Chapter 11
Vivienne
What have I done? I was internally freaking out. Here I was cocooned in Jason’s arms, while my thoughts drifted to my husband, Robert and our boys. They were on a fishing trip and I was getting my brains fucked out of me by my boss. Ugh.
If I’m being honest with myself, that was the best sex of my life. It’s been years since I orgasmed like that. I was deliciously sore. I didn’t lie when I told Jason that I felt alive and free with him. With Robert, I felt like I walked on eggshells half the time. The other half, I felt like I was a shell of the woman I used to be.
I needed to get up and leave. I need to take a hot shower and scrub my guilt away. How was I going to face my husband? Robert constantly “joked” with me about cheating on whenever I was at work. It was something that I always brushed off because my husband always claimed that he wasn’t a jealous man; but he also always told me that he didn’t trust women. And here I was, proving him right.
“Jason, I-I think it’s time for me to head home. Thank you. I’ll see you Monday morning?” It came out more of a question than a statement, but I didn’t know how to act at the moment.
“Of course, Viv. I’ll see you on Monday.” Jason glanced away slightly, as his gaze landed on the small, black frame of his late wife on his desk. A look passed his face, that I couldn’t quite decipher.
Did he regret this? I know he told me that he didn’t, but self-doubt crept in as Robert’s words echoed in my brain, “Do you really think another man will want someone your age? I’m the best you’re going to get, you might as well face reality, Vivienne.”
I needed to get home and shake off these thoughts.
The office buzzed with the usual sounds of ringing phones and tapping keyboards, yet an undercurrent of unspoken tension lingered in the air between Jason and I. Every brush of our shoulders felt electric, a stark reminder of what took place in this office a few weeks ago. It left me enveloped in guilt.
When I got home the night I left Jason in his office, I took a quick shower and climbed in my bed alone. I couldn’t shut my brain down.
By the time my husband and kids came home on Sunday, my thoughts were a mess. I could barely look Robert in the yes, but he never questioned my behavior. When he tried getting me to have sex with him the next morning, I simply acted like I was in a hurry to get ready for work. The guilt was eating at me, I just needed to find a way to let Robert go. I didn’t know how he would react once I told him that I finally wanted a divorce.
As the afternoon sun streamed through the blinds, casting long shadows across my office, I fought to focus on my tasks. “Damn it, Vivienne, get yourself together. You’ve got to focus,” I whispered to myself.
I glanced at Jason across the room, his expression was a mix of confidence and vulnerability. Memories of our office rendezvous flooded my mind, igniting a fire that clashed with the guilt that weighed heavily on my heart. I felt trapped between the thrill of being with Jason and the promise I had made to my husband.
The sound of Jason’s laugh, deep and inviting, echoed in my ears, further complicating my emotions. I knew I was betraying Robert, who trusted me, to an extent. Yet, there was a part of me that yearned for the intoxicating connection I had with Jason, a secret world where my desires took precedence over my responsibilities.
My internal conflict intensified as I caught Jason's eyes lingering on me for a moment longer than appropriate. The silence stretched between us, filled with words left unspoken and feelings that begged to be addressed. I could almost feel the weight of his gaze, heavy with longing, a silent plea for me to respond.
I broke the gaze first, turning back to my computer screen, my heart racing with each pulse of regret and desire. I knew that this delicate dance could only last so long before the facade crumbled..
As the clock ticked on, I couldn’t shake the feeling that each passing moment signaled the impending fallout of our actions.
We would have to face the truth eventually, but for now, the office remained our silent battleground, each glance carrying the weight of what could never truly be. With every unspoken word, the distance between desire and duty felt insurmountable, leaving me questioning the price of her heart’s longing.