Chapter Twenty-Seven
JOE
I must have mulled over my conversation with Thea a few hundred times in a single day. Joey had reverted to form at home and hadn’t had any emotional outbursts. Although I didn't like it, I grudgingly admitted to myself she had a point.
This situation was unsettling for Joey. I really didn't know what his mom had told him, and I was torn with how to approach her about it. Since we’d mostly cobbled together our co-parenting arrangement, we'd never been close in this way. We’d also been lucky enough not to have too many difficult issues arise.
I shifted my shoulders against the couch cushions.
It was late, Joey was asleep, and I was idly watching television.
At the moment, the car restoration show wasn't keeping me very occupied. I wasn't embarrassed that Joey’s mom and I had never had a relationship, but I felt a little sheepish that a one-night stand resulted in him. Carelessness was what made me a father. It didn’t change that I hadn’t hesitated even for a millisecond to be a father to him.
This was the first time it felt like the carelessness of that one night was biting me in the ass.
Because if I had more of a relationship with his mom, not romantic, but just anything other than logistical planning and checking in about our son, I would have thought to ask her exactly how she explained this situation to him.
Snagging my phone off the coffee table, I typed out a quick text to her.
Me: I need to know what you told Joey. I know you told him you were going somewhere for help, but he's had a few struggles with it. I'd like to be more honest with him about what's going on. I respect that you want to be private, but we need to hash this out.
I hit send before I could let myself think too much about it. I didn't expect to hear from her tonight. She generally wasn't too speedy to respond unless it was urgent.
I was surprised when my cell phone vibrated only five minutes or so later. Lifting it, I read her reply.
Vanessa: I told him I needed some help. I didn't get into the details, but he knows I got pulled over because he was in the car.
I silently swore. I'd learned that detail after the fact, and it still sent a jolt of cold anger through me, a blade of ice slicing through me. I'd talked to my therapist here, and she’d pointed out that kids generally know more than they let on. She’d given me some pointers on how to discuss issues such as substance abuse.
Me: He needs to know more.
Vanessa: My only request is that we not get into the details about what I've been using.
“Well, I don't even know that,” I muttered to the phone.
I did know from her OUI records that she had failed a breathalyzer test and later tested positive for opiates in her system, but that was it.
Me: Fine. I won’t mention that. Do I have the all clear to talk with Joey?
My thumbs hovered over the screen after I hit send.
I wanted to ask her if she had said anything to him about us being together.
In the past, she had a few times, and I’d asked her not to do that.
I honestly didn't believe she wanted to be with me, but I knew she struggled with telling Joey things he didn't want to hear.
“Fuck it,” I muttered to myself before tapping out another text.
Me: Real quick, I know we've discussed it before, but has Joey asked you about us being together again? He’s gotten a little emotional in ways that are surprising.
Her reply came swiftly.
Vanessa: First, yes you can talk to him.
To your question… Sigh. Yes, I think you being engaged has brought up some feelings for him.
I need to apologize. He once asked me what would happen if things didn't work out with you and Thea and if we’d ever be together.
I told him I never knew what might happen with us.
That's not a boundary I intended to cross.
I need to practice being better about saying things he doesn't like to hear.
I was a little surprised at her maturity. I stared at the text and decided to keep my reply brief.
Me: Thank you for being honest. I'd appreciate it in the future if you didn't leave any doors open in his imagination on that. I'll let you know how it goes when I talk with him. Take care of yourself.
Vanessa: I hope this helps Joey understand.
Joey crossed his arms, his lips pressing in a line while his cheeks puffed a little—a dead giveaway that he was upset and did not like what I’d said.
Fortunately, I knew he wouldn't, so I was completely prepared. A six-year-old’s rage could be powerful although it was usually brief.
“Why?” he demanded.
“Because it's not going to happen,” I replied, keeping my tone level and calm.
“But Mom—” he began, stopping when I shook my head.
“I talked to your mom.”
“You did?” he cut in before I could get anything else out.
“By text, not in a phone conversation,” I clarified.
