Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
TRIGGER
FIVE DAYS LATER
"Why don't you call Dar? Maybe Asha reached out to her," Hollis says as I slam the clamshell into the ground as I install the last post.
I wipe sweat from my forehead before it drops in my eyes.
"No passport. No cards. And her phone is on the kitchen table.
" Each word drops like a hammer. "She doesn't want to be found.
" I clench my jaw on the last word because it feels like chunks of my heart are being removed from my chest, one piece at a time, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I understand she needed time. But this? She's left me alone in this.
Her words told me she loved me unconditionally, the same way I love her, but the longer she stays gone, the more I question whether they were ever really true.
"Rohan will be here in three days, when the bulls arrive. If necessary, I'll ask him then. For now, I don't want to concern them with this."
My reasons for leaving them out have nothing to do with our partnership and everything to do with protecting my wife. God, I can hear myself turning into Warrick with every other thought.
"I checked with my mom and casually asked if she had heard from Asha." He unscrews the lid of his water. "Made up a story about her wanting one of her recipes." His voice lowers to something apologetic. "She hasn't called."
"You don't have to stay. I know your dad needs you back home." I'm winded, wrestling the post into place with blistered hands. "I can handle this."
"Bullshit, you can handle it." His voice sharpens.
"You're not eating or sleeping. I don't know what the hell is keeping you vertical right now—adrenaline, spite, both.
Which is exactly why I'm not going anywhere.
" He pauses. "Look, I know you don't want to talk about what happened, but if you'd just—"
"I can't tell you." The words come out strangled as I lean heavily on the wooden post to keep from collapsing into the dirt. "I can't."
"Okay. Okay." His hand finds my shoulder, steadying me or bracing to catch me, I'm not sure which.
"It hurts, Hollis." My voice breaks. "It hurts so fucking bad I can't—" I can't finish. Can't breathe.
"Hey, come on, let's go back to the house. You might not want to eat, but I'm starving, and Sydney said Laney dropped off a casserole."
"I need to finish—" I straighten up, but the world tilts sideways, trees and sky trading places.
"Screw this." Hollis is at my side, steadying me. He yanks the post from the ground and hurls it aside. "That's it. We're done." He drapes my arm over his shoulders, bearing most of my weight. "You want her back? You gotta stay alive long enough to be here when she comes home."
I don't know how long I've been staring at the ceiling of our loft.
Every heartbeat feels like a lifetime. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts, and I can't give them to anyone.
It feels like I'm trapped inside my own personal hell, made worse because there are no bars. I can leave, but I can't escape.
When I roll over, Sydney is there.
"You literally have to eat this. It's been five days, and Hollis says you haven't touched anything."
"That's not true. There was an orange peel in my old-fashioned yesterday," I say flatly.
"Doesn't fucking count," she says evenly. "Now sit up. I don't cook, and I made you an egg sandwich. You're going to eat it."
"That's a terrible sales pitch," I say, my voice void of any emotion. I don't care if I eat. Nothing matters without her.
"Don’t be an ass. I said I don't cook, not that I can't." She slaps my arm. "Now sit up."
She sits beside me, and the movement carries the smell of the sandwich to my nose. My stomach rumbles, and for the first time in days, food doesn't make me want to throw up.
I sit up and plant my feet on the floor. I'm tired, angry, and depressed. At least if I eat the sandwich, I won't be hungry on top of it.
I pick it up and take a big bite. The flavors immediately burst on my taste buds, instantly killing my hunger pangs. "Mmm," I groan as I swallow my first bite.
"See, it's good," she says, pleased with herself.
"Cardboard would probably get the same reaction right now," I grumble around another gigantic bite.
"Hey." She punches my arm.
"Why are you here, Syd?"
"What do you mean? The people I care about are hurting right now. Where else would I be?"
I swallow the bite in my mouth and meet her gaze. "I mean, why are you here when you're one of the people doing the hurting?"
"She ran out on a conversation that didn't include me—" The look I cut her is enough to silence the lies she's about to give me.
She knows I know. I caught them. To keep pretending is an insult to both of us.
"I'm not trying to hurt her." Her voice is smaller as she admits defeat and drops her gaze to her lap.
