Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
EMILY
Dana trailed her fingers through my hair. “We better go get dressed, or we’ll be late for your own premiere.”
I nuzzled my face into her neck, inhaling her now-familiar, slightly earthy scent. I could stay like this forever, snuggled under the duvet together, naked and intertwined. “It’s only six-thirty and the movie doesn’t air until eight. What time are we meant to be there?”
“Seven,” Dana said, her fingers dropping to my cheek. “And we probably shouldn’t be too late. Roz is taking the whole thing very seriously. She even bought a new TV for the occasion.”
I forced my eyes open. Faced with Dana’s neck, I couldn’t resist running kisses down it.
Dana let out a moan, her hands gripping my hair. “No, no, no. We can’t get started again. As tempting as it is, we have to get up.”
Sighing, I raised my head up and looked at her, trying not to be too distracted by the sight of her bare breasts. “Okay, fine.”
Dana planted another kiss on my lips. “You can shower first, since you usually take longer to get ready.”
I slowly untangled myself from the warmth of Dana’s body, unable to resist dropping a few more kisses on her smooth skin as I went, and then reluctantly rolling off the bed.
My nerves started up again as the warm water washed over me.
What if the movie was terrible, and it sent my career further into a spiral?
The storyline was cliché, and some of the acting—hopefully not mine—left a lot to be desired.
Fingers crossed it at least wouldn’t be a black mark on my record.
I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Austin either.
I lathered shampoo into my hair. It was ridiculous, but it felt like my entire career was riding on this movie.
If it was a complete flop perhaps I should just quit acting for good and stay here?
Work on the farm, or maybe George could find me a job at Novel Gossip?
I vigorously rinsed water through my hair.
It wasn’t like I was happy doing voice-overs and working at the restaurant back in Brooklyn anyway.
If I stayed, would I eventually feel comfortable coming out?
Sapphire Springs certainly seemed more progressive than Dyker Heights.
Hiding my affection for Dana in public had been an ever-growing struggle.
I squeezed conditioner onto my hand and smoothed it into my hair.
If I quit acting, it would make another decision easier as well. My qualms about going on the record against Phillip, about the damage it would do to my career, would vanish. I wouldn’t have anything to lose then. What could he do? Try to undermine my role as a Christmas elf?
I snorted.
But—and it was a big but—I couldn’t imagine not acting, or at least, not doing everything I could to try to act. The past few years had been hard, but I’d kept going because it was my passion. Would I really be happy, throwing my dreams, all my hard work, away? I sighed. I would not.
I pushed open the shower door and grabbed a towel, drying myself vigorously before the cold sank into my bones.
God, there was so much uncertainty at the moment. Everything felt in flux. Dana, Phillip, Austin, my career…
I stared at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Just have fun tonight. Even if it was terrible, at least I’d be watching it with friends I could laugh with.
—
“Shush, everybody. It’s starting,” Jenny said, flopping on a beanbag on the floor next to Blake, her long blond hair bouncing as she landed.
The HolLove Channel presents: The Christmas Tree Farm. The words appeared on the screen along with some upbeat holiday-sounding music. My stomach flipped. Oh god.
Hannah, George, Dana and I were squished on the three-seater couch together.
Dana’s arm and thigh pressed into me, warm and comforting.
I eyed her hand for a moment. I wish I could reach out and grab it.
Dana had suggested a few times that we could relax amongst her friends and show some affection.
But I couldn’t bring myself to break the rules I’d had in place for my entire life.
And was it really worth it, given that, after Christmas, everything would go back to normal?
The opening credits played over aerial footage of rolling hills and countryside that definitely wasn’t from Sapphire Springs...presumably stock footage—I doubted HolLove’s budget extended to drones.
“It’s the farmhouse!” Olivia exclaimed from the armchair, as the footage changed to a ground-level shot of a red car driving up the driveway toward the farmhouse we were currently sitting in.
“And there’s Emily!” Hannah said from the other end of the couch, a Santa hat covering her wavy brown hair.
Everyone cheered as I climbed out of the car and walked toward the house.
