Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
EMERY
I adjusted the battery in place, screwing in the strap inside the vehicle before attaching the positive and negative terminals on each end. Making sure it was secure, I slipped into the driver seat and turned on the car. It hummed to life, the dashboard lighting up. I let it run for a few seconds before turning it off.
I sat there for a moment, taking in the silence. The garage was empty, save for the 4runner. It was cold but that didn’t bother me much, even without my jacket.
Putting in the battery felt like setting down the final puzzle piece, a satisfying and easy end, even if I still needed to fix the back brake light, change out the windshield wipers, and patch up a few small holes on the exhaust. The 4runner was now at least drivable.
I had Dom to thank for the car. An apology, Micheal had said, for what Lez had done.
It wasn’t enough to warrant forgiveness. But it was something.
My eyes drifted over to the center mirror, and I caught my gaze in the reflection. Behind me in the back seat, I saw Nina’s fuzzy shadow watching me.
I hadn’t heard her voice as much since Severfalls. That night had been the last time I let her words penetrate me, take over me like they had when I left St. Agnes, because, for once in what felt like a long time, we were on the same side.
Find her, Emery, she said that night.
Bring her back.
Don’t let her die like I did.
Don’t fail her like you did me.
Don’t let her go.
I had promised not to let myself lose control, but that night I had broken that promise. I don’t remember the faces but I remember the red. I remembered the fire. I remembered Eve.
I knew I had lost all sense. I knew I wouldn’t let anyone stand in my way.
But even when I did find her, it still felt like I had lost. I had been too late.
I feared a part of her was gone that I would never get back.
She’s all broken up , Nina whispered. And you’re to blame. She’s like you. Now you really are perfect for each other. Hope you’re happy.
I turned my eyes from the mirror. I had no more energy for rage. But I still hated myself.
I got out of the car and closed down the lid. Funny, how odd it was to be disturbed by the quiet, expecting to hear the voices of the others somewhere inside. Now…only silence.
I returned inside finding the kitchen and community room empty. Dom’s station was gone, his and Lez’s rooms mostly empty. On one of the tables was a map and some of the supplies Eve had started to gather.
I slipped down the hallway then slowed when I came to the room Lena had been sleeping in. I cracked open the door and saw Eve sleeping on the mattress, her back to me as she curled into herself.
I watched her for a long moment, seeing her chest rise and fall softly. She had been sleeping a lot. And when she wasn’t sleeping, she was sitting or standing, staring at nothing.
She didn’t eat much, and when she did, she usually threw it up. She gave no indication for how she felt, if she was in pain, nothing. But I knew she was suffering in some way. I had seen the blood between her legs that night, had felt it soaking my thighs as I held her in the car while Micheal drove us away. I’d felt the heartbreak too, the utter devastation that was like a knife to the gut. The rage that still burned, wishing I had gotten my hands on Kennedy and broken every bone in his body. I wanted to collapse and bring her into my arms and scream for her. Even then I knew I felt nothing compared to what she must be feeling.
I had been sick with fear trying to consider whether to take her to the ER and risk us being seen. When I had suggested it to Micheal, however, Eve had simply said, “No”.
Micheal only looked sympathetic as he sped down the highway back toward the church. “We can figure something out.”
“No.”
I shut the door to where Eve slept and looked around back toward the community room. I could see the empty couch with a single pillow and blanket crumpled to one side.
When we had returned from Severfalls, we found Andrea gone, her blood staining the floor where she had fallen. There, we had also found Lena alone, sobbing on the couch.
“He took her,” she cried. “Dom…” She had to take a deep breath. “He took her.”
Micheal had kneeled before her. “I know,” he’d said.
I closed my eyes, remembering before that, hours before, when we had been at the nurse’s house stealing the keycard. I had already been inside, I had it in my hand and snuck out without an issue. As soon as I got back to the car and we were preparing to leave, the call from Andrea came through on Micheal’s phone.
Only it wasn’t Andrea on the other end.
“They’re gone,” Lena cried. “They shot Andrea and they took Eve.”
I didn’t need to hear any more, but Micheal wanted more answers.
“When?”
“I don’t know,” she sobbed. “Twenty minutes, maybe more. Andrea was unconscious a-and I couldn’t find a phone. I…I didn’t know what to do. But she woke up and told me her phone was in her room, but it was on a shelf a-and I’m sorry, I couldn’t move fast enough. I tried.” Her voice shook as she tried to stifle her cries. “She told me to call you instead of 911 to tell you, to warn you.”
“How is Andrea now?” Micheal had asked as he put the car into drive and pulled out of the spot he was parked.
“S-she says Lez only grazed her thigh, but she’d hit her head on the ground when she fell. I-I got a towel and she is stopping the blood.”
