviction I don’t quite feel.
He opens his mouth to say something, but the fight seems to leave him just as quickly as his shoulders droop in defeat. “If that’s what you really want.”
I’m making a mistake, or at least that’s what the voice in my head is screaming as I lead him toward the door. Still, I force myself to stay strong as I open it and lean my back against the frame.
Hesitation flickers across his face as his eyes meet mine as he walks through the door but I force myself to look away. I’m just not strong enough, because I already know that if I do look, I’ll crumble and fall under the same spell I’ve been under since the moment he hit on me at the bar.
How is this even fair? Because the more I think about it, the more I understand how little of a chance I ever stood.
It’s obvious now... I was always destined to fall for Mason Fletcher.
Still, that doesn’t mean I have to keep walking down a path that’ll only ever lead toward heartbreak.
So, I do the only thing I can. I shut the door behind him before either of us can say another word.
The goal was, and has always been to come home to Texas, get the job done, and leave with my heart completely intact.
Unfortunately, as my back slumps against the large wooden door, my chest tightens as I become far too aware that I’ve already messed up, because this sort of pain can only mean one thing. My heart’s already breaking.
I want to believe I made the right call, because at this point, it’s practically all I have left. But as I’m left to linger in my self-imposed loneliness, it’s impossible not to wonder if I just made the best or worst decision of my entire life.