Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
The last day I’d seen Emery had passed and the world didn’t stop. It just felt like any other day. The dreams that had turned into nightmares in the dead of night were fading from my memory as I sat on the bed, staring out the window at nothing.
Eventually, a knock came at my door and it opened. “Hello, Eve, are you hungry?” Jackie said from behind. I didn’t answer, didn’t even turn my head to look at her.
She came around and placed a tray on the table beside the bed. I drew my eyes up to her but couldn’t even smile as a thank you. She put a hand on my shoulder as if to comfort me.
“Leo wants to see you today. Is that okay? Just to see how you’re doing. Then you can come down, get a massage or take a swim. Wouldn’t that be nice?” When I didn’t respond, she squeezed my shoulder. “It’s hard now, but things will get better, in time. Just enjoy yourself, eat a little if you can. Your friends are coming to see you after your session. It’ll be good to see them.” With that, she left me again.
I stayed by the window, watching the gray clouds roll across the sky. It was too quiet here.
My eyes drifted to the tray where the smell of food made my stomach turn. A plate with some eggs, toast, and fruit. A glass of juice on one side and water on the other. Next to it was a small cup with a pink pill. I reached over and took a bite of the toast, finding it hard to swallow. I took the water and drank half of it down. Then I took the pill and popped it into my mouth before drinking the rest.
I went to the bathroom, afraid I might be sick. When I came out, I could feel the effects of the medication slowly working in me. The panic that had been building since early morning began to ease, and I felt light, euphoric even. Like…I was relieved. Relieved of any pain and nothing mattered. The feeling made me giddy, and I even caught myself laughing.
Maybe I would go out and take a little walk.
I left my room, not even bothering to change my clothes, wearing the too big sweater and pajamas. But I felt comfortable as if a warm fuzzy blanket was covering me. I even caught myself rubbing my cheek against the soft sleeve as I padded my way down one side of the hall.
I walked into the main lobby where assistants greeted me with a smile.
“If you need anything, Eve, let us know,” they said as I passed them.
I stood in the center of the main room, gazing up at the mosaic ceiling. The colors were so vibrant, like a living kaleidoscope. Turning in a slow circle, I took it all in.
When I looked back down, I noticed two nurses rolling a cart toward the elevator. They stepped inside, and one of them pulled out a key, turned it in the lock, and pressed the button for the third floor.
I realized I’d never toured the third floor with Jackie and wondered what might be up there—or rather, who. The cart had been loaded with covered food trays. Maybe it was for some celebrity or politician who didn’t want to be seen.
“Hello, Eve,” a male voice said behind me. I whirled around and found Leo standing a few feet away, his hands in his pockets, his dark eyes assessing me as he smirked at me. “Ready to talk?”
I studied the dark red dress shirt under his black suit vest. His pants matched his vest and his shoes shined like oil. His hair was slicked back with the sides shaved, making him look more like a suave businessman than a therapist. I cleared my throat, fidgeting on my feet, feeling awkward in my drab attire. “I was going to take a walk first,” I answered.
“In the garden?”
I shrugged. “Wherever.”
“May I join you? We can talk and walk if you like.”
I didn’t really want to, but it would be rude to turn him away, so I nodded.
I followed him down another hallway, where one wall shifted from dark wood to gleaming glass. Through the glass, a garden came into view, with a fountain bubbling quietly to one side. It was an indoor garden, lush and vibrant, with everything in full bloom despite being out of season. Leo opened the glass door and gestured for me to enter first.
It was a refreshing sight, especially compared to the dreariness outside. As we stepped into the garden, I heard birds chirping. An orange bird fluttered past, its wings a bright streak of color, while a blue bird perched gracefully on a nearby tree. The air was warm, almost balmy, and carried a sweet, lingering scent that made the space feel alive. I remembered seeing the garden the first time and feeling nothing. Now, it was relaxing, beautiful. We walked around the path and I admired every tree, every flower. In the fountain, a large koi swam in a circle.
“How did you sleep last night?” Leo asked as we walked.
“Not well.”
He nodded as if expecting that answer. “It’ll be hard for a while. If it troubles you too much, we can see about getting you on something to help you sleep.”
“I sleep fine. It’s the nightmares that wake me.”
