Chapter 31
31
‘Ah, there you are,’ Pip said, his face lighting up as Gabe and I approached a table full of Hawkins family members. ‘The band’s just taking a cider break, but Jack was hoping you’d join us in a line dance once they’re finished.’
‘Great.’ While my bones were heavy with exhaustion, I was fizzing with adrenaline and anticipation, and there was no way I was turning down the chance to dance with Pip again.
‘Did you see Ma?’ Pip asked his dad. ‘She was asking after you, so I pointed her to the kitchen to see if you’d finished clearing up.’
‘No.’ Gabe furrowed his forehead briefly, before shaking it off with a shrug.
‘Still hanging in there, Mammaw?’ Gabe asked Aster, pulling out the empty chair on one side of her, while I took a seat beside Pip, who instantly took my hand beneath the table, causing my insides to melt like warm caramel.
‘I was waiting for Pip’s girl to come back. I wanted to ask her something.’
‘She’s not Pip’s—’ Lily gave an apologetic glance in our direction, before stopping mid-sentence. ‘What? Hang on? Are you two…? Is she? ’
Flora, leaning up against her da, a novel about Robin Hood open about an inch from her nose, pursed her lips, murmuring, ‘Keep up, Mother.’
Her uncle tried to look cool, but a grin kept escaping the side of his mouth. Mercifully, we were prevented from being grilled any further by Rosemary stomping up to the opposite side of the table to her husband, arms folded across a heaving chest.
‘Are you all right, my love?’ Gabe asked. ‘Is there a problem?’
Rosemary’s hair was askew, her cheeks crimson. She clearly wasn’t all right.
‘I’m fine,’ she huffed. ‘No problem that wants addressing in the middle of our daughter’s wedding celebration.’
She threw a quick glance in my direction. Any sense of carefree joy evaporated as my whole body braced itself. Something else must have happened to make me look bad. And if it wasn’t Celine, busy chatting to Violet and Barnie at the next table, who was it, and what had they done this time?
‘Are you sure?’
Rosemary gave a firm nod.
‘Come and sit with me, then?’
Rosemary ignored him, twisting her body to face the empty dance floor.
‘What did you want to ask Emmie, Mammaw?’ Pip asked, breaking the painful silence.
‘Ah, yes. Well. I’ve been trying to work out who she is,’ Aster said, nodding briskly in my direction. ‘Your hair. Those eyes. The way you hold your hands when you stand. I knew it was familiar. And then I tried your pasty, and it clicked. I’ve only known one woman who can make a pastry crust so light and flaky, crisp and soft all at the same time. And you? Well, you’re like one of those Russian dolls that would have fitted inside her. Then Lily said your mother lived here, once. It’s her, isn’t it? You’re Nellie’s girl?’
‘Who?’ Lily asked, looking puzzled.
‘Nellie!’
‘Nellie Brown. Otherwise known as the witch who stole my husband away and tried to destroy the farm,’ Rosemary suddenly shrieked, one slender finger pointing straight at me. Our whole table froze.
Most of the people nearby were also jolted into silence as they turned towards the sudden commotion.
‘Ma, what are you talking about?’ Lily stood up, reaching for her mother’s hand, but Rosemary shook it off.
Rosemary was well beyond listening.
‘Why is she here, Gabriel? Why have you welcomed her with open arms? How could you disrespect me like that? What are you doing with her? ’
‘Nothing!’ Gabe stood up now. ‘I’ve done nothing to disrespect you.’
‘What? Sneaking around pretending to talk about chickens?’ Rosemary spat. ‘I saw you, not ten minutes ago, embracing in the dark! Muttering sweet nothings about how much you loved that shrew, and how you wished you were still with her, not me. Nothing to disrespect me? You’ve disrespected your children, your farm. All of it!’
‘What?’ Iris had hurried over, dress swishing. She stared at her father. ‘What is she talking about, Da?’
‘I did give Emmie a hug outside, yes,’ Gabe said, his voice sounding as old as time. ‘We’d been talking about her mother, who, yes, was my wife for almost four years, before anything happened between me and your ma. It was an emotional conversation. Nell passed a couple of years ago, and Emmie only recently found out that her mother had been married. Inevitably, she had questions about that, and it was only fair I provided some answers.’
