Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
JOE
I held Thea’s hand firmly in mine as we walked out of the restaurant. Once we were walking outside with the Charles River glittering under the lights cast on the water, I paused and turned to face her.
“Who the hell was that, and what did he do?” I asked.
I'd seen the pain flash in her eyes back at the restaurant. Maybe he wasn't the source of all of her pain, but there was a story there, and she wasn't talking about it. I heard the swift intake of her breath before she lifted her eyes to mine.
“It wasn't him, Joe. You have to understand that part.”
“Just tell me. I know you didn't tell me the whole story back at Christmas.”
She blinked. “How did you know?”
“Because I know you, sweetheart. Maybe we hadn't seen each other in years, but call it emotional memory.”
“Why didn't you say something then?” she pressed.
“Because we’d just seen each other for the first time in years and had an amazing night. I wasn't about to blow it by pushing you on an obviously sensitive topic. Tell me now.”
She swallowed, looking out toward the river for a moment before bringing her gaze back to mine.
“We dated for two months. I thought maybe we had something.
It turned out to be a deal breaker that I can't have children.
Except he lied and said it wasn't, and then he ghosted me. The woman with him looks pregnant.” She shrugged.
“I'm happy for them, but for her to be showing that much, I'm pretty sure they were seeing each other before he broke things off with me.”
“I don't know if ghosting somebody is breaking things off. That's being a total coward as far as I'm concerned,” I said flatly. Questions were swirling in my mind. “How do you know that was the deal breaker?”
“I ran into him on the sidewalk about two months after he fell off the radar. I point-blank asked him what happened, and he said that was why.” Thea took a breath, her throat working and a sheen of tears in her eyes.
My heart twisted. “We haven't had this conversation, but I guess we should now. Like I told you before, I can’t have children, so if that’s a big deal for you, you should go home tonight. ”
“I'm not going home tonight.”
The fact that her eyes widened and surprise flooded her gaze made me want to march back to that restaurant and punch that guy straight in the face.
“How do you know this won’t be a thing for you?” she pressed.
“Because I know.”
“Because you already have a son?”
“No, that's not it.”
For the first time, I started to worry. Maybe it was a problem for her that I already had a son. Fuck. That was definitely something I couldn't undo, nor would I want to. I stepped closer, sliding an arm around her waist.
“Look at me,” I pressed when her lashes swept down.
She took a shaky breath and lifted her eyes. “It's not that, okay? I love you. And part of loving somebody is going through the hard stuff together, whatever those things are. If you can't have kids, that's okay. Do you want kids? Because that kind of matters for you.”
“I did,” she said, her voice low.
“All right. So then, adoption.”
“Really? It's that easy for you?”
I shrugged. “I don't know if it's that easy, but this isn't a deal breaker for me. That guy's a fucking asshole. Maybe I'm not an expert at life—”
“Joe, it’s not that easy,” Thea interjected, her voice low and insistent.
“I know it’s not. I'm just saying. I look around at the world, and it’s never easy. You know I had a brother who died when he was a baby. There are never any guarantees. Making a relationship about whether somebody can have kids is stupid.”
Her forehead fell to my chest, and I felt her tremble as she took a deep breath.
“Okay.” Her eyes glittered under the lights above us when she looked up.
“Can I go back and punch that guy?”
“He's not worth that. I think it just all collided. I found out I couldn’t have kids, and then I told him. He said it was no big deal, and then he just fell off the face of the earth. You need to promise me that—” She pointed her index finger into my chest. “If we decide things aren't going to work out for us, you can’t just stop talking to me.”
“Sweetheart, you know I’d never do that. When your dad wouldn’t let you take calls from me, I stuffed notes in your locker and called anyway. Until my dad told me I couldn’t.”
Her lips curled in a rueful smile. “I know. Can I say I'm sorry again about that?”
“You can, but you don't need to. I think we're well past that. It was high school. Shitty things happen, and as we’ve established, your dad was an asshole.”
Her eyes had stopped glimmering with tears, and she laughed softly. “For real. He was.”
“Can we go back to your place now?” I asked.
“Well, you're the one who stopped to talk, and it's kind of chilly out,” she teased.
“It was me. Sorry about that.” I dipped my head to steal a kiss before we began walking again.
“While we're on difficult subjects, how did you find out about…?” I paused, unsure how to clarify.
Because Thea knew me well, she finished for me.
“About not being able to have children?” She glanced up at me as we walked.
At my nod, she continued, “I had cervical cancer five years ago.” I came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk, a rush of fear slamming into my chest. “I’m fine and cancer-free,” she added hurriedly.
“Anyway, I had treatment, and it turns out it affected my fertility.” She let out a sigh. “It is what it is.”
My heart ached for her. It was obvious this hurt, and perhaps the hardest part was having the choice taken away. “I’m sorry,” I said simply.
She squeezed my hand and turned to keep walking. “Thank you. I’ve adjusted to the information, even if I don’t like it. Any other difficult questions you want to cover?” she asked, her tone light.
I sensed she didn’t want to dwell on that. “What about your dad? Do you visit?”
“I have, but not often. My brothers have more feelings about it than I do.”
“Yeah?”
“He was harder on them than me. My relationship with him was already stressed after what happened in high school.
He was a jerk when we were growing up. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to everybody.
So, I would never completely cut him out, but we won't be close. Our mom was the one who kept the family together anyway.”
I glanced down at her. “That's kind of hard.”
“It is. You have a nice family, so it's different.”
“You’re close with your brothers,” I offered.
Her lips curled in a smile. “We are close. Maybe next Christmas we can do a big thing all together.”
“Sounds like a plan. Now, let's get you home.” I picked up the pace.
“You're kind of in a hurry.”
“Well, you rushed us right out the door to dinner.” I slid a hand down and gave her bottom a squeeze, savoring the way she squeaked.