“Your mind is trying to process the trauma you went through.”
“Boy, that’s a professional explanation if I ever heard one.” I paused, realizing I had said that out loud. I looked at him apologetically, knowing he was only trying to help even if I didn’t want it.
And wasn’t that ironic? Coming from someone who had once been in his position.
Amused, he said, “You’re right. I should know better.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I probably would have said the same thing at some point.”
“But that’s just it. You get it,” he said as he ducked his head underneath a set of leaves. “You know no one can understand what you're going through, you know how bad it is. I just want you to know there is no judgment here. If you want to scream, scream. They make this place look like a little vacation, but deep down, it might just be a pretty lie.”
I glanced at him, surprised. “Aren’t you friends with Tyler?”
“I am. Doesn’t make it not true. And he gets it. Everything here is just to help if people want it. Many do use it. Truthfully, it isn’t our intention to deceive. To make people forget what happened to them. We want them to face it head-on. But if they want to enjoy themselves, they can do that too. Because how you deal with your trauma is up to you. We just want to provide a place of comfort where you can safely do that. But it doesn’t work for everyone and that’s okay.”
“An asylum wrapped in a pretty gold package, you’d say.”
He laughed. “Maybe something like that. Still, better than the alternative, wouldn’t you say?”
“What, like Silent Hill ?”
“Was there an asylum in that game? I haven't played it in years.”
“I can’t remember, maybe it was a school...” I said, trying to remember.
“Not much of a difference in a place like that.”
“Yeah, guess not.”
“But yes, this is far from the institutions of the eighties and nineties. I think we’d prefer to be called a recovery center.”
“So does that mean I can go?”
He slowed. “Do you want to?”
I thought about it. It wasn't that I wanted to. Here, people checked on me, but would leave me alone if I asked. I believed him when he said I could sit in my room all day and no one would bat an eye. The only other places I could think to go were Lena’s or Jamie’s, but the more I thought about them, the more I dreaded seeing them. I didn’t want to face the pity in their eyes or hear their hollow words of comfort—words like He’s gone. He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe. You’re free. They would never understand.
“Guess, I’m not exactly recovered,” I said, almost sarcastically. “But if I did want to go, could I?”
“I’ll tell you the truth, Eve. We’d like you to stay so we can monitor you, in case…”
“I’m suicidal.”
“You know how it goes. It’s just a precaution. But we are also fully committed to working with you in whatever you need.”
“And my uncle already paid for this place, right?”
“No. He didn’t pay a thing.”
I turned to him. “I thought he sent me here.”
“He did because Tyler promised to make sure you were taken care of. And because Tyler sees him as a friend, he refused your uncle’s payment. Tyler wanted to help you, knowing you would need the best treatment.”
“I don’t know if wandering around and giving me happy pills is considered the best treatment,” I said, this time not regretting saying it out loud.
“Is the medication affecting you badly?” he asked.
“No. It’s actually working a little too well.”
“No one wants to be in pain and no amount of therapy can make it all go away.”
“Now that’s a genuine statement.”
“I have a few more if you're willing to hear me out.”
I started walking again. “Maybe.”
“You might be able to leave the premises with permission from Jackie. If there was somewhere you wanted to go, say with your friends. But for now, we would like you to stay, just in case…” he reiterated.
I wrapped my arms, covering myself, feeling cold again despite the heat of the garden. “Don’t have my car to leave with anyway. And I think I’d be worse off just sitting in my apartment.”
“You certainly have more advantages here in focusing on your mental health.”
“If you say so.”
“Can I see you again? Maybe this time in my office? Nothing serious if you don’t want to.”
I gave him a funny look. “Sounds almost like you're asking me on a date.”
“More like two friends getting together for a chat.”
“I have real friends for that.”
“Colleagues then.”
What harm would it do talking to him? And who was I to suddenly fight the idea of therapy when I tried to give it to others? It would be like calling it a sham. But I knew that wasn’t true. I knew it helped because I’d seen it work before.
Well, until everything went to shit. But that was a unique circumstance.
Maybe I didn’t want therapy because I didn’t want to believe I needed it. But really, I knew that was a lie. If anything, I needed it the most.
I was just angry at my situation. I didn’t want to be fixed. I just wanted Emery back.
