Chapter 7
W hat does one talk to a stripper about over dinner anyway? ‘How was work? Did you have a good day at the office?’
Georgie served our meals of Chicken Valdostano, and after taking a mouthful and complimenting the chef, Ty directed questions my way, saving me from having to think what to ask him. ‘When’s the big day?’
‘One week’s time. Are you married?’ I asked. It was so much easier to ask that question when men knew you were taken, otherwise it sounded like you were sussing them out for potential husband material. But anyway, what sort of wife would want her husband to strip semi-naked and have women grope him in order to pay the bills and put food on the table?
He shook his head, took another mouthful, then asked, ‘What do you do for a living, Sally?’
‘Sally’s a nurse,’ Mel said.
‘I’m sure she can speak for herself, Mel,’ said Georgie, her slender fingers wrapped around the stem of her wine glass.
‘Sorry, force of habit. Five kids.’ Mel shrugged.
‘Ah, you must be a very caring person,’ Ty said. ‘How long have you been nursing? ’
‘Geez, he asks a lot of questions.’ Red sat at the empty chair to my right and placed her ghostly elbows on the table. Such a classy ghost. Crashing my party and bad table manners to boot.
‘Almost ten years now.’ I smiled.
‘I could have been a nurse,’ Red said. ‘All those smart, hot doctors to drool over. Mmm…’ she rolled her eyes back in an apparent daydream.
I wouldn’t spoil her assumption and tell her that most of the male doctors I knew were either grey-haired and pudgy men or skinny and awkward young men with remnants of teenage acne. Sure, there were a few lookers, but it’s no Grey’s Anatomy .
‘How long have you been, um, stripping?’ I asked, as dignified as possible.
‘Three years.’ He took a sip of wine. ‘And did you always want to be a nurse?’
Did you always want to be a stripper? I couldn’t imagine him as a young boy at school getting up in front of the class and sharing his career aspirations for career day.
‘Well, sort of, I?—’
‘I want to ask questions too, sheesh! Can’t get a word in with this guy!’ Red sat on the edge of the table and I tried not to look at her. ‘What’s your favourite colour, Sally? Wait, let me guess, mauve, right? ’
Quit distracting me! I tried the ESP thing again. But what I really wanted to do was push her off the table. So much for being a caring person.
‘Okay, what’s your favourite band then?’ she persisted. ‘Favourite food?’ She leaned over the table and shoved her face in front of mine. ‘Ooh, what about favourite celebrity when you were a teenager? Huh, huh? Answer me, girl!’
I shifted in my seat and pretended I was trying to retrieve the answer to Ty’s question, which had been diluted by Red’s constant verbal assault.
‘Favourite book? Favourite animal?’ she continued shooting questions at me like a tennis ball machine, and my head started to hurt.
‘Um…’ I cleared my throat and rubbed my ear, tension building inside like a boiling pot of water. ‘Sorry, what was the question again?’
‘I said, did you always want to be a nurse?’ Ty repeated.
‘Favourite song? Favourite shop?’ Red continued. ‘Ooh, ooh! Favourite sexual position?’
In frustration, my hand banged down on the table, sending my fork flying across to the floor. ‘Missionary, okay? Missionary!’ I blurted.
All eyes stared at me. ‘What?’ Lorena asked, curiosity and concern on her face at my apparent distress .
Oh dear God.
Red had collapsed in laughter on the floor next to me. ‘Missionary! Haha, missionary position! I knew it!’ she repeated, rolling about.
Just when I thought I’d have to excuse myself from the table, a convenient explanation hit me. I cleared my throat. ‘A missionary. I, er, wanted to be a missionary.’ I gave a confident nod.
‘Um, no you didn’t,’ Lorena said firmly.
Mel had cracked up as well as Red. ‘Since when did you want to become a missionary?’
I pushed my unnatural curls from my face and raised my chin. ‘Well, if you must know, since I was a kid. My parents sent me to Sunday school (true) and I really enjoyed it (false) . I thought it would be great to one day travel the world and spread the good word of the Lord (also false) . There. Now you know.’
