Chapter 15 #2
The fact that he can stand there and talk to me that way tells me he still doesn’t see me as a person.
He can’t, not after what he’s put me through.
And it doesn’t matter that he tucked me into bed like last time.
Eric was also nice to me after he beat the shit out of me.
It’s like I exchanged one of them for another just like him.
“I’m not doing this anymore.”
I didn’t even mean to say it that way, but now I’m pissed off, too. And something is satisfying about the way his face falls. I finally figured out a way to knock him off balance.
“Excuse me?” he finally sputters. “Not doing what, exactly? Living in my house? Having free run of the place? Or maybe it’s the clothing you’re wearing. Maybe that’s what you don’t want anymore.”
“I never asked for any of this. I’ll happily give it back to you right now if you want.” I stand, unbuttoning my jeans.
“Stop it. You’re being childish.”
“No, I’m not. I’m standing up for myself. There’s a difference.” And now that I’ve gotten started, it feels damn good. I could get used to this. “And I mean what I say. I can’t do this anymore. Last night was too much. I’m going back to my place.”
He looks at me like he can’t believe what I’m saying. “There was nothing in our agreement—”
“I understand that. But I don’t think it’s exactly fair. I had no idea what I signed up for, and you know it. How can I walk into a situation knowing my voice doesn’t matter? You could end up killing me for all you know.”
The bastard even has the nerve to scoff. “You were perfectly safe at all times.”
“That’s not how it felt. You have no idea how it felt.
But what made it worse was being ignored.
Like it didn’t matter. Like I didn’t matter.
” I put a hand on my chest, and it’s only when my voice cracks a little that I realize how deeply he affected me.
How hurt I am on a level much deeper than anything physical.
There I was, thinking I meant something to him, and then he turned around and did that. Completely disregarded me because he was having too much fun to stop.
“I want to leave. I want to go back to my apartment.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You didn’t tell me I was going to be a prisoner when you brought me here!
” I’m practically shouting now, but I don’t care if anybody hears.
Let them hear. Let them know how much I don’t want this.
“Thank you for what you’ve done for me, really.
But for one, I didn’t ask for any of it.
And two, this can’t go on forever. I have to get back to my own life, get a job and rebuild everything I’ve lost.”
He doesn’t say anything right away. I don’t know if that’s because he’s trying to control his anger or because I’ve completely blindsided him. I doubt he’s used to people standing up to him, telling him what they want. Denying him.
He’d better get used to it.
When he does speak, there’s a dangerous note in his voice. It’s too flat, too even. “May I remind you of our agreement? The terms of it?”
“The terms didn’t include me staying here under lock and key.”
He inclines his head. “You’re right about that.”
“So I should at least be able to go home. Have a little bit of control over my life, you know?”
“And what about the threat to your life? Has that suddenly ceased to be a concern?”
“I’ll do what I have to. I’ll move someplace else.”
“I’m afraid that will be impossible. You still owe me an encounter, and if you skip town without making good on that, I’m afraid I’ll have to send my men looking for you. Trust me. They’re very good at finding people.”
Him and his fucking encounters. “Fine. If that’s what it comes to, you can have the money back. I haven’t spent any of it. So long as my debt is cleared, we’re even. I don’t owe you anything.”
No, I don’t want to do that. But it’s my last hope. If I don’t owe him anything, he has no claim over me. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to draw that card, but he’s not exactly giving me any choice.
I can see the wheels turning in his head. What’s he thinking? I’m almost afraid to find out. But at least I’m standing my ground. At least I can say that much.
He shakes his head. “I can’t allow that.”
My heart sinks. I can’t say I’m surprised, but I was sort of hoping. “Why not? That would make us even, right?”
“This isn’t a matter of being even, Rowan. It’s a matter of fulfilling your obligation. You have an obligation to me, and you agreed to certain terms. What did I tell you the night we first met?”
“But you bent the rules, didn’t you?” His brows knit together, and I know he knows what I mean.
I jump on it, taking advantage. “You can bend the rules when you feel like it. Like you did when you told that guy to stop cutting me. Can’t you bend the rules now?
It went too far last night. I can’t let myself go through that again.
I’ve already spent too much of my life letting other people push me around and tell me what to do.
I’m not going through that again.” I lift my chin a little.
“I would think after seeing for yourself what I’ve gone through, you would be able to respect that a little. ”
“Do not compare what I did to you to what your limp dick of an ex did. We made you come three times. We made you come so hard you passed out. I took care of you after. Washed and dressed you, tucked you into a bed, and covered you with a three thousand count thread Egyptian cotton sheet. You act like I beat you and threw you into some dungeon.”
I huff, frustrated that he doesn’t understand why I’m upset. “I know you didn’t hurt me like he did, but you hurt me in a different way, and you treat me—”
“I think you fail to see something important,” Lucian cuts in before I can finish.
“The way I treat you when we have sex and the way I treat you at any other time is not the same. I have very specific tastes when it comes to sex, and you agreed to fulfill them. So all you have to do is keep those two separate.”
I look at him dumbfounded. How in the world was I going to keep it separate?
“How about this.” He slides his hands into his pockets, which I guess is better than tightening them into fists. “You stay and fulfill your end of our agreement, and we’ll use a safe word this last time. That way, when you use it, I’ll know it’s time to stop.”
It’s tempting. I don’t want to give up the money, so this might be a way around that.
If I at least have a word I can use to bring everything to a stop, I’ll have a little bit of power in the situation.
That’s better than nothing. “And you promise that if I use that word, you’ll stop? No questions asked?”
“No questions asked.”
“Okay. I can live with that.”
He smiles, satisfied. “What would you like the word to be?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Red?”
“Fine. Red it is. You say that word, and the fun stops.” He raises an eyebrow. “Anything else? Or can I go back to my day?”
He always has to have the last word, doesn’t he?
“No, that’s it. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule.
” That might’ve come out a little sarcastic, and maybe I shouldn’t have done it.
But there’s a bit of a smile at the corners of his mouth when he turns away, so I have to wonder if he minds all that much.