Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
W est wasn’t sure what the hell to do.
The tree was up. The kids had gone to bed happy about it. Mark was making biscuits.
And, well, he’d slept down at his house because Trey had gone to bed without a word to him, and he didn’t know if he was welcome anymore.
Seemed like he couldn’t do a damn thing right.
Fuck if he knew how to explain to Trey that loving him had never been the problem. What the issue had been back then was the yawning gulf between what Trey could be and what West was.
He was just a cowboy. He wasn’t…
Well, there was a lot of things he wasn’t.
But he’d thought about Trey every goddamned day.
“Hey, West,” Mark said, staring at him with curious eyes. “Everything okay?”
“You make better coffee than I do.” He had no answer for the question. “I’m gonna head out this morning and check the stock tanks.”
“Cool.” Mark stared at him. “Is there anything I can do? I mean like for the boss. I just keep thinking how much that has to suck. I mean, I know that he couldn’t see real good or anything, but he could see the lights before. And I know that he can’t now, and that’s all kinds of suck. I want to do things to make it better, easier. I mean, he…he dealt really good with the other stuff and you didn’t even know that he was blind. Not really, except for driving and stuff. But now it’s like he’s. Well, I mean, I guess it’s like he’s blind. I don’t even know how to start to make it easier. Like should we get rid of some furniture? What about books? I mean, he can’t read the books. Should we get rid of the books or move them? And what about the kids’ toys? The kids can’t put their toys back the right way? What about the fridge? What if he wants a Coke and he reaches in and instead of getting a Coke he gets a beer? It’s very difficult and I want to help. Can you find out how to help?” Mark held his hands out like he was praying or something, and West stared.
Lord, that man could say a lot of words without taking a breath.
Didn’t surprise him at all that that was one of the reasons why Trey had hired him. He just filled in all the empty spaces, gave Trey something to listen to all the time when he was home.
“I don’t know, buddy. I guess you’ll have to let Trey say what he wants when he’s ready.” West was feeling pretty numb. Well, except for his damn hand, which throbbed like a motherfucker.
“Okay.” Mark smiled, pouring him a cup of coffee. “I can get that.”
“Cool.” He sipped the coffee, but it was too damn hot. “I don’t know what he’s thinking, to be honest.” That was true enough, right? And it was about all he was gonna say to Mark.
“I’m thinking that I was an idiot yesterday and having a temper tantrum.” Trey was up and dressed, eyes hidden behind dark glasses. His voice was smooth, mild, and his expression like a cloudless sky. “I owe everyone an apology for acting out, especially you, West.”
West stared at Trey, trying to suss out what he was doing. What he wanted out of this. Because right now he had no idea. “You want to go sit out with the heater for a minute?” West asked.
“I would, yeah. Can I have a cup of coffee, Mark? I have a vicious headache.”
“Of course, boss. Anytime.” Mark had Trey’s coffee made in seconds, and he held it out, then his eyes went wide, the kid panicking.
“Here you go, baby.” West took it and put the cup against Trey’s hand when he held one out. Trey grasped it, and West let go once he was sure his— was Trey still his lover? Once Trey had it.
He cleared his throat. “Do you need my arm?”
“Not for this trip, though if something is in the middle of the floor, warn me?”
“You got it.” He led the way, trying to think what it would be like to be in the dark. He had trouble imagining it, and he got why Trey had all that rage. He did.
West just wished none of it was directed at him.
“So,” he said when they’d settled and he turned on the heater. “You wanted to talk to me, huh?”
“I do. I just want to apologize for yesterday. I understand why you have gone back to your house. I was out of line. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry for losing my temper.”
“Baby, you had every right to be pissed off. I just didn’t know if you wanted me with you.” West traced the seam on his jeans, listening to his blood throb in his hand. “You never said. You just got up and went to bed, and I didn’t want the kids to see me sleeping on the couch.”
Trey’s mouth flattened into a hard line. “So you just left.”
“Well, what the hell else was I supposed to do?” West thought better of slapping his leg at the last minute. “You pretty much told me I wasn’t good enough. Nothing I’ve done since I came up here has been good enough to make you believe I love you.”
Trey’s eyebrow arched. “Bullshit. I never said you didn’t love me. I know you love me. I said you left me. That when I could give you the world, you walked away, and you walked back in when I was broken.”
How could he argue with that? He’d thought the same damn thing, and it was the truth.
“Fair enough,” West said. “But it’s more complicated than that, and you know it. I want to stay with you up here at the house. For good. Am I welcome in your bed, honey?” That was his first big question.
“West, I had a meltdown. If you’re going to have to ask every time I do that, we’re going to have a problem. I have a lot of shit to work out and I only see my therapist once a week, and she’s on vacation.” Trey’s eyes rolled. “Come home. Bring your shit. Commit. Love isn’t one of our issues.”
“Okay. I can do that.” He could. But he still needed Trey to know it wasn’t about how much he’d loved the damn man. He’d figure that shit out later, he reckoned.
“Okay. Okay, what else?” Trey seemed like he was staring right into him, although West knew that wasn’t a thing right now. “For you to feel satisfied, what else do we have to talk about? I’ve apologized. I’m going to do my dead level best to not have any more temper tantrums—I make no guarantees. You can move in. I still love you. You still love me. We both have shit to work out. What else do you want to talk about?”
West forced himself to take a deep breath, because the temptation to just kind of reach over and pop Trey on the nose was gigantic. He knew this voice. He’d heard it many, many times in their relationship. This was I’m-doing- business Trey. This was I’m-going-to-handle-this-shit-and-get-it-done-so-that-I-don’t-have-to-deal-with-it-anymore Trey. Unfortunately, West wasn’t a business. He was a partner. Dammit.
“I have a list.”
