Chapter 55
***Cass***
Later that night, when I was curled up on the couch and watching more trash TV, I learned that I wasn’t as tough as I thought I was.
Someone had posted the photos from earlier that morning and they’d gone viral around campus.
Maybe further than that. It felt like they’d gone viral everywhere when I saw how many comments had already been posted under them.
Whatever toughness I’d thought I possessed crumbled when I saw what people were saying.
My phone buzzed constantly as people tagged me in the pictures and I couldn’t stop consuming all the words, no matter how harsh they were. I couldn’t stop staring at the photos, blowing them up to see what everyone else saw, breaking myself apart until I was raw and all my nerves were exposed.
I picked at every pixel of the photo. I was red and blotchy, soaked in sweat, with my hair stuck to my head in a way that made me look like I was balding.
My stomach was pooched out, my thighs looked weird, even my mouth looked grotesque after I’d stared at it for long enough.
The position of some of the photos made it seem like I’d been going down on Hayes right there in public and the commenters didn’t hesitate to take note.
Of course, to get a man like that she had to do it on her knees.
Does he not realize he could do so much better?
God, she’s hideous. Does she even brush her hair?
She’s built like a boy. Doesn’t he want a real woman?
I’d never go outside if I looked like that.
How in the hell did she get all three of the Ford brothers? She must have a magic pussy.
Maybe the Ford brothers have vision problems.
I bet she gives good head.
A boy band called. They want their member back.
Someone should give her a makeover.
I tossed my phone to the other end of the couch and buried my face in my hands.
Every self-doubt I’d had since I was a pre-teen hanging out with boys who had crushes on the girls who looked nothing like me came rushing back.
I could’ve learned to do my hair and makeup and dress up if I’d had more women in my life.
I could’ve been girly and cute. I’d just grown up rougher than that, surrounded by boys and men.
No one taught me a thing. And then it’d felt too late to learn.
Plus, there were other girly girls on the cheer team who loved treating me like a poorly looked after doll.
I looked down at my basketball shorts and baggy t-shirt.
I was comfortable, but at what cost? The girl in the pictures with Hayes didn’t seem like the type who took care of herself.
She looked plain and dull. No one thought she looked worthy of the Ford brothers. No one thought I looked worthy of them.
Was I supposed to learn how to do all the fancy things like Aunt Jolene?
I didn’t know how I was supposed to fit being a student in makeover school into my life between work, class, the guys, and watching trashy reality TV.
I wasn’t giving up TV. I couldn’t. It was the only thing keeping me sane most days.
I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at my reflection, wondering how I could fix it. I lifted my hair on each side. Did I get a cut? Dye it blonde? If I looked like Savannah would people be nicer?
Knocking at the front door drew my focus but I ignored it.
I couldn’t face anyone. If it was Hayes trying to convince me that people didn’t really see me like that?
I’d die of humiliation. The only thing I could think of that seemed worse than reading the comments was knowing the guys had read them.
I sank down on the closed toilet lid and bent forward so I could press my face into my knees. Hot, shame-filled tears fell and I didn’t bother stopping them. I’d never felt uglier in my life and it hurt.
“If one of your neighbors calls the cops on me for breaking in, it’s your fault.”
I screamed and jumped so hard I slid off the side of the toilet and ended up wedged between the toilet and the tub. West hurried over, a dark scowl on his face. He pulled me to my feet and wiped my eyes before picking me up and carrying me to my room.
“I broke a doll while crawling in through your window. I’m going to assume it was Aunt Jolene’s and pretend it never happened.” He put me down on my bed and kicked his shoes off. “Scoot over.”
I sniffed and tried to stop crying but it felt impossible. When he turned off the lights and crawled into bed beside me, I gave up fighting. Crying into his chest while he held me felt better than crying on my own had. And he couldn’t see me, so it was almost like I wasn’t crying at all.
“Should I get you some water? You’re losing a lot of water.”
I laughed through a sob and groaned. My voice shook as I spoke through the tears. “I’m okay. S-sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” He took a deep breath and released a low growl. “And you’re not okay. People are fucking assholes. I get my feelings hurt when a couple of football fanatics mention a block I could’ve gotten to faster. It’s fine to be hurt and to cry, Cassidy.”
I wiped my eyes on his shirt and sniffed. “You get to all your blocks on time.”
He rolled us over so he was on top of me. There was enough moonlight coming in through my window that I could see the frustration on his face. “And you’re fucking beautiful. I don’t know what people are looking for if they’re not finding it in you, Cassidy.”
I turned my head to the side. “D-don’t.”
“Fuck that. I came here to do just that, baby. I could go inch by inch and give you a thousand reasons why those people in the comments are fucking idiots. I’d rather focus on you, though.
You’re so pretty, Cassidy. You wake up just as pretty as you go to bed.
I love that I can lick you and you always just taste like you.
I don’t have to lick through makeup and all that spray shit. ”
I rolled my eyes. “Stop it, West.”
“No. I love your hair. It’s pretty and long and I can grab it when I need to without you flipping out over me messing it up.
It’s so soft, too. And I love looking at your face.
Maybe it’s weird but I could watch your face all day and night.
You can’t hide anything because your eyes give everything away.
You always twitch your lips in these sassy little ways, too, and it makes me crazy.
” He stroked his fingers over my lips and down my throat.
“You know what I felt when I saw that photo?”
I swallowed down more tears and shook my head. “What?”
“Jealousy. You’re not easy to make blush.
And I know that Hayes didn’t say anything to make you flush like you are in that picture but I saw it and I wanted to shove him out of the way so I could be the one responsible for coloring your cheeks.
” He smiled when he felt me stiffen beneath him.
“Yeah, Strawberry, I’m crazy about you. Enough that seeing you flushed from running made me want to physically hurt my brother. ”
“T-that’s crazy.”
“Nope. It’s just how I feel. How anyone saw you as less than stunning when they saw those pictures is fucking stupid.
” He dipped his head and spoke softly against my ear.
“Hayes said you were amazing. Fast and strong. He said he could barely keep up with you, even though you’d been running for a while before he showed up. ”
My emotions shifted and I had to clear my throat. “West… Can you just kiss me?”