14. Ren
14
REN
I imagined she’d pepper me with questions after getting food into her, that I’d spend hours helping her connect the dots between what her intuition must’ve told her over the years and the reality of me following her, watching, and protecting her from a distance.
Instead, she settled in and fell asleep, leaving me to watch over her yet again.
I can’t say I’m sorry, either, which strikes me as both funny and sad. I’ve been waiting for this, looking ahead to our time together. Living for it. Yet more than anything, her presence has left me craving silence for a while.
At times like this, the difference between my old life and the one I live now is the starkest. I got used to things being the way they were over time, and I became a little more comfortable with my solitude every day.
Eventually, it became normal to spend an entire day or even a stretch of days hearing no other voice but my own and, sometimes, River’s.
For the first time, a female voice is in the cabin.
Female sweetness.
Her scent surrounds me, wrapping me in a tight blanket. Vanilla, lavender, spring. The smell clings to my shirt and skin. It’s enough to make me dread the prospect of a shower. I don’t want to wash her away.
Now that I have her with me, my need to have all of her is stronger than it’s ever been. I figured taking her would ease the all-consuming, painful cravings that are enough to ruin my sleep for nights on end.
I thought the sight of her sleeping peacefully, curled up in my bed, our bed , would bring me peace. Yet all it’s done so far is remind me how empty life has been. Good thing I won’t have to live another second without her here.
My heart stirs in my chest, and I watch as she attempts to roll over but is hampered by her bound wrists. I wince at the reminder of tying her up. I didn’t want to do that—I regret it still. Though it’s not like I can’t pretend something about it was appealing.
Reminding her how thoroughly at my mercy she is. Reminding myself how simple it would be to claim her, once and for all, fully, until there’s no question of who she belongs to.
Not that way, though. It doesn’t matter that the feel of her wriggling and squirming against my body started getting me hard almost instantly. That the familiar and oh, so missed scent of lilac on her skin and hair turned me into a panting, salivating animal.
At least, that was how I felt. All rational thought vanished like smoke in the wind, replaced by the urge to rut like a mindless beast.
She’s too precious for that, and she’s still a virgin. I won’t make her first time something she regrets, no matter what. I’m sure she believes after years without contact, the depth of my feelings for her has changed—if it has, it’s only deepened.
Her brow furrows for an instant before smoothing out. When the ghost of a smile plays over those full lips, it awakens my imagination along with my dick. What is she dreaming? Whatever it is, I hope it’s beautiful. From today on, she’s finally going to get everything she so richly deserves.
Now, we have a future to look forward to together. Something we can work for as a team. The plans River and I have put together are close to fruition.
Once it’s all over, nothing but happiness will be ahead for both of us.
Soon, she’ll see that.
The buzzing in my pocket turns what could’ve been a nice, much-needed moment of contentment into something darker. Irritation threatens to leak into my voice by the time I answer the call, leaving the bedroom in favor of going to the kitchen. The cabin isn’t exactly spacious, but I don’t dare step outside while she’s in here. Even tied up and asleep, I can’t completely trust her.
And I don’t want her to wake up and find me gone. She’s already scared enough.
“Took you long enough to answer.” It seems I’m not the only one wrestling with irritation. His voice is tight, sarcasm ringing out. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re so full of shit.” The civil act is no more, replaced with flat-out contempt. “I gave you countless reasons you shouldn’t do this. I practically laid out a PowerPoint presentation of all the ways kidnapping Scarlet will fuck everything we’ve worked for all this time.”
I shouldn’t have answered the call. No, scratch that—he would’ve shown up here if I hadn’t. I wouldn’t put it past him to make up some bullshit excuse like he was worried when he couldn’t get ahold of me.
I can’t have him here. Not while she is.
“I did what I felt was right.”
“So she’s there? You’ve decided to quit lying like a guilty child and admit what you did to completely fuck me over?”
“Not everything is about you,” I whisper, my teeth clenched, gaze locked on the open doorway. From where I stand with my back to the sink, I have a clear view of the lower half of her blanket-covered body. She hasn’t flinched, but that doesn’t mean I can afford to take chances.
She’ll eventually need to know about River—about everything—but this is not the time. Not even close. I’ll need to catch her up on a great many things before I can introduce River into the mix.
“It’s never been about me,” he snarls. I’m glad this isn’t a video call, though the memory of how blank and black his eyes turn when he’s at the height of rage is clear enough as it is. “It was supposed to be about us. Always. Balancing the scales, remember?”
“I remember.” Do I ever. Remembering isn’t the problem. It’s the inability to forget that’s tainted every aspect of my life.
