Chapter 8
Vivienne
“Hey girl! I need a girls night. Want to come over tonight? The kids are at their dad’s and the hubby is working.”
“That sounds great Sara, I could really use some advice.”
Sara has been a great friend. I’ve known her for fifteen years. Our kids have grown up together and I stayed by her side through her divorce from her first husband.
I pull up to Sara’s house and grab my favorite bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. Walking up the steps she launches out of her house and hugs me tightly. I nearly burst out of tears. I didn’t realize how much I needed this hug.
“I missed you friend.” “I missed you, too, Sara.” I say through a sniffle.
“No ma’am, we are not crying tonight. Now get in this house and tell me what that asshole of a husband did now.”
I laugh and shake my head as we walk into the kitchen. Sara pulls out two glasses as I open the bottle of wine. We walk outside and sit down. Where do I even begin with this? So I decide to rip the Band-Aid off and tell her about my confusing feelings about my boss. She listens quietly and never judges. God, I love this woman!
“Okay, let me tell you this. It’s okay to be feeling this way, Viv. You’ve had a long life with Robert. I know you love him, that’ll never change. But you’re conflicted because of how Jason makes you feel. I get it, trust me I do. I know how your husband is. I’m sure you’ve had good times and he tries his hardest. But you can only be so strong, babe.”
“I know Sara, but I don’t won’t to feel like I’m tearing my family a part by leaving him. He calls me the glue to our family for goodness sake! I truly don’t know what to do. I love Robert, I truly do. I’ve spent so long with him, he’s all I know. But I can’t help the what-ifs. Robert once told me that no one would ever love me the way he does. That no man in there right mind would ever want to play stepdaddy to two teenage boys.”
“Stop it right there, Viv. You and I both know that is bullshit. Look at Craig. He stepped up to my kids and raised them like his own. Now let’s change the subject and drink this wine.”
Later that night, I lie in bed next to my husband, thinking about Jason. Robert rolls over and starts rubbing on my stomach. God, I’m not in the mood, but I love sex just as much as the next. But I know how this is going to end. He’s going to struggle to come, but will eventually come. Unfortunately, I will not.
Robert doesn’t say anything as he starts caressing my hardening nipples. He never says much during sex. At this point in our lives, sex is a means to an ends. One hand roams down my stomach and dips into the waistband of my panties, teasing me. I might not be able to have an orgasm, but the man sure does know how to get me wet. There were times since entering my forties where I thought I’d dry up. But my husband knows that if he teases my nipples and pinch on them, I’ll be nice and wet for him.
I start panting and writhing under his hands. Robert slowly inserts a finger and starts thrusting in and out. I’m always right there on the cusp of an orgasm, but it never comes.
So, I slowly roll him to his back and lift one leg over his torso to straddle him. I lean over him to kiss him, but he turns his head slightly. He never initiates kissing me. If I want to kiss him, I have to take it.
I line up my wet pussy with his cock and lower myself slowly. He raises his head slightly to take a nipple in his mouth. He swirls his tongue around the tightened bud as I rock my hips back and worth. He won’t last long, he never does.
As I start breathing heavier, he wraps his hand around my throat, just how I like it at first. Robert starts to pull me down harder on his dick while his hand tightens around my throat. He gets carried away sometimes and it becomes uncomfortable, so I tug on his hand to loosen up; only for his grip to become slightly tighter. Just as I’m about to slap his hand away, he loosens his grip as I feel him stiffen and come.
I collapse on his chest and kiss his forehead before I roll away and climb out of the bed. I wobble to the bathroom to pee and clean myself up as he does the same.
We don’t say much to each other as we climb back in bed. As I do every night, I lean over to kiss his forehead and tell him that I love him.
◆◆◆
Jason
“Jaxon, what do you think about moving out of the city? I know y’all are older now, but I’m thinking about selling the penthouse and moving somewhere with a yard and a house that I can retire in.”
“Dad, I think that would be a great idea, especially since I’ll be going to college soon and it’ll be just you and Jace left. I bet Grandma would love to move out of the city, too.” Jaxon sounds really excited at the prospect of leaving the city. I probably should have had this talk with him a few years ago.
Fuck. I’m a horrible dad. But I’m trying damn it.
“Speaking of Jace, dad, I think he really wants to start hockey; but he doesn’t know how to bring it up to you.”
“Really? I used to love hockey when I was his age. But I get it. I’m always working.”
Jaxon shrugs, “Yeah, he didn’t want to bother you, but tryouts are coming up next week. Grandma has been taking him to the rink to practice up on his skating.”
“You know, I had a talk with Vivienne the other day about trying to stick to normal business hours. She suggested that we make a plan to stick to the hours of eight to six. And absolutely no working on the weekends.”
Jaxon slowly starts grinning as he walks to the fridge to get the ingredients out for breakfast. It’s something we started doing every Saturday. Cooking breakfast together and inviting Mom up has been something that I’ve started looking forward to. “Oh yeah, does Vivienne have kids of her own?”
“Yep. She sure does. She has two boys of her own. Come to think of it, they’re around yours and Jace’s age.” I can’t help the small smile that tugs at the corner of my lips and by the looks of it, Jaxon catches on. “What’s that smirk for, dad?”
Damn it. I thought I was doing a good job at hiding my facial expressions when it comes to her . So I try to school my features, but fail. Jaxon is a lot more mature than I give him credit for.
“You know, dad, it’s okay to move on. It’s been over ten years. You won’t be betraying mom. I know I was young when she passed, but I remember the night she left. I heard her yelling, dad. She wanted to leave us. She wasn’t happy with us anymore. She’d want you to be happy, too.”
God, I didn’t know how much I needed to hear my son tell me this. My eyes are watering up and I can’t help the tear that slides down my cheek. I wrap my arms around my son and bring him in for a tight hug. “Son. Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to hear you tell me this. I don’t want to regret the life that I shared with your mother. But that night will forever haunt me. I feel like if I move on, I’ll fail at that relationship, too.”
There it is. I finally admitted to myself what haunts me. That I failed Leslie. It’s why I can’t move on. It’s why I haven’t had a relationship with another woman in over ten years. It’s why I’ve never shared a bed with another woman. Why I never risk any emotional connections and I keep sex transactional.
Jaxon squeezes me once more before stepping back. “Dad, I can tell you like this Vivienne woman. Maybe take a chance on her and see where it leads.”
I shake my head and sigh. “It’s kind of complicated with Vivienne, son. Not only am I her boss, but she’s umm, she’s married.”
My son starts laughing and not just a little chuckle, but full out laughing and bending over while holding his stomach laughing. “Oh course, she is, dad! You couldn’t just fall for an available woman. You need a challenge. I guess you’ll just have to keep her as a friend and colleague. Maybe Uncle Lucas can hook you up with someone.”
“Absolutely not! The type of women that Lucas goes for is definitely not relationship material. Hell, he has a new woman practically every month.”
“Okay, okay. I get it. But I am happy for you. I want you to move on, dad.”
Yeah, me to. But at what cost? Realistically, I know that being with Vivienne is a pipe dream. A woman like her is long-term material. Hell, she’s been with her husband for over twenty years. The chances of her leaving him for me are slim to none. Besides, I am not a homewrecker. I could never live with myself if I split up a family.
I just have to find a way to keep Vivienne at arm’s length. A friend and colleague is all she can be. Fuck. I want so much more with her though. This Nashville trip is truly going to test my ability to stay away from her.