‘Good for you,’ Ty said with a nod. ‘What stopped you?’
How could I get off the missionary topic? All this quick thinking was doing my head in.
‘I realised there was more need for nurses and thought I’d be better off helping people directly who needed it.’ It was also ingrained into me ever since Mum’s car accident. Caring became second nature, and I sort of fell into it after high school. But no need to get too personal with a man who was practically a stranger. Even though he’d gotten quite personal with us. Physically at least.
‘What about you, Ty? Is stripping your full-time job?’ Lorena asked.
Thank you for changing the subject, my dear friend.
‘Nope. But it pays better than my day job,’ he chuckled.
‘And your day job is?’ Lorena probed.
Ten bucks says he’s a bartender, a waiter, or a struggling actor or artist, something like that .
‘I’m a disability worker.’
Silence.
‘I help young adults with a variety of mental and physical health conditions to integrate into society. I take them on outings, teach them skills, things like that.’
Was this the same guy who not long ago had shoved a stethoscope down my dress and asked if I wanted mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?
‘Oh wow, he’s like the perfect guy: caring and hot.’ Red sighed. ‘Speaking of hot, are you trying to burn this place down with all these candles?’ She waved her hand around the flickering flames from the pillar candles on the table. Then she did the whole ‘phooo!’ thing, trying to blow them out. They only flickered slightly, from her breath or the general movement of air around the table I wasn’t sure.
‘I’m impressed,’ said Lorena. ‘Takes a special person to do that sort of job.’
‘Thanks. I enjoy it. The people I work with are great. It’s often underestimated how much they can contribute to society.’
True. I’d seen a lot of disabilities in my job. The strength of some of the patients was amazing.
‘Phooo!’ Red kept blowing.
‘What sorts of disabilities do you see?’ Georgie asked.
‘Some are in wheelchairs, some have brain damage, or Down syndrome. A couple on my team are also deaf, on top of other challenges.’
Team. Nice. My opinion of Ty was slowly changing.
‘Gosh, must be hard for them. So do you know sign language then?’ Mel asked.
Ty did a few hand gestures. ‘That means, I sure do ,’ he replied with a smile.
‘Impressive!’ Mel high-fived him again. ‘The only sign language I know involves a certain finger stuck up in a certain direction.’ She laughed and snorted, and I shook my head .
‘Phooo!’ The three candles lined up in the centre of the table went out in a progressive waft of smoke. ‘I did it!’ Red exclaimed.
‘What the hell?’ Lorena said, wafting the smoke with her hand. ‘How did that happen?’
‘Must have been the sheer force of my laugh,’ Mel said, laughing again. She really needed to learn not to drink so much.
‘How weird. They just went right out, like someone blew them out.’ Georgie appeared puzzled.
Ty’s face was creased, obviously confused too.
‘Oh, it’s just this old place. There are some draughts here and there; remember there was one during the photo shoot?’
‘Oh yes, true.’
‘You had a photo shoot?’ Ty asked.
‘Yes, we did happen to have a visit by the paparazzi.’ Lorena batted her eyelashes. ‘To commemorate the special occasion of Sally’s imminent wedded bliss.’
‘And what else do you have in store this weekend?’
‘Yeah, Lorena, spill, woman.’ Mel clapped her on the back.
‘Time will tell, you’ll have to wait and see.’ She leaned back in her chair with her fingers threaded over her belly .
‘Are you going to the Winter Solstice Festival in town tomorrow?’ Ty asked, then dug into his meal again, the visible strength of his chiselled jaw emphasised by his chewing.
I glanced at Lorena. ‘Are we?’
‘Yes, but that’s all I’m revealing.’ She made a show of zipping her mouth shut.
‘Might see you there, then.’ Ty smiled.
‘So, Doctor Ty, can I ask something?’ Mel said, and I knew even if he said ‘no you may not’ she would ask anyway.
‘Shoot.’
‘Why do you strip? Is it the money or the thrill? It’s okay, if it’s just because you enjoy teasing women and giving them heart palpitations, we won’t judge, will we, girls?’ She garnered our agreement with her gaze.