We heard Andrea’s voice muffled on the other end, much more calm and collected than Lena’s.
“She says she’ll be okay if we can get the leg wrapped. S-she says just get to Severfalls.”
I don’t remember much of the drive, only Micheal flying out of the complex while calling Dom to tell him to get his ass to Severfalls. I remembered Nina’s words in my ear and how I let her in again, let my demons come back up, letting them take over until I saw Eve.
When we got near, Micheal put on a surgical mask in order to blend in, hoping to still go on his original plan. But in the end, it didn’t really matter. As soon as we were inside, all hell had already broken loose, a fire already raging from one of Lez’s homemade firebombs. Inside, I’d crushed the throat of one security guard who got in my way, another I smashed his skull into the side of a wall. I felt nothing, only the primal need to find and protect the one who was taken from me yet again.
There had been others in the dark who tried to stop me and paid the price. But I didn’t feel sorry, couldn’t. I believed Micheal hadn’t either. Nor Dom who was as brutal as me. A silent, deadly killer.
When we stood watching the fire overtake everything, Micheal ordered Dom and Leslie to leave.
“Get back to our safe place. Dom, get Andrea to a hospital,” he said before letting his eyes linger to Lez. Lez wasn’t staring back at him, but back at me, because he saw the murder in my eyes as I held Eve close to me. “Lez…get your shit and Dom’s out of there and get out of dodge.”
They were tense in my presence. Because even as I didn’t say a word, they both understood if I saw Leslie again, I would kill him.
The twins left right away. The rest of us lingered a little longer until we heard the sirens. The girls Micheal had found and led out huddled together some ways away from us with a nurse and a young ward employee. They watched the fire, except for one with golden hair and dark eyes who watched me and Eve instead. She didn’t come near, only studied Eve, but I don’t believe she recognized her. She just saw a troubled woman and fucked up guy in masks with blood on their clothes, like something out of a horror movie.
The sirens sounded closer, and I knew we needed to leave.
“Just a little longer,” Micheal said, his eyes scanning along the building. “Cassidy…she might appear.”
“She’s dead,” Eve said so quietly her words almost got lost in the wind.
Micheal had turned to her, and I saw in his eyes that he believed her. Still, he asked, “Are you sure?”
She nodded.
He turned away, trying to hide the pain etched in his gaze. It was clear he wanted to stay, to keep watching. I was certain that if he could, he’d wait until there was nothing left but smoke, just for the faint hope she might emerge. But he knew he couldn’t.
We didn’t stay long after.
When we got back to the church, we saw Dom had stayed true to his word as did his brother. Andrea was gone as were most of their things.
Not having her there to tend to Eve was an upsetting blow, but still she had refused to go to a hospital.
“I don’t want them near me,” she whispered.
I assumed she meant the doctors. And fuck me if I couldn’t blame her. I was half tempted to pick her up and take her back to the car kicking and screaming.
Instead, I took a gentler approach. After I allowed Lena to sob into her shoulder long enough, I took her into the bathroom and cleaned us both as best I could. The bleeding had stopped which was a good enough sign.
“Does anything hurt, sweetheart?” I asked. Then I realized what a stupid fucking question that was.
She looked down at the ground but didn’t say.
“How about here?” I said, touching her stomach, pressing gently against it.
She didn’t wince. Now that her face was unmasked, I could see she didn’t make a pained expression. But I heard her whisper, “Sore.”
I found some spare clothes, thin airy pants and a sweater for her and sweatpants and shirt for me. When we returned to the community room so that I could grab her a heat pad and Ibuprofen from Andrea’s storage, I’d found Micheal still talking to Lena whose eyes were red but she’d stopped crying.
“I need to go. I need you to stay here and lie low for a bit,” Micheal said. “Dom might be gone but we are still in contact. He’s left Andrea at the hospital and disappeared with Lez, so I’m going to go check on her. I’ll lend you a burner phone in case something happens and if you need to leave. But I doubt anyone will get wind that you’re here. It will take some time for them to investigate what happened. Dom will keep a close watch on anything from the police.”
He gave me the burner phone from his car. I hardly said goodbye as he walked out and left us.
The next day, it was just us three. Lena was clearly ready to get Eve out and leave, but she knew I wouldn’t allow it. And she wouldn’t abandon Eve—especially not now. She could tell something was wrong, that Eve wasn’t herself. When she asked what had happened, I answered honestly: I had found her like this, and it was up to Eve to decide if she wanted to explain.
“She needs to go to a psychiatric ward or something,” Lena said while Eve was out of earshot.
I stared at her, my mouth tight. “If you honestly think I’m going to take her to another one of those, then maybe you need to be in there too,” I told her.
Her expression twisted. “Obviously nothing like where she had been. But she needs help.”