It was always a strange sensation watching myself on screen.
I’d watched a few minutes of the first episode of Animal Rescue Hospital before turning it off, cringing at my performance.
I’d only caught snippets of Harrowgate and I’d point-blank refused to watch the Clique movie.
It brought back too many memories of Phillip.
“You okay?” Dana murmured, and I realized I’d tensed my body.
God, I wish I could snuggle into her again, just like earlier in bed. I leaned into her slightly. Everyone was so focused on the movie; surely they wouldn’t notice.
“Yeah, thanks,” I whispered. “It’s always just a bit weird seeing myself.”
“Ohhh! Look, there’s Mihira!” Jenny said.
“Can we put on subtitles so I can follow a bit better, Roz?” Hannah asked, readjusting her Santa hat so it didn’t cover her hearing aid.
Roz picked up the remote and pressed a button.
The screen turned black, and everyone screeched.
“Shit!” Roz fumbled with the remote until Mihira and I reappeared. “Sorry everyone, technical difficulties.” Roz pulled up closed captions and turned them on.
I looked around the room at everyone’s smiling faces focused intently on the cheesy made?for?TV movie.
Roz in her armchair, out of her usual work clothes for once and in black jeans and a plain green sweater—that was probably her idea of festive dressing.
Olivia, sitting next to her in the other armchair, wearing a red-and-green jumpsuit covered in holly and ivy.
She’d given me a gorgeous Christmas-themed bouquet earlier, to congratulate me for the movie premiere.
Hannah and George squished next to us on the couch, George’s arm around Hannah’s shoulders.
George had also brought an incredible-looking red velvet cake decorated with Christmas trees and the words The Christmas Tree Farm to celebrate.
And then Blake and Jenny, on the floor in bean bags.
Jenny was always so enthusiastic while Blake was warm but significantly more reserved.
Despite their differences somehow they complemented each other perfectly.
I honestly couldn’t think of a better group of people to watch it with.
And it was, without a doubt, pretty cheesy, but Charles and his post?production crew had worked miracles on it, especially given the extremely tight turnaround time.
Mihira’s acting was excellent, and I thought maybe I wasn’t too bad, although it was hard to tell. I definitely couldn’t be objective about it.
“Oh my god, here comes the stuck?in?a?tree scene,” I murmured to Dana, letting myself relax a little more against her body.
“See, you just sound so realistic,” Dana said, as my character screamed for help. “It’s no wonder I thought you were terribly injured.”
I chuckled, but it trailed off as Austin assisted me down from the tree, his hand skimming my butt in the process. I wondered if Charles had seen it and made a note.
Olivia passed around some salty-and-sweet popcorn as Austin and my character continued their meet?cute.
Everyone broke into a cheer as Novel Gossip came into frame.
“Oh my god, George, look, it’s you!” Olivia said, as my character walked up to the counter and ordered a coffee from a smiling George.
“And I think I can see my shoulder in the back. Oh actually, no, that’s just a shadow. ” Olivia deflated.
On screen, Austin walked up behind me.
“Well, if it isn’t the Christmas tree farmer who got stuck up a tree,” he said with a smirk.
Ugh. He was sleazy even in the movie. I couldn’t believe that at this point in filming, I hadn’t noticed it yet.
“What are you up to?” Austin asked.
“I was just ordering a coffee.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Have time to have one with me?”
I was sure some women would find Austin’s confidence and swagger attractive, but it did absolutely nothing for me. I glanced at Dana, who was currently glaring at the screen. Dana, on the other hand... Blake turned to look at us, and I leaned away from Dana.
“It was about this time you came barging in and ruined the scene,” Blake said, grinning.
Jenny laughed. “I can’t wait for the grumpy waitress to make her appearance.”
Dana grimaced.
“Hey, I’m sure you’ll do great.” I moved to squeeze her hand in reassurance, catching myself just in time and letting my hand fall back on my lap. “Remember, Charles said you were the best grumpy waitress he’d ever seen.”