One of Trey’s eyebrows winged up. “A list?”
“Yep.” His lover wanted to be all business. So would he—at least a little bit.
Trey steepled his fingers. “Bring it on. Do I need my computer?”
“No, I’ll take notes.” He grinned. “Since we’re talking about me moving in, I would like to negotiate.”
“‘Negotiate’.”
“Yep, I’d like to make a deal. I have demands. I think that I would like half of the medicine cabinet. I require space for all of my boots, along with a new pair of work boots and three pairs of jeans.”
“Three?”
West was going to make Trey crazy for the rest of his life. “Yes. I figure you owe me a dowry.”
Trey’s eyes went wide. “Were we discussing marriage?”
“We have kids. It seems appropriate.”
“Hmm. Is that it?” Trey’s lips pursed.
“No, no, I think, I think that there should be three blow jobs a week, enchiladas once a week, and towel-warmer in the bathroom.” West paused, then added, “And we need a hot tub.”
“A hot tub.”
“Yes, a private one with a fence and a gate that locks, because those cowboys are nasty, and I don’t want them steeping their tea bags in my hot tub.”
Trey rubbed his eyebrow. “All right, let me get this straight. I’m tabling the marriage discussion until future meetings. Your requirements are boots, blow jobs, a towel warmer, and a hot tub with a fence.
“Don’t forget my jeans. Three pairs of Wranglers please.” He was having a ball.
West waited for Trey’s counteroffer.
It came in short order. “All right. I’ll provide the hot tub, but you do the work. You can have a twenty thousand dollar-a-year raise; buy your own fucking boots. And I’d love a towel warmer if you install it. Also, I want a massage once a week. I want a guarantee that you will personally drive me anywhere I want to go and the kids need to go, until which time you hire me a driver.”
Now Trey was into the spirit of this. West was tickled as a pig in shit.
“Also the conversation about marriage and dowries will not happen until I get a public proposal—and I’m talking down on one knee with a ring, and it had better be a good ring, because I’m not cheap. Also I want a highland cow. I want three of them so there can be babies, and I want to be able to go in and pet them whenever I want to, so they’d better be nice.”
“I can’t guarantee nice cows.”
“That’s not my problem. You wanted three blow jobs. I want cows. Nice cows. Also you have to be the big spoon.”
“I can absolutely be the big spoon.” He loved to sleep with Trey in the cradle of his body. It made him happy. “And the driving.” He wanted to add ‘assuming you still trust me’ but that was his shit to work out, just like Trey had said. Accidents happened. Cows fucking happened.
“Good. Anything else? It’s getting fucking cold out here.”
“Christmas shopping.”
“Huh?” Trey shook his head, trying to follow the change in subject, he thought.
“I know now is not ideal, but we’ve done dick all for Christmas shopping.”
“Amazon is our friend, love. We’ll order whatever we want together. What do you want to get the babies?”
“I have no idea.” Had they talked about this. He vaguely remembered bikes and ponies… But that seemed like a lifetime ago, so maybe he was misremembering. “Did Noah want a bike?”
“Yeah, he wants a bike. She wants a pony. We talked about getting her a Shetland and Noah a horse that was young enough that they could grow up together, but I wasn’t sure if it was too late to do that.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll make it happen.” That was easy as pie, actually. There was always someone willing to sell a horse or two.
“The bikes are already on order. I didn’t know if there was something else. I mean, obviously, they need toys.”
“‘Need’ is a strong word. Those kids are spoiled.” He winked, even though Trey couldn’t see it. “Let’s talk to Lisa and see what she suggests. You know, we should totally get a couple of like stupid toys and then a couple of educational toys.” Look at him, being all logical and stuff.
“All right, I think for the cowboys they need cash. Same with the household staff, so to speak. I think just, you know, a nice big bonus plus a little gift that’s thoughtful is appropriate.”
“You think so?”
Trey shrugged, the motion easy, unconcerned. “Yeah. Everybody can use cash around this time of year, and we’ll have the kids get Lisa, Belinda, Mark, and Ben something.”
“Speaking of Ben?—”
Trey’s head tilted. “Yeah?”
“He really needs new boots. His boots are looking ragged.”
“Okay, that’s easy enough.” Trey’s grin widened. “Let’s order him a pair of boots. We can do it when we order yours.”
Oh, butthead.
“What do you want for Christmas?”
Trey had just about everything that anybody could want, and he had the money to buy it. Hell, in practicality the money that West was going to spend on Trey for Christmas was Trey’s money anyway.
“I want a covered room built off the bedroom.” There was no hesitation there. “It can be next to the hot tub, if you want. But that’s what I want. I want a covered room where I can go in and sit in the summer with a fan, and have it screened from the bugs. I can go close the windows and be warm in the winter, but still be a space that’s quiet. I want a place that’s quiet, a place where I can go sit and be comfortable and alone or with you. You know, somewhere that is private.”
Fair enough. “All right, I’ll make it happen.”
“I’m not going to ask you what you want because you’re getting three pairs of jeans, a pair of boots, and a hot tub.”
“Hey! That had nothing to do with Christmas. That was my negotiation for…negotiating.”
“Well then, maybe I’ll just buy you a new truck.”
West cracked up. “You are rotten. That is a work truck.”
Trey shook his head. “No, sir, that was your personal truck.”
“Yes, but I used it for work. I used it to drag your happy ass all around.”
“Ah, but I am not work. I am joy . Remember, I am personal joy, baby.”
Baby. Fuck, yeah.
He couldn’t have stopped laughing if he wanted to, and he didn’t.
He leaned over and he kissed Trey hard on the mouth. “I love you, baby.”
“I know. And I love you. So let’s not be stupid anymore, fair?”
“I’ll do my best.”