‘One of which being that you wished you were still with her?’ Lily snapped.
‘No! I expressed that I wished she was still here, as in still alive. I said I’d loved her, because I had. Rosemary, you know this. I have always been honest about that with you.’
‘Up until last Friday, I’d have believed you, when she turned up and you acted as innocent as a seal pup. If you’ve always been so flaming honest, why have you been lying about it all week?’
‘I didn’t want to upset you.’
‘Well, guess what: I’m a bit upset .’
‘I’m so sorry about that, my love. I was going to talk to you about it as soon as the wedding was over. You can understand that today is not the day.’ Gabe glanced around the room of gobsmacked guests. ‘Now is not the time, or the place.’
‘Maybe you should have thought about that before you let her bewitch you, just like her mother. I cannot believe you are falling for the same tricks all over again. Have you asked yourself what she’s really after? Apart from a free holiday? Her mother’s left her high and dry, so now here she is, wheedling her way into everyone’s affections, conveniently falling for the heir to the farm. She’s after her share of the land she’ll never get to inherit, because you saw sense and left that leech back on the mainland where she belonged.’
‘You’re wrong,’ Pip said, but the hint of doubt in his voice was devastating. At some point, he had let go of my hand.
‘Do not refer to Emmie’s mother that way,’ Gabe said, clearly struggling to remain calm. ‘Whatever misplaced gripe you have with Nellie, these accusations are unfounded, unkind, and, more to the point, make absolutely no sense.’
I could only sit there stricken, dying inside. Wishing more than anything I’d never come here while begging my legs to start working so I could leave.
Rosemary dismissed her husband with a snort of contempt.
‘If I’m so wrong, Philip, then what? Is she after taking you away? Robbing our farm of its rightful owner, just like her mother tried to?’
‘No.’ Pip shook his head, distraught. ‘She wants to stay.’
‘Hah,’ Rosemary scoffed. ‘That snooty old cow tried to fool us with that one, too. Lasted less than a year. You think this girl can hack island life? Look at her. We’ve hatched chickens with more meat on them. Learn from your da’s mistake. Mainlander women have no understanding of commitment. No thought for eight generations of Hawkinses, working themselves to the bone to hand something of value on to their children.’
‘Please, Ma, try to calm down so we can talk about this sensibly,’ Lily said, attempting to manoeuvre her mother away. ‘Let’s go back to the house, where it’s quieter.’
‘And leave her with you all? To spin more lies!’
‘She can come too.’
‘I will not have that girl in my home.’ Rosemary’s face crumpled as the anger gave way to heaving sobs. ‘Not until you admit that she’s your daughter!’
‘What?’ Every ounce of colour drained from Gabe’s face. I couldn’t look at Pip, who must have felt sickened.
‘Rosemary, this conversation needs to continue in the house.’ Richard, who had watched all of this unfold with no discernible expression, hauled himself to his feet, unmistakably assuming the authority of the older brother.
With no small amount of fuss and borderline hysterics, Aster and both her sons, Rosemary and her four children trooped over to the kitchen, me trailing dismally behind them, upon Gabe’s insistence.
We left Malcolm to round up his children, and get them safely home to bed, while Hugh oversaw the abrupt halt to festivities.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I whispered to no one in particular, once we’d gathered around the table. ‘I’ve ruined the wedding.’
‘If only it was just the wedding,’ Rosemary hissed. She had refused to sit down.
‘Don’t take this upon yourself,’ Richard said. ‘It wasn’t your intention for anyone to find out today. And it wasn’t your choice to keep your identity concealed in the meantime. This is why we don’t do secrets.’
He scowled at his brother. ‘Truth will always come out, usually at the worst possible time.’
‘Can we please get back to the slightly more urgent issue of whether Da is Emmie’s father?’ Violet asked, her face a brittle mask.
‘There is no issue,’ Gabe said, with a weary sigh. ‘Emmie must be younger than Pip.’
‘How old are you?’ Iris shot at me.
‘Twenty-six.’
‘There you have it.’ Gabe looked at Rosemary, eyes imploring. ‘We were married for four years before she was born.’