I didn’t disagree. We all needed help. But the thought of having her in another hospital where she couldn’t leave and I couldn’t get to her was unthinkable.
So, I tried my method instead. I did everything in my power to continue taking care of her. I stayed by her, I held her. That first night I cradled her, slept beside her on the mattress in the little room instead of in the apartment upstairs, not wanting to leave Lena alone by herself. And she was willing to take the couch to let us have the room.
I cooked for them. I fed her, I talked to her, not expecting her to respond back, telling her stupid little stories or jokes, and then reading to her from the little library of books Micheal kept. Shit, I even sang to her, or rather hummed since I didn’t think I had the voice. At one point I even found a blank journal and I drew little sketches for her.
When she took her nap, I started working on the car and gathering supplies beyond the ones she collected, checking the map to see the best route down to the southern border.
But deep down, I knew we couldn’t leave—not until she was strong enough, not until she understood where she was, where we were going, and who was with her. I could see it: she was hiding inside herself, just as I had done for so many years.
And I would wait an eternity if that’s what it took. I would wait just to see her look at me—really see me—to come through the other side and know she was safe, that I was right there with her.
I kissed her scars. I kissed her everywhere, hoping she could feel it, that she could know I loved her more than anything.
Eventually I was able to decipher from her little nods and responses that the physical pain was starting to subside but still the emotional damage was there and always would be.
Good thing I was a stubborn asshole because I wasn’t going to give up.
I drew my eyes away from the community room and the couch, turning back toward the hallway. I made my way over to a room a little further down and knocked before entering.
“Hey,” I said.
Lena sat in her chair by Cassidy’s bed, sifting through a collection of figurine rabbits and some of Cassidy’s paintings. She looked over her shoulder at me and I noticed her crumpling something in her hand. “Hey,” she said.
“I’m making dinner soon. I’m going to wake Eve.”
She turned to look at one of the paintings on the bed. “Okay.”
I lingered by the door. “How’s it going in here?” I wasn’t usually one to just start up a conversation, but I felt bad for her. I sensed the trauma she was feeling from watching Andrea get shot. Just being in Lez’s presence so much had to be traumatizing enough. I could also sense her loneliness.
She rolled her shoulders. “It’s going.” She peered around the small, mostly bare room. “She didn’t have much but…I’d hate to see some of these things get tossed. I doubt Micheal might keep them.”
“He might.” I'd even noticed the connection between him and Cass. A subtle fondness that bordered on love. Not love between partners, but a family love, like siblings.
“Well, I figure, if he’s cool with it, I’d take the rabbits. Some of the paintings though…kind of freak me out.” She let her hand drift over one with white rabbits falling through a void. Some of them reminded me of the drawings I had once made. “I felt sorry for her,” she said. “She was so alone, so angry.
I bowed my head, clenching my jaw. “We all were.”
“As fucked up as it all is. I kind of get it now. Guess it's contagious.”
I studied her for a moment, noticing her hand holding the crumpled paper tremble slightly. “I’m sorry you got involved. I’m sorry you had to witness the kind of shit we get ourselves into. You…and Eve. You never deserved this.” I looked her in the eye. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”
She didn’t need me to tell her who I meant. Lez had done more damage to her now than anyone.
Her eyes hardened, and she looked away so I couldn’t catch the expression on her face. “Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter. He’s gone now. I won’t see him again. Any of them.” Her shoulders rose. “I just want Eve to be okay.”
“She will.”
She turned back to me, her gaze meeting mine. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this to you of all people but…you’re doing a good job taking care of her. I believe now that you wouldn’t harm her, not on purpose. Just promise me you’ll keep doing better, keep getting better, so you don’t have an episode ever again.”
“I promise I will.”
She sighed and turned back to the rabbits. “At least these are cute and will look good on a windowsill.”
I smirked. “I think so too.”
I opened the door to the darkened room where Eve still slept. She hadn’t been hungry when I woke her earlier, but I made the dinner anyway to save for later.
While I was in the kitchen, the burner phone vibrated. A text from Micheal said Andrea was out of the hospital and recovering at her apartment. I asked if there was any news about Severfalls, and he replied that it was all over the internet. They were still sifting through the rubble and uncovering bodies.
He added that, so far, there were no leads connecting anything to us—we were safe for now. But he warned me to leave soon or at least give Lena her phone back and take her and Eve somewhere to make calls. Survivors from Severfalls might have seen Eve during the attack, and the police would be starting their questioning. Anyone who knew she’d been at Severfalls before escaping would likely try to reach out to her.
I decided it needed to be done tonight. Hell, it should have been done sooner but had completely slipped from my radar as it must have also Micheal’s.