Ty rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. ‘I won’t lie. It’s for the money,’ he said. ‘But only because I’m saving up for something.’
Must be something big if he’s been saving for three years.
‘A house? A round-the-world trip?’ Mel probed further.
‘Actually, medical school.’
Silence again .
‘I want to be a doctor.’ He tugged at his surgical top. ‘A real one, that is.’
‘Wow. Seriously?’ I asked.
‘Seriously. I already have a uni degree so I’ll be applying for the graduate program, which only takes four years to complete.’
‘I see a lot of students come through that program at the hospital I work at. They put them straight into hospital from week one.’
‘That’s right. On the job training, plus all the academic lessons. Best way to learn, I think.’ He gave a nod.
‘Definitely. So have you applied yet?’
‘Sat the entrance exam earlier this year and passed. I have an interview later this year and that will be the decider.’
‘Good luck.’
‘Yeah, good luck, Ty,’ said Lorena.
‘So you’ll really be Doctor Ty soon!’ said Mel. ‘Maybe you can tell them you’ve had some work experience, getting into the role for your preparation.’ She winked.
Ty laughed. ‘Not sure if that would enhance my application, but if they ask about my work history I won’t lie. Maybe it’ll show how much I want it.’ He took a swig of wine. ‘And I won’t be Doctor Ty. It’ll have to be more professional: Doctor Tyler Roxford.’ He smiled .
‘Consider me your first patient.’ Mel chuckled.
‘Do many people your age do the program?’ Georgie asked, looking both at Ty and myself. ‘I mean, not that you look old or anything, but…’
‘But I’m no spring chicken,’ he said. ‘I’m twenty-eight. I’m guessing there might be a few “older” students, but from the people I saw at the exam, most looked like they’d come straight through a uni degree after high school.’
‘Yep. Mostly people in their early twenties. We’ve had a couple of people in their forties too. They’re often the most dedicated, to be honest. Had more life experience.’
‘Hopefully my life experience will be an advantage. And if not, well, I’ll keep stripping and try again next year!’
‘But you do enjoy it, don’t you? The stripping?’
Ty grinned. ‘It does have its perks.’
Did he just slide a glance my way then? What a flirt. Maybe he gets a thrill out of thrilling engaged women. Not that I’m thrilled or anything.
‘Maybe I’ll see you in the hospital halls one day, Sally.’
‘Maybe you will. By then I’ll be Mrs Sally Simons.’ Just thought I’d remind him of my impending marital status .
‘I might need you to help me learn the ropes.’
‘Something tells me you’ll have no trouble finding your way around a stethoscope.’ Oops, was I flirting? Sally!
Ty smiled, and after a dessert of chocolate raspberry pudding, he took our plates to the kitchen for us and placed them in the dishwasher. Crawler. Probably after a tip.
‘Best meal I’ve had in a long time, Georgie. Thank you, my dear.’ He lifted her hand and kissed it, and her lips twinged into a small smile. ‘I better get home.’ He put his pants back on and grabbed his coat, the jingling sound of keys coming from one of the pockets.
We walked him to the door, and Lorena peered outside. ‘Where’s your car?’
‘No car. I walked here. I only live a few minutes away.’
‘Convenient.’
‘Everything in Barron Springs is in walking distance.’ He smiled, shook each of our hands, and did I imagine it or did he hold mine a bit longer than the others?
‘I hope you enjoy the rest of your hen’s weekend, Sexy Sally.’ He winked, turned away, and we all stood there transfixed as his impressive figure walked leisurely down the driveway and disappeared around the corner .
Mel sighed. ‘What a guy.’
‘I’ll drink to that,’ Red said, appearing next to me and wrapping her ghostly arm around my shoulders. I couldn’t feel her, but a chill made me shiver.
As we closed the door, Georgie pointed to the fireplace. ‘Oh, we forgot to put it on. I guess the central heating was enough for tonight.’
‘I don’t think it was the central heating that kept us warm.’ Lorena chuckled.
‘Oh, you girls.’ I flicked my hand. ‘It’s like our teenage years all over again. And you’re married too!’