‘And?’ Rosemary’s rampant fury had cooled to icy rage. ‘We all know how you felt about that woman. The mainlander who drove Gabriel Hawkins out of his mind with lust. And who conveniently opened a shop in the only airport that flies to Siskin. I wonder what made her decide to do that? No chance at all of you bumping into each other while off on one of your conferences. Or how about when you insisted on seeing our children to boarding school?’
‘The times I took them to school, we got the boat so I could drive their cases over.’
‘Are you denying there’s any chance this woman is your daughter?’
‘Are you seriously implying there’s any chance she is? I always knew you were jealous of her, Rosemary, but I divorced her and married you.’
‘He can’t be her dad – Emmie is adopted,’ Pip said slowly.
All the women whipped their heads towards me.
‘But you look just like her.’ Aster’s wrinkles deepened as she leant forwards in her chair to where I hunched on the opposite side of the table.
‘Nell was my birth mother’s cousin,’ I said quietly. Hating the feeling of betrayal that accompanied stating this almost as much as I hated it being true. ‘Their mothers were identical twins.’
‘Have you got that?’ Gabe asked his wife bitterly. ‘Or do you have further evidence to substantiate this fictitious affair with a woman who wanted nothing more to do with me?’
‘She did, though,’ Rosemary blurted. ‘She still wanted you.’
‘What?’ Gabe shook his head, frustrated. ‘She wrote to me demanding a divorce so she could marry another fella. While Emmie here informs me the marriage never happened, why on earth come up with a lie like that if she still wanted any part of me?’
Every remaining trace of bluster seeped out of Rosemary like a deflating balloon. She sank into the chair next to Aster’s, eyes darting anywhere but at her husband. Or me.
‘She knew it was up to her to make the impossible choice. Otherwise, you’d never have let her go,’ she almost whispered. ‘The only way to convince you to commit to the farm, fulfil your family duty, was if you believed it was for her sake. Either that, or it would prompt you to finally go back and fight for her.’
‘Why would you say this?’ Gabe said, shaking his head in denial.
‘She said it, didn’t she?’ Aster asked, sounding every second of her ninety-one years. ‘In the last letter. The one you never got to see. Is that right, Rosemary?’
Gabe was incredulous. ‘She wrote another letter?’
Aster placed a hand on her daughter-in-law’s arm, but her eyes were on her son. ‘You two had already started courting. She was the most sensible match for you. For all of us. Nellie wasn’t a farmer. She hated it here. And then, brazen as anything, she announces that she’s not having children. So, she’s useless on the farm and useless to the family.’
Gabe gripped the edge of the table with both hands. His lips a thin white line. ‘She was not useless to me. She was my wife. And you stole a letter she sent, saying what – that she didn’t really want a divorce?’
To my surprise, Aster began to weep. ‘I never read the letter. Rosemary was with me when Postie Scott delivered it, and I didn’t stop her slipping it into her pocket. I was ashamed of how your da and I treated Nellie. Seeing how devastated you were when you came back without her made me regret how selfish we’d been. But you’d finally started to smile again. To whistle while you drove the tractor, talk sweet nonsense to the calves. What I did was wrong, but I couldn’t allow that woman to break your heart all over again. Not when you were so happy with Rosemary.’
‘That wasn’t your decision,’ Gabe said, his words like shards of ice.
‘No.’ Aster lifted her head, pointlessly blotting the trickle of tears with the back of her gnarly hand. ‘But I’m not sorry for it. Look at the life you made, here, with your island girl. Four fine children. Grandchildren. A son determined to carry on our legacy. Are you sorry for it, Gabe? Do you wish I’d made your new love give the letter back?’
‘We did it for you,’ Rosemary added, finding confidence in Aster’s words.
‘No.’ Gabe banged his hand so hard on the table, the jugs on the dresser rattled. ‘You did it for you. The pair of you and Da. For generations of people who have long since gone to the churchyard and don’t care a jot whether their farm thrives or falls into ruin!’
‘So, you do regret not knowing. She was your first choice, after all. Not me.’
‘She was my first wife!’ he roared. ‘We were still married. And now you dare to force your insane, twisted logic onto Emmie. As if she has anything to do with any of it. The pair of you should be bending over backwards to make her feel welcome, if you’ve the slightest bit of shame for what you did.’
‘I know that,’ Aster said. ‘Once I’d realised who she was, I thought it was a chance to redeem the wrongs done to her mother. She’s in the dress I wore to your father’s funeral. You couldn’t think I hold anything against her, if I did that?’
