Chapter 41
Oakley
“I have one more gift.”
Sabastian couldn’t be serious? He’d given me more than I could ever think of wanting today.
“It’s more for me than anything.”
When he handed the small package to me, I slowly took it, unsure if I really needed anything else.
How would I ever repay him for everything he’s done for me?
Slowly, as if whatever was in the small box would jump out at me, I unwrapped the red bow and then opened the lid.
Right inside the black box was a phone, a case and all.
“I have my name and phone number in there, along with my brothers’. That way, if something ever happens and you can’t get ahold of me, you can contact one of them.”
I flipped the phone over in my hand, feeling its weight in my palm.
“No social media accounts, but you can do YouTube and a few others that are already downloaded.”
“Okay.”
I was pulled from whatever was trying to come through my head as the puppy stretched, using my lap for her claws to dig into while doing so.
“You can even use the Chrome app to look up some dog names. I think she needs one so we can get her a tag with it.”
“She needs a bed.” That was something she didn’t come with.
I wasn’t sure what made me feel brave enough to stay that. But if she was going to be in my care while Sabastian was out, then I had to say her needs.
“That she does. I’ll get some ordered to be delivered in a day or two. And more toys.”
“You’re gonna spoil her,” I muttered, standing from the floor in one of my more graceful moves.
“I’ll spoil you, too, little one.”
I blushed, ducking my head as I called for the puppy to follow and go outside.
“I’m also going to order a dog training book for you.”
It was a lost cause to argue against him, wasn’t it?
As I let the puppy outside, taking a moment to sit on the back porch and look out past the fence line, I let my thoughts wander for just a moment. I couldn’t allow them any more time than that.
I wasn’t sure what the rest of the day would bring, and I wasn’t too thrilled about finding out. The monsters out there in the darkness still wanted me. I could see them in the shadows, biding their time. But right now, they didn’t scare me.
What scared me more was the idea of what Sabastian wanted from me. Most likely when we went to bed.
I hoped he’d be gentle while he used my body. I didn’t want it to hurt, but knowing my luck, it would.
I hadn’t expected Sabastian to let me have this puppy, or any of them for that matter. I couldn’t have even hoped to take her, yet I did. I let that tiny bit of want to come through to see what he’d do.
Would he have followed through with me getting whatever I wanted? Was he really a nice, decent human being where he wanted me happy?
I didn’t know those answers just yet. I did know that he really wanted to spoil me and that it was most likely going to work when he’d be using the dog to get me things.
And then a phone on top of it all?
Why so many things? I didn’t need any of it. I didn’t need all the apps for clothing shops to order what I wanted. And he said I could order whatever I needed. I have more than enough clothes.
I had enough things to last for years.
As the puppy – who really needed a name – came walking up to me, tail waggy and happy, I refocused on her.
I wasn’t sure why she had been so skittish at first, but now she seemed happy and content with a new house, a new family, to call her own.
Either way, she was now mine. Well, ours, really. But she didn’t seem to care too much about Sabastian. She’d sniff his fingers, but otherwise really didn’t want anything to do with the man.
Not that I blamed her one bit. I was like that too for so long. I didn’t trust him fully, but I was getting there, very slowly.
Today had gone better than I expected it to. I didn’t like attention or gifts.
I was sure glad that birthdays only came once a year. If I was even here that long. Who knows what was going to happen to me after this man tired of me?
A part of me hoped that he’d never tire of me. That I’d get to stay here for years and years and never have to fear the unknown again. But the smart part of me knew that wasn’t going to happen.
He’d take what he’d want, use me until I was broken, then pass me on to the next person.
I was more sure now than ever that he wanted me to be fully healed before he rebroke me, piece by tiny piece.
That was something I surely wouldn’t be able to live through. I wasn’t sure if I was back together inside, only for me to be rebroken, would be livable anyway.
I’ve suffered so much, and I didn’t want to suffer another single day. All the things that Sabastian spoke of, I wanted.
I wanted to explore his world.
I wanted to find love.
I wanted to be happy.
But was that possible? Would I ever get more than what I currently have? Fleeting moments of contentment?
“You’re in deep thought out here.”
I jerked, having not expected him to come out here. This time, he didn’t bother to apologize for scaring me like all the others.
“Maybe…I should scare you some time.” I huffed, getting my heart to settle.
It wasn’t the first time I spoke words with a bit more emotion behind them. I was so sure this man was going to punish me for doing so, but he hadn’t.
I told myself to cool it though. Being disrespectful wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I knew that.
“I’d love to see you try that sometime,” he joked, taking a seat beside me. The puppy perked up but didn’t go closer to him. “Wanna answer the question?”
“Life?” I sighed, reaching a hand out to pet the puppy.
“That is a lot to think about.” He paused, leaning his elbows on his knees. “What about it that causes you to be so lost in thought?”
What didn’t, was the better question.
“Why did you buy me?”
“To save you. If it wasn’t for me, someone would have bought you from Donny, and you’d likely be dead by now.”
“Maybe death would have a mercy.”
“If that had happened, yes. But isn’t life worth living now?”
“Because of you.” I flickered a look his way. It was all because of this man.
“I’ll do anything to give you the life you want, Oakley. Even if it means getting you that darn stinky goat.” The last part was spoken with a bit of humor, and I almost laughed.
“The goat was cute.” I hedged. “But I like this one better. She can sleep on the bed with us.”
“I don’t think I said she could.”
I looked at Sabastian, wondering if that would be a rule. His eyes were squinted at me, but there was no heat behind that glare.
I was pretty darn sure that when we went to bed tonight, whatever happened, the puppy would be in the bed with me.
He shook his head, either at his thoughts or knowing what went through my own.
