Chapter 16
Oakley
I rubbed at my eyes, trying and failing to clear away the itchy dryness. It did no good, only causing them to itch more. It didn’t help that I felt more tired than I did when I went to bed the night before.
Which was normal when the monsters got to me.
What did they do to me this time?
Sucking, I paused.
That wasn’t a thumb.
I pulled up my hand, seeing in fact, that I wasn’t sucking on my thumb. It was currently bandaged up, ten times better than the first time.
Did the monsters break it? Was that why?
I blinked, trying to remember what may, or may not, have happened.
There was pain. There was voices. There was scratching and knocking. One even was on me, touching me. The only difference this time, was the touch was warm. It wasn’t bone chilling cold.
Sucking again, I paused, holding my body still.
Monsters never offered comfort. They’d leave me cold. Naked. Lonely.
So…what was in my mouth? Did I want to touch? To look?
My heart beat too quickly in my chest, breathing slightly labored as I forced my body to not move.
Was it possible a monster was still in this room? They didn’t come get me in the daylight time, but maybe at this house, it was different. Maybe the monsters wanted to lure me into safety so they could pounce at a time I didn’t expect.
But that didn’t explain why my thumb was wrapped.
Had Sabastain come in and saved me? Or had he found me, after the monsters were done, and patched me up?
Sir never patched me up. He liked seeing the marks on my body. He enjoyed it, so much so, he’d sometimes play with himself while he looked at me.
A shiver of disgust rose up along my spine.
Yeah, not something I wanted to think about ever again.
Pulling myself from the bed, leaving my thoughts there, I padded towards the bathroom. My tongue ran along the thing in my mouth, feeling the rubbery texture. My teeth easily bit into it. It was soft, giving away to the force of my tongue pushing it around.
I refused to look in the mirror until after I washed my hands. And even then, I slowly lifted my eyes.
My face was a mess. Scratches from long nails had cut into my skin, leaving red claw marks and sharp bruises along my checks.
Dried tears followed the path, stinking to my skin when I tried to move my mouth. But that only drew my attention to the thing that I was sucking on.
Dark blue, with a white star in the middle around a hook like handle. Sucking again, it moved at the motion.
I knew what it was, but where the heck did it come from? And why did I find the idea…okay?
Of course I’d be okay with it. If Sabastian was the one that gave it to me, than I had to be fine with it. But also…it was so similar to the picture on that one book.
Sucking again, I let it rest against my tongue, feeling the rubbery weight sooth something that I didn’t know needed soothed. Or maybe I was just too tired to worry about it.
It was kind of like wearing skirts. If someone who owned my body wanted me to look a certain way, wear a certain thing, then I had to. My comfort wasn’t my problem. I’d spent most of my life uncomfortable for a hundred different reasons. This was just another one of those times.
At least this one wasn’t painful. I could easily get used to a pacifier, which would give my thumb a much-needed break.
Tired of looking at my ugly, pale face, I turned away from the mirror. For now, I decided, I’d keep the pacifier until Sabastian said otherwise.
Stopping in the door way, I tilted my head. Hadn’t I been in the corner, hiding from the monsters? Why had I woken up in the bed, with my clothes changed?
Did the monsters tear my clothes off? It was possible, after all. But then, was Sabastian going to be upset that the clothes he bought were torn up? Would he hit me? Lock me downstairs? Or even, in a cage?
I blanched, my stomach swopping at that thought.
Sir threatened cages, and I knew I’d for sure be left to die in one eventually.
In a cage, there would be no escape. The monsters could maybe not get to me as easily if I was in one, but they could taunt me more there.
Because in a cage, there was no corner to hide in.
Sniffing, I forced my feet to take me to the partially open bedroom door. Peeking around it, there weren’t any sounds coming from anywhere in the house. At least the monsters were gone for the moment, but was I alone in the house?
Where was Sabastian? I assumed he’d be back, since I was longer chained to the bed.
With light steps, not daring to make a sound just in case I wasn’t meant to leave the room, I went down the stairs. One slow step at a time, listening for any sort of noise.
At the bottom, I peeked around the corner, finding the kitchen empty. No mugs of coffee on the counter. No pans of food.
Maybe he left again, I thought.
Standing just a tad straighter, hands folded around my middle, I let my eyes wonder for a moment. I hadn’t taken the time to really look at the main floor. There was no need to, not when I wasn’t allowed to wander down here on my own. Or anywhere, for that matter.
A huge entryway, one pair of shoes sitting by the door. A jacket slung over a table.
Off of the other side, was a living room. Pure white furniture, which I knew would be stained easily with my blood. I already didn’t want to dare touch them, knowing I’d leave a mark even if I didn’t mean to.
Along one of the couches, laid Sabastian, eyes closed and a slight snore.
Was he really sleeping there? Had that been where he was all night while the monsters got their hands on me?
My heart fell, even though I didn’t exactly have one that felt emotional pain these days, to my feet.
Had the man stayed down here the entire night while the monsters took what they wanted from me? Did he not care? Well, dah, why would he care? I was nothing but a thing to him.