I slid beside her, trailing my finger across her arm. When she didn’t stir, I leaned down and kissed the side of her throat, then up to her jaw, then to her ear before whispering, “Eve, wake up, baby.”
Her eyes opened a crack but otherwise she didn’t move, didn’t so much as look at me. I drew back some of the hair out of her face. “Evee,” I called.
She didn’t respond.
Fuck, she was in so deep. I called to her again, hoping she’d resurface but nothing. Her eyes looked around but saw nothing.
I stared at her for a long moment, watching her shallow breath. Panicked, I rolled her over, pulling her onto my lap.
“Come on, Evee.” I brushed a hand along her head. It was like she was asleep with her eyes open, like she was dissociating, like she was…
Fear gripped me. No, not that. Not lost in her head, like I had done once so long ago.
I talked to her, revisiting our conversations, our better moments. Then I tried to bargain. I’d do anything she wanted, anything.
“Please, Eve, please don’t leave me like this.” My voice cracked.
Happy moments. Happy thoughts. Dinosaurs, beaches, rainfall, Eve smiling, Eve dancing, Eve loving me.
I started to say them out loud. I repeated them over and over.
I put my forehead against hers. “Please, Evee, please. Come back, sweetheart.”
She started to turn fuzzy. Then I blinked and tears dripped onto her face.
If she didn’t come back, neither would I.
I couldn’t stop it, the rush of despair. I pressed my face into her chest and started to sob like I was ten years old again strapped down on a table, begging for the pain to go away. Only this was so much worse.
We were so close. So close…
I don’t know how long I sat there with her, but I think I must have lost myself for a moment too. Even then I kept talking, calling out to her. Over and over.
Let go. Let go.
It took me a second to realize something had changed. That her heart rate had started beating a little faster, her chest rising a little higher, her body shifting against me.
Her knuckles brushed against my head, and I shot my face up from her chest.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she glanced up at me. I stilled as her gaze trailed over me, and she really saw me.
“Emery,” she murmured and trailed her fingers across my jaw, wetting her fingers. “I’m not dreaming again, am I?”
I stared at her, speechless. Then I took her face in my hands and kissed her hard. “Don’t leave me,” I said against her mouth.
She pulled back, looking concerned. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” I said. “You just scared me.”
Her eyebrows rose. “I did?”
“Yeah, baby, you did.”
She studied me closely. Then, by whatever force in the universe, I was given the prettiest sight ever.
She smiled at me. “Wow. I didn’t think I ever could.”
I breathed out a laugh. “Yeah, you didn’t know it, but you scare me all the damn time.”
“Liar.”
“It’s true.” I took her hand in mine. “More than anyone.”
Eve guided Lena down the path and I followed behind her. I took them to a park close by, one that was in an abandoned neighborhood. It was dark, save for a single orange light in the middle of a field. One side had a swing set and a slide, and on another, a set of picnic tables.
As we walked, I studied her every move. I didn’t believe she was suddenly fine, not for a second. I wanted to laugh at the sheer fuckery knowing it was her now that I had to watch out for, to make sure she didn’t have an episode. Thankfully, I knew she was stronger than me, and she’d always come out in the end, she’d always find her way back. And I’d be there to make sure she did.
The worst was finally behind us, burned and buried. I had to believe that. Now, all I wanted was to just heal with her. Now that I knew we could.
We stopped at one of the tables. Eve placed Lena on one end. They both looked up at the sky.
“Nice night,” Lena said. “Would be great for a fire.”
As they settled, I handed them their phones. “Remember, Eve,” I said. “You were nowhere near Severfalls.”
She nodded, turning on her phone from sleep mode.
As if no surprise at all, they both had several missed calls and texts. Most of Eve’s were from her friend Jamie, one from her aunt, and another from Liam which I was more than happy to see her delete. Lena had a couple from her sister and several from a boy named Marcus.
“Something tells me they caught wind about what happened at Severfalls,” Lena remarked.
They reassured them they were fine, Eve making sure her friend understood she was with Lena and they were, in fact, coming home.
Jamie was not satisfied with just a text because he called less than a minute after she replied to him.
“I’m fine,” she said to him, looking back at me. “I’m coming home this time. Just for a little while.”
I felt my heart sink a little at the realization. She didn’t want to run away just yet, and I understood why. It might look suspicious if she left now so soon. I just had to wait a little longer.
I gave them five minutes to wrap up what needed to be said. Then I took the phones.
“So we aren’t leaving just yet…” I said to her as I pocketed her phone.
She grabbed a hold of my jacket. “I don’t plan to be seen, but I need to settle a few things. Just another couple of days.”
I let out a breath. “I’ll be ready.”
She leaned into me and pulled me down, bringing her lips to mine, her breath mingling with mine. “I know you will.”