But everything we fought for was gone. I didn’t need to be fixed like they wanted. All I had to do was talk and all Leo had to do was listen. Simple.
“Tomorrow,” I said.
He nodded. “Sounds perfect.”
We finished our walk in a comfortable silence. When we reached the door, he opened it for me and we stepped out into the cooler hallway.
“I’ll be around if you ever need to talk on a whim,” he said. “But I’ll put you in for tomorrow afternoon. Jackie will get the details.” His eyes locked onto me, searching for some clue about how I felt, but I gave nothing away. “Enjoy the day, Eve. Or don’t, that’s okay too.”
I only wandered a little while longer before I headed back to my room. I tried to eat again but could only keep down a few bites. Feeling drained, I took a small nap. Sometime later, I woke up to Jackie touching my arm.
“Your friends are here,” she said softly. “Would you like them to come in or would you like to meet them in one of the lounges?”
I licked my lips, my throat dry. “I don’t know. Here, I guess?”
She nodded, patting my arm. “I’ll bring in some chairs.”
I sat up, rubbing my face. Unease ate at me, not the feeling I wanted when reuniting with people I cared about. I hardly had time to compose myself when Jackie strolled back in with two chairs and set them beside the bed. She slipped out of the room and I heard her speaking softly to someone just outside. Lena and Jamie appeared with Jamie pushing Lena’s wheelchair from behind.
When they saw me, the look on their faces made me want to hide in a corner. I rose from the bed, unable to move as they came toward me.
“Holy shit, Eve…” Lena looked on the verge of tears. She reached out for me, expecting a hug. It took more will than I cared to admit to close the distance between us. I leaned down and hugged her, taking deep breaths. I straightened and turned my gaze to Jamie. He had a bandage across the side of his head. I opened my mouth to ask what happened.
Then I remembered.
Emery had done that. The last time Jamie and I had seen each other, Emery was flinging him against a wall. My stomach twisted. How could I have forgotten?
I closed my mouth and went to him. He fixed me with a sad smile as he drew me in.
He held me for a long moment. When he let me go, I went back to the bed and sat. As I did, he pushed one chair aside so Lena could move closer, then he sank in the chair next to her.
“They wouldn’t let us come sooner,” he said. “They wanted to give you time to adjust.”
“This place is so nice,” Lena piped in. “I can’t think of a better place to recover from…you know.”
My eyes drifted down to my hands on my lap. “Getting kidnapped.”
“We don’t need to talk about it,” Jamie said.
Lena took my hand in hers and said, “We are just so happy you are okay.”
I knew what they meant. Still, I had to bury the scream rising in my throat that wanted to say I wasn’t okay, not even a little. But I hated their pity, I fucking hated it.
I cleared my throat and shifted on the bed. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Your uncle would have been here but he’s still recovering,” Jamie said. “From the attack that night.”
I glanced at his forehead. “Are you…?”
He tapped at the bandage. “No concussion or anything, just a bad cut. A few stitches.”
Guilty, I said, “I’m sorry.”
“I’d like to think I came out pretty okay, all things considered.”
“And everyone else?”
“April moved out,” Lena said. “Went back to her family in Colorado for the rest of the semester. The whole thing freaked her out pretty bad. The chick and her guy friend are doing okay, but their friend, Elijah, was pretty messed up, still in the hospital. Although they say he should pull through.”
“Liam is recovering too,” Jamie assured. “We just went to visit him before coming here. He had to get surgery on his shoulder but he came out fine. He was quiet about everything.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, hands crossed together as if in prayer. “But he did mention Emery was…”
My throat tightened. I wasn’t going to cry.
I dug my nails into my thighs. I couldn’t help it, I had to ask, “Did they find a body?”
Jamie shook his head, and I wasn’t sure whether to feel relief or disappointment. “They figured he’d…you know…show up eventually on land and they could get the body then, but they say the current was strong and it’s possible he could end up all the way down to Lake Erie.”
“Which is crazy,” Lena blurted. “There’s no way he’d make it that far. I was thinking he’d wash up on Belle Isle but—”
“Lena,” Jamie interjected.
She looked at me apologetically. “S-sorry.”
I tried to smile even if her words were a knife to the chest. “It’s fine. He’s gone. It’s done.”