"What did you think sleeping with her father behind her back would do?
" Anger slowly starts to rise in my chest. "How could you be so reckless?
If the roles were reversed, and she was sleeping with your dad, how would you feel?
" I lean forward, willing her to look at me.
"And even if by some miracle you were fine with it, you know Asha's past. You know she doesn't trust easily.
You had to know this would torch your friendship—"
"I know, okay!" She shoots up from her spot beside me and gives me her back.
"It's not what you think. I would never set out to hurt her; neither would Warrick.
" Her shoulders slump with a finality that has the smallest piece of me feeling sorry for her.
I've only looked at her as the instigator in this affair, the one who betrayed her best friend. But I haven't considered her feelings.
"So what... You just accidentally fell into bed with him? Week after week, lie after lie? You chose this, Syd. Every single time, you chose him over her."
"I knew him before I knew her." The confession comes out broken.
Slowly, she turns to face me, and her tear-filled eyes finally meet mine.
"He wasn't her father when I met him. He was just..
.Warrick. And when Asha and I became friends, when I realized who he was.
.." Her face crumples. "It was already too late.
" She raises her hands. "I didn't know there'd be a choice to make. "
The words knock something loose in my chest. She met him first. Fell for him before she even knew Asha existed.
Part of me, the part that isn't Asha's husband, can see the tragedy in that.
How impossible that position must have been when she realized.
But the other part, the bigger part, remembers my wife's face.
Asha doesn't even know about them yet. And when she finds out, this won't be some romantic twist that makes it okay.
It'll just be one more layer of betrayal.
It will be a best friend who kept this secret and chose him over her, over and over again.
"You have to realize there's no scenario where this ends well for you."
"Are you saying you're going to tell her?" Her eyes search mine. "The other day in Warrick's office, that wasn't a lie. There's nothing left to tell."
"You really expect me to believe that?" I lean forward, elbows on my knees. "I saw you. The night of the watch party, I saw you follow him into the house."
"Making sure he was okay doesn't mean we're..." She stops and rolls her lips. "It doesn't mean we're romantically involved."
"It means you still care." I stand, needing to move. "And if you still care, then it's not over."
Her hands fly up in frustration. "What do you want me to do? Corner her the second she gets back and unload everything?"
I drag both hands through my hair and grip the back of my neck. The last thing I want is to pile this on top of everything else—the pregnancy, her mom's diagnosis. She's already drowning. "Tell me what to do, Trigger, and I'll do it." Her voice cracks. "How do I make this right?"
She's asking, but the question isn't rhetorical. I can hear it—she's been asking herself the same thing, over and over, with no answer.
Damn it.
I pace to the window. "I don't know, Syd. But I don't think sleeping with her cousin is the way to start."
The words are out before I can stop them. I'm not trying to be cruel, but I can't help it. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I feel trapped in an impossible situation where every answer is wrong, where someone gets destroyed no matter what.
"I don't plan on hurting Hollis," she says, joining me beside the window. "I really like him. But I know what you're thinking—"
"No, Syd." I turn on her, hands planted on my hips. "I don't think you do."
"You think I'm using Hollis to make Warrick jealous."
My eyebrows shoot up. "Actually, I wasn't thinking that. But now that you've said it..." I tilt my head, study her face. "Are you?"
"No." She blinks rapidly, fighting tears. "He's kind and genuine. I don't think I've ever met someone so...good." She wraps her arms tighter around herself. "We're just friends. I know he wants more, but I've been honest with him. I told him I'm not in a place for anything beyond that."
The tension in my shoulders eases, just slightly. At least she hasn't lobbed another grenade into Asha's life. But the one she already threw? That's a nuke. And I'm holding the detonator.
"Maybe nothing's happening between you and Warrick now.
" I step closer. "But that doesn't erase what did happen.
You can't ask me to keep that from my wife.
" I see her pull in a shaky breath and watch fear flash across her face.
"I won't lie to her, Syd. But I'm not the one who's going to tell her. " Her eyes go wide. "You are."
She presses her lips together, crosses her arms, not in defiance, but like she's physically holding herself together. I don't have to ask what she's thinking. It's written all over her face. She doesn't want to lose her best friend. Not after she just lost the man she clearly loves.