CH 37 - #dejavu
#dejavu
Luke
Song: “If I Didn’t Love You” by Jason Aldean and Carrie Underwood
“Are you coming to the saloon?” Sawyer asked me. He worked at Culberson Ranch too.
“Yep, but I don’t know how long I’ll stay. I’m pretty wiped out from breaking in that beast and getting bucked off him earlier.”
“It wasn’t like you to get bucked off.”
“I know, man. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“Would it happen to be your latest squeeze?”
I half-laughed. “Hell no. I haven’t been with any woman since the last one, five months ago. I don’t want another.”
“Did she do you dirty?”
“Yep, but not by fucking around on me. She just suddenly left me high and dry. Didn’t even tell me that we were over.”
Sawyer frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is she from Amarillo?”
“Nope, Dallas.”
“How did you meet her?”
“Her parents bought my family’s old ranch. She came to visit them with her little girl. I fell in love with both of them.”
“Your first round of whiskey is on me tonight,” Sawyer said, his hand on my shoulder.
“Appreciate it. I’ll see you and the guys in a bit. I’m going to grab a shower and eat something.”
Sawyer left the bunkhouse. The other guys were already on their way to Saddle Up Saloon to unwind and were likely going to try to find a woman to hook up with, either in their trucks or in a hotel room. They were all single and a few years younger than me, a great group of coworkers.
When I first started working at Culberson Ranch, it felt strange.
Adapting to the new environment didn’t take me long, though, and it actually ended up being refreshing.
I missed my family’s old ranch, but I was happy to have this one to work at and live on.
Hayden was happy to be at the cattle ranch in Dumas now.
After showering and eating a ham sandwich with potato chips, I stretched out on my bed and opened my Instagram app.
I never had a social media account of any kind until Madison left me.
Seeing her Instagram icon on her cellphone screen several times while we were together prompted me to open my own account a few days after my arrival here.
I set it up under a false name with no photo, quickly found Madison’s account, but didn’t follow her.
Because hers wasn’t set to private, I was able to somewhat keep tabs on her and Bella.
Madison didn’t post photos often, but I still loved to see her and her mini-me.
She was growing so fast. She turned five in August. It was November 1st now.
Earlier today, Madison posted a new photo on her Instagram page.
I enlarged it with my fingertips to get a closer look at her with Bella in Halloween costumes.
Madison was dressed like a winged fairy, while the little redheaded angel was dressed like a cowgirl, which made me smile.
It also made me wonder if she ever asked her mommy about me.
Looking even closer at the photo, I noticed Madison had put on a little weight, which she needed to do. She was thin when I met her and still thin when she left me. I guessed that she wasn’t running as she used to for some reason.
After I walked into the saloon, I spotted Sawyer sitting at the bar, talking with two of our coworkers, Jess and Austin. As I neared them, they looked in my direction, smiled, and held up their longneck bottles of beer.
“Hey, man!” Sawyer said to me, and then Jess and Austin spoke, smiling.
“You guys haven’t gotten into any trouble yet, I see.”
Jess chuckled. “The night is still young! What are you having tonight, Luke?”
“Buffalo Trace again.”
“I’ve got it,” Sawyer said, holding up his finger.
A few minutes later, I was sipping my glass of smooth bourbon whiskey and watching my three buddies on the dance floor with random women, having a ball. When the next song started playing, they all parted ways, the guys rejoining me at the bar.
While they got themselves another beer and cut up talking, I watched them but kept thinking about Madison as “If I Didn’t Love You” by Jason Aldean and Carrie Underwood played.
I hadn’t heard it in a long time, but it sure did fit how I was feeling about the fiery woman who still owned my heart, especially the lyrics: “If I didn’t love you, I’d be good by now.
I’d be better than barely getting by somehow.
Yeah, it would be easy not to miss you, wonder about who’s with you, turn the ‘want to’ off whenever I want to if I didn’t love you. ”
I wondered if Madison was seeing someone new. She probably was. No one had to tell me that he was a refined city slicker—the kind of man Madison believed she needed. I knew I was the man she needed, though. I watched her come to life when I entered hers. She lit up my life, too.
Just then, a woman with red hair down to her waist, wearing a straw cowgirl hat, a tight white T-shirt, blue jeans, a brown belt, and boots, passed by me, immediately catching my eye. I did a double-take at her because she looked like Madison. My God, it was.
Her back was to me as I hurried toward her, then I grabbed her hand and spun her around, saying, “What are you doing… Ma’am, I apologize. I thought you were someone else.”
She smiled at me as I let go of her hand. “It’s okay. What’s your name?”
“Luke Harrison.”
“Hi, Luke, I’m Madelyn Turner,” she said, reaching out to shake my hand.
“It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too. Are you here alone?”
I thumbed over my shoulder. “I’m with some buddies of mine.”
“You work on one of the ranches in Childress, don’t you?”
“Yep.”
“With cattle or horses?”
“Horses.”
Madelyn’s eyes grew big. “I just realized who you are. I saw you in a TV commercial about Texas ranches. You work for Mr. and Mrs. Culberson.”
“I do. You know them personally?”
“Yes, they’re my aunt and uncle.”
“They’re great folks.”
Madelyn slowly looked over my face, then met my gaze. “I was on my way to the ladies’ room. Will you be at the bar when I finish using it?”
“Yep.”
“Buy me a drink?”
“What kind do you prefer?”
“Jack Daniels.”
I searched her eyes, my heart pounding and my stomach knotting up.
Between the young woman’s name being similar to Madison’s, her waist-length red hair, eye color, and preference for whiskey, I needed to get out of here.
Looking at her was messing with my head.
She was beautiful, with green eyes. They weren’t emerald-green like Madison’s, but close enough.
“I’m sorry, but I actually need to leave,” I said.
“Will you tell me something before you do?”
“Alright.”
“Who did you mistake me for being?”
“The love of my life.”