Chapter Twenty-Three
Marina
Marina loved all the wonderful people in her life, but she was thankful when they called for their carriages.
They would all return in the morning when she married Evan, but she’d had enough excitement for the day.
It was bittersweet, since Evan had also called for his carriage to be sent over.
She couldn’t bear the idea of being apart from him.
She needed to tell him she loved him. Without a doubt, she knew her heart but hadn’t found the way to tell him.
The words somehow didn’t feel powerful or strong enough for what she felt for him.
He had told her several times, and she didn’t want to merely say it back.
After the hateful way she’d treated him, he needed to understand that she wouldn’t live a life that didn’t have him in it.
If they were in a romance novel, she would have cried the words into his chest after the kidnapping incident, but that didn’t seem to be the most appropriate moment.
He deserved to know she cherished him, in a way that was deeper than she ever thought possible, and she couldn’t find and speak those words with the group of men watching them.
She shook off her thoughts and noted Evan and his mother were the last ones remaining in the drawing room with her family. Marina held Evan’s hand and leaned against him on the settee. She whispered in his ear, “Please come tonight. I’ll let you in at the servants’ door.”
“I don’t think so, love.”
She pulled back. “What? Why?” How could he not do as she asked? Surely he didn’t want to be parted from her, either, after the day they had. Had something changed between them? Of course not. He’d risked his life for her. His response made little sense.
Brooks appeared. “The Ockham carriage has arrived.”
Evan kissed Marina’s hand and shifted his attention to his mother. “Come, Mother.”
Marina watched in disbelief as her mother and Evan bussed each other’s cheeks.
Her mother was far more forgiving than Marina could ever be, and she admired her for it.
Her mother would be far less lonely in the country with a friend nearby.
It was an ideal situation, but she still couldn’t believe it had worked out.
If something good could come out of her father’s passing and Minto kidnapping her, she would take it.
Her betrothed, on the other hand, she was not pleased with at the moment.
Marina stared holes into his back as he departed with his mother and didn’t cast her a backwards glance.
She reminded herself that the man had been willing to take a bullet for her, so she was being churlish by allowing frustration to build for him.
She could at least acknowledge that. It didn’t change the fact that she wanted him with her, and she wouldn’t sleep a wink without feeling the safety of his arms around her.
She dropped back onto the settee and crossed her arms, warring with herself over her selfish need for him and acknowledging that it wasn’t proper for him to spend the evening before their wedding together.
But the evening they’d spent together last night wasn’t proper and that hadn’t stopped either of them.
She huffed out loud, not caring that her mother and brother would plague her with questions when they noticed she was in such a state.
“Does that mean you don’t want me to stay?”
She focused her attention on the doorway, where Evan stood next to her brother, both of them with irritating smirks on their faces.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “Nor do I find you amusing.”
Evan closed the distance and pulled her to standing, then embraced her in his arms. “Your brother has agreed to let me stay. No sneaking past the servants and no scaling the walls.”
“You could have just said that.” For a brief moment, she thought to push him away from her after the trick he’d just played, but she knew her heart and mind better than that. She was relieved he was staying. But there was no way she would make this easy for him.
He pulled her close and brushed his lips against her ear, sending shivers through her body. “I’ll make it up to you.” When he pulled back, he winked at her.
She melted. Not that she would tell him that, of course. She glanced over at her mother and brother. “The servants may talk.”
Her mother waved her off. “After what occurred today, it’s expected your betrothed would see to your safety. I am having a room made up.” She fixed her gaze on Evan. “At least make it look like the room was slept in, please.”
Evan laughed. “I have never encountered such an understanding family. My own mother is scandalized about my sleeping here.”
“Well, you’re practically one of us now,” Arthur said. “Just do me a favor and don’t let me find you kissing and groping each other all the time. Save that for your own home. A brother can only take so much.”
Marina waved off her brother. “I’ll be happy to remind you of your words when you find the woman who captures your heart.”
“You’ll be an old married lady by then,” Arthur said.
