Chapter Five
Jo
The clubhouse reeked of oil and whiskey, the walls echoing with raucous laughter and the growl of an engine from somewhere nearby. But Hatter led me away from the noise, his heavy boots thudding on the wood floors.
“Here,” Hatter’s voice cut through the dimness, a soft command that drew me to a corner and a small table with four chairs.
Everything in me screamed to run, but this was Hatter -- Mad Hatter, they called him -- with eyes that had seen more hell than I ever could. And he’d been the one to rescue me, to bring me here. I wondered if the others would have left me on the road.
“Jo?” His question hung in the air, simple, expectant.
Breath shaky, I forced words past the lump in my throat. “It… It started with…”
My hands trembled, ghosts of old bruises aching at the memory. Would there ever be a day I didn’t remember those times and feel the same fear and pain I’d experienced at the time? Would it ever fade?
“He --” I paused, swallowing hard. I’d thought talking about this would be easy, that it wouldn’t affect me. I’d been wrong. This was much harder than I’d thought.
“Take your time,” Hatter urged, his voice a low rumble that somehow grounded me.
“Right.” The word was no more than a whisper. “I’m not broken, Hatter. Just got some cracks.”
Hatter’s gaze pinned me, fierce and unwavering. It almost felt like he could see everything I wanted to say.
“First time was in his apartment,” I said, my voice cracked a little. “Eddie… he came home wired. Until that night, I hadn’t really known who I was with. The place where he kept me, where I’d thought we were living together, wasn’t his true home.”
The memory clawed at me, sharp and jagged. My hands itched with the need to rub away the phantom grip on my wrists.
“Jo,” Hatter prompted.
Right. He needed to know what happened. “He threw me against the wall. Said I looked at some guy too long. Eddie pinned me, gripped my wrists so hard I thought they’d break. I felt trapped. Couldn’t move, couldn’t scream.”
“Son of a bitch,” Hatter muttered under his breath, his tone dark. His scarred face was stone, but his eyes blazed, reflecting my own hell back at me.
“Kept thinking it was a one-off, you know?” I forced out a humorless chuckle that sounded more like a choke. “Stupid, huh?”
Lots of abused women probably told themselves the same thing. It won’t happen again. He just had a bad day . Or accepted the bullshit apology that always came the next day, along with promises that meant less than nothing. I’d fallen for every one of his lies, so desperate to believe him.
“Abusers don’t do ‘one-offs,’ Jo,” he said. “They’re predators. And Eddie will get what’s coming.”
Hatter’s rough palm brushed mine, and I startled at the warmth. His fingers closed around my hand. He didn’t say anything more, just the steady squeeze of my hand saying I got you . It anchored me, kept me from being sucked back into the past.
“Keep going, Jo,” he urged. “Spill it all. Get all the pain, anger, and anything else out. It’s the only way you’ll start to heal.”
I took a deep, shuddering breath. My hand in his felt tiny, but something about it sparked a fire in my belly. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d welcomed someone’s touch.
“Wasn’t the last time,” I said, the words coming quicker now. “Eddie got worse, like a festering wound.”
My other fist clenched as the memories washed over me. “Handprints from being slapped turned to bruises and broken bones thanks to punches. Kisses became bites. All his soft words turned to complete hatred.”
It took a while, but I finally got my story out. I didn’t leave out a single thing as I told him all I’d suffered at the hands of Eddie. And how he’d managed to hide who he truly was until the last three months. Once I’d found out, we were already in Warren, and it was too late to run.
“Damnit,” Hatter growled, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand.
“I learned to count the seconds, to ride out the storm. Wait for the calm.” I smiled bitterly. “Some days, when it was really bad, I’d just go somewhere else. Retreat into a safe place inside my mind, where he couldn’t touch me.”
“Jo…” His grip tightened, and I saw the war in his eyes -- the rage clashing with something softer.
“I finally reached the point where I knew I’d die if I stayed, so I figured it was better to try and escape. First two times, he nearly killed me. But this last time, I actually managed to break free.”
“Fuck, Jo. You’re one tough lady.” Pride laced his words. “You fought back.”
“Damn right.” My chest heaved, heart pounding like a drum. “I’m here, aren’t I? Still standing.”
“Like a warrior,” he said, giving my hand a final squeeze before letting go.
The emptiness hit me hard. Hatter’s gaze was a silent vow -- he’d stand by me through hell itself. And maybe, just maybe, I’d let him. He was different from anyone I’d met before. Hell, all of them were.
“Underland is your fortress now,” he murmured, voice low and fierce. “And I -- I’m not letting anything happen to you.”
Tears betrayed me, coursing down my cheeks. My heart felt heavy with the poison Eddie left there. I’d thought I’d never trust anyone again. Yet here I was.
“I’ve been so scared, Hatter,” I choked out, feeling the words rip from the raw places inside me.
“Let it out, darlin’,” he urged, pulling me closer, his embrace a shield. “You got every right. You cry. Scream. Whatever you need to do.”
The dam broke. Sobs wracked my body. Once I started, it felt like I’d never stop. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried like this. If I’d tried it around Eddie, he’d have beaten me.
“Shh, I got you.” Hatter’s voice soothed me.
