Chapter 17
Vivienne
“Jason! I-I’m so s-sorry for texting you, I didn’t know who else to call right now.” I sobbed into Jason’s chest as his arms circled around my waist, pulling me tighter against him.
“Shhhh, Viv, sweetheart I got you. Don’t you ever apologize to me again. No matter what we’ve been through, I’ll always come for you. Okay?”
I nodded my headed but my words wouldn’t come out. Jason pulled me inside my front door and guided me to the couch. He sat down first and I climbed up onto his lap. Curling my legs up, as I laid my head on his shoulder. Clearing my throat though more tears, I looked up at him, “Thank you for being here. It truly means a lot to me.”
“How are the boys handling the news?”
“Oh, Jason. I didn’t know what to expect, but Anthony remained stoic in his expression. Like he knew that one day, his father wouldn’t survive the next accident. And Alexander, well, he definitely cried. Thankfully they were at my sister’s house when it happened. So, after I left the hospital, I drove over there to talk to my boys. I knew I had to tell them in person. They decided to stay with my sister for a couple days after I told them that I needed some time to think.”
“You’re so brave and strong, sweetheart. You don’t have to do this alone, though. It’s not good to push people away when you’re grieving. Trust me. I know. How are you holding up?” Jason asked, a look crossed his that I hadn’t seen before.
I snorted. “I honestly have a lot of emotions right now. A part of me is sad that this is how our marriage ended, even though I just finalized the divorce papers this week. A part of me is relieved that I didn’t have to go through the heartache of breaking his heart by ending a marriage that was already at a dead end. And huge part of me feels guilty for never telling him about us. I mean, I did eventually tell him about our emotional connection, but nothing else.”
“It’s okay to fell all of those things right, Viv. Just don’t let them consume you. What do you need from me?” He asked as he gave me a tight squeeze.
I sat up and eased myself off his lap. As I stood and looked down at him, I gave him a sad smile, “Nothing right now, Jason. Just you being here is enough. But for tonight, I don’t want to stay in this house. Can you take me to yours?”
“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll call my mom and see if Jaxon and Jace can stay with her tonight.”
I silently walked to my room and packed a small overnight bag. My thoughts were all over the place and the last thing I wanted to do was go to sleep in the same bed where my husband last rested his head. I was overwhelmed, but I knew that regardless of the tension that Jason and shared, he would take care of me; at least for tonight. He knew exactly what I was going through. I just hoped that my trauma, didn’t bring up ghosts of the past for him.
As the days passed, I found myself immersed in the preparations for Robert's memorial service. With the help of our sons, Alexander and Anthony, I began to piece together a tribute that would honor their father's life. The house buzzed with a mix of sorrow and the faint energy of the boys, who stepped up to support me in any way they could, eager to ease my burden. We planned a motorcycle memorial ride—something Robert would have loved, a fitting farewell that carried a spark of his adventurous spirit.
On the day of the memorial, I approached the podium, my heart heavy with emotion. I scanned the crowd, searching for familiar faces, and began to speak of the man I had once loved unconditionally. My voice trembled as I spoke of Robert's no nonsense attitude, his laughter, his honesty, and the life we built together. But as I delved deeper into my memories, the weight of my own guilt began to swell within me—the affair with Jason that had blossomed and ended. Then rekindled way too soon after Robert’s passing.
I felt paralyzed by remorse, the reality of my actions crashing down like a wave. The warmth of Jason’s hand on my back suddenly felt like a betrayal to the memory of my husband. Unable to continue, tears brimming in my eyes, I abruptly walked away from the podium, my heart torn between the love I had lost and the love I had found.
The silence that followed was palpable, wrapping around me like a cold shroud. In that moment, I realized that healing would take time—time to reconcile my grief, my love, and the choices I had made. Each step forward felt like a fragile balance between remembering Robert and acknowledging the complex bond I shared with Jason.
Jason silently followed me out of the room where the service was being held. I could feel the eyes of the guests watching us leave.
“Viv, are you okay?”
“I can’t do this right now, Jason. Can you find Anthony and ask him to continue the services for me? I’m going to go sit in the car and wait for the memorial ride to start, then I just want to go home.”
“Sure thing. Go to the car. We won’t be long.” Jason turned to leave the hall when I yelled out to him, “Thank you. For everything.”
He nodded at me and left.