“So why do you insist on screwing us both over like this? After all the sacrifices we’ve made, you throw it all away when we’re so close to the goal line?”
I have to close my eyes against the pain of his voice drilling into my skull. “I haven’t thrown anything away.” Please, don’t let her hear this. The best I can hope for when he’s like this is to keep the conversation as quiet as possible. If I blow up, he’ll follow, and this will become uglier than it already is.
“You don’t get it, do you? Is her pussy lined in gold or something?”
White-hot fury explodes in my chest, rolling through me like a wave of fire and threatening to singe me to a crisp.
“Is it?” he taunts while I fight to keep myself under control. “Is that what made it seem like a good idea to go against my advice? No, not even advice. I fucking begged you not to do this because it means that Rossi bastard will be after you worse than before. You think it was a challenge, ducking him after you betrayed me by leaving your precious Quinton alive? How do you think it’ll be now that you took his precious daughter?”
“He’ll never find us.”
“Easy for you to say when you’re desperate to make yourself feel better about what you did.”
Don’t let him do this to you. Don’t make it this easy. I’m hardly hanging on as it is, so the snarl running like a thread through his words only makes it harder to keep it together.
For Scarlet. It’s for Scarlet. She’s fragile enough without the added stress.
He’ll never understand, and I’m past the point of trying to explain myself. I might as well teach advanced math to a dog. Hell, I might get further with the dog.
The years since the attack on Q haven’t made River any more human or empathetic. There’s no room for empathy as far as River is concerned. Black or white. For him or against him. It hasn’t changed and never will.
No, if anything, he’s hardened even further. Nothing but sharp edges. So brittle, so close to snapping. When he does snap, he’ll shatter into a thousand jagged shards.
I’ll be the one those shards embed in. Death by a thousand cuts.
He’s working himself up into an epic meltdown, his rambling more like the drone of a hive of pissed-off wasps. “You’d better hope you can keep her in line.”
Of everything he’s said so far, that’s what freezes the blood in my veins. “Or what?” I whisper, turning toward the window and staring out into the profound darkness of a new moon. What do I expect? To find him standing out there, glaring at me? His eyes like two sparks of furious light?
I think I see him for a second, but it’s nothing more than my imagination.
And the increased concern for Scarlet.
“What do you think?” he taunts. “I’ll do what you never could, that’s what. One of us has to use their balls here, and you’ve already chosen how you’ll use yours. Have you fucked her yet?”
“Don’t,” I warn, shaking. How? How does he do it? How do I let it happen? He’s under my skin, good and deep. Maybe he’s always been there.
“I mean, you go to all that trouble, you should at least get your dick wet.” He snorts, adding, “If I were you, I’d get it done sooner rather than later. No way of knowing how much longer she’ll be in any shape to fuck.”
I don’t need to ask what he means, and I don’t want to hear his disgusting explanation, anyway. “Listen to me.” I’m through trying to fake calmness. To hell with it. He knows I’m pretending, anyway. He always knows. “You touch a hair on her head, and you won’t like the consequences.”
“Is that supposed to be a threat?”
“What do you think?” I growl. The idea of him touching her, hurting her, leaves me straining to hurt him first. To draw first blood.
“Because if it is, you’re gravely mistaken. You’re not a threat to me.”
“Don’t make me prove you wrong.” I’m barely able to stop short of throwing the phone across the cabin after ending the call. The heartless prick. The cruel, hardheaded asshole.
“Ren?”
Scarlet’s voice is a bucket of ice water over my head, bringing me back to the present moment. To her, scared and confused. She needs me to be better than this.
Which means not showing what River’s threats did to me.
I was worried about what he’d do to Q? That’s nothing compared to what he’d do to Scarlet. If only to make me sorry for going against him.
She’s wide-eyed and trembling hard enough to rattle the bedframe when I reach her. “Hey. Everything’s fine,” I murmur, turning up the flame on the lantern beside the bed so the room’s not so dark. “You’re safe. I’m here.”
“Who were you talking to?”
My body is tight—seething, barely controlled—as I sit on the edge of the bed. “Nobody you need to worry about.”
“You sounded upset.”
It’s easier to pretend I didn’t hear her as I unlace my boots. “I’m surprised you woke up at all. You were out cold.”
“It’s been… stressful.” She whispers the last word, her voice shaky like she’s afraid to admit it, but at the same time, wants to be sure I know what I’m putting her through.
“It doesn’t have to be. We can be happy here, so long as you trust me.”
“I’m trying. I really am.” Sincerity rings out in her voice and shines from her hope-filled face—only to fade as I stretch out beside her. She stiffens, her breath catching, and it’s enough to make me hate myself. This was the only way it could go. I didn’t have a choice. How can I make her understand that?
