Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
DANA
I sat at the window table at Novel Gossip, scrolling on my phone.
There were no new calls or messages from Emily, but plenty of news about Phillip.
Every day there seemed to be another horrific account of a woman who’d been targeted by him, pressured into sleeping with him.
Thankfully, despite Phillip’s denials, no one seemed to be taking him seriously and his promise to ruin Emily and Catherine had not eventuated—at least, not yet, as far as I could tell.
There’d been articles on Emily and Catherine too, most of which had been sympathetic, although I’d tensed at one article containing a photo of Emily leaving her house.
What an invasion of privacy. On social media, the reaction had been more mixed.
Some people, almost all men, tried to downplay what Phillip had done, suggesting that Emily and Catherine had ulterior motives for speaking out, that they were attention-seeking and lying.
While they were a small but vocal minority, I’d had to stop reading social media posts and comments because it was too infuriating. I clenched my jaw.
A message popped up.
I’d removed her from my contacts, but I still recognized her number.
Kelsey.
Why was she messaging me?
Hey Dana, I am so sorry to bother you. I just wanted to let you know that if it would make it easier for you to attend Christmas with your parents, I’m happy to sit it out. I know it would mean so much to your parents if you could be there. Kelsey.
Christmas.
The last thing I felt like was celebrating Christmas right now.
I’d let myself seriously contemplate it...going back home, with Emily there for moral support. I’d thought perhaps, with Emily by my side, I could do it.
But that wasn’t an option now. Even if Emily was still willing to go, her presence would be more confusing than comforting.
I knew Emily wanted to go back to being friends again and I was trying to make that happen, but it was going to take me a while to adjust. And less than two weeks was not long enough.
I couldn’t have our first physical reunion as friends be at Christmas dinner at my parents’ house, in front of my estranged brother and pregnant ex.
I pulled up Emily’s number. She almost certainly wasn’t planning to accompany me to Christmas anymore, but it didn’t hurt to make that clear.
Hi, I hope you’re holding up okay. I just wanted to let you know I’ve decided I’m not ready to go back home for Christmas, so don’t worry about that. Just enjoy your day with your family.
I typed an X at the end of the message, then deleted it. My thumb hovered back over the X. It felt strange, not signing off with one—I’d gotten accustomed to it over the past few weeks. But it didn’t feel appropriate now. I shot off the message. I would respond to Kelsey later.
I went back to scrolling articles about Phillip until another message popped up. My pulse quickened. Emily.
I could still come with you, if that would help? If we arrived and left separately, it’s unlikely anyone would see us. But I completely understand if you’d rather not.
Pain flared in my chest. As much as I wanted to see her, I didn’t want it to be in those circumstances.
No, that’s okay. I don’t want to go.
Okay, if you’re sure? If you change your mind, just let me know. If not, perhaps we could catch up in person in the new year?
My thumb hovered over the keys. Should I keep the conversation going, ask how she was doing?
I sighed. No, it would all be so unsatisfactorily superficial.
All I wanted was for her to be sitting across from me, available to talk about everything and anything, without the restrictions of text messages. As my girlfriend, not my friend.
I’m sure. Thank you.
I went back to doomscrolling.
“Checking on the latest on Phillip?” George asked, raising an eyebrow as she put a new coffee down in front of me.
“Thank you. How did you guess?”
“You were glaring furiously at your phone. I figured it was either Phillip or Austin.”
I snorted. “It looks like Phillip’s finally getting what he deserves. The police have opened an investigation, and a production company has dumped him from an upcoming film. Hopefully that’s just the beginning.”
“I’m glad to hear it. How are you holding up?” George asked, resting her hands on the top of the chair opposite me.
I looked around the café. Hannah was polishing glasses behind the counter, and the morning breakfast rush seemed to have dissipated. It would be good to talk to someone. “Do you have time to sit?”
“Just let me grab my coffee.”
George jogged over to the counter, said something to Hannah and returned with a half-empty mug of coffee.
“How’s the café doing? Have you noticed much of an uptick in sales since the movie came out?” I asked.
George grinned. “We had a group of women in their forties come in from Albany yesterday. They wanted to sit at the table Emily and Austin had filmed at and asked to have the same order. It’s hard to tell how much the movie has helped, but we have been busier than usual the past few weeks.
This is actually one of the quietest moments we’ve had recently.
So I think it has made a difference. How about at the farm? ”
I nodded. “Yeah, we’ve had quite a few people visiting to see the museum, especially after the newspaper article came out about it. Roz is thrilled.”
“Oh, excellent!” George took a swig from her drink and leaned in. “And how are you coping? Have you spoken to Emily recently?”
I’d told George what had happened shortly after arriving back in Sapphire Springs—my relationship with Emily and its unraveling.
I wasn’t sure Emily would have been happy with me sharing, but I had to talk to someone about what happened, and I trusted George implicitly not to tell anyone else.
Even though my revelations hadn’t been a shock—it turned out all of them, not just Roz, had been commenting on me and Emily ‘U-Hauling’—she agreed to keep it to herself.
I ran my fingers over a dent in the wooden table.
“We seem to be spending more time playing phone tag than actually speaking. I keep missing her calls because I’m in the cabin or somewhere else on the farm that’s out of range.
Last night I ended up driving my truck near the farmhouse to get reception so I could speak to her once her shift ended.
But I was freezing cold and Emily was tired, so we didn’t speak for long and…
I don’t know, things just feel so awkward.
Maybe it’s me. I’ve never been great at speaking on the phone. ”
Or texting, as our recent exchange showed.
George’s face softened. “That’s rough. I guess it’s not surprising, though. You guys have been through a lot of change. And going back to being just friends after you’ve been more than that would be a huge adjustment.”
I dug my fingernails into my hand. “I knew it was coming eventually, but I didn’t appreciate just how hard it would be. It probably didn’t help that I’d started to think perhaps Emily would come around to dating me. Damn, I was stupid.”
“You weren’t stupid. I would have thought the same with the way she looked at you. It was pretty obvious to all of us that she cared for you a lot.”
But not enough to risk her career.
“Have you considered taking a break from speaking with her? I know you want to stay friends, but having a few weeks apart might help you get accustomed to the idea.”
I bit my lip. “I have thought about that, but she’s going through so much at the moment with the Phillip news coming out and the media attention.”
Perhaps after the media interest died down, I could suggest it. It would be painful, but so was this.
George reached out and squeezed my hand.
“I’m so sorry, Dana. You deserve someone who loves you and isn’t afraid to shout about it from the rooftops.
And if Emily can’t give you that, I’m confident you’ll find someone who can.
Just say the word, and Jenny will jump back into cupid mode and have you signed up for all the dating apps and multiple blind dates before you know it. ”
I managed a weak chuckle, but my stomach roiled at the thought of dating anyone who wasn’t Emily.
The front door opened and a couple walked in. A line had developed at the counter, and Hannah was now busy taking orders.
“I’m sorry, Dana, I’d better go help Hannah. Do you want some lunch?”
“The burger would be great, thank you.”
George pushed her chair in and took our empty coffee cups back to the counter. As she passed Hannah, she whispered something to her, and Hannah laughed.
My heart ached. I wanted that.
As soon as I finished my burger, I’d head back to the cabin and chop some more wood. Hopefully that would channel my pain into something more productive.