Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
jade
The kiss won’t leave me alone.
It lingers on my lips, and its potent effect fills my head like a cloud of poison. I can’t stop thinking about it, and not just because it was an amazing kiss.
I’ve kissed a lot of guys before. Good kissers are nothing to lose my head over.
Even amazing kissers are nothing new. Reeve’s kiss was beyond amazing, though.
It was . . . transformative. I was somewhere and then he kissed me and I woke up somewhere entirely new. Where? I don’t know; land of confusion?
I don’t tell Lenni about it because what’s the point?
It was a fluke. No meaning except that I was emotional and vulnerable and that Reeve, predictably, did whatever he felt like without thinking.
I bet he thinks he’s some big hero the way he stopped that humiliating scene with Sam, but it only proves what a cocky bastard he is.
I didn’t need to be rescued. Even if it did feel good.
So good I keep trying and failing to remember whether I’ve ever experienced a singular moment as perfect as that kiss.
I haven’t told her about seeing Sam, either, mostly because it seems insignificant now.
It was ridiculous to get so worked up. I shouldn’t be allowed to drink when I’m tired.
My emotions always get the best of me. Maybe that’s why the kiss felt so powerful—I was weak.
There’s no other reason that kissing someone I can’t stand could light such a fire in me.
One thing I’m certain of: I don’t ever want to kiss him again.
I don’t want to be transformed. I know what I want and where I’m going. Besides, there’s a rational explanation for that kiss being so damn good: Reeve has kissed a lot of girls. It doesn’t make him magic; it makes him a player.
Tuesday evening, Lenni and I take an express yoga class at the gym before she meets Cam for dinner.
“Let’s wait here,” Lenni says when we walk outside after class. “He’ll be here in a few.”
“Nice boob sweat. Cam’s gonna like that.”
Lenni looks down at her bright-pink top and groans. “That’s what I get for wearing anything other than black. Why am I the only one who walks out of yoga class looking like I just got hosed down? I can’t go to dinner like this.”
“Big boob problems, maybe? I wouldn’t know.” I unzip my gym bag and pull out my white button-down work shirt. “Here, wear this over top.”
Lenni slips the shirt over her shoulders. “You’re the best.”
“You look good in a button-down. You should definitely wear that to your grad school interviews. That button at the chest threatening to pop open is your ticket into any program you want.”
She laughs. “I wish it was that easy.”
“Have you started your essays yet?”
“I finished a rough draft of my first one this morning, but that’s barely scratching the surface. My adviser and I finally settled on me applying to five programs.”
We sit down on a concrete bench outside the gym entrance. “That’s a lot of essays for a girl who’s almost guaranteed to get in wherever she applies.”
“Hardly. All but one of the programs are extremely competitive.” Her brow wrinkles. “And honestly? I’m getting nervous about how I’m going to handle next year.”
“Since when? You’ve had one foot out the door since sophomore year.”
“I’ve realized I’m terrified of a long-distance relationship. And by the time Cam knows who he’s playing for, I’ll have already committed to a program. We could be a short drive apart or three thousand miles.”
“What part are you worried about?”
Lenni waits until the group of girls approaching the doors has gone inside. “Not seeing each other enough. Both of us being insanely busy and stressed. Distractions.”
“You know I’m no one’s relationship cheerleader,” I start.
“Yeah, you’re rooting for a Santa and Mrs. Claus divorce.”
“She could do so much better. But, seriously, if I had to pick one couple to make it, it’d be you and Cam. He’d do anything for you because he knows if he ever screwed up, he’d never find anyone who’s half the girl you are.”
She shoots me a doubtful look. “He could have any girl on campus. Next year, that expands to the entire country.”
“Let it expand to the entire world; he’d still be shit outta luck.”
Lenni bites her lower lip to hold back a smile. We both know I’m right. “There he is,” she says, looking past me. “And look who’s with him—your new bestie.”
I turn around. Cam’s walking toward us, Reeve at his side.
That moment when we kissed comes back to me in a rush.
I can feel it on my lips—the heat, the taste.
His self-assured posture and that pale-blue T-shirt stretching across his broad chest wallop me with a memory of how powerful his body felt pressed against mine.
Quickly, I turn back around to Lenni. I wasn’t prepared to see him until work in a few days. I glance back again because maybe he’ll just ignore me. But he’s looking right at me, his smile subtle but screaming out loud and confident: That kiss, right?
I feel a rush of excitement, but not the good kind; panic, I think. I’m not ready to deal with him yet. Cam greets us as we stand, then wraps Lenni in a hug and murmurs in her ear something that makes her laugh. She takes his hand and they turn to go.
“Still want to do breakfast at eight?” Lenni asks me.
“Like you two will be out of bed by then,” I say, trying to prolong the conversation. I keep hoping Reeve will say his goodbyes and go.
“I’ll be there,” Lenni assures me.
Cam gives me a nod. “See you, Jade.”
“Actually,” I say, falling into line next to Lenni. “I’m going the same way. I’ll walk with you.”
“Hey, Jade,” Reeve says behind me. “Let me talk to you a minute.”
There’s a brief and painful few seconds of silence in which I want to kill Reeve. Everyone knows he and I are the last two people who’d voluntarily engage in a friendly chat. I turn around slowly. “Now?”