‘Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we don’t get attracted to other guys. Doesn’t mean we can’t look, or fantasise a little.’
‘But doesn’t everyone else kind of fade away into the distance once you’re married to your soulmate?’
‘Hun, we don’t stop being red-blooded women just because we signed a marriage certificate. Not that we’d cheat, no way at all, but there’s nothing wrong with appreciating someone of the opposite sex.’
‘Yeah, and do you really think our husbands become immune to other women after they’re married? One word: no.’ Mel plonked herself on the couch.
‘Phillip and I have our celebrity free passes. Do any of you and your hubbies have one?’ Georgie asked, perching on the arm of the couch .
‘What’s a free pass?’ I asked.
‘A celebrity that you’re allowed to have a romantic interlude with if the chance arose. It’s just a bit of fun. Phillip’s is Sandra Bullock. Mine is Matt Damon.’
‘Hey, Matt’s mine!’ said Lorena.
‘Have you girls not seen Henry Cavill?’ Mel said in disbelief. ‘How can your free pass not be Mr New Generation Superman? He’s like the best thing since sliced bread.’
‘Who’s Henry Cavill?’ My question was met with Mel’s gaping mouth. She got her phone from her handbag and googled him, showing me some pictures.
‘Oh, right. Well he is kind of attractive, I guess.’
‘Who would be your celebrity pass then, Sal?’ Mel asked.
‘I’ve never really thought about it. Um, hang on…’ I looked up at the beams on the high ceiling. ‘Well, I guess David Tennant has a certain charm to him.’
‘Who on earth is David Tennant?’ Mel asked.
‘You know, he plays Doctor Who?’
Mel laughed. ‘Out of all the celebrities in the world and you choose Doctor Who?’
‘Why not? He’s intelligent, has striking eyes, and an interesting sort of nose. ’
Mel googled again and her mouth returned to its gaping position. ‘Sorry, you haven’t swayed me. It’s Henry or nothing for me.’
‘Anyway, that’s a silly game. I’m going to think of no one but Greg when I’m married.’ I smiled, thinking of Greg’s face. ‘I’m a lucky woman.’
‘Well before you commit to never looking at another man again, there’s something you need to do first.’ Lorena sat me back on the dining chair and turned me to face the side wall. ‘No peeking till I say so.’
‘What’s going on, you haven’t hired another stripper, have you?’
‘No, Ty was the one and only. But this will be just as fun. C’mon, girls, give me a hand setting up.’
Giggles and laughter ensued and I forced myself not to turn around.
‘You really thought of everything, Lorena!’ Georgie said.
Oh dear. What embarrassment was I in for next?
‘Ta-da!’ Lorena turned me around. ‘We’re going to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey, only there’s no tail and no donkey.’
I froze, mouth agape at the sight before me. A large poster of a naked man was displayed on the wall, except he was missing a certain, um, well, you get the drift. ‘You can’t be serious? ’
‘I certainly am.’ Lorena shuffled my body towards the poster, and shoved something in my hand.
I glanced down and shrieked. ‘I can’t possibly pin this thing on that thing!’
‘Sure you can! Mel, get the blindfold.’
‘What? No, I can’t! And if Greg could see me now he’d?—’
‘Forget about Greg for now, this is your weekend. Let loose and live a little, girlfriend!’ Mel said.
‘Yeah, and it’s not like it’s anything you haven’t seen before. You’ve seen quite a few in your line of work,’ Lorena added.
‘Yes, but that’s in a professional, medical, caring way. This is in a crude and immature way. The human body should not be objectified like this, it’s degrading.’
‘The guy doesn’t look like he’s feeling degraded,’ Mel said. He had a cheesy, ego-fuelled smile plastered on his face.
‘Then you have a go, Mel.’ I crossed my arms.
‘Happy to!’ She put the blindfold on herself and I handed her the… attachment.
‘Okay, let’s spin you around.’ Lorena grasped her shoulders and moved her body around in circles.
‘Whoa, go easy. You don’t want me to throw up, do you?’ She laughed .
‘And, action!’ Lorena let go and Mel reached in front of her, feeling her way with her free hand.