“Every day, wondering if it would be my last,” I whispered between sobs. “The scars -- they’re everywhere, Hatter. Not just where you can see them, but some are deep inside, engraved on my heart and in my mind.”
“Fuck him.” He brushed away a tear, leaving a streak of warmth on my cold skin. He doesn’t get to have this power over you anymore. We’ll cover those scars with new memories.” Hatter’s voice turned quiet, but deadly. “I swear on everything I hold dear, Eddie’s going to pay for every bruise, every tear. This I promise you.”
I believed him, not just because of the certainty in his tone, but because of who he was -- a warrior, and a leader. These men put their trust in him, and I was starting to think I could too.
“I’ve been running for so long, Hatter,” I confessed, my throat raw with truth. “Even when I couldn’t physically run away, I would retreat inside my mind. But I’m done being his prey.”
The affirmation felt like the first step on the road back to being myself. There was something cleansing about saying it out loud, letting the words hang between us like a challenge to the fates. I wouldn’t let Eddie have power over me. He’d tormented me for far too long.
“Good. Because from here on out, you’re riding with me. And Underland takes care of its own.”
“With you?” I asked, not quite understanding what he meant.
He ran a hand through his hair. My question seemed to agitate him, but I didn’t know why.
“I know we’re strangers, and I’m not rushing you into anything. Just… give me a chance to prove I’m nothing like Eddie,” he said. “When we ride, you’re on my bike. You don’t ride with anyone else unless I say so.”
Something told me there was more to his words than what was on the surface. But a part of me was too scared to poke and prod. What if his answers only scared me and sent me running? Better to live in ignorance, for now. “So I’m part of Underland?” I asked. Why were they being so welcoming? And did they just let anyone stay here?
“In a sense,” he said. “I told you we would be your family. But if you’re mine, then it changes things a little. Think of it as an upgrade from a cousin who visits on occasion to a… wife. So in that sense, yes, you’re part of the Underland MC family. And we will all die for one another. There’s no safer place for you, Jo. Like I said, I won’t push. You take your time.”
The world seemed to shrink to the space between us. Hatter’s arms came around me, a fortress built of muscle and resolve. I let myself lean into him, his warmth seeping into the cold places inside me.
I clung to him, my fingers digging into the leather of his cut, anchoring myself to the here and now. To Hatter. My body shook as I cried once more. I’d thought I had no more tears to shed.
“Got you,” he murmured, and it sounded more like a vow. A claim . He was solid, unyielding, but his touch was soft as if he knew just how much pressure would break me. He didn’t ask for more of my story, didn’t push, just like he said he wouldn’t. He just held me.
He didn’t seem to care about my tears soaking into his shirt. For the first time since falling into Eddie’s trap, I not only had hope, but I wasn’t alone. I could tell that while the hell I’d lived through was different from his, he’d walked a dark path too. One that left both physical and hidden scars.
“Thank you,” I choked out, the words barely a whisper. They weren’t enough, they never would be, to tell him what this -- what he meant to me.
“Nothing to thank me for.” His hand stroked my back, a rhythm that was soothing and grounding. “This is what we do. We survive. We fight back. You may not have been to war like the rest of us, but it doesn’t mean you didn’t have battles to fight and monsters to face.”
I held on tighter, not wanting to let him go. Even though Hatter had expressed an interest in me, and not in a platonic sort of way, I had to admit I also saw him differently. Absolem had set me at ease, and almost felt like an older brother. Cheshire intrigued me with his snarky tone and wide smile. March had an intensity I found a bit overwhelming. And when I watched Rabbit pace or twitch, I wanted to soothe him. It really was like I’d found a family.
“Nobody will hurt you again,” he murmured, his voice so low it rumbled through him and into me. “Not while I’m breathing.”
I could almost believe him. In this tucked-away corner of the Underland clubhouse, with its smell of oil and leather, it felt like truth. His words stitched up the torn edges inside me, piece by ragged piece.
“Jo.” His voice was a command demanding my attention. “Look at me.”
I straightened up, just a bit, untangling from his embrace. Our eyes locked, and there was a storm in his gaze, dark and fierce.
“Thank you…” My voice trembled. “For listening. For… for being here. And most of all for saving me. You could have ignored me, kept going, and never looked back.”
“Jo, you’re part of Underland now. We’re your shield. Your spear. You aren’t alone anymore.”
I watched the change in him, like shadows lifting when the sun struggles through heavy clouds. His eyes softened, and there was a warmth there, meant just for me. Or it felt that way.
“Jo.” Hatter’s voice was almost gentle as he said my name, a stark contrast to the harshness of our world. “Whatever crap life throws at us, we’ll handle it. Together.”
“Handle it?” I scoffed. “You make it sound so easy. It’s Eddie Lewis we’re talking about, Hatter. His dad has this town locked down. They have friends in all the high places.”
“Never said it’d be easy. But it’s nothing we can’t face side by side.”
“Side by side,” I echoed, and the idea seemed foreign to me, and yet… I liked the sound of it.
“Thank you,” I whispered, the words almost lost in the space between us.
“None of that now,” he replied, his voice low and steady. “I don’t want to hear that phrase from you again, not about this.”
“Okay,” I said.
We stood in silence, letting the moment stretch out. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. Our start.