“Yeah.” His eyes flicker. “Now.”
“Um. Sure. For a minute.” I glance around. Lenni looks surprised, while Cam looks anything but. I swear, if Reeve told him about the kiss, he’s dead.
“Okay, well, see you guys,” Lenni says, eyeballing us as she and Cam start down the street.
I try to look casual until she turns her back; then I scowl at Reeve. “What?” I demand through clenched teeth.
He’s totally unfazed by my death glare. “Let’s walk,” he says, heading in the opposite direction as our friends. “You hungry?”
“Not even a little.”
“Well, I am. Let me grab something up here.” He indicates the food truck parked at the corner.
“What? You said you wanted to talk and I said you had one minute. I’m not waiting for you to eat dinner.”
“Calm down, girl. I’ll grab a hot pretzel and we’ll be on our way in two seconds.
” He doesn’t even wait for me to answer, just walks up to the food truck and expects me to stand there and wait.
And inexplicably, I do, mentally cursing him out the entire time.
He buys a soft pretzel, and I wait some more while he pumps mustard from a giant jug into a little plastic cup, my irritation forgotten for a few seconds as I watch the fine muscles in his arms harden and flex.
I follow him to a metal table behind the food truck, and we sit.
“You ever have one of these?” he asks. “So good. I don’t know how they get the salt to stick. Not like some places where you pick up the pretzel and a salt blizzard spills onto the ground.”
“Can we get on with it? I have things to do. What did you want to talk about?”
He licks the corner of his lip and looks at me. “That fucking kiss.”
I break his gaze immediately. I didn’t expect him to be that direct. “What about it?”
“It was pretty hot. Don’t you think?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, it was just a kiss. It was fine, I guess.”
“Fine, huh?” He says it like he doesn’t believe a word I say, and if I wasn’t working so hard to act uninterested, I’d be annoyed by his unshakable confidence. “Funny, I coulda sworn you looked a little more than fine when it was over.”
“That was surprise. Don’t get it twisted.”
He laughs. “Surprise? No, I think that was your mind being blown wide open.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. Where does he get the nerve?
Reeve leans closer. “I would know. It blew my mind too.”
His admission hangs in the air between us, taking me completely by surprise. We stare at each other, and I swallow hard, hoping my eyes haven’t betrayed me. “What does it matter whether it was good or bad?” I ask, pulling away from him. “It was just a meaningless kiss.”
Reeve shakes his head. “I know what a meaningless kiss is. Do you know how many girls I’ve kissed that didn’t even know my name?”
“No. Believe it or not, I don’t sit up late-night trolling your social media and tallying up the hundreds of skanks you run around with.”
He bites back a smile. “Well, there’s been a lot of them. And a handful that did mean something. You and me? That was something else.”
“What? A drunken make out? Mutual dislike mistaken for passion?”
I can’t believe he doesn’t turn away from me. If someone said that to me, it’d be an invitation to an epic flounce, but Reeve doesn’t even blink.
“Is this about the way I treated Lenni?”
“Yeah, the way you treated Lenni. The way you treat everyone. The way you sit there expecting me to believe a single thing you say.”
“What I did to Lenni was fucked up. I’ve admitted that and apologized for it, but that’s not who I am.”
“Oh, so you’ve changed?” I ask doubtfully.
“I was never that guy. She caught me in a really bad moment, one I don’t ever plan to relive. But I don’t know why I have to apologize to you for something that happened between me and her. I’ve worked to get her forgiveness, and I have it.”
He’s right. He and Lenni are cool now, their brief past a former lifetime. I’m the one holding the grudge.
“Anyway, I’m talking about you and me. Come on, Jade, admit it: There was something between us that night.”
“You really cannot believe that someone could kiss you and not immediately lose her mind, can you?”
“Someone? Sure. But not you. I was on the other end of that kiss, remember? I felt the way you responded.”
I can’t meet his eye any longer. I hoist my bag onto my shoulder, because god help me, I will flounce if I have to. But Reeve grabs my wrist before I can move.
“Look, I know you want to protect yourself after the shit you went through with your ex. I don’t blame you for being afraid.”
His words incite a sharp spike of anger. Who does he think he is analyzing me? I’m not afraid of shit.
“But I’m not out to hurt you. I don’t want a relationship any more than you do. I’m only saying it was a damn good kiss.”
Even though it should come as a relief—he feels the same way I do—it only makes me angrier.
I yank my wrist free. “You know where you went wrong, Reeve? Assuming I’m as stupid as you are.
You might get through life thinking with your dick and convincing girls it’s your heart, but every word you’ve said since we met has only proven you’re incapable of having any emotional connection to a woman.
” I don’t know why I’m saying such awful things to him, but I don’t try to stop the words.
“So no, you’re not going to convince me that was some special connection you felt when we kissed; that was your dick getting hard.
And I didn’t have to be pressed up against it to know that.
You might be charming, but you’re predictable as fuck. ”
I should be turning away by now, but instead I’m watching his face as a look takes over that I’ve never seen before. Hurt. My heart squeezes painfully, but I say nothing.
Like the flip of a switch, he looks away from me, and the hurt is replaced by a steely gaze. “Okay, Jade,” he says coldly.
He gets up and walks down the street, his pretzel still untouched on the table.