Their mother interrupted what would have likely been a battle of the wits and clapped her hands together. “Big day tomorrow. I think we should all find our beds. Evan, follow me and I’ll show you to your room.”
“I’m coming, too.” Marina followed behind them.
“Of course you are,” Arthur called after her.
She turned and stuck her tongue out at him but smiled after she did it. She adored their relationship and hoped they’d always banter like they were still children.
Evan escorted her mother up the stairs, and Marina followed behind, enamored with the thigh muscles that flexed beneath her betrothed’s breeches with each step.
Once they reached the room her mother had assigned to Evan, he kissed each of their hands and wished them a good evening.
He winked at Marina before he closed the door.
Marina looped arms with her mother as they strolled toward their chambers. Her mother patted her hand. “I am going to miss having you under the same roof, but I couldn’t be happier for you.”
“We will visit all the time, Mama. And you can come and stay with us. Now that you and Evan’s mama are…whatever it is you are, you can come whenever you wish.”
“I would love that, dearest.”
Marina had to know how her mother could be so understanding to the woman. “Mama, are you only being so kind because you think that is what I wish? I would never ask you to do anything that brought you pain.”
“Oh, not at all, dearest. If anything, I feel sorry for Lady Ockham. She loved your father, while I never did. When he died, she lost the man she loved, while I gained my freedom. Of course I mourn him as the father of my children.” She tilted her head to the side, assessing Marina.
“If Minto had succeeded at marrying you today, would you have stayed and been a dutiful wife, or would have run off to the Americas with Evan?”
Marina contemplated her mother’s words. “I would have run away, vows be damned.”
She stopped walking and faced Marina. “I know you would, and I would have encouraged you to do that very thing. Love is powerful, dearest. If I had felt something so deeply for a man, I would have done the same. Instead, I found love for my children. Lady Ockham didn’t aim to harm me.
She was in love, and I can forgive her, and your father, for that. ”
She touched her daughter’s cheek.
“Before you judge your future mother-in-law too harshly, as I know you are wont to do, you should know that she went to your father and pleaded with him to let Evan marry you. She could not allow her son to be kept from the woman he loved.”
Tears rolled down Marina’s cheeks, and she embraced her mother. Her mother stroked her hair and let her cry. There wasn’t a kinder person in the world than her mother. Perhaps her friend, Juliana, but they were a rare breed among the ton. “Thank you, Mama.”
Marina wiped her eyes, and they continued to their respective chambers.
Millie was waiting for her and helped her dress for bed.
Marina dismissed her for the evening and paced her room.
Why was she making this so much harder than it needed to be?
He freely gave his love to her, and she knew it was true.
Her actions told of her love for him, but why didn’t she just tell him?
She was so caught up in her pacing that she didn’t hear the opening and closing of her door.
“What’s troubling you, love?”
The rich baritone of the most treasured person in the world to her halted her pacing. Her back was to him, and she didn’t turn to face him. “I need to tell you something.”
“Are you all right? Has something happened?” He crossed the room and turned her body so she faced him. Cupping her cheek with his palm, he studied her face. His eyebrows drew together, and he swallowed hard. She longed to smooth his brow, and a single tear rolled down her left cheek.
He brushed it away with his thumb. “Tell me whatever it is, and I’ll fix it.”
“I don’t want you to fix it.”
“You’re scaring me, Marina. What is it you need to tell me? I promise you, nothing you could say will change how I feel about you.”
His brow knitted even tighter, and she could bear it no longer. She ran her thumb along his furrowed brow to smooth it. She took a full breath and released it out loud. “I love you, Evan.”
Relief washed across his face for a few seconds before his brow furrowed again. “Are you unsure? You don’t have to say it for my benefit. I know you care for me. It doesn’t change my love for you either way.”
“No, that’s not it,” she insisted.
“Then what is it? I’m not going anywhere. I know I broke your trust, but I will work to earn your trust every day, if that is what you need.”
“Evan, no. I have forgiven you, and I trust you. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“Just tell me what you feel, Marina.”