“It’s only me. You don’t have to be afraid of me.” As if to prove it, I do what my body’s compelled me to do ever since we arrived.
Rolling onto my side to face her, I take her in my arms. Awkward, yes, but there’s enough give in the belt that I can pull her in until her head is on my shoulder. “You have to admit, it’s nicer when you don’t feel so cold. I know I feel a lot more comfortable with your warmth so close to me.” I’m not going to hurt you. I’m never going to hurt you.
Slowly, the tension built in every joint and muscle begins to dissolve. Every breath releases a little more of it. The worry when I couldn’t be with her. The physical pain of yearning for her the way I’d yearn for air if I were underwater. The certainty that I’d die soon without her. That the pain would consume me.
Yet it’s the way she loosens up that’s more gratifying. She could settle for letting me hold her close but takes it a step further by melting against me. Even now, her body can’t deny the truth. Let her childish fear tell her to protect herself.
Her heart and her body know better.
“You know what this reminds me of?” I whisper, smiling at the wall, my chin propped up on the top of her head.
“What?” Her voice is muffled against my neck. The heat from her breath gets my cock twitching, waking up to the reality of her nearness. There’s nothing keeping us apart now. There are no obstacles beyond the ones I’ve created.
I could take her here and now.
“Around… six years ago? Do you remember?”
“I don’t—oh,” she groans, flinching against me, making me laugh.
“Yeah. Oh. We warned you, didn’t we? We knew you wouldn’t want to go camping with us once you got outside with the bugs, frogs, and snakes.”
“I thought you were lying about the snakes to keep me from going with you. I thought you didn’t want me there because I was a girl.”
“I mean, yeah, it had to do with you being a girl,” I admit, laughing again. This time, she joins me, and I can almost believe she’s come around. I don’t want to leave her restrained. Not when I know the pleasure of her touch. It’s been so long since I’ve felt it. “You were such a fucking pest.”
“I just wanted to be older and mature and for you to like me.”
“I did,” I remind her, brushing my lips against the top of her head. “Until we had to go home before we even managed to get the tent set up because you wouldn’t stop crying.”
She sniffs, scoffing. “It was dark out there.”
“No shit.” I kiss the top of her head again before running my lips over the shell of her ear. “Don’t worry. You’ll always have a lantern in here to make sure the darkness doesn’t scare you too badly.”
“I’ve grown up since then, you know, and I’m not scared of the dark anymore.” As if to prove it, she wiggles her hips, which only makes me twitch and strain worse than before.
I don’t know whether she’s doing it on purpose or not. I only know there’s no containing the erection threatening to bust free of my jeans. My balls are heavy with need. I could come just from touching her.
“I’m well aware, angel.” Pulling back a little, I study her, unsure whether I can believe this is real.
She wouldn’t manipulate me, would she?
How fucking deep have I let River drill his attitude into my head?
This is my Scarlet. She wouldn’t use what’s between us against me.
At the moment, what’s between us is an erect dick that’s about to begin weeping in my shorts.
It would be so easy to take her. She couldn’t stop me. No one would hear her screams.
I could ravage her, and nothing would stop me, not even her.
I practically shake my head. No. She deserves better. More. I’m not going to fuck her like this. I want her to want it. To beg for it. The way she did the night of her sixteenth birthday. I crave it—undoing her, one kiss, one touch at a time. Driving her out of her mind with lust. I want her to feel the same way she makes me feel.
“You know…” She looks up at me through lowered lashes, her perfect white teeth sinking into her bottom lip. “If you want, I could take care of that. In fact, I’d be happy to do it.”
I gulp, my head spinning. Am I imagining this? Like a starving man hallucinating a buffet? “What do you mean?” My voice is thick, full of lust.
“I mean, you’ve taken care of me twice now, and I haven’t returned the favor.” Her cheeks flush, teeth sinking deeper into her lip. “Can I do it now?”
She has no idea what she’s playing with. I shouldn’t let her. I’m not myself, not when it comes to her, but the desire pooling in my gut, in my balls, is overtaking me. I want her mouth on me.
“I… I don’t know.” I can’t believe I just said that. But it’s true, I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a good idea. I could lose control, and control is the most important thing when it comes to my angel.
“Please…” Her voice drops low and hinges on the verge of a plea. “I want to make you feel good too, and I’ve never had the opportunity. Let me give you the pleasure you give me.”
Fuck, there is no saving me from this woman.
She is heaven-sent, and I’m never letting her go, even if I don’t deserve her. Giving in to my desires and my need for her is the only thing that fills my mind at this moment.