‘I wish this was in 3D.’ She held the plastic cut-out shape on the poster and pushed it against the wall. ‘How’d I go?’
Lorena burst out laughing and I twisted my lips to one side. Mel ripped off the blindfold and folded forwards in laughter. The attachment was stuck to his backside like a tail!
‘Well that’s something you don’t see every day!’ she said, and a whoosh of cold air rushed past me.
‘Can I have a go? Pleeeease!’ Red urged.
I shook my head discreetly at her. The last thing I needed was for that thing to start flying around the room like an out of control rocket. Knowing my luck it would probably land smack bang on my forehead.
‘Sally’s turn!’ Mel wrapped the blindfold around me and I pinched the attachment tentatively between dainty fingers.
‘I’m still not too keen on this,’ I said, knowing that there was no way they’d let me get out of doing it.
‘Tough. Now spin around, and pin it, girl!’ She spun me around three times.
Ding-dong!
‘Huh? Who now?’ I asked, lifting the blindfold off my eyes .
‘I have no idea.’ Lorena looked as confused as me. ‘I’ll have a peek through the window.’ She pulled the curtains aside discreetly, and when her face softened in relief she opened the front door. ‘Ty, do you miss us already?’
He stepped inside. ‘Forgot my doctor’s bag. Sorry to intrude.’
‘Oh, no problem, come on in.’
I froze again, and he did too, looking at me.
‘Is that what I think it is?’ he asked.
My hand was poised in mid-air, the thing dangling from my grip. ‘No, no it’s not.’ I shoved it behind my back. ‘It’s nothing.’ Heat flushed my face.
The corner of Ty’s mouth rose and he walked around me, his gaze resting on the wall. ‘Judging by the fact that this guy is missing a certain vital body part, I’d say it is what I think it is.’
Georgie and Mel had their hands over their mouths, their bodies shaking in semi-contained hysterics.
‘Show me,’ he said, his hand outstretched.
‘No, I will not, thank you very much.’ I held it firmly behind me.
He reached around my body and tried to grasp it, but I swivelled my body.
‘C’mon, let me see.’ He grinned .
‘Yeah, Sal, show him!’ Lorena said.
Ty’s left hand grasped my shoulder while the other took the thing from my grip. He laughed in a slow, amused chuckle. ‘Looks like you girls are having a big night, eh?’
‘It was their idea. I had no idea we’d be playing this,’ I said, putting on my best expression of innocence.
‘You’re the one with a cut-out plastic penis in your hand.’ Ty crossed one foot over the other and leaned against the back of the couch, clearly amused. ‘Don’t let me interfere. Continue with whatever you were doing.’ He gestured to the poster.
‘I can’t do it with you watching me!’
‘Why not?’
‘Yeah, Sal, why not?’ Mel said.
‘Do it, Sally, do it!’ Red yelled in my ear.
‘Just do it, Sal. When else will you have a chance to do something like this?’ Lorena teased.
‘I’m not exactly grief-stricken at the thought of never getting the opportunity to play such a silly game again,’ I huffed.
Mel pulled the blindfold back over my eyes and spun me around.
‘Hey!’ My protests yielded no relief .
‘Now pin it!’
‘Pin it, pin it, pin it, pin it!’ they chorused, Ty included, and overwhelmed by peer pressure I pushed the thing onto the wall, then pulled off my blindfold.
‘Holy crap, Sal, you did it!’ Mel applauded.
The cheesy model was now back in correct anatomical alignment.
Ty clapped too. ‘Well done. I guess you nurses are very familiar with the human body.’
I could feel my face turning the colour of the raspberries from tonight’s pudding, and I diverted my gaze away from Ty.
‘My turn, my turn!’ Lorena said. ‘Would you like a go, too, Ty?’
Ty grabbed his doctor’s bag and straightened up. ‘As much as I’ve always wanted to partake in such a game, I’ll get going. I have an early start in the morning and it looks like you girls are in for a long night.’ He winked, and once again we watched him walk down the driveway and disappear around the corner.
‘I like Barron Springs,’ said Mel with a sigh.