Jamie put his hand on my knee. “I’m sorry, Eve, I really am. I know you wanted to help him. But he was just…beyond saving.”
White-hot anger consumed my senses. He had been. I had gotten through to him. But then Liam had to come and fuck it up. Had to ruin everything.
I closed my eyes and took a slow breath. No. I can’t be mad at them. Liam didn’t know. And none of them understood. They thought I had just been fixated. I was sure Jamie didn’t actually believe I loved him. He thought I just had some weird messed-up obsession.
I opened my eyes and still felt the anger but tried to stifle it. “He wasn’t,” I said softly.
“Eve…”
I turned to face the window. “You don’t know what happened. You don’t know.”
“You’re right, we're sorry,” Jamie said.
“He hurt you though, Eve,” Lena whispered.
“He was hurt too,” I said softly.
They didn’t answer and I didn’t need them to.
“Hey, I know you're going to be here for a bit but just know we are a call away,” Lena said. “We have your things, your phone, shoes, bag.”
“Your car is at your uncle’s. I had it driven down,” Jamie added. “But if you want it, I can bring it back up.”
“I don’t know where I’d go.”
“You could stay with either of us any time,” Jamie said. “But your apartment was cleaned up if you wanted to go back. When you're ready.”
I didn’t think I would ever be ready.
“You do whatever works for you, you got it?” Lena said. She gestured behind her. “Get her stuff, Jamie.”
Jamie got up and took a bag hanging behind her chair. He gave it to me and I opened it, seeing some of the things I had left behind.
“What about the stuff at the house,” I asked absently.
“What stuff?” Jamie asked.
“My laptop, my duffle bag.”
“Ah…Liam mentioned they were confiscated by the police. We’ll find out where they took them and get them back. Speaking of the cops, they want to talk to you. I convinced them to let us see you first and give you a day of rest. But they want to get a statement.”
I gripped my bag until my knuckles turned white. Like hell I was going to recount everything and let myself get fucked up over it again. Not for a bunch of apathetic cops.
“They can wait,” Lena said. “What Eve really needs is a night out.”
“Lena, she does not want a party,” Jamie admonished her.
“No, no, of course not. Just out, you know, clear her head. But if she wants to party, you bet your ass I’ll find one. I mean, this place is nice and all but it’s a total snooze fest. And honestly, kinda creeps me out.”
“Eve doesn’t need to go out drinking either,” Jamie said.
“Actually, I might like that. To go out, I mean,” I said.
Jamie glanced at me, concerned. “You might want some time to yourself. Just for a bit until things die down.”
“What things?”
He glanced at Lena, then back to me. “Things are…a little crazy right now.”
I snorted. “You’re telling me.”
“No, he means like you’re a big deal,” Lena said.
I looked between them. Then I remembered how people would stare at me at Lena’s party. How they would whisper. And now…
I turned and looked out the window. Past the trees, down the winding road were the flash of lights. Several cars were parked and security at the gate was turning people away. People with cameras. How had I not noticed them before?
Too occupied with the clouds, I guess.
I drew my knees up on the bed. “Yeah, guess I don’t want that kind of attention on me.”
“Screw all of them,” Lena said. “I’ll get my sister to dress you up, give you a disguise. You shouldn’t feel like a prisoner. Not again, not after what happened.”
A prisoner. I had been one. Even if I didn’t like thinking about it.
“We’ll figure something out. I just want you to be safe, that’s all, Eve,” Jamie told me.
“I appreciate it, I do.”
He blew out a breath. “I’m just glad this whole thing is over.”
A dull ache settled in my chest, but I tried not to show any pain.
“I brought some books from my library. I know you’ve wanted to borrow a few,” he continued when I didn’t respond. “They’re in the bag.”
“Great, thanks.”
“We have to get going. I’ve got work in an hour,” he said. “We’ll stay longer next time, promise.”
I tried to smile. “You know where to find me.”
He rose and took hold of the back of Lena’s wheelchair, starting to wheel her back toward the door.
“We’ll text you,” she said. “And call. We’ll make a date to go out real soon. We're so glad you're back, Eve.”
I waved them goodbye. As they left, I watched them disappear and silently told myself, The Eve you knew is gone .