‘If only Ma could say the same,’ Lily said, with a sharp glance at Rosemary. ‘Ma? What possible reason do you have now for all this resentment towards Emmie? What Nell did or didn’t do decades ago is nothing to do with her. You can’t blame her for wanting to come and find out more about her mother’s history.’
‘You think that’s why she’s here?’ Rosemary asked, with a caustic laugh. ‘Or, how about she’s here for revenge on the family who hounded her mother off the farm? You don’t think she’s angry about spending her life in a poky kiosk dishing out the same old food to people infinitely more successful than she is, when if things had been different, she could have been here, adopted into a family with two hundred acres of land?’
‘That makes no sense,’ Violet said. ‘If Emmie was here for revenge, why would she help out Lily and cater Iris’s wedding?’
‘She scrubbed all the bird crap off the barn,’ Pip added. ‘She’s spent her holiday helping us.’
‘Maybe she did those things, while smiling and acting all meek and clueless and grateful. I don’t blame you children for being so trusting, seeing as none of you knew how sly her mother could be. But, Gabe, did you not question how all these coincidental accidents and incidents kept happening, once she’d swanned onto the scene?’
Rosemary slowly scanned our faces, eyes gleaming. ‘The open gate, despite the fact – or because – Pip warned her about it. Mysteriously getting the times wrong for serving the wedding food, and blaming it on me. What better revenge on Nellie’s mother-in-law than to spoil the last wedding cake she’ll probably get to make? I ask you, who else but this family and her knew about the broken fridge? It couldn’t have been anyone else. She said it herself, she’s a highly competent caterer and top-notch businesswoman who never forgets a trick. Have you a better explanation? Have you ?’
She turned her glare on me, and I had to close my eyes to prevent being overwhelmed with the horror of it all. I’d started to realise as we’d made our way to the farmhouse that all the nasty incidents had been Rosemary. Would it come down to the fierce word of a beloved wife and mother against that of a quaking, stumbling stranger?
‘I thought not.’ Rosemary’s triumph was growing. ‘You may have been kind enough to lend her your most precious gown, Mammaw. But don’t fool yourself for a second that she respects that sentiment. We’ve seen how clumsy she is, but to damage a dress so well made must have been deliberate. Did you curse our family as you ripped that hole in the shoulder?’
There was a stunned silence. I pressed one hand against my frantic heart, sure it would explode before this ordeal was over.
‘How did you know about the torn seam?’
Richard’s sardonic voice penetrated the swirl of blind panic clouding my vision. For the first time, a glimpse of fear peeked out from behind Rosemary’s defiance.
‘Look at it. It’s obvious. Her sheer audacity to parade around in a vandalised dress surely proves how much sick pleasure she is deriving from her revenge.’
‘I can’t see it,’ Violet said, sitting beside me. ‘Which shoulder was it?’
‘The right one. And you can’t see it because I repaired it before she put it on,’ Richard said. ‘If you’d noticed it while it was still hanging in the coat closet, Rosemary, why on earth didn’t you say something then? To Ma, if not her.’
‘Maybe I know the dress better than you,’ Rosemary gabbled. ‘I can spot a darned seam, even if Violet can’t.’
‘But you didn’t say it had been mended, only that she was parading around in it ripped,’ Lily added.
‘You really can’t tell it was ever torn,’ Violet reiterated, having peered closely as she fingered the fabric while I prayed I wouldn’t throw up on her bridesmaid dress.
‘You ripped the dress,’ Richard said. ‘Moved the cake, deliberately told Emmie the wrong time for dinner, and have you really become so poisoned by jealous spite, you risked our precious herd to make her look bad?’
‘Better risking an injured cow than losing the whole farm!’
The stunned silence seemed to go on forever.
‘You tried to ruin my wedding?’ Iris asked, eventually, her voice small.
‘Och, of course not. No one who organises a wedding in four days is going to be that bothered by lukewarm pasties and a sagging cake. I was just showing you that she’s not capable. Pip – she’s not fit to be an island farmer! She can cook the one meat we don’t produce on this island, and a half-decent pastry crust. She knows nothing about anything that matters. I had to make you see before you did something stupid like your father.’