He held his small hand out. “I want to see the text.”
I shook my head. “No, it's private. Sometimes, your mom has a hard time saying things she thinks you might not like to hear. That’s because she loves you.” I hoped I’d kept a balance between being direct without bashing his mom there.
“What if you change your mind later? You and Thea were together when you were in school, and then you weren't, and then you changed your mind.”
Ah, I loved having a bright son, but sometimes, he was too logical.
“That's a really good point, Joey.” The tension in his face started to ease.
Until I continued with, “But it doesn't change what's happening now.
I love Thea, and I've loved her for years.
I have no intention of not staying committed to her, and that's what matters right now in this situation. I know you miss your mom. Thea is not trying to be your mother, so you need to understand that.”
He blinked really hard, pressing his lips together as if he had just eaten something horribly sour before turning his back to me.
I waited, and as I watched him, I saw his small shoulder blades begin to shake. Fuck. Now, my little boy was crying. He wasn't much of a crier. It pretty much cracked my heart into a million pieces whenever he did actually cry.
I stood from the couch and crossed over to him, squatting on my heels and placing my hand between his shoulder blades. They felt like tiny wings as they vibrated with his tremors. “It's okay,” I said soothingly.
“But, bu-ut—” A noisy hiccup interrupted him. “When is Mom coming home?” he finally asked between sniffles.
“What did she tell you?” I prompted him.
“She said three months.”
“That’s right. We can go look at the calendar.”
“But she said that might change if something happened,” he said, his voice still sniffly.
“It's possible, but you'll know way ahead if that happens, and it won't be a surprise. I know you miss your mom, Joey.” I slid my hand up and down his back.
“She did something wrong, didn't she?”
“Yes and no. She has trouble sometimes, like the night when she was driving and you guys got pulled over by the police. Remember that?”
That little tuft of hair that tended to stick up wobbled with his nod. “She told me not to tell you, and I didn't like that. It made my stomach feel bad.” He took a shuddering breath.
“Yeah, well, she needs a little help. Sometimes she does things to relax that aren't good for her.”
Joey rolled his bottom lip, sucking it all the way into his mouth as he peered up at me. The tears had stopped, and I could see his little brain trying to absorb this information and make sense of it. How the hell did you explain addiction to a kid? Fuck, this was not easy.
“Okay. This didn't happen because of you and Thea?”
As soon as he asked that question, a bright light flicked on in my brain, awareness flashing in neon. “Uh, no, not at all. Thea and I didn’t have anything to do with what’s going on with your mom. I promise. Your mom will tell you the same thing.”
I made a mental note to ask her to cover that in their phone call tonight. “Is that why you've been upset about Thea?”
He didn't break from my gaze, his eyes still searching mine, as if he was trying to figure out something, before he finally nodded. “Next time you're wondering about something like that, just ask me.”
“Well, I used to ask Mom questions like why couldn't I tell you about the police thing, and she just said because it was a grown-up thing. I didn't know I could ask you.”
“You can ask me anything. Some things are grown-up things, but I'll explain as best as I can and give you as much information as I can.”
My son took another deep breath, letting it out in a heaving sigh. “Is Thea coming back soon?”
“I hope so.”
Joey’s eyes dipped down, and he studied his shoes. “I like her.”
“I know you do. Sometimes we can't get what we want. But Thea had nothing to do with your mom going away, I promise. Whether or not Thea’s here, your mom and I are not going to be together like that.”
My son lifted his eyes to mine, nodding solemnly. “Okay, well then I think you should call Thea and ask her to come up today.”
That startled me enough that I let out a laugh. “Tonight? It's already Saturday, and she'll have to leave tomorrow.”
“We can go to the train and get a lobster roll,” he said hopefully.
I ruffled his hair. “We don't have time. You need to have your call with your mom tonight.”
“Can she come next weekend? We could go to the pizza place, and I’ll play in the play area, so you can be her date.”
Now that he’d clarified his worries for the moment, he was back to himself.
“I will ask her about next weekend.”
“Will you tell her about the date?”