“Have I told you today how adorable you are?”
I breathed through my nose, dropping my eyes to the puppy again as she lay at my feet.
“Shall we go in and get a snack? And maybe watch a movie?”
“If that’s what you want?”
“Come on. Maybe I’ll show you how to look stuff up on your new phone so you can name this puppy.”
Now that was a great idea. I’d eventually figure out how to use the device, once I got over the small nerves that were ingrained in me to not even think about touching a thing like that.
***
I finally decided on the name Dixie. The puppy seemed to like that name, too, as she had coked her head to the side when I had used it.
Sabastian hadn’t been any help whatsoever, leaving it completely up to me.
All he did was sit back, watching the war movie he put on while I looked through so many pictures of names. Every so often, his hand would run over my head, or he’d comment here or there, but he didn’t give me any names or hints on the ones he’d like.
It was strange to have something left to me like that. In the grand scheme of all things, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal to name a pet that was basically all mine.
As the afternoon turned into night, dinner ate and dishes cleaned up, I found myself part nervous, part fearful.
I knew what I’d have to do, and no matter if tears were shed or not, I’d have to bear my body, and possibly my soul, to the man.
I knew it could be worse. So much so, that the devil himself could be the one who wanted my soul and body.
At least I still owned my soul, and I didn’t think that was going to change any time soon, thankfully.
I made quick work using the bathroom and brushing my teeth. The door was cracked open, and I could hear Sabastian trying to talk some sort of sense into Dixie.
Peaking around the frame, I saw the puppy trying to find a comfortable spot on my pillow. I couldn’t help but let the small smile lift the corners of my lips. That wasn’t going to work. I quite enjoyed my pillow, and the bed for that matter.
Quickly finishing up, I exited the bathroom so Sabastian could use it.
“You aren’t taking my spot, Dixie,” I said, easily picking her up, and moving her to the end of the bed. “You can be there. Or just steal his. That’d work too.”
“I heard that, little one.”
I widened my eyes at Dixie, who easily curled up at the foot of the bed. I knew he would, but I was more surprised by my own words coming out like that.
I wasn’t a tease. I didn’t joke around, either.
At least I can’t be called a slut anymore, I thought, sobering up at that thought.
Breathing through my nose, I took a deep breath and let it out. I had to get my mind to either shut off completely or something because tonight wasn’t going to be as good as the day had been.
Pulling off my skirt and underwear, I tossed them into the hamper before crawling into bed and under the blankets. My entire body shook as I lay on my side, back facing the bathroom door.
Could I really do this? Would I be strong enough?
My breath caught in my throat for a second before I forced myself to calm down. I knew that something would happen eventually. Now that I was officially an adult, I was more certain than ever about what was going to happen.
All I could hope for was for it not to hurt.
It felt like it took Sabastian longer than normal in the bathroom, but when he emerged, I clenched my eyes tight.
My ears strained, listening as he moved about the room. Changing his clothes, turning off the main light, only to turn on the low lamp that worked to keep the monsters at bay. He plugged in his phone and then crawled into bed.
Forcing my body to relax, which was way harder than it ever had been before, I blinked my eyes open. I kept my gaze pinned to his chest, not daring to look up any farther.
“Did you enjoy your birthday?”
“Yes, thank you.” I enjoyed it. It’d be forever a day I’d remember and hang on to because there may never be a day like it again.
“Come here, sweetheart.” With an arm above the pillows, we both moved so we were closer together. Just like how we normally were at this time of night. “You’re shaking.”
I couldn’t stop doing so, even if I wanted to. My body trembled, so much I was sure that it was shaking the bed.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, not able to speak as my voice got clogged in my throat. There was no way I’d be able to speak the words in my mind right now.
“Oakley,” his voice lowered. “I can’t help if you don’t talk. We’ve had a great day, haven’t we? You opened up a bit, even. Teasing here and there. I’m proud of you for that, by the way.”
I took in a deep breath. “Will it hurt?”
“Will what hurt?” He seemed to be generally confused.
“When….you take….my body.”
“Oh, Oakley.” He pulled me closer to him, wrapping an arm around my back to hold me there. Maybe he knew I’d likely bolt if given the chance. “I will never take what I want from your body. You own every bit of yourself. I will never use you for my pleasure.”
Was he for real?
Sir always said I’d be used for my…lack of being used. I’d be taken so hard, bread like a piece of nothingness that I was.
“I don’t rape others. Ever. My partner needs to be willing. And I make it extremely enjoyable for them. Because yes, the first time or two will hurt, no matter how much lube I’d use.”
‘But Sir said-“
“Donny is a piece of shit,” he nearly growled, causing my entire body to jerk.
“He put thoughts of twisted crap into your mind. You are something I want to treasure when the time comes to that. I will never require you to bend over to let me have my way with you. I will never force you to your knees to suck me off, either. What you want to do sexually is up to you. Which is one of the reasons I want you to do those checklists.”
Oh right. I forgot about those today.
“You…don’t want me?”
“How the hell did you get that idea?” he huffed, forcing me to look up at him with a finger under my chin.
“I want you. Badly. I would love to earn your trust to make love to you. But that won’t be rushed, because we need to feel the same need and feel the same emotions to connect us.
I’m perfectly fine to wait however long I need to. ”
I opened and closed my mouth, and when nothing came out, I just kept it shut.
“You are so sweet, and kind, and adorable, and loveable. I will never, ever, hurt you that way. I care about you, all parts of you.”
Maybe he really did.
Tears gathered, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
“I’m a good guy, Oakley. One you can trust, but I know that trust will take time. Hence why I refuse to touch you the way you think I will. Not tonight. Not in a month. Or even a year. If you aren’t ready for that, then I’ll wait.”