“I’m pretty sure that was you, and you were teasing me about my Oscar?winning performance,” Dana murmured, her warm breath soft against my cheek.
Everyone cheered as Dana walked behind Austin and me, giving Austin the death stare.
“Wow, Dana! That glare.” George chuckled.
Dana snorted. “I didn’t need to do any acting for that.”
We spent the rest of the Novel Gossip scene excitedly catching glimpses of each other and other locals who’d been roped in as extras. Only Olivia hadn’t been spotted yet. Each time the camera swung to her, it cut or someone stood in front of her.
Then there was the ice?skating scene. Memories of Dana at the rink flooded back as we watched. Dana kneeling in front of me to tighten my shoes. Patiently showing me the basics. Gently helping me to the truck after my fall.
“You did a really good job skating,” Dana whispered.
“Well, I had an amazing teacher,” I said. “No CGI required.”
The popcorn was passed around again, ads played, and people jumped up for a bathroom break or to refill their drinks.
“You and Mihira are standouts, Emily,” Jenny said as she grabbed another handful of popcorn.
During the next ad break, I shot Mihira a text.
Are you watching? You’re terrific.
Yes! Thank you :) The movie isn’t amazing, but you are. FYI, my friend gave me the script for their indie film and it’s so bad. We need to catch up for a drink soon!
The rest of the night sped by. Before we knew it, the Christmas market scene was playing.
“Hey, look! There’s George, Hannah, and Dana in the background!
” Olivia exclaimed. “I must just be out of view.” The camera scanned to Olivia.
“There I am! Finally!” she yelled, jumping up and dislodging the bowl of popcorn that had been balanced on the arm of her chair.
“Whoops!” Popcorn covered the floor. “I’ll worry about that later. ”
Austin and I had stopped walking now. Austin leaned in and we kissed. Ugh. At least it looked a lot better on screen than it had felt in reality. I doubted anyone could tell I was shriveling inside.
“Oh my god, Dana,” Hannah said. “I think we’ll have to buy the movie so we can pause it and zoom in on your face. What is going on there?”
I stifled a giggle as I focused on Dana’s face on screen, contorted into some type of half-grimace, half-terrifying smile.
“I was trying to smile, but…” Dana glanced at me. “I could tell Austin was being a creep. It was hard to watch.”
“Please never smile like that again,” Jenny said. “That is absolutely horrifying. Someone should turn that into a meme.”
As the credits rolled, Dana grazed my leg with her hand. “You were really good. How are you feeling?”
I stared at where her hand had touched me, and then raised my eyes to meet her gaze.
“Okay, I think. It’s definitely not the best movie in the world, but I didn’t cringe too much at my acting, so hopefully that’s a good sign. And it was like an hour-and-a-half-long advertisement for Sapphire Springs—the farm and Novel Gossip looked incredible.”
“And the storyline wasn’t quite as ‘helpless woman’ as I remember you telling me.”
“I did convince Charles to make a few changes.”
“Well, I thought you were terrific.”
“Thanks.” I smiled at her.
It was a shame we couldn’t CGI Dana into the movie instead of Austin.
The story almost mirrored our first dates—even if we didn’t know they were dates at the time.
Getting stuck in a tree, ice skating, the Christmas market.
It would be nice to have something to remember this all by, once I was back in Brooklyn for good.
Jenny let out an ear-piercing cheer, drawing our attention back to the screen, where the credits were still rolling.
Grumpy Waitress: Dana Hoffman.
Café Owner: George O’Grady.
We whooped.
Then a “Background Talent” header appeared, and Hannah, Olivia, Jenny and Blake’s names appeared, along with half of Sapphire Springs. We all cheered again.
And then, finally, Roz’s name, Red Tractor Farm and Novel Gossip.
After the last copyright notice, I exhaled. Well, there it was.
It wasn’t as bad as I’d expected, but would it be enough to show casting directors and producers what I could do, and reboot my career? I slumped back on the couch. It was doubtful.
Whatever happened, though, I didn’t want to give up acting.
I swallowed. If only there was a way I could have my career and Dana.