Chapter 14
14
After chatting a little longer, I was unable to suppress my third giant yawn, so we tidied up and started the trek back uphill. When I got my phone out to use as a torch, I found a text.
‘Lily says they’re heading home, so they’ll leave the door unlocked for me. That was just before ten, so almost twenty minutes ago.’
‘I’ll cycle back with you,’ Pip said.
‘You don’t have to,’ I protested. ‘This is meant to be your big night.’
‘The party will be winding down now. This is a late night for a farmer. I can either hang about watching everyone clear up, feeling guilty because there’s no way they will let me help, or I can do something useful, and see you safely to the barn.’
‘That’s very kind of you. But given the state of my cycling in the daylight when I didn’t have half a bottle of cider sloshing around in my system, I will be pushing not riding the bike. It’ll take a lot longer.’
‘I’m in no hurry. If you’re not going to ride it, leave the bike. I’ll drop it over in the morning. Hang on, I’ll let Ma know so she doesn’t send out a search party.’
‘Won’t this make things even worse?’ I asked, after he’d sent the message and we continued on in the direction of the barn instead of turning towards the garden.
‘Make what worse?’ Pip asked, puzzled.
‘You being with me, instead of at the party. Walking me back. Your family are already convinced there’s something going on between us.’
Pip stopped, turning to face me. After an embarrassed moment, I dared to look up at him.
‘Isn’t there?’ He gripped the back of his neck with one hand, and I realised I wasn’t the only one feeling nervous.
‘I… I don’t know.’
‘Okay. Well… would you like there to be?’
‘I…’ I stalled, wanting to say yes more than anything. Except, how could I, now I knew something huge had happened between Gabe and my mum? ‘The past couple of days have been a lot. Brilliant – but very disorienting, for all sorts of reasons. I could decide that while I’m being reckless, why not go all out, have a holiday romance? But I’m not quite my old self right now. And I’m not confident enough in this new Emmie to know whether it’s something she’ll regret.’
Pip looked steadily at me, his brow furrowed. ‘I wasn’t referring to a holiday romance.’
My heart plunged into the pit of my stomach. Had he been talking about friendship? Pasty making?
‘Emmie, I really like you. I thought that clumsy excuse about craving a pasty last week made it obvious. I know my family are making daft assumptions. My life is here, yours is over there. But whatever this is, whatever it could be…’ He stopped, shaking his head as he glanced away, then turned back again. ‘I’m not the kind of man who messes about with mainlander flings.’
‘So what did you mean by something going on, if we don’t want a holiday thing? Neither of us have time for anything long-distance.’
After a long moment, he sighed. ‘I don’t know what I meant.’
‘Well, that’s that then, isn’t it?’ I said, my hammering pulse protesting otherwise. Here I was, standing in the moonlight, listening to the man I’d been dreaming about for two years tell me that he liked me, and I was somehow talking him out of anything going on between us. ‘There’s nothing going on.’
We were nearly back at the barn when Pip spoke again.
‘I hope that doesn’t mean we can’t hang out as friends.’
‘Of course!’ I said, cringing at how keen I sounded. ‘I’d love to see more of the island while I’m here, if you have time to show me. Plus, you’ve got to try Lily’s pasties.’
‘And I’ll drop the bike back tomorrow.’
‘I’ll come and get the bike.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I’ll enjoy the walk.’
It was the only decent excuse I had for returning to the farm, and I was desperate to ask Gabe for Mum’s letters.
‘Tell you what, come at lunchtime and I’ll show you the best spot on the island.’
‘You won’t be working?’
He grinned, broadening his accent as he replied. ‘Sure, us island men need to eat. I’ll pack us a traditional island picnic.’
‘Okay. One o’clock?’
To my disappointment, we’d reached the barn driveway.
‘Perfect. I’ll say goodnight here, if you don’t mind. I’d bet Basil’s horns on my big sister spying on us from her bedroom window.’
He looked up at the attic and blew a jaunty kiss before giving me a wink and a nod that made my breath catch, then he disappeared into the night.
Every muscle in my body groaned with exhaustion, but thoughts were fizzing about in my head like fireworks. I got ready for bed, mixed a hot chocolate and reached for the letters, safely stored in the bedside table.
This time, I could picture the man who had written it, hear the words as if he’d spoken them out loud in his measured rumble.
Meeting Gabe had changed everything.
4 April 1986
My darling wife, Nellie
(or at least, you will be by the time you read this)
I write this letter sitting at your friend Christopher’s kitchen table, counting the minutes until we meet at the register office, and our real life can begin.
The last few days have been like paradise on earth. I’d thought that nothing could beat waking up to the island birdsong, watching the seals playing in the waves while I drink my tea. But now I know better. When you smile and hand me a mug of coffee, it’s like being greeted by an angel.
And now I get to share every morning with you, for the rest of my life.
A simple man like me can’t find the words to express how grateful I am. I only pray that I can make you half as happy.