‘Rosemary.’ Gabe spoke her name like a warning bullet being fired.
‘You spoiled Mammaw’s cake?’ Iris asked, choking back a sob. ‘And her dress? If you were worried about Emmie, why didn’t you just talk to us? Talk to Pip?’
‘Because none of you knew who she was!’
‘What else did you do?’ Gabe asked.
‘Nothing,’ Rosemary said, but the way she turned her head, hitching her shoulders up as she folded her arms, gave a different answer.
‘She soaked the bike I hired from Barnie in something really nasty,’ I said.
‘Oh, my goodness. Ma, was that you?’ Lily exclaimed, screwing up her nose in memory of the stench.
‘After I’d come home from the beach on Sunday evening, I found bird droppings in the milk jug in my bedroom.’
‘What? Why didn’t you say anything?’ Lily was wild with anger and disgust. ‘You’re my test guest and you found bird crap in your milk?’
‘I thought it was Celine. I didn’t want to cause any drama before the wedding,’ I mumbled.
‘So, you said nothing while she continued her intimidation tactics at Iris’s wedding?’ Violet asked, frowning.
‘She’s Iris’s best friend. I felt sure she’d not do anything to ruin her big day.’
‘Which turned out to be accurate,’ Pip added. He’d been mostly quiet throughout this whole agonising conversation. ‘It didn’t cross your mind to consider it might be anyone else? That if you told me, I’d take it seriously, and do something to help?’
‘Did I lay awake at night, alone in a strange bed, the first time I’ve ever been anywhere, and wonder who the hell might have tried to poison me, or make me appear liable for cows being injured? As it happens, I spent a considerable amount of time questioning who I’d provoked to such disturbing levels of hatred.’
‘That can’t have been easy,’ Gabe said. ‘Thank you for staying and cooking for Iris and Hugh.’
‘It wasn’t.’ I stood up. ‘But being here, how welcome you all made me feel. Getting to know your family, and this incredible island, and the weird, wonderful way you live together on it, made it worth it. But all this stuff about Mum, and what happened with the lost letter, well, that’s not something I can hear any more about. There’s a lot you need to discuss as a family, that, me being a mainlander, I believe isn’t my business. If you don’t mind, I’ll head back and try to get at least some sleep before my flight.’
Nobody argued, so I grabbed my bag from where I’d left it on the hook of the door what seemed like a lifetime ago, and slunk out.
I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or frustrated when Pip caught up with me at the edge of the farmyard.
‘You’re leaving?’
I waved my hand back in the direction of the house. ‘Your mum hates me, Pip. As in, lost all sense of reason, frightening hatred. She snuck into my bedroom and put bird crap in the milk jug. If it was Celine, I could have stuck it out, as long as you believed me. Kept out of her way. But your ma ? I can’t compete with that. Not the way you people love each other. And everyone else will now see me as the daughter of “that woman”. Who nearly wrecked everything. Staying here would be challenging enough without that hanging over me, people questioning why I’m really here.’
‘I’m really sorry about Ma.’ Pip ran an agitated hand through his hair. ‘I mean, clearly she needs help. Therapy, or something.’
‘In which case, the last thing she needs is me attaching myself to your family like a mainland limpet. How could she – how could any of you – handle me dating her son? And if nothing’s going to happen with us, then what’s the point? Why would I uproot my whole life to move here, given all the added complications? Having to either avoid you, somehow find a whole different social network on an island of three thousand people, who all know I’m Gabe Hawkins’ ex-wife’s daughter, or hang out with you, while never getting to hold your hand or kiss you again.’
He tipped his head up to the sky, the moonlight glinting off his tears.
‘There’s a whole world out there, Pip. Islands, mountains, other cultures… Why would I choose to stay in the one place where I’m viciously not wanted? Please, if you care about me at all, don’t make this harder than it has to be. Please let me go.’
I spun around, stumbling through the deserted garden to the footpath leading to the fields, only slowing when it became clear that Pip wasn’t coming after me, and I was free to release the noisy, soul-wrenching sobs.
I used my last dreg of energy tossing my things into bags, ignoring Blessing’s messages begging for an update, carefully draping Aster’s dress over the armchair, crawling into bed in my underwear and finding that, in actual fact, I still had the stamina to cry a whole load more before sinking into a fretful sleep.