12. Memphis
TWELVE
Memphis
I ’m watching the football game when Pearl makes her way back from the bathroom.
“Where’s Jade?” I lean over and ask.
“Oh, her mom called and needed help with something. She said she would get ahold of you tomorrow.” She offers up a smile before diverting her eyes back to the field.
I wonder why she didn’t let me know herself but shrug it off and watch the rest of the game. It takes another hour before the game is over and the crowd is thinning out. I pull my phone out of my pocket and check to see if she’s left me any messages, but there’s nothing on the screen. Blake and Pearl take off back to their car, but I decide to head over to Jade’s to make sure everything is okay. After spending the night last night, the last place I want to be is back in my childhood room. I really need to find myself an apartment since I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.
I get behind the wheel and make the short drive over to her place. I knock on the door and then open it, letting myself in. When I see that she’s here and in one piece, I smile as relief washes over me. On the short drive from the field to her place, I managed to convince myself that something was wrong, but here she is in one piece. Then my eyes find the strange man sitting on her couch.
I look back at her and she seems nervous. “Memphis, this is Paul. Paul, this is Memphis,” she introduces.
I lean over to shake his hand, a little confused. “Paul…isn’t that the guy you met online?”
She forces a smile and nods. “Yes, it is. They had a massive storm that knocked out the power, so we haven’t been able to talk for a while now. He didn’t want me to worry, so he made the trip here while they’re working on restoring power.”
I nod. “Can I talk to you? Privately?”
“Sure. Paul, the remote is right there. Make yourself at home, and I’ll be right back.” She walks with me outside.
The moment I’m on the sidewalk, I turn to face her. “Jade, what the fuck? ”
“I know, I’m sorry,” she says, raising her hands to rub her temples. “Worst timing ever, right?”
“You’ve got to tell him.” I motion toward her apartment.
“I know. I just…feel so bad. I mean, he traveled halfway around the world for me. And I swear, I broke things off between us, but he just hasn’t seen it.”
“So what’s your big plan here? Are you just going to act like you’re still with him while he’s here, maybe kiss him and screw him while you’re at it?” Anger is getting the best of me. I shouldn’t have said that, I realize the moment the words leave my lips.
She acts like I’ve reached out and slapped her. “Are you kidding me right now?” Her black brows are drawn together in what I can only imagine to be amazement at how stupid I am. “If you wouldn’t have run off the way you did, I never would’ve started internet dating to begin with. Yeah, I know it’s a shitty situation, but I will deal with it how I see fit. And for you to imply that I’d sleep with him is far too mean to say, even for you. Now please leave. I have company.” She turns to leave. I can’t let her walk away right now, not while there’s a guy in there waiting for her, not in the middle of our fight.
I spin her around and pull her to my chest, pressing my lips against hers. I kiss her like I’ll never get another chance to kiss her—I might not after what I just said—and I don’t let her pull away until we’re both left breathless.
She looks at me with angry eyes as she wipes her mouth. She takes a deep breath, and her shoulders visibly fall. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Memphis.” Without another word, she turns and walks back inside.
I stand back and stare up at her door, wishing for her to come back out. I don’t like the way we left things. My stomach hurts and there’s a pain in my chest. Why in the fuck would I say something like that to her? If I was her, I’d do anything I could to hurt me as much as I’ve hurt her.
Not only am I afraid that I’ll lose her to him, I’m worried that this strange guy that neither of us really know is going to be staying at her place. What if he’s a murderer or something? Is she even safe in there?
I climb back into my car and look up into her living room window. I wonder what they’re doing in there. I wonder if she’s breaking up with him now. Hell, if she is, I’ll personally drive the guy to the airport just to know that he’s nowhere near Jade. I know I should leave and give them their privacy, but I can’t force myself to do it. I recline my seat back slightly and cross my arms over my chest, watching the window as their shadows dance across it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so jealous in all my life. I wasn’t ever the insecure type of guy. I had many girlfriends in high school before I started dating Jade, but once she came into the picture, she was all I saw. I never should have left her. I was determined to find my way through this world, find my own path. But now I’ve seen it all, and I still ended up back here. I did nothing but waste nearly ten years of my life trying to avoid the only woman I’ve ever loved. A woman that I left hurt and broken. A woman I somehow managed to win back only to lose her again.
