Chapter 13 #6
But I saw no judgment in Remy’s eyes. In fact, he seemed downright happy to make sure I had food for later. It was such a little thing, and yet it felt so nice to be taken care of like it wasn’t an inconvenience. Almost like it was second-nature.
“No worries.”
And for once, that might have actually been true.
The boost from that interaction was enough to rejuvenate me for about ten more minutes of heavy socialization, but I was relieved when Remy showed up again with a tin container covered with more foil. He handled the goodbyes for me while I bundled up, then we headed back outside.
I wasn’t a huge lover of the cold, but the bite of it was refreshing against my cheeks and forehead as we stepped out of those impressive main doors. How such a giant building could be so cozy and warm was beyond me.
If I had to guess, I would say it was the good food and the people inside. But hey, I was no expert.
“You ready to see the playground?” Remy asked, his hands in the pocket of his light jacket. It always amazed me how little he needed to bundle up, but a lot of guys ran hot. And I did indeed find Remy quite hot.
If he wasn’t looking directly at me, I would have rolled my eyes at myself.
But as it were, I gave him an affirmative nod, and we tromped over the thin layer of snow.
It wasn’t enough to make snow angels or our own personal Frosty, but it was much better than the sludgy brown patches left in the city where plows had once made giant white mountains in empty parking lots.
Neither of us said much as we strolled, but that was perfectly fine with me. There had been too much talking packed into a relatively short amount of time. I was pretty sure that we had been gone less than an hour, so my ratio of conversation to time elapsed was pretty horrific.
However, it wasn’t that long before I began to hear children’s laughter, bright and sharp against the crisp air. It really was a pleasant sound, and kind of made me feel like I was walking into a Hallmark movie.
I probably should have known better.
Instead of a picturesque, saccharine sweet scene of the kids laughing and playing with Christmas spirit dancing in their eyes, we came across a war zone.
The children had divided themselves into two fronts on either side of the playground, using a combination of sleds and large sticks to give themselves cover from the onslaught of snowballs they were whaling at each other.
Right, not enough precipitation for bringing a snow golem back to life, but apparently just enough for children to engineer projectiles to throw.
“Mon dieu!” Remy said, and I couldn’t help but agree.
“Surrender now!”
“You’ll never take me alive!”
“You’re gonna run out of snow eventually!”
“No fair!”
“You throw like a girl!”
“I am a girl!”
It was a cacophony of calls back and forth, with only about half of them audible. If I wasn’t so surprised, I probably would have laughed.
Which was exactly what Ana was doing from where she was perched all the way on top of the jungle gym, sitting cross-legged like it was a natural perch.
Honestly, I didn’t know whether to be more impressed with her core strength for holding herself steady, or the fact that she wasn’t scared of the height like I would be.
I had strong legs, but that didn’t mean I wanted to test it by climbing on top of a structure about three times my height.
“Hey there, y’all!” She beamed and suddenly pitched forward. I let out a yelp, my hands covering my mouth, but it turned out that maybe I overreacted just a wee bit. She caught a bar below her, spun around it like a gymnast at the Olympics, then landed in front of me with a flourish.
What the—and I truly meant this with all the fervor I could muster—fuck?
“How was the cabin? I see you got your grub!”
“Delicious,” I muttered, still trying to comprehend the impressive display of athleticism. It must have been par for the course for the muscled woman, because Remy seemed completely nonplussed.
“Figured you might want to break,” he said. “Go get some fixin’s and maybe some time to yourself while Jeannie and I watch the kids.”
“I wouldn’t mind some food, but ya sure? As you can see, negotiations have failed, and we’re now in a truly fraught round of conflict between those who believe crunchy peanut butter is best, and those who argue smooth.”
“Really?” I asked, and this time I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Is that what this is about?”
“If you ask me, children are just particularly violent, and their little minds crave the conflict, but it actually started with whether dogs were better than cats, then it moved on to what’s the best color, and now, after the second failed ceasefire, we have the peanut butter dilemma.”
Ana had such a fun way of talking, her deadpan completely sincere, with her accent drifting between heavier than Remy’s and lighter. I got the feeling that she likely had to code-switch a lot in her regular life, but it was interesting to see it in real time.
“We’ll moderate,” I said with the same faux seriousness. “And perhaps we will know peace within our lifetime.”
“What is peace if not a cage to grow comfortable in?” Ana said before winking and returning back to her cheery, rather rapid-fire demeanor. “Anyways! I could probably eat a horse if I stayed much longer, and the farmers around here don’t appreciate that. I’ll see you guys in a bit?”
“Sure,” Remy said. “Hopefully, by the time you’re done, the kids will be ready for a break.”
“No doubt, no doubt, especially if there’s hot chocolate involved. I’ll probably have the hubs take them to dinner, though, and maybe their Tia Dulce. She’s been complaining she got almost no time with the kids since she was silly and just had to give birth to her firstborn last Christmas.”
“Yeah, really poor planning on her part,” I said.
She pointed a perfectly manicured finger at me. “You get it.”
“That I do.”
She hurried off, leaving me, Remy, and two opposing armies of holiday-fueled children.
Already, our trip was turning out better than I could have ever asked for.
“What a day, right?” I asked wearily but happily as Remy walked Max and I to our door.
We’d spent nearly an hour with the kids before Ana’s husband and his sister came to escort them to the main cabin for dinner and refreshments, and finally peace was established between the two factions, fueled by warm apple cider and hot chocolate.