You try not to show it, but I know you’re worried about my family, what they’ll think about all this. Fear not, my angel, they will surely love you once they get to know you. And don’t fret about the farm. If that work doesn’t suit you, there’s always a café or hotel in need of good staff. Who knows, maybe one day you could open a wee restaurant of your own?
What I mean to say is – whatever the future brings, we will have a good life, because we will be together. I willingly lay the independence I guarded so fiercely at your feet, and admit I cannot live without you. Nellie Brown – Nellie Hawkins! – I will do whatever it takes to make you as blessed to be my wife as I am to become your husband.
And now I must stop wittering because the taxi is waiting.
With faith, hope and love,
Forever and only yours,
G
The flood of panic when I woke up on Saturday and the clock on the wall said ten past eleven was instinctive. I leapt out of bed, hands tugging at my hair as I cursed myself for oversleeping, bewildered as to how it had happened. What would Lily and Malcolm think at me getting up so late? I’d have to skip the mug of tea I’d hoped to enjoy in bed, jump in and out of the shower rather than washing my hair…
And then I stopped. Closed my eyes. Breathed. Reminded myself where I was.
This was meant to be a break from all of that.
I had nothing to do and nowhere to be until I met Pip for lunch.
Literally, the only things I had to do between now and then were drink tea, eat breakfast and get myself ready.
The panic subsided to a functional level, but not enough to stop me hurrying downstairs only fifteen minutes later, a lifetime of busyness snapping at my heels.
‘Emmie!’ Jack announced when I appeared in the kitchen, dropping the aeroplane he’d been playing with. ‘Mammy said we had to wait for you to help us collect the eggs. I was starting to think you were going to sleep for one hundred years like Sleeping Beauty.’
‘Jack!’ Lily looked up from where she and Beanie were baking at the kitchen worktop, Beanie wearing a home-made paper mask that I suspected was meant to be a mole. ‘Emmie’s on holiday. I told you, she can sleep in for as long as she likes.’
‘All I’m saying is I’m glad she got up now because waiting is boring.’ Jack had already slipped on his left Croc.
‘You’re going to have to wait even longer, I’m sorry to say. Emmie is a guest of Sunflower Barn Bed and Breakfast, so she gets breakfast.’
‘I can help with the eggs first,’ I said.
‘Nonsense. How would that be us testing out the system?’ Lily dusted off her hands on a cloth. ‘You can either sit outside, or in the dining room, madam. Which would you prefer?’
‘I’d prefer not to be called madam,’ I joked before I could stop myself.
‘Great!’ Lily hurried around to a large whiteboard hanging up on one wall and wrote, ‘Do not call guests madam. Is miss any better?’ She stuck the pen in her mouth and chewed on it for a moment. ‘I can’t afford to insult the mainlanders by getting these things wrong. It’s so long since I’ve been over, I forget all the cultural stuff.’
‘I’m not offended. It’s just a bit formal. And implies I’m either old or married. Miss is only really for teachers or naughty children. I think a welcoming, homely place like this would do better with someone’s name.’
‘Emmie, I’m very pregnant. I already have three kids. I can’t be trusted to remember my own name, let alone anyone else’s.’ She gave me a side-on look. ‘You are Emmie, aren’t you? If not, I’ll have to stick with Pasty Girl.’
‘Emmie, Emmaline, Hey You. I really don’t mind.’
‘Mammaw called her “Pip’s New Girl”,’ Jack said. ‘You could try that.’
‘That’s not really a solution when it comes to other guests,’ Lily said, frowning at the whiteboard.
‘Yeah, we can’t assume he’s going to date every woman who stays here now he’s ditched Celine,’ Flora said, lolling on the sofa with a different book.
‘Um, he’s not dating me,’ I pointed out in a tiny voice.
‘Yet.’ She smirked.
‘Ever,’ I said, gaining courage, because these rumours were torture. ‘I’ll be back on the mainland soon. It’s not practical for us to date when we live so far away from each other. Especially when neither of us get much time off.’
Flora shook her head, eyes gleaming behind the book. ‘Was it practical for Elizabeth Bennet to fall in love with Mr Darcy? Bella to insist she married Edward? Romeo to romance Juliet?’
‘Romeo and Juliet both ended up dead, so…’
Lily grinned. ‘Well, putting aside whether Pip and Emmie are going to admit they’re in love and start dating for the moment; there’s eggs to collect, and breakfast to eat. So, Emmie who is not Pip’s girl ? — ’
‘Yet,’ Flora, Jack and Beanie whispered all at the same time.
‘Would you like to have breakfast outside or in the dining room? Oh, and how would you like your eggs?’
I ate my scrambled eggs on home-made sourdough toast outside, hoping the tranquil view would enable me to regain composure before setting off to meet my never-would-be-boyfriend for a picnic lunch that wasn’t in the slightest bit a date.