What if she decides that she wants to give this guy a real shot? I mean, she gave me a shot and I clearly blew it. What if she decides that I’m not worth another shot? What if all she needed to get over the hurt I caused her was to see me again, tell me off, and kiss me goodbye? What if me coming back here was just what she needed to get over me, and now this guy is here to rescue her?
I watch her window until I can no longer hold my eyes open. They drift closed, and before I know it, I’m fast asleep.
I roll to my side and pull her against my chest. She cuddles in close, and I breathe in her sweet scent. Her hand is around my bicep and she squeezes it, making me feel like the strongest man on earth.
“I love you, Jade,” I whisper into her hair .
“I love you too,” she replies, breathless from our love making.
“I’m going to marry you one of these days, you know that?”
She looks up at me with a hint of a smile playing on her lips. “Is that right?”
“Mm-hm. I can see it now. You’ll be in a long, white dress, and your dark hair will be pulled back into a loose braid. The sun will be shining down on you, making your skin glow. And when you step into my view, I’ll be breathless. Nervousness will take over as I watch you walk closer. But even though I’ll be nervous, I won’t change my mind because I know that we belong together.”
She smiles up at me with her sleepy eyes. “How do you know?”
“‘Cause I can feel it every time we touch. Every time you look at me, my breath is stolen from my lungs, my heart races, and I can’t see anything but you.”
I place my hand under her chin and direct her eyes to mine. “I promise, Jade. You will be all mine one day and I’ll never let you go.”
My eyes open, and I see her dark apartment in front of me. The living room light isn’t on anymore, which means that they went to bed. I wonder if he’s on the couch or if he’s in her bed, where I was last night. I check the time on my phone and see that it’s going on three in the morning. I shake my head and roll my neck around, hearing it crack. I listen real hard and don’t hear anything but my own breathing inside the car. Off in the distance, there’s a dog howling. I can hear the sounds of the tree limbs blowing and the wind whipping around buildings, but there’s no sign that there is anything going on in that apartment.
I begin to relax and think about that dream, the memory. At the time, I was only seventeen, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jade was it for me and that I’d make her mine one day. I told her I’d never let her go, and that’s exactly what I did. I hate myself for breaking that promise, and I have lived with that hate every single day for almost ten years. I couldn’t blame her for pushing me away now, not after everything we’ve been through. I deserve every bit of heartache she can inflict on me, and I’ll take it as long as it means we’ll end up together. If she decides that she needs to see where things lead with this guy, I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever because that’s what she deserves after the things I’ve done. One day, they’ll break up, and I’ll be there waiting to pick her back up again, to prove to her that I was right all along. We do belong together, and we will end up together.
I lay my head back against the headrest, and I close my eyes again. I push away all thoughts of him and her being in there alone together. I know if I sit and focus on it, I’ll never get back to sleep. A part of me knows that I should just go home and go to bed, but if I do that, I won’t get any sleep because I’ll be wondering if he’s here hurting her. I’ll stay right here, so I keep an eye on things.
I focus on my breathing, taking each breath deliberately and with purpose. I listen to the sound of my beating heart, and I work at lowering its speed. It’s racing with the thoughts of them in there alone. I listen to the wind blowing around my car and the soft rocking it causes. Before I know it, I’m back to sleep, and instead of dreaming of our past, I’m dreaming of our future, a future where we’re together and happy and in love with a growing family. I can’t wait to make her mine and start our lives together. Even if I have to wait twenty years, I’ll do it. She doesn’t know that, but I make a mental note to tell her tomorrow. She can push and pull away all she wants, but I’m not leaving. Ever. I’ll always be right here, waiting to pick her up and make her mine again.