Strangely enough, standing out in the cold and watching our kids and Ana’s kids—and four others whose parentage was yet unknown to me—commit various snow-related war crimes against each other had been enough to recharge my social battery to hang around a bit to make sure Max was all right.
I didn’t strike up a conversation, but I sat in a comfy chair by yet another towering bookcase while sipping tea and munching on smoked salmon, cheese, and a couple of sweet treats.
Remy drifted through the crowd, never staying with one group too long.
But every so often, at no interval that I could predict, he would look back and smile at me so softly, so sweetly, that it made it hard to swallow, and made me very aware of my hands.
It was a pretty weird sensation to have.
I’d always had my hands, so I had no idea why my mind was drawing a blank on where to rest them, hold them, or even how to act natural at all.
“It’s been a long but good one,” Remy answered, his tone low but musical as always.
I got the impression that he didn’t do it purposefully, but I loved the way his tone meandered when he was relaxed.
“I’m looking forward to tomorrow when we have the whole day and don’t lose so many hours to the drive. ”
“Oh, I feel you there,” I agreed heartily, and insanely enough, I had the urge to giggle. Actually giggle!
It was a little embarrassing how much this man was affecting me.
If I didn’t know better, I would say that it was a kind of high school crush.
Except I wasn’t the type to get crushes, and I’ve never even gone to high school.
I’d started a program to get my GED right before I found out I was pregnant, and despite the tumultuous chain of events, I’d continued it, finishing it a little late after Max was born, but I was proud of myself, nonetheless.
I didn’t mention that to people, though, because it made them doubt my abilities as an editor, but I’d been a big reader since I could hold a book.
The commune’s librarian had taken me under her wing during the last few years of her life, and she’d given me some workbooks for grammar, syntax, and the like.
As soon as I had my GED, I started an online college program and got my Associate’s Degree in English Lit.
I’d started with being paid pennies on the dollar with Fiverr, but in the five years since I’d been doing it professionally, I’d learned a whole lot and I was really confident in my abilities.
So yeah, considering the road I’d walked and the fact that it didn’t feel like I’d really had the chance to be a kid since I’d gotten my period, it was entirely alien to be all flushed and flustered over a man who was just being a decent human.
Ugh. I was getting too deep into my head, but then we reached my door, and I paused a bit in front of it while Max and Remy’s daughters rushed right up to it and inside.
“Tomorrow, do you wanna go ice fishin’ on the lake with our uncle?” I heard Addy already asking.
“I gotta ask Mama, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“It’s fine!” I called happily. “As long as you get to bed on time and eat a good breakfast!”
“Okies!”
The kids started to say their goodbyes, but they got distracted with talking about a magical fish or something. It was fascinating, and normally I wouldn’t have minded eavesdropping on how their growing brains worked, but instead I turned to Remy.
He was always handsome, of course, but he looked even more so with the sun setting behind him, sinking beneath the craggy tree line and turning the world golden for a lingering last kiss of daylight. It was a dreamy end to a dreamy start to a dreamy holiday.
God, it was going to be hard to get back to the real world.
Oh well, that could wait until after Christmas. For now, I was just going to drown myself with all the holiday magic that I could.
“I’ve always wanted to try ice fishing,” I hedged softly.
Although Remy made me feel incredibly comfortable and accepted, I got a little nervous when I looked at him.
Like I was building up this internal pressure that was both exhilarating and also anxiety-inducing.
And goodness knew I didn’t need help generating any of that.
“Have you? Usually, it’s done way before the crack of dawn, but with the kids, I’m pretty sure it’s being bumped back later, so Max should have time to eat some brekkie.”
“Awesome, I can’t wait.”
“Me either. Nothin’ like fresh caught fish, I tell you that.”
“Oh, I’m sure.” The conversation stalled a little. I was caught up between not wanting to leave but knowing I needed to get inside, settle Max, and shower so I could wake up in time for this new ice fishing adventure. “So… I guess this is goodnight.”
“Yeah. That would probably be wise.”
Yet we kept standing there.
Not for the first time, the rest of the world kind of went a bit muffled, like it had indeed been blanketed in fresh, fallen snow, and it felt like a rope had been wrapped around the two of us that was slowly, steadily, drawing us closer and closer together.
Are we going to kiss? If so, I was not objecting.
Closer.
Closer still.
I longed to erase the distance between us. For us to fall into each other and give in to the desire and attraction that was building within me.
“Bye, Max! See you tomorrow!”
“See you!”
“Bye!”
“Bye, Eva!”
Addy and Eva burst out of the door, and whatever moment had been between Remy and I vanished, lost to my imagination. Bummer. But probably for the best. Jeez, I really needed to get my head on straight.
“Hey there, sweethearts,” Remy said, and maybe it was my own imagination, but I swore he looked a little disappointed. “Ready to head to our cabin and wash up?”
“Yeah, let’s go,” Eva said happily before pausing and giving me a dazzling smile. “Goodnight, Miss Jeannie.”
“Goodnight, Eva.”
“Goodnight, Miss Jeannie. I look forward to seeing you in the morning.”
Of course, I couldn’t resist teasing Addy gently. “You mean you look forward to seeing Max, right?”
“It can be both,” she said primly, and I had to chuckle. Goodness, my abs were starting to get sore from just how much I was laughing lately.
“You’re absolutely right. Goodnight, Addy. See you in the morning!”
“See you in the morning,” Remy echoed before heading to his cabin.
I had no idea what the rest of the holiday was going to bring, but man, I absolutely could not wait.