Swallowing down the rising tears, I tiptoed closer. Since he was fast asleep, I took a long moment to really look at him. Still dressed in the clothes he’d gone out in, although his pants were undone, showing off gray underwear, he looked….peaceful.
Dark thick hair was a bit wilder than I’d seen it before, like he’d ran a hand through it more than a few times. Long eye lashes, hiding his brown depths from view. And pink lips that were parted.
Kneeling right there beside the couch, I rested in a pose that wouldn’t hurt my back or legs, if I had to stay there for a while. I never knelt in front of someone who was asleep before, but Sir liked me kneeling for hours at a time.
Surprisingly, kneeling for this man who was fast asleep was easy. I didn’t fight the growing discomfort. Maybe there wasn’t much to latch onto. I just knelt, sucking on the pacifier. My eyes went from Sabastian to the floor, before finally settling on the dark gray carpet.
Eventually, for once, my thoughts went blank. Usually, when I was kneeling for Sir, thoughts of all the ways I’d messed up would bombard me. Thoughts of how I was a disappointment, a disgrace, would come rushing in. It never helped when he barked out words to make me feel like that.
Maybe since the man was asleep, not saying a word, gave my mind time to heal from the monsters. Or maybe, I just found a tiny bit of relief in a moment of quiet.
Whatever the case, I was going to enjoy it, because I’d never enjoyed something before.
I don’t know how long I was there, kneeling on the floor. my mind mostly blank for once in my life. I found something in that blankness, something that I knew I’d want to have again, if I could.
I was torn out of my state when a deep groan came from Sabastian. I lifted my eyes enough to watch as he rubbed both hands down his face.
“Fuck,” he hissed. I jerked, almost falling over.
I didn’t drop my eyes fast enough when he looked around the room, spotting me. His eyes widened as he was the one to jerk, shooting up to sit.
“Fuck.” Another curse as he jumped from the couch, running out of the room. Then, a door somewhere nearby slammed moments before what sounded like a toilet lid hitting more porcelain.
I stayed where I was. Part in fear, part out of not knowing what to do.
Sir vomited a lot, always making a mess that I’d have to clean up. I think he did it on purpose, puking on the floor just to see me clean it, fighting against my own gagging while doing so.
I didn’t know Sabastian well enough to know what he wanted of me. Heck, I had yet to figure out what he wanted of me period. I didn’t think he really wanted me in the first place, since he had pretty much ignored me. Which was better than anything else, I reminded myself.
Sucking at the pacifier, feeling the plastic almost suction to my skin before I let up, I took a breath through my nose. I had to calm myself. Fearing what I didn’t know would come when it came. Whatever it may be.
Settling my weight against the heels of my feet, shoulders slumped, I debated on hiding. I wasn’t tied to anything. I could try to hide somewhere in the house. I could find the smallest corner, and become invisible in it.
Before I could get my body to do just that, Sabastian was back, sitting on the couch, head in his hands.
He was close enough that if I wanted, I could lean into his leg. But I didn’t. That’d be stupid. Sir never liked me doing the touching. He was to touch. He was to look. So, I could only guess that was how Sabastain was, too.
It didn’t matter that I missed nice touches like that. Mom used to hug me, tell me she’d always be there with open arms. Even though Sir sneered at her for saying such words. Mom had been there, offering nice touches. Touches I had long since lost hope of having.
Crybabies like me didn’t get that, though.
Blinking back tears, and trying to make my mind go back to the blankness of before, my body shuddered. On instinct, my arms wrapped around my torso, trying to keep the parts that were falling apart inside.
Sir’s words were still bouncing around my head, and most likely stay there forever.
“Worthless piece of junk. Can’t get hard when you see my big cock. Can’t keep the tears away. Such a crybaby. Filthy shameful slut.”
I held my breath, forcing Sir’s voice away. I didn’t need reminders of how bad I was. I didn’t need to remember how his hands felt on me as he chocked tears from my eyes.
“Settle, little one.” At his voice, a hand landed in my hair, tangling against the already tangled strands. I held my breath, waiting for the grasp to pull or push. Or both, for all I knew. Instead, fingertips rubbed along the top of my head, which only caused more tears that I didn’t want to lose.
What the heck was wrong with me? I only cried when I couldn’t take life anymore. I only shed tears when I was terrified. Not when a simple touch against my skin happened.
“I think I messed up.” He kept speaking, not stopping his fingers. “I did mess up. On many things. But the way I’ve treated you.”
As his fingers moved from my hair, I couldn’t stop myself as I followed. I didn’t catch myself until it was too late. Leaning against his leg, I just stayed there, too defeated to try to do anything else at that moment.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he went on with a deep sigh. “And I’m fucking hung over, which isn’t helping. But I’m an asshole. One that promises to right things.”
His hand went back to my head, this time just petting me, as if I were a dog. But maybe, I did something right. Maybe, Sabastian was a lonely man, and only wanted company like this.
Because, this right here, I could do. I didn’t have to fear his touch as I leaned against him, soaking up whatever attention he’d give me.
“Attention whore,” Sir spat.
I jerked, hearing that voice in my head. It got me to remember my place.
I didn’t deserve this touch, but until Sabastian pushed me away, I was going to stay right there and take it.